What can I do?

[Marco Lorenzi]

Dear everyone,

 

What can I do?? I've been with my girlfriend

 

for nearly two years now, and we are in a situation which is anything but comfortable for me.

 

She had to work for 1 year for a company located 40 miles from where I live. Our relationship has changed since she started working there. The first 6 months were quite smooth, but the last six months became a nightmare for me.

 

She became more independent and outgoing, and her ex-workmates are her best friends now. At the end of her internship there, she practically had drifted completely away from me. I was very angry at her for treating me like this, so I decided to leave her.

 

But now she is back in the same town, I have realised that I want her back, that I don't want the relationship to end. She blames me for not taking good care of her during that year to which I have arrived to the conclusion that the distance is the only factor to blame for the damage caused.

 

I have spoken to her, and she says she doesn't want to be with anyone (she has also told that to some of her ex-workmates which are after her, she has never cheated though), that she needs space. She said she might come back to me one day, but not for the moment.

 

All I want is to give each other a chance, to forget all the bad moments and start again from zero, to see if it works. But she doesn't want that for now. What can I do? I know she still loves me. I'm not sure if to try to get back with her or not (I'm scared it might not work), and I'm afraid that if I "just let the time go by" we will never want to go back together again.

[Guest]

Hey. You seem to be in sorta the same situation I was a few weeks ago.

 

 

 

I was with my girlfriend for 18 months, the last few months were a bit shaky, from our own personal problems. A few days before New Years we had a huge fight and in anger I told her to take a hike. A few days later, I realised I had made a mistake and wanted her back, but she said she couldn't handle it, needed her space and was 'off the market'. Fair enough. I found out a few days later that she had picked up 3 days after we broke up. Ouch.

 

 

 

Anyway, same thing, I wanted to make it work and start again but she didn't want to try. After a lot of pain, I have made the decision to move on. However, this isn't my advice to you.

 

 

 

One thing I don't think my ex truly understands is what she is giving up on. The way I see it, if you can give it another chance, and really try, then if it doesn't work out you will know that you at least tried - not just gave up. That's one of the hard things I had to deal with.

 

 

DO you trust her? Really be sure you can, and that she's being honest with you. I found out my ex hasn't been honest with me, which helped me in my decision to move on.

 

 

 

Either way, it's still gonna be hard work, single or together, so you might as well try and fix things. Maybe try and talk to her about it - one of my ex's biggest fears about getting back together with me was that things could go back to the way they were. I never believed they would - but you both have to believe that, and enter the relationship with a new frame of mind. Good Luck.

 

Paul

Dear everyone,

What can I do?? I've been with my girlfriend

 

for nearly two years now, and we are in a

situation which is anything but comfortable for

me.

She had to work for 1 year for a company

located 40 miles from where I live. Our relationship

has changed since she started working there. The

first 6 months were quite smooth, but the last

six months became a nightmare for me.

She became more independent and outgoing,

and her ex-workmates are her best friends now.

At the end of her internship there, she practically

had drifted completely away from me. I was very

angry at her for treating me like this, so I decided

to leave her.

But now she is back in the same town, I have

realised that I want her back, that I don't want

the relationship to end. She blames me for not

taking good care of her during that year to which

I have arrived to the conclusion that the distance

is the only factor to blame for the damage caused.

 

I have spoken to her, and she says she doesn't

want to be with anyone (she has also told that

to some of her ex-workmates which are after her,

she has never cheated though), that she needs

space. She said she might come back to me one

day, but not for the moment.

All I want is to give each other a chance,

to forget all the bad moments and start again

from zero, to see if it works. But she doesn't

want that for now. What can I do? I know she still

loves me. I'm not sure if to try to get back with

her or not (I'm scared it might not work), and

I'm afraid that if I "just let the time go

by" we will never want to go back together

again.

 

 

 

[Totally Confused]

I'm going to be very honest with you. If she was in love with you, she'd be with you. That's all there is to it. She's feeding you empty promises for a potential reunion in the future, because she wants to keep you hanging on, just in case she doesn't find someone else. When a person is in-love, they follow their heart and not their head. When the heart is involved you lose all sanity. If she felt passionately for you and was totally in love with you, she wouldn't be able to stay away from you. Just ask anyone who is in love. Anyone who's in love will tell you that they could never stay away from their special someone for a long period of time w/o going crazy. She's been away for a long time. she's only telling you what she chooses to tell you - to spare your feelings, whether you want to believe it or not. She may have met someone else that may have made her question her feelings for you. She may not have even have been involved with him - just friends with him, but there is a real reason why she doesn't want to be with you yet. Telling you that you weren't there for her for that year she was away is bull. I don't believe it for a second. She's trying to put the blame on you, so that if she does end it with you, it will be your fault and not hers, therefore taking the guilt off of her shoulders. They way she doesn't have to tell you I don't want to be with you, because I'm not in love with you anymore. I personally think she does have feelings for someone else.

 

I'm sorry to say all of this, but you might as well see it for what it is. You will find out in time that what I'm telling you is true, whether you want to believe me or not.

 

I hope everything works out for you in the end and I hope you end up finding someone who cares enough about you that they would go as far for you as to seek advice on the loveshack.