when is it "going out"?

[Professor Chaos]

This might sound like a really stupid question; I have no dating experience, so if I'm way off base let me know.

 

I'll call this girl Jessica for all intensive purposes. We've gone to a movie together, and had plans to see another before she got sick the day of. I also asked her to my school prom, and after a day of contemplating it she agreed. Right now we are just friends, but I want her to be my girlfriend at some point in the future. I can't tell if she reciprocates this feeling or not; she is giving me mixed signals.

 

How do i "move in" on her? (pardon my language) Do I just keep asking her to go to a movie until she gets the hint? Do I try to make a move at prom, or is it too early? Should i explicitly ask her, or is that overly romantic and geeky? I'm insecure, and she has lots of other close male friends, so I'm scared she'll find someone else before i have a chance to get closer to her.

[Tony T]

The "cooler" you are about this and the less you care, the better your chances. Ask her out once more, in a week, and then don't ask her out anymore for a while. I'm assuming your school prom is real soon because summer vacation is right around the corner. That occasion should give you an excellent chance to talk to her, to get to know her better, and for her to feel more comfortable around you.

 

I would NOT try to pressure her or be too direct about some kind of steady relationship right now. Reading between the lines of your post, I get the impression that's not what she really wants right now. Of course, I must tell you females are capable of changing their minds without notice...and often.

 

Be cool and enjoy!

[Professor Chaos]

well, thanks for the advice, but this didn't work out too well. I found out today that she's been going out with a guy for a week. According to a mutual friend, she didn't tell me because she was afraid she would hurt me.

 

I don't know, now, if I moved too slowly. I asked her to prom before this other guy asked her out, so I'm guessing she had some interest in me at some point. Maybe if I had made a move earlier, she would have gone for me, because sclearly she was interested in a relationship. I feel a little stupid now, as well as lonely.

 

For future knowledge, is there something I could have done better, or is she just not into me? Also, should I try to stay friends with her, or would that just be weird?

 

This whole thing really sort of just came as a shock. This is the closest I've ever come to having a girlfriend; I feel like maybe I'm just not cut out to ever have a romantic relationship.

[Tony T]

For future knowledge, you did exactly right. You won't understand this now but just be cool with all of this. You have no idea how long she's going to be seeing this guy. It might be over today. Just stop caring so much.

 

You did good. If you can just be cool and accepting and not go bananas if some chick you like starts seeing another guy, your life will be so much better. To the extent that you can be accepting of this situation is the extent that you will be so much more attractive to this lady. When she gets sick of this new guy, which could be very soon...or could take a while...she will be right back in your lap because she will be so impressed and curious by your coolness in this situation.

 

NEVER, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER go bonkers because of some rejection. You can always turn that around with your attitude. People give up too easily. I can't begin to tell you how many ladies who turned me down in the beginning in favor of somebody else ended up at my front door. Love works weirdly. When you realize that it's just going to happen the way it's going to happen and you have to play along with it instead of against it, you will have more women than you know what to do with.

 

Until you are DEAD, don't ever think that something didn't work out. Life makes things work when life decides it wants things to work. Meanwhile, make things work for yourself by being accepting of the process.