lonley_wife Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Hey everyone. I just found out yesterday that my husband is cheating on me. He has been e-mailing a girl from our work explicit e-mails about dreams and what he wants to do. I supose that i should give a back ground on myself. i am almost 27 years old i have been married for 2 years but with the same guy for almost 7. We have a handsome little boy who is almost 9 months. anyways back to what i was saying i confronted him about these e-mails and he said nope its not me whos sending them someone else hacked into my account and send them... does he think im that stupid to believe him? like i know im not the smartest of the bunch but when it has dates and times of things that he is going to do then sure i know its him. Anyways i confronted the girl as well. she said she was sorry and that she will stop contacting him all together. This is where i dont know what to do see this is his 3ed time doing this to me. the 2 times before i have said fine i forgive you but this time i dont think i can. hes reset all his passwords and hes put a lock on his phone so u need a pass code to get into it. am i in the wrong to take him back or should i said too bad so sad hit the curb? i want to stay with him for our sons sake but i dont think i will ever be able to trust him again. any one have any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I don't see how you can trust him. He lied to you which you confirmed by confronting the woman. He doesn't think he is right. He is selfish and egocentric and does not care about being right to you. I am sorry. I can't imagine that you don't deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 If you want to continue living in his lies and worrying about what's going to happen next, then sure stay with him. If you want to continue to play detective and have your little boy experience all this drama then again, stay with him. If you want to raise two children, even though you are married to one, then stay with him. If you want to find a real man, someone who will show you respect and love for both you and your son, then leave him. He's not going to change because of his immaturity. He can only fix that within' himself and he's not even remotely ready to do this. You know the answer to your problem, you need the courage to leave him. The fear of the unknown is not even remotely close to the fear of what's going to happen by staying with him. Link to post Share on other sites
lostboy60645 Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Coming off of a divorce, my 2nd, from about a month ago, you'd think I'd be siding with your H or telling you 'you just don't understand' etc. On the contrary, I support you in separating/divorcing. I cheated, lied, and was verbally abusive to my EW and said things that she interpreted as veiled threats to her and the childen. It took 'seven years of misery' for her, until she finally kicked me out of the house. Now I don't quite believe all seven years was miserable, but she's so hurt that she has altered history in her mind, in my opinion, but I digress. The point is that you need to leave this guy for the safety of yourself and your son. Safety is not just physical, but emotional. My parents did not have an emotionally safe household and I believe that influenced my ability to have good relationships later in life. Also, you need to get tested for STD's because no matter how much he denies what happened, if his lips are moving, he's lying. The only time you'll be able to trust him again, if ever, is after he's proven himself by getting into individual therapy and then showing, not telling, you about what's different and better about him. In either case, I would not do this from under the same roof. It sounds difficult, but I have to agree with our other colleague--it's mucn worse to be living in fear with him than facing the unknown 'alone'. And alone for you, once you split, is probably NOT going to be alone, but rather a time of reconnecting to your roots and to people who care about you. Last, but not least, getting some individual counseling on how to improve your trust and self esteem after such a harsh betrayal will help insure a better life for you (and your son) in the future. Best to you LB Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Not sure that they do always think they're in the right. I'm a man and I certainly don't think that. As for your marriage, what marriage? He sounds like a serial cheater. You mentioned your son. Children learn what they live. Do you want your son growing up to be just like his father? Link to post Share on other sites
Princess112 Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Once a cheater, almost always a cheater. The problem is that he's done this before. For the sake and well-being of your child, I would leave the relationship. If he had nothing to hide or if he were truly remorseful, he would not have changed his email password. Nor would he have locked his phone. I'm sure if you start looking, you will find other nasty things about him too. It's very hard to regain trust period, and impossible if the other person does not cooperate. Being alone is not as bad as it seems. "Mas vale sola que mal acompanada." It's a saying that translates to "better to be alone than in bad company" Your baby should not have to live in such an environment. Your son deserves the best. And he needs you to be sound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonley_wife Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 well as of the 30th i gave him a choice. either see someone about our marrage or leave. so he chose to leave so i guess in the end i have to be the bigger person. so my son and i are going to welfare tommoro to see what my options are. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike1966 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 well as of the 30th i gave him a choice. either see someone about our marrage or leave. so he chose to leave so i guess in the end i have to be the bigger person. so my son and i are going to welfare tommoro to see what my options are. You will be so much better off without this guy. 3rd time within 7yrs of knowing him??? That's unreal! I'm sure this will be a painful process for you but you will come through stronger for it, trust me. I'm just now 2 days from divorcing my wife who, after 15 years of marriage (good years, I thought), walked out on me 6 months ago. It was a living hell at first................but, then, after some time passed, I was able to step back and take a "real" look at my relationship with her, sort of an "outside looking in" type of thing. What I realized is that my Soon-to-be-X has ALWAYS been a pleasure seeker, never satisified...............I gave her all I had for 15 years and it wasn't enough............I simply realized that the problem was her, not me. Hang in there and know that better days are ahead of you. Use the time you have while enduring this for personal growth. You'll be stronger and wiser for it...............I always hated hearing that at the start of my journey but it's so very true. There are plenty of men out there who are looking for a relationship filled with love, respect and a mutual commitment to each other. I have two daughters in high school but am dating someone with a young child which doesn't bother me a bit......................a quality guy will open his arms to you and your child so don't be concerned about that if you are. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 They don't. They just like to turn it around on you to make themselves feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
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