abh99 Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Brief background: my girlfriend of a year lives with a lesbian. They have been close friends for several years and, according to my girlfriend had one sexual encounter a couple years back, but nothing more. Recently, I came across the knowledge that my girlfriend spent the night in her roomamtes bed, by herself, while her roommate was out of town and sent her roommate a text that said something like: "I really miss you. I'm sleeping in your bed tonight. Wish you were here with me." This troubled me greatly and sort of confirmed some fears I had about the true nature of their 'freindship.' Why would my girlfriend do this? Is there cause for concern? How do I broach this subject with my girlfriend? And can I even bring it up if I got this information from a source that wants to remain confidential, and by me bringing it up, may blow their cover? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I am sorry but it seems clear that your girlfriend has probably been sleeping with her roommate and cheating on you for the entire time you have been with her. What she was doing is something that lovers do. I am sorry for you. The question for you is whether or not this is a deal breaker for you. If she was doing this with another guy I doubt you would accept this. I don't see why you want to accept this now. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author abh99 Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 That's basically how I looked at it, but sometimes when you care about someone you try and justify it and look for the best possible reason for what happened. She's out of town for the weekend, so it gives me some time to think about it, but I'm trying to figure out the best way to bring it up. On the off chance that it was completely innocuous, I don't want to come off like a jealous ass-jack, but I can't just let it go, cuz it'll eat me up inside. She was gonna go home with me to meet my family for the first time (something I consider a big step since my family has met only one other girl, and she knows this), but I don't want to introduce her to my family if there is doubt about our future. The trouble I'm having is how to best bring this up. We've talked about her relationship with her roommate twice before, and the last time (the other day), she got fairly defensive telling me that she didn't like me doubting her and saying she didn't like that I was 'punishing' her for mistakes my last serious girlfriend made whe trust was comprimised. I feel like the writing is on the wall and it's terribly obvious what's going on and what I need to do, but part of me is wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt because I see (or saw) a future with her. Then again, if I don't fully trust her after only a year, then how in the world could I expect to trust her for 50 years....wow, I'm tragically pathetic and just need to ask her about it, but for some reason putting this all out there and getting advice seems to help cope.... Anyone else have an opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I think its time to confront her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I am really sorry for you but I think you realize that having your girlfriend lying in this woman's bed texting her that she is lying in her bed missing her being with her means she is still having sex with her. She has admitted in the past having sex with her so she has a historly. This text makes it very obvious what has been and continues to be going on. I am afraid that you will have to face the fact that your girlfriend is bisexual. She also seems to be a cake eater in that she gets to have a boyfriend who really loves her and she gets to continue to live and have sex with her girlfriend. The key problem of course is that she has in all likelihood been lying and cheating on you. You certainly do not want to be serious with a person who is able to cheat and lie to you. In addition, it seems to be very difficult for bisexual people to stay monogamous. Again if it is indeed what she wrote then you know what has been going on. Do you really want to get serious with a person that could so easily lie and cheat on you for so long. You need to find someone else who truly loves and respects you. Engaging in this behavior indicates that she neither respects you or your relationship. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author abh99 Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks Bryan and Sarah....looks like I've got a difficult conversation in my near future. Not that it should matter, but I hope she's at least remorseful and knows that she's missing out on the possiblity of a good thing. What I'm afraid of is her being cold and saying the equivalent of 'whatever.' That would hurt pretty bad, probably more than the knowledge that she's likey been lying/cheating on me. Thanks again. This has been really cathartic Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Dont take her around your family. She isnt the one. If you got this suspicious feeling that she's doing you dirty by all rights she is. And if she's bi-sexual and witholding that side from you who knows what else is she witholding. I'd say drop her, tell her why and let her go. It's not that your insecure but the facts and flags are too much to not see. I would defintely leave and not look back. Good luck keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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