cookiecat Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 haha! okay okay, i'm still feeling my epiphany. i was just wondering something here.... has it EVER worked to remain in LC with the ex and have that friendly, light interaction turn into them wanting to come back? of course i've read the stories on here that show the opposite being true. it seems all my ex are able to chat about right now is music. which is cool but i dunno. feels like it's all we're able to tackle right now. which is fine. w/e. and yeah, i know, i'm not putting too much stock into it. Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I don't think so.. Heres why: You stay in contact: The ex realizes he/she still has you wrapped around his/her finger and there won't be any reason for the person to get back to you. The ex will enjoy the single life and explore possibilities of other relationships because He/she still has you on the side as a backup. You stay out of contact: By not contacting ur ex your allowing him/her to see what life is like without you.Your ex might start to miss you and if you show that your able to live life without him/her and make positive changes and focus on yourself during this period than its a lot more likely ur ex MIGHT actually come around. Either way you have to push forward and focus on YOU. Do not focus on ur ex, I made this mistake and lost a lot of energy and effort in the process. Move on, focus on you and let him/her go. Its like someone said on here, if you knew that a stock had only a 5% probability of making you money would you invest into it? Well this is exactly what your doing when you stick around. There are much more profitable stocks out there Link to post Share on other sites
myhotrod123456789 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I think it depends on the situation. I think if the relationship was really meaningful to both people, then light contact is the best approach. That being said, this light contact needs to be light and not bring the other person down at all. It can't be needy and it can't come off as if there is an alterior motive. If this prevents you from being happy and is painful, then it is not the right solution. Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I don't think so.. Heres why: You stay in contact: The ex realizes he/she still has you wrapped around his/her finger and there won't be any reason for the person to get back to you. The ex will enjoy the single life and explore possibilities of other relationships because He/she still has you on the side as a backup. You stay out of contact: By not contacting ur ex your allowing him/her to see what life is like without you.Your ex might start to miss you and if you show that your able to live life without him/her and make positive changes and focus on yourself during this period than its a lot more likely ur ex MIGHT actually come around. Also you do not get to see what life is like without them, and might actually be grateful and know due to mental state that you are indeed better without them because you were not suited. Although I know this is not the case with many on here. But after some time has passed and you start going out, joining classes, meeting new people (not ness dating I made a few new friends to go out with/converse with). Knowing that there is indeed life after the ex for us dumpee's. Link to post Share on other sites
ttree Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Hi definately. I have done it in the past and made it work,You have to evaluate whether its worth going back to first though, if it is the key is to a) set boundaries for yourself ie what are you prepared to do/not do. b) not sleep together as this is not a key to winning them back, sex and love are different. c) keep your self respect and respect for them and finally d) not make demands of them especially if they have started to see someone else. What ever you do DONT go NC because nothing says I love you like ignoring them. I read "how to get your lover back" by blaze harris. Hope it helps you Link to post Share on other sites
Author cookiecat Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 hey guys, thanks for the responses. so yeah, we actually were in NC for a couple months. we broke up four months ago, kinda tried to talk for the first two, but minimally. and it was awful cuz the emotions were still so raw. then we started talking again last week. so thats' why i was wondering if it was worth it. i know there's life after my ex.. i've reached that point, thankfully. i'm in graduate school and i actually live in a different state right now while i finish my program out. i'll be finished in the spring, and can go back to where he is if i want to. i guess that will depend of course, on what happens with us. anyways, yeah, generally i'm in an okay place. i just really miss him and am still in love with him. we broke up cuz the fighting got to be unbearable... even though we live in dif states, we'd still see each other about every 2 months or less, and he'd stay with me for a month (he'd always fly out here to be with me. we ran a design studio together, so it let us be mobile like that). so since last week, we've been lightly chatting, mostly about music. he's been working on some stuff and sending it to me to check out. which is kinda cool. i just wonder if doing this is really rebuilding anything. he knows i still have feelings for him. perhaps he's hoping i'll forget them and just be his friend ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
ttree Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I'd stick with it, if you can show you have changed for the better. You guys are on speaking terms again now, so he likes you, now you have to regain his trust. I'm not saying that overnight you guys will get back together, far from it. Be prepared for the fact that he might start to date someone else as you are in different states, be cool about that fact and dont lay down any demands he break dates with her, or choose between them. Whatever you do, dont cry to him and dont talk her down if he meets someone. He wont like you for it, then you've had it. If he likes you, you can regain his trust, and the more positive time you guys spend together the more he will see you as a positive thing in his life, when this happens, he will begin to wonder about taking you back. Its not a guarantee but speaking from experience thats the best way to do it. The hardest part is getting them to speak to you in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cookiecat Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 cool. well thanks for the advice! it makes me feel better about it. but yeah, i know, i don't really have my hopes up. well it's more like hope for the best, expect the worst. when we finally broke silence last week, via a phone call, i made it known to him that i still had feelings for him and hoped we could maybe work it out after i was done w/school. he didn't really entirely bite for that, citing that our relationship had become so unhealthy with all the fighting and that 'one of us would have to change the way we deal with problems' blah blah, but that he wasn't against us talking about it. so i just said, yeah, well, no pressure. lemme know if you feel like having that conversation. and since that, we've just been lightly chatting. anywho, thanks for all the advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author cookiecat Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 i usually feel that posting song lyrics can be pretty cheesy, and okay, maybe i am cheezin out here, but man, i heard this song today for the first time in years! and i thought it was pretty relevant to how some of us might feel: When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad Why's it feel so good? I loved real, real hard once But the love wasn't returned Found out the man I'd die for He wasn't even concerned I tried, and I tried, and I tried To keep him in my life I cried and I cried, and I cried But I couldn't make it right But I, I loved the young man And if you've ever been in love Then you'd understand What you want might make you cry What you need might pass you by If you don't catch it If you don't catch it And what you need ironically Will turn out what you want to be If you just let it If you just let it See, I thought this feeling It was all that I had But how could this be love And make me feel so bad? Gave up my power I existed for you But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do? But I, I loved the young man And if you've ever been in love you'd understand What you want might make you cry /// frickin heartbreak! Link to post Share on other sites
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