Will you wish your ex happy birthday?

[hopeforlove243]

My ex-bf's birthday is coming up next week. We have been together 2 years, and he dumped me in July, sort of, I tried several times NC, never last long, he insists that we could be friends, he said I am special, he panics when I say I can't be friend with him, he said he will give me times to heal, he will wait for my email/text msg patiently. Anyway, I am sick tired of the crying, yelling etc, so last monday, I sent him email, telling him that I deleted his phone# from my phones, and I am going to delete his email address also.

Now, his birthday is coming up next week, I don't know if I should send him email or mail him a card or just ignore it? I still hope that we could be back together someday, so, I really not sure what I should do about his birthday. I even have a gift for me, well, we talked about it long time ago, I got gift for him before we broke up

Suggestions, please. Thanks.

[wowIlose]

If your intentions are to get him back and he panics at the idea of loosing you than why not make him realize he did exactly that when he broke up with you.

 

I know its hard but dont wish him happy birthday, dont give him that gift (not right now at least) and as hard as it may seem - do not talk to him , text him, im here.. or any contact.

 

If he panics at you telling him imagine what he'll do when he realizes your gone for good.

 

When he comes around don't act like you been waiting around, act suprised like you almost forgot about him

 

Make him work a bit to get you back if he does come around and if he doesn't well than you at least got a head start on NC and it will take less time to heal

[hopeforlove243]

My heart just sinks when I think about his birthday, how am I going to go through that day? He was suppose to introduce me to his parents on that day:( And now, he is so far away from me :( I miss him badly.

I am thinking about to ask his good friend C (he introduced us 2 years ago) do dinner with me that night, somehow I want to know what he says to C about us, and want to ask C what he thinks about us, and if he think we still have a chance to be together, is that a good idea?

You can tell I am in such a mess, I just couldn't get him out of my head, NC is sooo hard. I found myself clue to my computer when I am home, spend hours on LS to get comfort from all of you.

[norajane]

No, do not ask his friend to dinner so you can pump him for information. You KNOW his friend is going to tell him you were all needy and digging for information!!

 

No, do not call, email, text, or otherwise contact your ex on his birthday.

 

He's not going to ever miss you if you're always around, always asking about him, always there, always present, always torn up about him. LIVE your life, be confident, move on. That's the only way he's going to miss you.

 

But...don't you have some self-respect you can pull out and hold on to? I mean, he DUMPED you. He chose to not be your bf anymore. Isn't that enough to walk away and heal and then find someone who is all about wanting you?

[hopeforlove243]

No, do not ask his friend to dinner so you can pump him for information. You KNOW his friend is going to tell him you were all needy and digging for information!!

I don't think his friend will tell him if I ask him not to do so. I kind of want to know what his friend thinks about us, cause he introduced us, and three of us hang out sometimes(go ski trips together, or he comes over for dinner). I am hoping maybe if he says some good words about me to him, he might re-consider. He turned away from me cause one of his friends is getting divorced, and that guy just blah blah with him about never getting married again, it all went hell from there.

 

But...don't you have some self-respect you can pull out and hold on to? I mean, he DUMPED you. He chose to not be your bf anymore. Isn't that enough to walk away and heal and then find someone who is all about wanting you?

It is easy to say, hard to do. I feel I don't have a closure for me to move on, I still don't know why he dumped me, why he thinks we are not compatible, even though he also says that we have million other things compatible, that is why he doesn't want to lose me as friend.

I have been crying for hours today, even though it is sunny outside.

[norajane]

It is easy to say, hard to do. I feel I don't have a closure for me to move on, I still don't know why he dumped me, why he thinks we are not compatible, even though he also says that we have million other things compatible, that is why he doesn't want to lose me as friend.

I have been crying for hours today, even though it is sunny outside.

 

That's why you have to cut him off completely. He needs to 'get it' what he's losing when he breaks up with you. By being his friend, you are giving him the "million other compatible" things, so he's not going to miss you.

 

If he doesn't want all of you, then he shouldn't get ANY of you.

 

Let him be on his own. If he's such a weenie that he lets other people influence his decisions on whether to be with a girl or not, he needs to feel the consequences of his choices. Let him stew on his own and see that maybe he should make his own decisions.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting over this. There's nothing like heartbreak to make you feel like the world just sucks. But go out and take a short walk. The sun has a way of making you feel better, and helps to make you realize all is not lost.

[wowIlose]

Hopeforlove,

 

I don't think your in the right mindset, I can tell your still in the denial stage of your process. I have to say it will only get harder with contact of any sort, the longer you hold on thinking that a second opinion or any opinion will change his mind the longer this will hurt.

 

It will get worse before it gets better. You NEED to let him go, you need to respect YOURSELF and be strong at this moment.

 

I have been there very recently, I held on, I talked to her friends and it changed nothing! I had at least 3 of her close friends tell her how great I am without blowing cover, and guess what? Yup, it did s.h.i.t all.

 

I don't think any advice on here will stop you from contacting him a few more times. After doing so you will realize slowly that NC is the only way to move on.

 

Let this experience make you a stronger person, show yourself how strong you really are and that you DONT need him to make you happy. Happiness comes from within yourself ... and you know that! At one point we were all happy single at least once in our life time.

[bigheartkindsoul]

For me no, I would not wish him HP regardless but especially as mine dumped me 4days before mine by text I was also very ill at the time, and then had the fcking cheek to send me an email wishing me a Happy Birthday hope I have a good one.

 

MMM not likely I would do really, crying all through your birthday not the best fun, but at least you did back in Feb and got lots of great gifts out of me. T0sser.

[brothermartin]

Wow BIGHEART, your're too pretty to be so bitter.

 

To answer your're question, yes, I would wish him a Happy Birthday. But you might not want to be around him after, just in case he gets the wrong idea and tries to "take advantage" of your kindness.

Since we're on the subject, what are you gonna do about Christmas and Thanks Giving? Im really not looking forward to it. The only thing worse than my ex doing something, is her doing nothing.

[stinkylove]

Man, I would try at the very least to focus on yourself. You are a better and stronger person than to let this guy who dumped you control you.

 

You have to try to control your thoughts. When you start freaking out about what he's doing, try to tell yourself to stop. Do something to occupy your time.

 

So, no, do not do the happy birthday thing.

 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Wow BIGHEART, your're too pretty to be so bitter.

 

To answer your're question, yes, I would wish him a Happy Birthday. But you might not want to be around him after, just in case he gets the wrong idea and tries to "take advantage" of your kindness.

Since we're on the subject, what are you gonna do about Christmas and Thanks Giving? Im really not looking forward to it. The only thing worse than my ex doing something, is her doing nothing.

 

Yeah that side of my break up winds me up, wish I hadn't given him such a lovely birthday but that said, he will struggle to top his were as mine will only be better next year!!

 

Xmas, well on the date of our get together anniversary three days before xmas I am going to a black tie do in my best party frock and gonna get lots of attention from business men local to where I live. Xmas will be doing what I did before which is spend it having fun, seeing family and friends etc.

 

I am in UK so TG doesn't happen here.

 

But I always do lots and lots so no fear of me having a dull lonely time, plus I am just starting dating too so we'll see what happens before Xmas.

 

And thanks for the compliment that has bought a nice smile to my face before bedtime.

[brothermartin]

Bedtime? Sorry, Im in Florida. I didnt realize the time difference in the UK.

Sweet dreams cutie!

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

his birthday is coming up next week, I don't know if I should send him email or mail him a card or just ignore it?

 

I still hope that we could be back together someday

 

I got gift for him before we broke up

 

Suggestions, please. Thanks.

 

---------

 

I'd say definitely tell him Happy Birthday, and give him the gift and the card.

 

No need to be afraid.

 

Ariadne

[hopeforlove243]

Hopeforlove,

 

I don't think your in the right mindset, I can tell your still in the denial stage of your process. I have to say it will only get harder with contact of any sort, the longer you hold on thinking that a second opinion or any opinion will change his mind the longer this will hurt.

 

It will get worse before it gets better. You NEED to let him go, you need to respect YOURSELF and be strong at this moment.

 

I have been there very recently, I held on, I talked to her friends and it changed nothing! I had at least 3 of her close friends tell her how great I am without blowing cover, and guess what? Yup, it did s.h.i.t all.

 

I don't think any advice on here will stop you from contacting him a few more times. After doing so you will realize slowly that NC is the only way to move on.

 

Let this experience make you a stronger person, show yourself how strong you really are and that you DONT need him to make you happy. Happiness comes from within yourself ... and you know that! At one point we were all happy single at least once in our life time.

 

Hi WowIlose, sorry it didn't work out between you and your ex-gf, and thanks for your support.

 

It has been up & down, someday I feel ok, and someday I feel bad, and today is definitely one of those bad days. I don't know if I am still in denial stage, maybe. I have been keep my latest NC since Monday, I broke NC several times cause he kept calling me. I even deleted his phone #, his email address. I also scheduled to see a counselor, I am taking yoga class at my gym, will go sign up a dancing class too, and just adopted a kitten last week who needs a lots of my attention(since I miss his cat so much). I am doing everything I can to move on, yet, I feel there is no closure for me, and that holds me back.

Anyway, I am just not sure (or freaking out) about his birthday, and want to see what your guys think.

Thanks again!

[hopeforlove243]

Wow BIGHEART, your're too pretty to be so bitter.

 

To answer your're question, yes, I would wish him a Happy Birthday. But you might not want to be around him after, just in case he gets the wrong idea and tries to "take advantage" of your kindness.

Since we're on the subject, what are you gonna do about Christmas and Thanks Giving? Im really not looking forward to it. The only thing worse than my ex doing something, is her doing nothing.

 

Even if I wish him a Happy Birthday, I would still not meet him to do that, I can mail him the birthday card, or just email him.

 

I can't even think about what I will do about X'mas, I am here by myself, and most of my single friends will be out of town. I know it will be very hard for me to go through holiday season this year, I want to get away, but I don't know where I can go by myself and not feel lonely.

 

Anyone on LS wants to take a trip? All the people with broken heart hang out and support each other?

[Zona76]

nope! You call him your EX.

You're not even friends.

He will maybe expect a call. Surprise him and don't

[hopeforlove243]

So far 5 votes no 'happy birthday', 2 votes 'wish him a happy birthday'.

[Ocean-Blue]

I would love to call my ex for his bday, but I know he does not want to hear from me.

 

My bday is before his...so if he ends up calling me, then I will call him. We have not had contact in a while - both of us have moved on. Last time we spoke, he wanted nothing to do with me (wanted to focus on his new relationship, etc). I respect that.

 

Sometimes you need to let go and not call. But each person is different. If you think you calling him would do more good than harm, then I say call him.

[hopeforlove243]

The thing is, I know he would be very happy to hear from me, cause he have told me many times that he values our friendship very much, but he is scared of getting married, that is why he insists that we could still be friends, hang out together, do things we both love to do. Even last Monday he asked me to get together. I finally made him understand that I can't be his friend at this time, he needs to leave me alone to cope the lost, so he said he will wait for my email or txt patiently, Besides, he is my financial manager, he manages my money right now. For me, I still want to be with him, but feel I have done everything I could to ask him give us another chance. At this time, I don't know how long it will take for me to get over him and move on(It always take me a long long time to get over a relationship in the past, and this one is extremely hard, cause I really thought he is the one, and no warning signs before we broke up), if I can be friend with him or not in the future, that is why I don't know what to do about his birthday. I want him to know I do care about him, yet that is also conflict with NC.

[brothermartin]

Ask yourself this: Are you angry with him? So angry that you cant stand the thought of doing anything for him? Or are you afraid that to do sometning for him will be seen as a sign of weakness on your part? Are you really trying to let go but thinking that "If I do this one thing, It might change his mind about us"?

 

If you answer yes to any of those questions, then you may want to consider staying away and not doing anything.

 

To answer your Q. about an LS trip, I would love to do that. But, my green is a little to thin right now. Still a good idea though.

[funkybassplayer]

if it is to truly wish him happy birthday and nothing more than yes, if its for a responce, then let more water flow under the bridge.

[hopeforlove243]

Hi BrotherMartin, to answer your questions, I think I feel more sad than angry, and I can do things with him, but it will make me feel worse after that, that is why I am doing NC. I am not afraid to show the sign of my weakness, I think I have already showed that to him. I don't think he will change his mind even if I do something for his birthday, cause he already know I am a very nice person, kind, with big heart, and I love him.

So, my answers to all your questions are 'no', but I still don't know what to do:(

[funkybassplayer]

sometimes sending a card will make you feel better, cos its sounds like if you dont you will feel guilty. What would be the harm in wishing him a happy birthday? nothing really. Maybe you should not pull away, but if you feel that saying happy bithday will upset you, then dont, but if you do send a card, just send it and forget it, as you would any1 else, but this is better said than done! perhaps just wait till xmas and send an xmas card.

[hopeforlove243]

Thank you everyone for your input. Hard to believe that I have to struggle so much to decide what to do about his birthday, and yet, I still can't tell you what I am going to do. It hurts so much that when you love someone so much, yet you can't be with him, (In my case, I can if I am willing to be his friend, but I want more).

[wowIlose]

what kind of gift is it?