spookie Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I've come to a point where I can honestly say I want to be just friends with my ex. I don't miss him romantically anymore, and I wouldn't care if he were dating/ in love with someone else, but I REALLY miss his friendship. I'm also at a point in my life where I'm short on real friends, and this guy and I had three years together and he understood and knew me so well. I just miss talking to him, hanging out with him. Is there any way to bridge the awkward gap caused by a somewhat messy breakup and 5 months of NC and reach out to him as a friend? If it makes any difference, the end went like this: we broke up in April, stayed friends through May (LC) then I went home for 3 months. He called every night for a while and it got to be too much for me. I sent him a Thank you but I need NC email. Two weeks later I broke down and called him - I was bawling on the phone, telling him I feared I'd lose him from my life and that I hated hte perosn I'd become. He was kind of cold to me. During that conversation, I said I wanted to be friends, but he never called me again after that. So it was NC for a couple of months, then I sent him a (very immature and nasty) email asking for my stuff back, in which I said some degrading things. His response: You need to grow up. It's been NC since then, but I want to be friends now. Does it sounds impossible? Link to post Share on other sites
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I know how you feel. I am without friends too, pretty much, since my wife has left, but I am not wanting her friendship. It would be hard on me and to me, it allows her to 'win'. She gets her own life and also gets me being nice to her. I know this is selfish, and probably mean, but the way I feel right now, she does not deserve me as a friend. She has dropped friendships for things done to her that is FAR less damaging than what she has done to me, yet she expects me to be friends with her. Maybe in time, but as for now, I have no desire to be her friend... even for my son. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I REALLY miss his friendship. I'm also at a point in my life where I'm short on real friends, and this guy and I had three years together and he understood and knew me so well. I just miss talking to him, hanging out with him. I feel that you need to get out, find some new hobbies & start learning who you are. You are trying to use him to make you happy & that isn't good. The one thing I have learned here at LS is you have to be happy with yourself. Someone told me your partner/friend isn't there to make you happy, but to enjoy your happiness with you & I have to believe that. I don't think getting back with him would be a good idea, he is trying to move on & I feel you need to as well. There are places you can meet new people such as a gym, church, different groups, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Dipping back into your past relationships for friendships, just gets you stuck in the past. The best part of your life is ahead of you and that's where you should seek your friendships. Sometimes after we break up with someone, we have a way of forgetting how sh*tty we felt when we were with that person, and just focus on the good part. But you can't get the good part without also getting the sh*tty part, and it's usually not worth it. Besides, do you really want to hear your 'friend' talk about his new gf, or his life without you? I think what you want to have back is the bond you had, the sharing, the laughing, the caring, the understanding. But you're more likely to see how far apart you really are and that's likely to make you feel worse about yourself and your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Dipping back into your past relationships for friendships, just gets you stuck in the past. The best part of your life is ahead of you and that's where you should seek your friendships. I know the best parts are still ahead, but I wish he were still in my life in some capacity. Not as a boyfriend, but I wish he and I were on speaking terms. We didn't do anything awful to each other, so I don't like how this silence feels like we hate. It's really creeping me out how I have no way of knowing that's going on with him after everything we've been through together. Sometimes after we break up with someone, we have a way of forgetting how sh*tty we felt when we were with that person, and just focus on the good part. But you can't get the good part without also getting the sh*tty part, and it's usually not worth it. You're right about this too. I felt very sh*tty for the majority part of the last year we were together, and those feelings crossed over to after we broke up. However, they're recently faded away. Maybe that's why I've started missing him? Besides, do you really want to hear your 'friend' talk about his new gf, or his life without you? I think what you want to have back is the bond you had, the sharing, the laughing, the caring, the understanding. But you're more likely to see how far apart you really are and that's likely to make you feel worse about yourself and your life. This stuff I really wouldn't care about. I HAVE moved on in that respect. All I want to accomplish is resuming some form of communication. I just want to be on speaking terms. Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Was your break up mutual? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Was your break up mutual? Not in the end. I wanted to get back together, he did not. Link to post Share on other sites
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