indifferent Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 i am a third year university student. a lot of my time is spent doing school related work, or studying...but for the most part, it just revolves around school. i am working my ass off (to put it that way...) to get to the next chapter of my life, and becoming something important to myself. my issue is that, i hardly have time to go out and be social for a couple of reasons: 1. too much school work (need high marks!) and 2. don't have any female friends in high school, i had a couple of good girlfriends but they kind of became stupid, made bad decisions and drifted apart, and so things didn't work out as a friendship. for the last two years of my high school life, i was pretty much alone. all i did was spend time with my then boyfriend who was my only serious boyfriend (we're not together anymore for 2 years) and earned top marks to gain admittance to university. this was probably the only time i felt good about myself and was full of pride. i had worked so hard, got numerous scholarships, and got what i worked for. so now, for the past 3 years of my life, i have barely gone out. i'm a local university student, and tried making friends at university but wasn't successful... it seems that most girls just become friends with their dorm/room mates... anyway, i hung out with a couple of girls a few times which was always me calling them, to go out to the bar and do the whole social scene for a bit. i met these girls at work by the way a few years back... we hardly talk since they have their own group and do their own thing. they go to the bar or somewhere eat weekly... they don't attend university and have different priorities, which i'm cool with.... but it's just hard not having someone to relate to, to talk to, go shopping with, hang out...whatever... basically, my issue is that i don't have female friends...as i mentioned earlier...every time i tried calling an old friend to catch up and all, i was told yea we'll get together sometime, but it nothing has happened. no calls, no nothing... i do realize i'm busy with school but i want to have somewhat of a social life... i don't want to stay home on saturday nights to study, but enjoy my youth as much as i can.... i have some guy friends that i can easily talk to. like a lot of other girls that have posted in this forum, i notice we're in the same boat. this is great, but having friends of your same gender is quite something that , i think is important.... yes, i am an attractive girl, i am a nice person, i am smart, loyal and honest...so what's the issue? why can't girls see the good side of me?
Lyssa Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 i have some guy friends that i can easily talk to. like a lot of other girls that have posted in this forum, i notice we're in the same boat. this is great, but having friends of your same gender is quite something that , i think is important.... yes, i am an attractive girl, i am a nice person, i am smart, loyal and honest...so what's the issue? why can't girls see the good side of me? Oh how I can relate to your story! I am one of those girls with more guy friends than girlfriends. Am I happy? Honestly, I am very happy. I'd rather have guy friends than girlfriends who see you as a competition. All my life, ever since I was in primary school - girls have issues with me. I have never understood why until a lot of my guy friends and also my family pointed out to me that I have a lot to offer than just how I look. I see myself as someone who is attractive but I don't rely on that to make friends. I want people to like me for the person that I am but a lot of these girls, have self-esteem issues/intimidated by me that they don't even give themselves a chance to get to know me! Other than that, I was also told that I have a snobbish/unapproachable look so that stop people from making friends with me. Maybe you come across as that as well? I have been out of college life a long time ago so I don't know what it's like now but I don't think there is much difference so maybe you can get involved in some activities in college. Go out with those guys and hang out with their GFs... I am comfortable with going shopping on my own, eating alone... doing things on my own. Yes, I do crave for some all-girl night or day out but for now, I am content with the very small amount friends that I have. Oh and I have been burnt too many times by my so-called girlfriends so... I don't need anymore dramas in my life hence the lack of girlfriends.
mtnestr Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I can relate too, though I am much older than you. I've always been more comfortable with guys than girls, but sometimes you just need a girlfriend. I moved to this area a few years ago, and left my 2 best girlfriends behind. I haven't found anyone here to go shopping with, go to the movies, etc. I have tried to make friends, but like you said they don't reciprocate. So I don't have a solution, only sympathy.
Citizen Erased Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Quite alot of women feel this way. I myself have only a few female friends, the rest are male. Because I grew up in England, alot of people in Australia think I am quite snobby because of my accent. I don't sound so much like I am British anymore, but I apparently have a very upper-class way of speaking, very different to most. It was VERY hard for me in High School, especially seeing as I developed earlier then nearly every girl, so that created jealousy and on top of them thinking I looked down my nose on them, well... I think you can see why I have mainly male friends But then as they grew up and wanted to seem more mature they started to copy me, the way I spoke etc and suddenly I was popular! Until I told them where they could shove their stupidity Fact is, I work long hours, I have my family, my bf and the friends I already have. I have barely enough time for all of them (not to mention LS ) and I refuse to pander to the notion that I have to be surrounded by female friends 24/7. Practically everyone loses contact with their friends over the years. Only a few seem to stick, and those are the ones that matter. I myself have 3 fantastic girls I love to bits and I can only hope they are the few that will stick
Magnatolia Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Couldn't you suggest to these girls you work with that you'd like to hang out with them next time they plan something? I went to a small get together with a friend - it was our friends plus her friends. I got along really well with one of her friends and later suggested that next time they do something to let me know. She agreed so we'll see what happens. Sometimes people don't consciously think to merge their groups of friends together. It's like they have 2 separate groups. I know a few people who have several friends and most of them don't even know each other.
uniqueone Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Sometimes women dont want to be friends with women if it'll make them feel bad about themselves. For instance, a lot of women my age don't stay in shape. I do. One time I had a friend and on a Saturday she wanted to get a pizza and watch movies. I suggested we go for a walk in the mall. She complained about her ankles. Then she said her hair was a mess. I told her who cares, so was mine and after waiting an hour for her to get ready, I got her to go. She kept having to stop and sit every 15 mins. She'd rather be eating pizza sitting at home. Being around me made her feel fat, lazy and disappointed in herself. She'd be more comfortable with people like herself which won't raise her insecurities. So much for that friendship. It's hard for me to find women my age who are into fitness so that presents a problem. On the other hand, a lot of men are into fitness and also men appreciate a woman who stays fit. So having men friends is easy. Anyway, my point is, it could be that you need to find people similar to yourself. It could be that those who aren't choosing to do things with you are insecure about something and you bring that out in them. (through no fault of your own)
AriaIncognito Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I was always more with the boys than the girls too when I was younger. I've always had a mix of friends, but when I was younger I think I was closer to guys than girls. I don't think I really got close to women until after college. Sure I had female "best friends" in high school and maybe even college, but well, I'm only still in contact with one of those, and I've not seen her in over 10 years. We email once in a blue moon. The current female best friends I have, well, they live over 1 hour away so we don't see eachother that much, but we talk online every day, and while we wish we lived closer, it doesn't make us any less close as far as friendships. I met both of them online actually. We had all signed up for a website for a group we all were into and consequently met up at their concerts (it's a group that plays in theatre type places not stadium so it's more quaint per se). I can't imagine what my life would be if I hadn't found these women. Maybe you can find people via that route? I mean something like LS could work - you never know. I've also met friends on LS too who I now hang out with in real life. It does happen. I'd say what everyone else is saying, just get involved in things you enjoy for a while, and see what comes of it. Or maybe try the online approach. You really never know where your next close friend is going to come from. I wasn't looking for them when I found them, it just sorta happened. And well, these two have now been in my life since 2001 or 2000, so they are sticking quite well. Good luck to you, Im sure you'll find an outlet sooner or later.
squeak Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Hate to tell you, indifferent, but the best time to make female friends is probably once you are out of college. If you are not dorming, it will be extra difficult. I am an expert at female friends, I think it is my strength. Some good ways to meet them: -you may have to really remind your old workmates to call you up, and show up on some weekend outing. I guarantee in that circle there will be one girl you click with, then try going out with her-friends of friends is one way. -the things you are up against is many of these girls may be closed, as they have already formed their social network, it's not you. -is there a school activity you like or a group you can join? Is there a way you can further yourself through school by joining some organization where you can also meet others? My female friendships are so fulfilling, and unlike friendships with men, they will still like you and will be there for you beyond how you look or your potential romantic availabilty to them. Many, if not all, people have terrible stories of "friends" from high school, or college who did them dirty, then they go through life thinking *all* girls are like that. I'm not here to convince anyone, hey I don't want the competition for my friends ! But it is a narrow view, subject to change as people change and grow. Once you meet these friends, I can tell you aome tests to define if they are right for you, and some tips too. Good luck!
Author indifferent Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 thanks to everyone for their replies and suggestions. unfortunately but not surprisingly, nothing has changed...if anything, things have gone down even further... i am in my holiday break now and am bored as ever..have got nothing social to do..anyway, i hope things will change with time. thanks again.
Green Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Im a guy, my advice is invite people to fun stuff and eventualy u'll start getting invited back... oh and why r u so bored... ur guy friends not inviting u out
Els Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Jumping onto the boat here as well. I don't agree, squeak. I would consider my looks not a whit above average, and I'm not romantically available and my male friends know it. However, my guy friends are still there for me, and are the people that I hang out with the most in college. I have female friends from other social circles, but the problem is that I seldom have the chance to meet up with them anymore. However, having only guys to hang out with does pose its own set of problems. What I mainly do with mine is go to LAN shops and game the night away (I'm not the pubbing kind really). Or go for lunch or supper or whatever. But there are lines which I myself would not cross, even though my bf hasn't said anything and I know my friends aren't interested in me 'that way'. I would not go for lunch + movies + shopping one-on-one regularly with any of them (me and a few of them are fine), I would not pull an all-nighter at their place, have slumber parties, or discuss the problems in my current relationship. The narrow-minded view that the females in my college do have about females who hang out only with guys doesn't help, nor does the even narrower-minded view of my parents. I hope things'll get better for you, indifferent.
puffy Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 (edited) Try knitting and go to stitch 'n' bitch groups. My group is pretty mixed agewise, ranging from students to grandmas. Actually the only person I'm really friends with is a guy who is gay, but still, I guess, if I lived closer (I'm passing the group on my way home) and tried to have more contact with the others it wouldn't be such a problem to get to know some of them better and to befriend them. The online knitting community is very big and people are usually pretty nice. You can look up the local groups online, most have a blog with more information about the meetings. More often than not you can just show up and they will have some spare needles and yarn to teach you the first steps. If you want to meet a lot of nice women, I'd try it. I know, a lot of people think knitting is so old-fashioned and if you knit you must be a granny, but it's not really true. Knitters are a very mixed group and you can be sure to find someone who has something in common with you. I can also try to look up some knitting groups for you if you tell me what your location is. There's an huge online knitting community, but there's a waiting list at the moment. Edited December 30, 2007 by puffy
ElvenPriestess Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Popping in on this one, because I have no female friends in my current group of local friends, and even back home I never saw the females I have contact with. I have a TON of male friends, and it's never been a problem us being opposite sexes, as well as they are so laid back and easy to get along with. I tend to have a lot more in common with men than women. I have made several attempts to talk to females, but it goes nowhere. I think women just get so stinkin' competitive, insecure, worried, jealous, etc. There's much less drama with a group of guys in my experiences. So indifferent, I know EXACTLY how you feel. You could always try the old guy friend's girlfriend deal. Sometimes female friends can be made that way.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Ive had really close friends in h.s and after that we sort of drifted apart.. except for one of my friends.. We becasme closer than ever because we were pretty much similar and shared the same views. But she went away and did her own thing. So it seems like if I want to go out then I have to call an old friend who I havent spoke to in months. and I hate doing that because it makes it seem like im desperate.. hahah Its hard to meet women and try to befriend them.. you just have attend outings and maybe you will find a someone who u have a lot in common with
Always Wrong Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I think Eleven Priestess is onto something there. The guy friends girlfriends is a good idea.
All2u Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Oh how I can relate to your story! I am one of those girls with more guy friends than girlfriends. Am I happy? Honestly, I am very happy. I'd rather have guy friends than girlfriends who see you as a competition. All my life, ever since I was in primary school - girls have issues with me. I have never understood why until a lot of my guy friends and also my family pointed out to me that I have a lot to offer than just how I look. I see myself as someone who is attractive but I don't rely on that to make friends. I want people to like me for the person that I am but a lot of these girls, have self-esteem issues/intimidated by me that they don't even give themselves a chance to get to know me! Other than that, I was also told that I have a snobbish/unapproachable look so that stop people from making friends with me. Maybe you come across as that as well? I have been out of college life a long time ago so I don't know what it's like now but I don't think there is much difference so maybe you can get involved in some activities in college. Go out with those guys and hang out with their GFs... I am comfortable with going shopping on my own, eating alone... doing things on my own. Yes, I do crave for some all-girl night or day out but for now, I am content with the very small amount friends that I have. Oh and I have been burnt too many times by my so-called girlfriends so... I don't need anymore dramas in my life hence the lack of girlfriends. I say that laughingly, but there are really some evil women out there. I have never been that way, but I know exactly what your talking about. Major life lesson here > PEOPLE ARE, WHAT THEY THINK YOU ARE!< As the Mother of 8 children 4/4, and many years exp. with people, I am telling you! There is NOTHING wrong with you, but plenty wrong with them. Don't take it personally, and NEVER become as self centered as they are. More and more today I see alot of woman becoming independant, unfortunatly with that, it seems to also go hand in hand with their ego,arrogance and pride. Whatever the case and there are many different reasons, none of which are good. Just remember, one thing. Men are very clever, and sly, they are the same way as the women. They just don't show it unless you really tread on their territory and they are sure they have the upper hand! We are all human, but look for the ones who are quite, humble and seem to go their own way. Then check out there character, ask for help even if you don't need it, just to see if they will help! A truly good human will always help you with anything, no matter how long you have known them. Make up a story and once they say Yea/Ney call them back and say it's handled. Their are many ways to check people out, use your own spirit to guide you through and away from the EVIL ones. They will shred you to benefit themselves!
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