monkey5 Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 This is my very 1st time talking about this, so please, bear with me. I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor boy (the same age as me) when I was 7 years old. I have been haunted by it every day of my life. (I am currently 19). I have never had any reltionships with men, not even close. I knew I wouldn't be ready for one until I got help with these "demons". Finally, everything has taken it's toll on me and I find myself conflicting about who I should tell this to. I have considered writing everythign that happened to me in a notebook, and leaving it in my college library, leaving it anonymous, allowing me to feel some form of relief that somebody knows about it. Here is what happened: I was 7 years old. The neighbor boy was the same age, and I believed that he was my best friend. Everything started off innocently enough,playing doctor, first kisses, whatever...however, things started getting out of hand and he was manipulating me into doing things I didn't want to do. The next tie we played together, he said "If you don't do this with me, I will tell your parents."- me, being frightened and ashamed if my parents were ever to find out...I gave in, and allowed him to do this to me. I have regretted this every day of my life. It will not leave my thoughts no matter how hard I try, and I have convinced myself that no man would want me. That is why I haven't had any relationships. I am frightened of seeing a counselor, especially since I live with my parents who pay for my health insurance...and don't want them to ever know about this. Does anyone know what to do? I don't want to talk to my friends about this either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey5 Posted October 28, 2007 Author Share Posted October 28, 2007 can somebody please help me. I am at wit's end with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Monkey5, I'm sorry you have this bottled up inside you for 12 years! I don't know what to say except it was s***ty of him to have done that to you, at the age of 7! I think you should really seek therapy. I'm sure there's a counselor at your college that you can talk to, maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Hey MONKEY. Im with you. It took me 15 years to talk to someone about it. Thank god it was a therapist. But you have to know one thing before you go any further, it was not your fault. You may not believe that or really accept it, but thats the truth. Please talk to someone. Dont let this dictate everything you do in your life, like I did. Dont wait. The sooner, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I think you feel ashamed that this happened. Which is why you won't talk about it to your parents but you should. You should air this thing out because it's keeping you from being who you once were. Because it's weighing on your mind. But the guilt the boy made you feel keeps you from saying anything to them. Facing that first would be a step in the right direction IMO. You didn't do anything wrong. You used the judgment of a seven-year-old with the mind of a seven-year-old. There is no shame in that. But...if you don't address this you may very well be stuck with the mentality of a seven-year-old in some aspects. Especially in the way you relate to men. I would recommend going to a counselor that deals with abuse. I wish you a lot of luck in getting to where you need to be inside your head. Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I agree with the others. Please talk to someone about it. I was molested when I was 8 years old and it came back to haunt me when I was 21 years old when I suffered flashbacks. It was always there in the back of my mind but I felt like I was reliving it. Dont be ashamed of what happened cos it was not your fault. He is the one who should be ashamed for doing that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey5 Posted October 28, 2007 Author Share Posted October 28, 2007 thank you all so much for the advice, I feel like a little weight has been lifted since I read some of the replies and found out I was not the only one to go through this. I have never had a boyfriends, though I want one, I feel apprehensive about being intimate with them. I know not all guys are like that, but I can't but feel like I might just end up allowing myself to be used again. I don't think I will see a therapist until I am a bit older and I have the money to do that on my own. I still do not want my parents to know. It's just the dirty secret i don't want anyone to know about myself. I am not sure I would want my future boyfriends/husband to know about it either. I am very mature for my age, and I don't have the "7 year old mindset", but I don't trust people very easily and the majority of my friends are female. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Completely understandable. My parents dont know about me, and I want to keep it that way. They're older and I dont think they could handle it. I think you will be fine in dealing with this, even if you wait. But you should still talk to somebody now, just to release the stigma of feeling like it was a dirty thing or being afraid that everyone will judge you harshly. You already know that you didnt do anything wrong, you were 7. Give yourself a break. I had a harder time dealing with it because Im a man and I was 14 at the time. There are still some friends of mine that I havent told about it. I just dont know what it would do to our friendship if they knew. Keep your head up honey, and you'll be O.K. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I am very mature for my age, and I don't have the "7 year old mindset", but I don't trust people very easily and the majority of my friends are female. I'm sorry if you took offense to what I said. I just think it's sad for you that you still see this as a "dirty little secret" as it happened a pretty long time ago. And you still carry shame about it. But that's cool. If you'd rather not go see a counselor at an abuse center that's entirely up to you. They're usually free, by the way. But it's your life. I only tell you what I know by speaking from experience because I was molested by a neighbor around the same age you went through your bad experience. So I apologize if I sound cold about it all. It's just that counseling has helped me not be so emotional with these things. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetem Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 This is my very 1st time talking about this, so please, bear with me. I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor boy (the same age as me) when I was 7 years old. I have been haunted by it every day of my life. (I am currently 19). I have never had any reltionships with men, not even close. I knew I wouldn't be ready for one until I got help with these "demons". Finally, everything has taken it's toll on me and I find myself conflicting about who I should tell this to. I have considered writing everythign that happened to me in a notebook, and leaving it in my college library, leaving it anonymous, allowing me to feel some form of relief that somebody knows about it. Here is what happened: I was 7 years old. The neighbor boy was the same age, and I believed that he was my best friend. Everything started off innocently enough,playing doctor, first kisses, whatever...however, things started getting out of hand and he was manipulating me into doing things I didn't want to do. The next tie we played together, he said "If you don't do this with me, I will tell your parents."- me, being frightened and ashamed if my parents were ever to find out...I gave in, and allowed him to do this to me. I have regretted this every day of my life. It will not leave my thoughts no matter how hard I try, and I have convinced myself that no man would want me. That is why I haven't had any relationships. I am frightened of seeing a counselor, especially since I live with my parents who pay for my health insurance...and don't want them to ever know about this. Does anyone know what to do? I don't want to talk to my friends about this either. If you're 19, you are no longer considered a minor in the eyes of psychology, and therefore, you have the right of patient-doctor confidentiality. Unless you are a minor, your doctor BY LAW cannot say anything to your parents, regardless of who holds the health insurance. But, the question is... will you be able to tell your parents that you need to speak with someone without explaining of why? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 I don't think I will see a therapist until I am a bit older and I have the money to do that on my own. I still do not want my parents to know. It's just the dirty secret i don't want anyone to know about myself. I am not sure I would want my future boyfriends/husband to know about it either. A secret like this, monkey5, only has the power that your silence gives it. If you break the silence by talking to a therapist or counselor, the past loses it's hold on you. What do you have to lose? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey5 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Share Posted November 4, 2007 I was not at all offended, amaysngrace. I am taking any sort of advice I can get on this issue. Like I said, I don't want to see a therapist until I am ready...and since I live with my parents, I can't come up with a good excuse without them finding out. it's a lose-lose situation at the moment....and I don't really want to talk to someone at my college either. Link to post Share on other sites
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