Help

[heartbroke]

I don't know what to do, the man that I love is gone, I think?? It started about 3 years ago, we were working toghether and have remained in touch and frineds since. Well, a year ago things heated up and we realized there was a stong spark between us. We live in different cities, but have seen each other for very romantic weekend through the year and grown close (or so I thought) We spent the week of Christmas with friends and family (he brought me around his whole family and met my friends, I met his etc.) The night before he left I told him that I was getting attached to him and didn't know what we were and that I wanted to see him more. He said that he was in the same boat and we needed to think about where things were going for us. The next day he said that he was not in a position to make any major changes that he didn't see himself moving to the city I live in anytime soon and didn't see me moving to his city anytime soon and that when things get complicated it is best to walk away. I was devestated.. Cried for the first time infront of him and couldn't even talk. He called a couple of days later, he left the 28th and called on the 2 and left me a message wishing me a happy new year and to call him. When we finally talked, it was when I was at work and was a casual conversation, I was at work and couldn't really talk about anything. I called him for his birthday this Monday and left him a message and he called back on Tuesday and left me a message. We have been playing voice mail tag, and I'm scared that we will never talk. I don't know what to do, he is 34 I am 27 and we both have never been married or have any children. Any men out there that can cast some insight on this?? Things going great and then it is complicated and walk away, but call a couple of times??? I love him and don't know what to do! Help

[Totally Confused]

Well, I'm not a man, but I do have a friend that had a similar situation. I don't doubt for a second that this guy cares for you, but I do doubt that he is madly in love with you (sorry). It's just that a man is a hunter by nature and will make sacrifices to be with the right woman. My friend was dating a guy in Springfield, Mass. and she was living in NY. He refused to move, but told her he really cared about her. It took 1 year for her to realize that he loved and cared for her, but wasn't in love with her because he refused to sacrifice anything to be with her. 6 mo. later, she met another guy who lives in Boston, MA. they dated for 6 mo. and he decided he loved her and wanted to get serious with her, because he knew she was one in a million and special to him. 3 more months past and he moved to NY to be with her. He quit his job in Boston and got one in NY. My brother moved from PA to Boston, because he met a girl he was in love with.

 

Now, if you really love this man...perform a test to see how he feels about you. First, ask yourself would you be willing to move to him, since he doesn't want to move to you? If your answer is yes, then you're in love with him and would sacrifice a lot to be with him. Now whether you would actually move closer to him or not, suggest it to him and wait for his reaction. If he hesitates or says, well that's a serious step or just plain old says anything shooting down the idea, then he's not in love with you, though he may care for you, and doesn't look at you in a serious light and you'll have to accept it. If it's something he'd like to discuss, then he does want to be with you. Since you two keep missing each others phone calls. Leave a message telling him you have to ask him a very important question and to call you back at a certain time on a certain day, because you need to talk to him and not his machine. He'll get in touch with you, if he cares about you at all.

 

Good luck and let me know what happens.