Spinderella Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 I'm sick. I'm gross, disgusting, feverish, snaky haired, stuffed and choking sick. I'm depressed and miserable and I'm distressed about getting my work done (doesn't everyone work on the weekends?) and that isn't helping. I've been trying to work but I either throw up or fall asleep. Oh no. You can only do what you can do. Get yourself well, more importantly. (hugs) Link to post Share on other sites
trulysomething Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 I feel for you Carrot. I suppose I'm in somewhat of the same situation. My ex broke up with me to "get his life together". He has yet to even start to do this and yet he calls me, we go out (he pays-which was always pretty rare!) and he sends a ton of mixed signals. He felt it was more fair to me to break it off rather than keep me hanging around until he is the man he wants to be. (Sometimes I doubt that will ever happen to be honest) He's had it rough, so I don't think NC works really for him (not to mention that as a 32 yr old, this is only his 2nd relationship ever! Which I think stresses him a lot.) and he keeps telling me how much he appreciates me giving him the space and time..and although I believe him, I could have given hims space and time within a relationship. I keep wondering if I am fooling myself that he will come back. Probably. I really want him too, but I am keeping my eyes open and working on myself and everything I need to do. I take his calls when it suits me, I reply to his emails when I feel like it, and I do enjoy his company from time to time. I crave his company..I miss him. But I have to make myself face the very real possibility that he has freed me up to find someone more appropriate for me. It makes me sad..but I now just play things by ear and whatever happens will happen. I toy with the idea of NC, but I don't know if that would make things worse or better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Share Posted November 4, 2007 Truly, reading your post my thinking was gee, she sounds like she has a much better situation than my situation. I've given up on NC, LC, whatever C is what will be for the time being. The more normal things are, the happier I am. The less I care about the bad, the happier I am which just looks stupid in print but you understand my meaning? And now I have to go chase some squirrels out of the loft. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
trulysomething Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Truly, reading your post my thinking was gee, she sounds like she has a much better situation than my situation. Hahahaha..I dunno. Most days I am completely messed up. I want to be with him, but not with the man he is now. But I kinda think he'll never be the man he could be..so why do I hang about and so badly still want to be with him. He wants to be friends,but at the same time, we seem to be dating (still holding hands, kissing, no sex) I asked him what the difference between being in a relationship and being friends is. He said sex. He still thinks it's fine to hold hands and kiss and sleep together. WTF????? I want to be more..not his messed up version of being friends. He makes false promises to me that he wants to be together when he's better. But that could be YEARS down the road..and I am not waiting. I've given up on NC, LC, whatever C is what will be for the time being. The more normal things are, the happier I am. The less I care about the bad, the happier I am which just looks stupid in print but you understand my meaning? OMG, I totally agree. That's kind of where I am. I never initate the meetings, the calls, but yet I still take them. But I am happy and not ready to just give up. So, I kinda know what you mean.*L* And now I have to go chase some squirrels out of the loft. *LOL* I hope this is not a metaphor. Carrot I hope today is going much better for us all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Share Posted November 4, 2007 And now I have to go chase some squirrels out of the loft. *LOL* I hope this is not a metaphor. Yah. This wasn't a metaphor. I'm feeling better in body than yesterday. Energy is still lagging. Mentally disheveled a bit. I'm still feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities that are also lagging.... I'm spending quality time loafing instead of moping. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Yah. This wasn't a metaphor. I'm feeling better in body than yesterday. Energy is still lagging. Mentally disheveled a bit. I'm still feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities that are also lagging.... I'm spending quality time loafing instead of moping. It's good to loaf around, especially on Sundays. I dont know why but I often don't make plans for sundays because I like to use them to relax and do laundry for the week and just chill since monday is too quick to come. Today however I made plans. I might be singing and playing piano at an open mic. Scares me to death as I've not practiced til oh, 2 hours ago cuz I've been sick. We'll see. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Carrot my love! Have been traveling around for the past week and a half and haven't been on. I would be honored to take your cat. I don't care where you are, I am a crazy cat mama (I have FOUR...yes FOUR...although two live with my ex-husband) and would happily come get your kitty and bring him (her?) to live with my brood. S/he could be a New York City kitty then! Woohoo! Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Share Posted November 4, 2007 SED!!!! You were missed And you're very loved for offering to have Cat. We'll have to work something out though I much prefer to keep breathing a while! What's happening this very minute with me is weird. What I just told a pal is this, I don't know what this feeling in me is since there's nothing going on with "us", but I'm happy when I think about him and happy when I'm with him. Not just happy but oddly, there is quiet joy. I am perfectly at ease and in the moment. It's very strange. It reminds me of what I felt (and for that matter, what he said he felt) just before he broke up with me. I knew we were, it was, a real and forever thing and that I could, and should, trust it. Strange to feel it again for no reason (yah, I question my sanity) but I'm going with it. It feels pure. Now what is new with you? Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Share Posted November 4, 2007 Ran and I mean RAN to market only to get a half smile as the "nice" lady locked up. Bah. So Cat and I are sharing Spaghettios from the tin. I feel so happy I'm sure there must be something very wrong with me. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 5, 2007 Author Share Posted November 5, 2007 OH! Going out with GD tonight. It's not a date. It's kind of a date. It's not really a date. Oh my gosh I'm freaking out! I don't know what I was thinking. I just kind of said, dinner later and he said, How about this time and we catch the late show. And I said, Okay. And I'm freaking out!!!! I don't know why. I'm freaking out like something is going to happen. Like something's in the air. Like I'm completely out of my mind because what could happen? Cat just sat in my snack. Gotta eat something or I'll puke I'm so full of nervous something! What do I do? My carrotness is definitely in outer space. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 6, 2007 Author Share Posted November 6, 2007 Help! Trying to breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 6, 2007 Author Share Posted November 6, 2007 Okay, there definitely won't be sex tonight because I'm wearing one pink sock and one blue argyle sock. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 holy sh*t! what's going on there, woman?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 *rofl* Good luck Carrot! Hope you found your glove Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 6, 2007 Author Share Posted November 6, 2007 I'm home. So no worries and no sex. We accidentally bumped up against each other a few times and there was plenty of unnecessarily close whispering. Dumb stuff like that. So attraction. Nothing more. We didn't have time for a whole big supper so we got sandwiches. Mine tasted funny. He asked me if I wanted another one. And I don't know what got into me. I said yes. He ran right out and got me another one! It was purely a move to make me happy. He was SO happy to make me happy. So all told he ate two and a half sandwiches because I didn't finish mine, the second one. We laughed and laughed all night. I'm tempted to run right back over to his place. VERY tempted. But I think I'll go to sleep instead. I'm tired. In a good way for a change. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 The evening ended on a good note. Let it stay there for now. I would NOT go over to his house. He needs to come to you if he so chooses. Get some rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 Whooo! I hope you resisted temptation Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 6, 2007 Author Share Posted November 6, 2007 I resisted temptation in real life anyway. I slept 7 hours straight without the telly or radio on which is the first time since we broke up for both. I had happy, vibrant, sexy dreams and that's the first time since too. And now I'm trying to decide if I want to go to work today. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 I resisted temptation in real life anyway. I slept 7 hours straight without the telly or radio on which is the first time since we broke up for both. I had happy, vibrant, sexy dreams and that's the first time since too. I'm sure it had the same effect on him. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 I resisted temptation in real life anyway. I slept 7 hours straight without the telly or radio on which is the first time since we broke up for both. I had happy, vibrant, sexy dreams and that's the first time since too. And now I'm trying to decide if I want to go to work today. Carrot I know I dont wanna go to work. It's cold and rainy here today. Booo. But I must go. :mad::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Author carrotgirl Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 All in all. The first two thirds of the day were okay. I am home with a hot dog in my tummy and it's so nice and quiiiiet. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
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