Need taking a Chance.

[miakapkmn]

This is a long story and it shouldn't be but it's my first time going for it romantically in my ENTIRE LIFE!

 

Im 22, never had a boyfriend or a date. I've had some drunken intimacy but that doesn't count hahha. So I've been working at my job at an elementary school for almost a year and the whole time I've been head over heels for this guy. He's is truly the best man I have ever met and I think we are perfect for each other. Consequently, because of that I've been terrified to try anything because I don't want to mess it up. Normally, I would give up and forget but I can't because I keep getting thoughts and feelings that he might be interested in me too. So here's what gives me hope.

 

When I first started the job I would always sit alone instead of going to talk to everyone else in the morning. One day he said he would come sit with me so I wouldn't have to sit alone and we would talk a little bit but I would mostly draw or busy myself with something because I didn't want to feel forced to converse, I guess. But I was so enamored with him that I was so afraid of saying anything stupid. So he stopped coming over eventually when I started talking to other people. Then we never talked at work after that until one day he came up to me and said that everyone from work was going out and that I was invited, he gave me his number and asked for mine so that he could tell me all the details later that night. I ended up not going cause it was snowing but I wanted to.

 

Then things went back to normal for a few months, we wouldn't talk to eachother. He would come around and play with my kids and talk to them but never to me. But then he came around and again and started talking about how people from work are going to eat after work and then they were going to see a movie and asked if I wanted to go to the movie. I said Yea!! So he asked for my number again and later on that night he called and asked if I still wanted to go. And I said Definetly. And then he said Well everybody cancelled so it was just going to be me and him and I said that's cool. So we met up and the movie and we had great conversation before the movie and had a great time.

 

After that I kind of receded into my shell cause I had no idea how to act, which was stupid but whatever. So we didn't talk for a long time again. Then he invited me to his party but I was out of town so I couldn't go. But then I decided to make something happen so I texted him and asked what he was up to tonight? He texted " I am at the Lake :(" So I said we should go see Superbad and he said yea and that he really wanted to see it. so we went to the movie had a great time, he walked me to my car and I drove him to his car cause he parked far away.

 

After that we started talking at work more, laughing and joking around, he would come visit my preschoolers and talk to me so I thought I would ask him out again and I did but I asked him to do something I dont think he was interested in and I ended up being really awkward about it and he said that I should call him. So I did but he didn't answer so I called him back and hour later, no answer and I didn't leave a voicemail both times.

 

No talking after that but then we started talking again recently and he's been coming around again playing with my kids and talking to me. He is a really nice, outgoing guy so I've just been wondering if he's just being nice to me or if he's interested. We have tons of things in common and we are very similar people. Because I can be outgoing and really fun but when it comes to having a crush on somebody I get all weird and self concious even though I think that I'm a great person. There's also the fact that he's 29 and Im 22, and that he is thin and I'm pretty fat. I dress nicely though and Im a healthy person and I think I'm pretty attractive, however I was thinking that maybe my weight could be a deterrent for him. Should I pursue this further? And of so what should I do escalate this?

[Lovegod]

Ask him out and make a reach for his hand during the date. If he takes his hand back, he doesn't like you. If he goes with it, then you know he's attracted to you.

 

Seriously, someone needs to break that tension and if you don't do it, I doubt anything will happen because he's probably too chicken-5hit to do it himself.

[Lunar Sonata]

Don't ask him out. You're a woman. You have ways to lead him on.

 

If he's interested in you, he'll pick up on that. If not, he's not interested and just move on.

 

I never condone girls asking guys out. Even the very confident girls. If the man's "too shy" it's like what, he can't get over his shyness to ask somebody out? That just screams to me "No girl is worth stomping on my precious, fragile pride/ego." Just my take on that matter (and this is coming from a guy who used to LOVE the idea of more contemporary women asking men out!).

[Lovegod]

If the man's "too shy" it's like what, he can't get over his shyness to ask somebody out? That just screams to me "No girl is worth stomping on my precious, fragile pride/ego."

 

No offense, but that's a big pile of horse5hit.

 

As a former "shy guy", I can tell you that this is NOT the case. The shy guy is worried what the woman thinks or will think of him. The shy guy is low on the confidence that he's attractive enough to be worthy of a girlfriend. The shy guy is a product of the society that tells you a woman will slap you if she's not interested.

 

That's EXACTLY what I thought. True, I've overcome that, but it took a LOT of work.

 

Now, if we were talking to the guy this girl's seeing, I would encourage him to ask this woman out. However, it's the woman who's here and not the guy, so we can't give him a kick in the ass. If she's interested in him and he's too shy to break the ice, she'll have to do it if she's wanting to date him.

[Lunar Sonata]

Please disregard my jacka$$ post if you read it. I will type up my real reply.

[Lunar Sonata]

As a former "shy guy", I can tell you that this is NOT the case. The shy guy is worried what the woman thinks or will think of him. The shy guy is low on the confidence that he's attractive enough to be worthy of a girlfriend. The shy guy is a product of the society that tells you a woman will slap you if she's not interested.

Yes I completely agree. Doesn't that worry and low-confidence stem from a fragile ego?

 

It's nice to really really really wanna ask her out but doesn't it show that the girl has more value (deserved or not) if the shy guy thinks the girl is worth it enough that he can take the rejection?

 

To be honest, I'm not a former shy guy. I'm still cripplingly shy but I'm confident enough to know when something is worth pursuing even if my ego will take a bruising.

 

Again, I'm sorry if you read my crappy reply to you. That was my easy way out before leaving but I wanted to make a real discussion.

[Lovegod]

It's nice to really really really wanna ask her out but doesn't it show that the girl has more value (deserved or not) if the shy guy thinks the girl is worth it enough that he can take the rejection?

 

I've experienced both sides of the coin. The former being that I've already lost in life, what more is there to lose - and I ask the girl out because I'm already so low, I can't get any lower. Before I reached that low, I was worried about what everyone else thought of me, including women.

 

Now, I've reached the point where I just don't give a 5hit what people think of me. If she says yes, great! If she says no, there's more fish in the sea.

 

When a guy elevates a woman to be valuable, her opinion and thoughts are extremely important. He doesn't want to offend her or piss her off. He will avoid saying anything that will offend her, including asking her out. The whole idea of offending a woman doesn't stem from a fragile ego- it stems from social programming. Some men will go through life never realizing that the woman will NOT laugh at him, nor make fun of him, nor slap him across the face if he expresses the desire to date her. The ones who manage to do it a few times without repercussions from the woman will consider themselves lucky that she didn't over-react, and even think moreso her being the perfect girl, and continue to pursue her because she was nice about the whole thing.

 

Being shy was one of the most frustrated things I've ever experienced. You wanna do something but you're afraid what everyone else will think, so you just keep everything to yourself. You let others take the lead so they can risk of looking like an ass. You get others to ask girls out for you because they won't be the one looking like a foolish idiot.

[JCD]

OP, the guy likes you. Now, knowing this you have nothing to lose by being yourself around him. You got self conscious because you didn't want to screw it up. Well, realize that there is nothing to screw up in the first place. Anything you will do to him will please him because he likes you and is willing to overlook some things.