nadiaj2727 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Can you kindly please take your discussion about why people visit this forum elsewhere? If you want to talk about that, you should start your own thread (which I won't visit, because I don't come here to discuss such a boring topic.) However, I came to this thread to read about OP's vacation with her MM and perhaps offer some insight/ advice, and you are preventing that with your irrelevant and self-righteous sermons. Sorry, Troutiejr, but I don't care what you would be doing with the wife you don't have instead of being on this forum right now (in fact, I think it's rather presumptious of you to come here and sprout off about what you would do if you were in a situation you're not even in!, and hyprocrtical of you to be pointing out why others are here when you yourself are here doing SOMETHING for some reason, so who really cares why you or anyone else is here? I definitely do not, unless they are only here to be a nuisance, which I think you are being). I DO care that you are interrupting the purpose of this thread. So, Troutiejr and cokeexhibit, since you are choosing for whatever annoying reason to be on THIS thread at THIS forum at this particular time, could you please just stick to the subject? If you don't have anything constructive to add to the OP's thread, can you at least please stop hijacking it? Please be civil. Thank you very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Okay..... Wow Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 ^^^^^^^ If I had 20,000 plus posts I guess you could say I was being hypcritical, but I don't think I'll hit many more. No problem, and definately I have not taken your post personally. I didn't think people would take such offense to a small comment. Guess that proves everything my Assistant has said about people on here. Link to post Share on other sites
milx Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Can you kindly please take your discussion about why people visit this forum elsewhere? If you want to talk about that, you should start your own thread (which I won't visit, because I don't come here to discuss such a boring topic.) However, I came to this thread to read about OP's vacation with her MM and perhaps offer some insight/ advice, and you are preventing that with your irrelevant and self-righteous sermons. Sorry, Troutiejr, but I don't care what you would be doing with the wife you don't have instead of being on this forum right now (in fact, I think it's rather presumptious of you to come here and sprout off about what you would do if you were in a situation you're not even in!, and hyprocrtical of you to be pointing out why others are here when you yourself are here doing SOMETHING for some reason, so who really cares why you or anyone else is here? I definitely do not, unless they are only here to be a nuisance, which I think you are being). I DO care that you are interrupting the purpose of this thread. So, Troutiejr and cokeexhibit, since you are choosing for whatever annoying reason to be on THIS thread at THIS forum at this particular time, could you please just stick to the subject? If you don't have anything constructive to add to the OP's thread, can you at least please stop hijacking it? Please be civil. Thank you very much. Someone's got her undies in a tight bunch... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 WTF does anybody's post-count have to do with "the highs and lows of being an OW"??? :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 WTF does anybody's post-count have to do with "the highs and lows of being an OW"??? :confused: Means your not gone fishing :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Highs and lows of being the OW I just returned home from a 4 day vacation with my MM. Let me first start out by saying, I love him sooo much, and our little get-a-way made me care for and appreciate him even more. This was our first real trip together and it went even better than I could have imagined. Now that I'm home, I'm reflecting on things and realizing the deep emotional toll this is taking on me. We have these amazing "highs" together (especially when you fly somewhere and take a real vacation) and dramatic "lows" when we have to leave each other. I almost feel like a drug addict coming down from my fix.....! The other thing I'm realizing is that there's not 2 of us in this relationship, there are 3 of us! As I mentioned before, the trip was nearly perfect ~ except for the fact he felt the need to call and "check in" with his W far too much. She is always there, lingering in the background. A distraction. At first, I started thinking this woman must have one heck of a hold on him.... However, then I considered the possibility that his guilt was causing him to overcompensate with the obsessive checking in....worrying, etc?? I'm not sure. She also brought him to and picked him up from the airport.... That disgusted me. The only other thing was that he never takes off his wedding ring. If you take your girlfriend to another major city for vacation ~ why in the world do you keep the ring on? It's embarrassing. I finally brought this up to him the night we had this amazing dinner and he aknowledged my feelings and took it off. However, the next day it was right back on. I don't get that... He says that he is leaving his W before January, and I'm about 98% certain that he definitely will.... but of course there is always that twinge of doubt. After a weekend like we had, how in the world could you go home to the person that makes you so unhappy? What is he waiting for? I know he's putting it off because it's going to be hard and people are going to be hurt. It's much easier to keep up the way things are huh? I'm an over-thinker, and just wanted to vent about things now that I'm home. It really is tough knowing he's laying in bed next to her tonight when he woke up with me this morning.... In my mind, after a weekend like the one he just had with me, it would be a no brainer that we should be together. I know he feels and felt the same way..... I'm just not good at sharing........... and have to keep focusing on other things so these emotional times don't get me off track across the board. This was the original post......anyone care to give some feedback or shall we keep threadjacking?????????? With all due respect, if we want to talk about WHY married people come on this site and the like, start your own thread about it and then everyone cares to comment can join in. Let's not be disrespecting others who post their issues and are wanting to hear feedback on THEIR problems/concerns/comments etc. JMO guys......... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Dude, you're on the verge of getting this girl's thread sh*t-canned. Mods will sometimes just delete a thread outright. They're volunteers and don't have time to edit in detail. Why not let it go before that happens..? That way, the OP can get whatever it is she's looking for in having posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 He says that he is leaving his W before January, and I'm about 98% certain that he definitely will.... but of course there is always that twinge of doubt. After a weekend like we had, how in the world could you go home to the person that makes you so unhappy? What is he waiting for? I know he's putting it off because it's going to be hard and people are going to be hurt. It's much easier to keep up the way things are huh? One way to verify how serious he is in you, as a person, instead of someone to bed, is to stop having sex with him and see if he continues contact. Of course there's risk involved but on the other hand, ultimately, what do you want from him and how much are you willing to put up with, to accommodate his needs and not have your needs met? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Or better yet, completely end it, tell him it's over and he can call you when the divorce papers are signed. Go no contact. Then you'll see if he will end his marriage or just let things be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I don't think frequenting the OW/OM forum always has to do with whether a person is happily married or not. Even the happiest of married people are curious about stuff like this. Where else IRL would they be able to get insight into something like this that they are curious about, particularly about the people who have relationships with married people? I disagree... I can see where an OW/OM... or BS would always be on a board like this... but a happily married person... ah-ah... no... I don't think they are happily married... why would you be curious about other people's life if you are happy with yours... sorry but it doesn't make sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 I disagree... I can see where an OW/OM... or BS would always be on a board like this... but a happily married person... ah-ah... no... I don't think they are happily married... why would you be curious about other people's life if you are happy with yours... sorry but it doesn't make sense to me. Now, Lizzie - surely there are voyeurs out there who are simply curious, and like to watch other people's drama regardless of what their own personal life is like. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Ladies, keep to the subject of this thread please. Apparently there are rules that I wasn't aware of, so if you would like to discuss this subject a new thread needs to be created. By all means, I will be glad to continue my debate on the subject. Late night at the office and I could use a break Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Ladies, keep to the subject of this thread please. Apparently there are rules that I wasn't aware of, so if you would like to discuss this subject a new thread needs to be created. By all means, I will be glad to continue my debate on the subject. Late night at the office and I could use a break Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Ladies, keep to the subject of this thread please. Apparently there are rules that I wasn't aware of, so if you would like to discuss this subject a new thread needs to be created. By all means, I will be glad to continue my debate on the subject. Late night at the office and I could use a break Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Can you kindly please take your discussion about why people visit this forum elsewhere? If you want to talk about that, you should start your own thread (which I won't visit, because I don't come here to discuss such a boring topic.) However, I came to this thread to read about OP's vacation with her MM and perhaps offer some insight/ advice, and you are preventing that with your irrelevant and self-righteous sermons. Sorry, Troutiejr, but I don't care what you would be doing with the wife you don't have instead of being on this forum right now (in fact, I think it's rather presumptious of you to come here and sprout off about what you would do if you were in a situation you're not even in!, and hyprocrtical of you to be pointing out why others are here when you yourself are here doing SOMETHING for some reason, so who really cares why you or anyone else is here? I definitely do not, unless they are only here to be a nuisance, which I think you are being). I DO care that you are interrupting the purpose of this thread. So, Troutiejr and cokeexhibit, since you are choosing for whatever annoying reason to be on THIS thread at THIS forum at this particular time, could you please just stick to the subject? If you don't have anything constructive to add to the OP's thread, can you at least please stop hijacking it? Please be civil. Thank you very much. ... and I disagree that their posts are irrelevant to this thread. I think it is very relevant to point out to the OP that it may be wise to take some of the opinions rendered here with a BIG HUGE grain of salt, given the background of the renderer. One of the "lows" of being an OW... that it seems to give some people a green light to judge you and look down on you... and get a sick thrill out of doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 ... and I disagree that their posts are irrelevant to this thread. I think it is very relevant to point out to the OP that it may be wise to take some of the opinions rendered here with a BIG HUGE grain of salt, given the background of the renderer. One of the "lows" of being an OW... that it seems to give some people a green light to judge you and look down on you... and get a sick thrill out of doing it. In the world of business, we appreciate people who can view things objectively and see outside the box. Good for revenues I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CallMeCrazy Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 Well seems like I caused quite a stir... Thanks for all your comments.... Today was a bit rough. I had to work with MM and he was in a terrible mood. Apparently last night he and the W had a long talk after she picked him up at the airport... He said he told her that he is not in love with her anymore, and he doesn't feel their relationship is alive like it used to be. Regarding someone's questions about his sex life with the W ~ he claims nothing has happened between them in 3 months. I want to believe that, and know from my own previous marriage the last 6 months we were together, nothing happened. So, I know first-hand it's possible.... I think he wants to tell her about the A or at least just say that it's over, but he's dealing with some issues about failing. I think he is having a hard time dealing with/accepting the fact that at some point, he WILL be divorced. I'm definitely at that place we're I'm seriously thinking about telling him NC until he files for divorce and moves out. Mainly, I do feel really horribly guilty about all this... and don't want to get hurt any more than I already will.... But, it would also make things easier for all involved should he decide to file for divorce in the next month or two. Either way, I'm backing off and giving him space. This is the hardest "relationship" I've ever had. I need to know that he is in it with me for the right reasons. I think he is, but obviously until he makes some big changes, who really knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Only you know for sure what's going or and what isn't in your life and relationship. A lot of times, people don't realise that we have a lot to deal with in being involved with a MM and that it takes a lot of hard work. I don't agree when people say OW are weak people. I think each and every one of us is strong in their own ways. You have decided to give him space and that's good, in my opinion. I hope everything works out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
dymo Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 well what does the ring signify to you is it a major hang up or is it something you just dislike or is it used or can be used for the little things you wont put right that annoys your mm Link to post Share on other sites
indianlover Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 My MM also wears his wedding ring, has never taken it off and i've never brought it up in conversation or asked him to take it off, it really does bother me though!...he probably hasn't even thought about, or has he?? What does a wedding ring actually symbolise anyway? apart from the obvious, I know of many people that wear them that are not married Interesting question. When my relationship with MM starting escalating he began taking off his ring when we'd go out together. (Maybe so I didn't look like a whore?) But I believe he'd wear it at work - for appearances? People were always gossiping about his marriage... I'm not sure what that means for the MM that do that vs not. Link to post Share on other sites
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