OWoman Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Where else IRL would they be able to get insight into something like this that they are curious about, particularly about the people who have relationships with married people? Erm, where most people satisfy their curiosity about most things (including this) - in the tea room at work, around the dinner table with friends, in the pub after work, reading magazines, watching Oprah... Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 It's beyond me why anyone would question, or care, who posts what where. I would think it depends on where someone was heading or where someone was thinking of heading. If my wife was interested in an Affair forum that would tell me there is something not quite right. I would like my wife to know she can disuss this with me rather than strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Erm, where most people satisfy their curiosity about most things (including this) - in the tea room at work, around the dinner table with friends, in the pub after work, reading magazines, watching Oprah... Yes, but not many married people get to chat with out in the open (or at least as out in the open as you can get in an anonymous forum) with people who are unapologetic about dating married people. Never in my OW days did I ever discuss it at work with people, nor did I talk about it at dinner with my friends, or at the bar, or any of that. I especially wouldn't have talked about it to any of my married friends. It may be different where you are, but where I am from OW/OM tend to keep it on the down low, and aren't exactly 'out there' for people to observe. OW/OM here where I live are presented up as examples to be jeered at. If OW/OM talk comes up its to discuss how disgusting someone could be to do that. If they are on talk shows, they are there for public stoning by the audience. If they are at work, they are talked about by other employees and are often accused of trying to sleep their way into better positions. I have never heard a good word about an OW/OM where I live. Ever. I was one, but I kept my head down. Here I can post freely about the experiences, but never in a million years would I ever go to any place I work or frequent and admit it. Heck, I could have been summoned to court and sued for what I did like any common criminal. I guess it depends on where you are from. Not everyone lives in a place where OW/OM are respected and understood to the point where they are readily accessible to talk with curious parties. In this forum, people get the chance to actually interact with each other, with one less societal filter to hamper the process. People don't have to be unhappily married in order to be curious about OW/OM. Some see the OW/OM as enemies to marriage in general, while not feeling at all personally threatened and will argue and berate on those terms, not because their own marriages are bad. Well, some anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Again, happy married people do not have curiosity to this subject. Why would they? Out of sight out of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Why would someone who is happily married be curious to Affairs? Why not? Curiosity comes from many directions. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I would like my wife to know she can disuss this with me rather than strangers.I can certainly understand how someone would be concerned about what their wife was posting or reading. I just don't understand someone being concerned about what strangers are posting or reading. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Why not? Curiosity comes from many directions. Darlin, when there is spice at home there would be no need to find out about affairs on a forum. Like a poster mentioned, there are plenty of books and talk shows that can entertain the thought, but not their undivided interest. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I can certainly understand how someone would be concerned about what their wife was posting or reading. I just don't understand someone being concerned about what strangers are posting or reading. I was not concerned, that was curiosity because I have my views on what I would like my marriage to be one day and I would like to think if my marriage were a happy one, that my wife would not have 20,000 plus posts to her credit on an Affair forum. That would tell me she is troubled in some way. Communication is an important factor in a marriage and that means on all subject matters. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Affairs are fascinating. They sell books, movies, magazines, etc. I think the idea of affairs is interesting in a morbid way to lots of people. I doubt every person who went and saw Fatal Attraction, or read The Pilot's Wife, or reads "I sleep with married men" in Cosmo are unhappy in their relationships. I think its just curiosity in general. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I was not concerned, that was curiosity because I have my views on what I would like my marriage to be one day and I would like to think if my marriage were a happy one, that my wife would not have 20,000 plus posts to her credit on an Affair forum. That would tell me she is troubled in some way. Communication is an important factor in a marriage and that means on all subject matters. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Affairs are fascinating. They sell books, movies, magazines, etc. I think the idea of affairs is interesting in a morbid way to lots of people. I doubt every person who went and saw Fatal Attraction, or read The Pilot's Wife, or reads "I sleep with married men" in Cosmo are unhappy in their relationships. I think its just curiosity in general. Using this example, they also do not frequent the movie 20,000 times. I am talking about frequenting with undivided interest. Not entertainment. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Ah, well in that case I see what you mean. Curious is one thing, obsessed is another. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Why all of a sudden does it matter to you, or anyone else, wtf I do and where I post on LS? Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 he other thing I'm realizing is that there's not 2 of us in this relationship, there are 3 of us! There will always be 3, maybe more, people in your relationship. Even when and if he leaves her she will be a part of his life for a long time (settlement, divorce, children, etc. etc.). In all fairness, you are the third person, not her. Not saying that to be mean but the O in OW is there for a reason......you are the OTHER person who has entered a relationship that used to be made up of 2. he felt the need to call and "check in" with his W far too much. She is always there, lingering in the background. A distraction. My experience with this is that the MM will call frequently and check in because then HE is controlling the communication and it diminishes the risk of any 'surprise' calls that may be untimely and to which he may not have control. He will also be wanting to check with her to see where she is and what she's doing. Many MM overcompensate in many other ways as well that many OW never see like being extra nice and attentive at home, going out of their way to do things with their W (dinner out, movies, trips, etc.)....all to keep W happy and feeling like she is 'in the know' while he is away and that he seems 'available' when he is home. Unfortunately for the MM, this is also a huge tip off to the W that something is going on when the MM starts to call her more than he usually would while away or acting too attentive where he wasn't before. She also brought him to and picked him up from the airport.... That disgusted me. That should not disgusted you because it had NOTHING to do with you. When MM travels, she is probably the one to bring him to and from the airport so why would he change his pattern and raise any red flags with her. Keeping things normal would be smart on his part. Also, what about if she was the one who said, "I'm going by the airport tomorrow and I need the car so I'll just drop you off" What was he supposed to say???? IMO you are making too much of that. I don't know if she knew the two of you were travelling together but, if she did, that would be even more reason for her to want to go and he has to play into what she wants in order to get what he wants. only other thing was that he never takes off his wedding ring. If you take your girlfriend to another major city for vacation ~ why in the world do you keep the ring on? It's embarrassing Again, I don't know what you are thinking. For logistics reasons, he is not going to take his ring off - he could lose it, misplace it or whatever. More than that, he is used to having it on. If you wear jewellery every day you know how you feel when it isn't there....it becomes part of you. Also, I don't know why it would embarrass you. Its not like EVERY stranger knows this MM is your boyfriend. If two people saw you together and he had a ring on, they would think you two were married......so play along with it! (Wear your own ring if it makes it feel better for you ---hell, get him to buy you one for those times because you feel uncomfortable!) Its only a piece of jewellery. Get him to take it off before you go to bed if it bothers you that much...other than that - ignore it! There are bigger things in this relationship that you have to ignore!!! It really is tough knowing he's laying in bed next to her tonight when he woke up with me this morning.... In my mind, after a weekend like the one he just had with me, it would be a no brainer that we should be together. I know he feels and felt the same way..... Being in one bed with one woman in the am and another in the pm is par for the course for the MM....and I'm going to put my money with the other posters and say that he will be doing that for awhile (or until you decide to end the A). I don't think his marriage is what he wants you to think it is. If MM were truthful about the state of his M, he would not call the W, she would not bring him to the airport, and he would not be wearing his ring. He's not leaving anytime soon as far as I'm concerned. You really have to be OK with the whole 'bed jumping' thing because when he's home, she is his bedmate (another sign things are still well -else they would be sleeping apart) and when you two get your time together, it will be you who gets to share the pillow with him. I hope he didn't tell you they are not having sex because you have to accept that they are....and, in reality, he probably brought her back something from the trip just to show her he was thinking of her. I think you need to decide what you plan to do if he doesn't leave in Jan. It doesn't seem like a long time to wait for him on one hand but it is a long time to become more emotionally invested in the R on the other if he does not leave. In another few months, you won't leave the R even if he stays with his W because you will be even more committed to him than you are now. Be real with yourself. Think of all the options and possibilities and, above all else, IMO, leave the thoughts of the W and his life with her out of your mind because she is the #1 woman in all this and you will drive yourself mad if you try to figure out how to replace her.......you can't. If he leaves, she will still always be wife #1. I'm just not good at sharing. My friend, this is the hardest lesson you will ever learn in sharing. You have to get used to it if you are going to continue on with him because that is what the OW does, SHARES the MM's attention, time and feelings.....with his W. That is why you only get 1/2 the man, the other half is already committed elsewhere. Good Luck. You are on the beginning of a road many have travelled and I can't tell you that the destination is worth the trip but everyone is different and every situation bears its own ending....I hope yours is a happy one. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Why all of a sudden does it matter to you, or anyone else, wtf I do and where I post on LS? He was posting about you? Oh man, I hope you don't see what I said as implying anything about you! :eek::eek::eek: Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Using this example, they also do not frequent the movie 20,000 times. I am talking about frequenting with undivided interest. Not entertainment. Thanks Darlin, I'm only stating my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Well, the 20,000 plus posts kind of gave it away! Anyway, let troutie and her followers have their fun. Obviously she doesn't know me as well as I thought she did. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Why all of a sudden does it matter to you, or anyone else, wtf I do and where I post on LS? I must have hit a nerve. It was my observation, whether it be you or anyone else it does not change the fact that happy married couples have no interest in Affair forums. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Nope, didn't hit a nerve at all. I just find it odd that you would go out of your way to wanna know why. I guess the thought of helping others never occured to you? I mean, giving advice and helping people is kind of the purpose of LS. Anyway, keep going trout. You obviously feel the need to focus on me and point things out, instead of stopping and actually giving helpful advice to those who need it. Link to post Share on other sites
cokeexhibit Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 how could a happily married person help out in giving out advice about affairs? If they are happy the would have no knowledge about the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Nope, didn't hit a nerve at all. I just find it odd that you would go out of your way to wanna know why. I guess the thought of helping others never occured to you? I mean, giving advice and helping people is kind of the purpose of LS. Anyway, keep going trout. You obviously feel the need to focus on me and point things out, instead of stopping and actually giving helpful advice to those who need it. Let me just point something out. First of all I may know a woman on this forum but I am all MAN. So let me be gender specific. Take a deep breath and remember your 4 day wonderful vacation with your husband that should bring some comfort to you. As a Man, I would want more from my wife. If she wanted to be a marriage Counsellor, I would pay her way so that she can help in a professional manner. Papers in tow, much like a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 how could a happily married person help out in giving out advice about affairs? If they are happy the would have no knowledge about the subject.Then psychologists should go out of business. Dr Phil's show should be cancelled. People should stop letting their own prejudices influence everything they say. Link to post Share on other sites
cokeexhibit Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 lets see professional giving advice and a happily married housewife or whatever...Yea there might actually be a difference in giving advice there. But that is JMO Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Then psychologists should go out of business. Dr Phil's show should be cancelled. People should stop letting their own prejudices influence everything they say. Slam dunk reboot!! As for the OP, sharing is definitely what happens in an affair situation. A prior commitment usually prevents anything beyond... Link to post Share on other sites
cokeexhibit Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Slam dunk reboot!! As for the OP, sharing is definitely what happens in an affair situation. A prior commitment usually prevents anything beyond... Depends were the slam dunk is in. Some might say a toilet. While others may have another opinion Link to post Share on other sites
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