Anamchara Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 I've been going through a difficult time in my long term marriage. My relationship with my husband has devolved to not much more that very good friends. We haven't had sexual relations in over 10 years (this is an ongoing problem in our relationship) and he's never been one to really show affection, but he does love me, very much. I've always kept in mind that sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it can (on occasion) really make things unbearable. My self esteem has suffered horribly. I recently started talking to a married man that I've know for years about my problem and he's been very supportive and has been wonderful about making me feel good about myself again. He stimulates me mentally and physically. I think he's incredible. He feels the same way and we have recently become very intimate. He's a very good friend and we've both stated that we have no intentions whatsoever of leaving our spouses, however, I think things are getting more serious between us that I had intended. I think my husband may believe that something is up, because he has recently become more interested in 'meeting my needs', but I'm not sure that he'll ever be able to fulfill me like my lover. This is a horrible position to be in, but I'm afraid I'm falling out of control and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I recently started talking to a married man that I've know for years about my problemWhy didn't it ever occur to you to start talking to a marriage counselor about your problems? You could even have taken your husband with you and discussed his issues, your issues, everything. Instead, you've added to your problems and complicated everything with an affair. If you want to work things out with your husband, end the affair, go to marriage counseling, and working on your problems with your husband - including TEACHING him how to be your passionate lover again. He's out of practice. If you don't want to work things out, then keep doing what you're doing until one or both of you are caught by your spouses and the choice is taken away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anamchara Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 My husband and I have been to marriage counseling and he is fully aware of how I feel because I have told him over the years how I've felt. Ten years ago, I even left him for a few months and that seemed to get his attention. He made an honest attempt to get me back and it worked, but over time, he's become complacent again. I'm happy for you that you've never had to experience such a thing, and until you do, you shouldn't be so judgmental and condescending in your replies. It is not helpful or constructive. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 I'm happy for you that you've never had to experience such a thing, and until you do, you shouldn't be so judgmental and condescending in your replies. It is not helpful or constructive.Most of us here have experience in "such things". You asked for advice. That was sound advice. Just not the advice you wanted to hear. Here's some different advice. Divorce your husband. Whatever his faults and failings, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 He made an honest attempt to get me back and it worked, but over time, he's become complacent again. So, instead of going outside the marriage (which is only going to make more problems, and drama) TALK TO HIM! Tell him you feel he's become complacent again and together you two can make things better. Reboot is right. Link to post Share on other sites
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