New interstate friend? Opinions please!

[beachbabi]

Hi all,

I recently got in contact with a guy (that was on a dating site) via email. He sent me his direct email address and phone number back so i sent him a text message to pretty much just hello.

He called me about 15 minutes later. That evening we chatted on the phone for about an hour. There was alot of awkward silences, as expected when talking to someone you don't really know. But all in all the conversation went quite well, i was in no hurry to hang up the phone and he wasn't either.

 

Since that day we have chatted on the phone for at least 10 minutes almost every day of the week. The phone calls have been late in the evening when the phone rates are much much cheaper though. When he calls me he is being charged a really low rate for the first 10 minutes. If i call him after a certain time in the evening it is a freecall for me for the first 20 minutes. So the calls really don't cost all that much. We pretty much just talk about what we did during the day, general conversation, etc. He has been the one who normally makes the initial phone calls too, therefore being charged each time.

 

We also exchanged photos of each other via email during that week, despite having seen one photo of each other already from on our profiles. Just a few days ago he wanted to send me some more photos of himself again, more recent ones. I asked if he'd like me to send anymore, but he said i didn't have to. I did anyway, i thought it was nice to send some more back in return. He seemed to like my first lot of photos, because he commented on them a bit. He never ended up saying anything about my new photos, except that he recieved them. I honestly thought my most recent ones were nicer. :-S

 

The last conversation i had with him was a couple of days ago now, we spoke for about an hour again on the phone. During that time the conversation disturbed me a bit because he was telling me how he was upset and annoyed about a girl he recently had problems with, someone he was hoping to date. This had been going on while he was chatting to me on the phone during the past week, but this was the first time he opened up and talked about it. It was actually something that was bothering him earlier in the week, but he didn't feel like telling me about it earlier. It disturbed me because i don't know whether he was telling me this just to make me aware of his current situation or whether he was just treating me as a friend who he could talk about whatever he felt like to.

 

The girl he was talking about sounds like someone who may have brushed him off, but he has since tried to get in touch with her because he'd like to date her. I don't know whether he has since gotten in touch with her. In my opinion he is a really good looking guy and from our conversations seems really down to earth, so i find it hard to believe that this girl would have pushed him away.

 

At the end of that conversation he told me he'd ring me the next day. He never called that whole day. He has pretty much called me each day or time of the day that he said he would. By the way, that was a saturday. Its now sunday, and i don't know whether to just wait and see if he calls again another day or whether i should try calling him instead.

 

I guess what really concerns me is from what most people have told me, when a guy rings a girl so often it is because they are interested in them or wanting to get to know them more. However i wonder whether he has just found he can talk easily to me and is treating me as a phone friend. Perhaps because we live so far thats all he is trying to view me as at the moment. But if it was just for the conversation, then why bother sending me more photos of himself? Wouldn't that indicate he is hoping for me to like how he looks!?

 

I even rang him one day at his work just to say hello. He had called me from his work one time so the number was stored in my phone from then on. I asked him if he minded me calling him at work, because most people don't like it or use that as a way to avoid people. He said i could call him at work if i want to and that he didn't mind. So obviously he's not fobbing me off. I figured if he didn't want me to call him there he would have just said so.

 

The thing that makes this most difficult is that we live interstate. The only easy way to ever meet up is by a plane trip or a very very very long car trip. At this point i am not willing to travel that far to see someone i have only had great phone conversations with for one week. He had said he may be travelling in my direction in a few months or so, but i'm not really holding my breathe about it at the moment.

 

I guess what i wonder whether this guy is showing an interest in me and wanting to get to know me? Or whether he is just looking for someone to talk with. It may not be costing him alot to make the calls to me because of the discounted rates during the evenings, but he could just as easily be talking to someone local to him. Furthermore to be talking to me so often, its not just the money thats a noticable issue, but he has been making time and effort to talk to me whenever he can too.

 

Any views on this situation greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

You can't possibly be taking this guy seriously??? First he's a plane trip away. Then he's telling you how disappointed he is that some other chick he wants to date is giving him the brush off. And now he's not calling you. Gimmee a break.

 

First, under no circumstances should you call him. If he's not interested, just let it die. If he wants to get to know you more and meet you, he will call.

 

It is next to impossible for you to have any kind of meaningful relationship with a guy you have to go see on a plane...or drive all day.

 

If you enjoy talking to him on the phone for ten minutes each day, by all means do so. But you should also look for other people to date, just as he is doing. And when you get frustrated about somebody you're interested in, tell him...just as he does you.

 

I'm sure this makes a great fantasy for you and an enjoyable mental exercise but that's all it is. It's bad enough to get jerked around by people right in your back yard...but to allow this guy yank your chain from hundreds of miles away is just plain nuts.

 

Please, I'm not meaning to offend you in any way. I'm just looking out for your own good and your feelings. I don't think you realize what you're doing to yourself. Give some thought to what you are doing and then please consider meeting some guys in your town that you can hold hands with, kiss, etc. That's a much better way to court.

 

Trying to get something going with somebody who lives far away is such a waste of precious time. The most the two of you should be is a pen pal. He's obviously more concerned about romance elsewhere.

[beachbabi]

Thanks for your point of view Tony, however i don't totally agree with everything you had to say. Not saying that your views weren't valid, however there is no real room for any other possibilities.

 

Yes i am well aware that he is a plane trip away. Thats why i have continued to meet up with other guys in the meantime that are more local to me, as he has obviously been doing too. I can't really hold that against him since we haven't met in person yet.

 

I had only called him once, just to say hi. He had called me atleast 4 times before that on previous days. I thought it would be nice if i made an effort to call him atleast once myself too.

 

I still don't know whether he is interested in getting to know me more, or whether he just sees me as a long distance phone chatting friend. He did call me again today, we spoke for around 15 minutes because i was on my way out.

 

Yes i do agree that it is quite difficult to consider a relationship with a guy that is sooo far away. However after reading many posts on this board and others, it can work... But obviously with alot of work from both sides.

 

Admittedly at this point i am not really looking for a long distance relationship, but just trying to make sense of what this guy is wanting from me first. Sure if things work out between us, i am open for the possibility of a LDR, but i don't even know if it would be something i could do. I am just not going to push away a potential opportunity that may actually work out.

 

I don't know how relevant this is, however he did initially tell me he had a girlfriend one time that was interstate. The relationship was for about 9 months. He said it was difficult, but they used to talk on the phone alot and make regular trips interstate to spend time with each other on weekends. In my opinion that means he is open to the idea of seeing someone interstate if things work out.

 

But for now i really don't blame him if he meets up with people that are local to him because thats easier, i am currently doing the same. I don't expect him to stop meeting new people just because he enjoys telephone conversations with someone interstate, thats quite rediculous.

[Tony T]

Sorry, you did not state that you wanted a two-sided opinion so here it is.

 

I am a Libra and I see things from many angles. However, I see you have nothing to gain from pursuing this LDR. I think long distance relationships are the biggest oxymoron to come around the pike since postal service and peacekeeper missiles.

 

However, if you want another side I will give you one. Keep talking to him on the phone, fall in love with each other, move to where he is and live happilly every after. There you go...I can be accomodating when asked.

 

I think he's been a little weird lately but that's probably due to stress at work or ill health. He will soon start calling you on a regular basis again. I do give hiim credit for being honest and for telling you how disappointed he was in being brushed off by this other girl. I'm sure he told you because he wanted you to know how sensitive he is and that he hopes you won't do the same thing to him.

 

He is a great guy and the two of you will make a great couple.

[beachbabi]

You are a barrel of laughs Tony.

[jessicakicksbut]

I've known people who were able to meet people on the internet many states away, sometimes another country, and eventually marry them. Me personally, I consider a 30-45 minute drive from someone I am dating to be the maximum threshold for an effective long distance relationship.