Why do guys dump girls after sex - even if it was amazing sex?

[amaysngrace]

Yeah so maybe try a different approach next time. Be more available if your schedule allows it. Contact him more and be up his butt more if you know what I mean.

 

If the guy's not looking for a commitment this'll freak him out enough to NEVER want to have sex with you.

[brothermartin]

amasyngrace - that makes a lot of sense too. a lot of times these guys have been attracted to my multitude of interests and pursuits and i feel that they really respect and admire what I do (and they say as much - they are intrigued and impress and want to know more about me) but perhaps they are only attracted to the fact that I wouldn't even notice them leaving because I've got ten other projects that I'm working on. But of course, that's not true, it ends up being very hurtful.

 

I think your giving these guys to much credit. They know what thier doing, thier just afraid to be honest and up-front with you or other women because thier afraid they wont get what they want.

[latefragment]

amaysingrace - that's fricking hilarious! i mean, i know it was sort of tongue in cheek but it's kinda true, actually. Funny funny funny.

 

brother martin - yeah, i just don't get it, why all the effort? just move on to someone who's easier... why all the effort if you're just going to leave the next day.

 

but yeah brothermartin, i think you're right. there's a lot of people out there who are this way, and the best we can all do is protect ourselves to the best of our ability.

[popey]

do you act differently after sex? do you expect that the relationship is different? I noticed in my life that guys would seem to "fall" for me quick in the beginning when I wasn't so deep into them. I think this is b/c I was their ideal then b/c I wouldn't expect too much when I wasn't yet willing to give too much yet. Then they're all, "i don't want to be w/ anyone else. I want all your free time you can spare."

 

If it worked and I fell for them and committed. Then I have a different expectation. I then care if they made plans 5 nights that week w/o even thinking of when we could see eachother. Sometimes, that's when I STOPPED being their ideal girl. when I started to care.

[Lizzie60]

I've had people completely disappear on me after what they claim was the most amazing sex they've ever had. Guys who led me to believe they wanted to be my boyfriend.

 

I know some guys stick around even if the girl is "bitchy" or "psycho" just because the girl is super hot and great in bed.

 

What I don't get is that if I'm decidedly NOT "bitchy" or "psycho" - instead I am fun-loving, cheerful, optimistic, friendly, have a good job and LOTS of hobbies and other pursuits (so I'm not at all clingy or desperate), why doesn't the "great in bed" part help seal the deal?

 

Why on EARTH would you walk away from mind-blowing sex? I mean, I personally, WOULDN'T! especially not if the guy I'm having the mind-blowing sex with is fun, charismatic, and we shared common interests.

 

The reason I'm asking now is I've noticed some posters on loveshack claim that they stuck around with the girl (or guy) just for the sex. I'm thinking - god, that's never been the case with me.

 

I would think that the guy lied about the sex being that great.. I know I've said that many many times to guys (that they were the best I had).. and it wasn't necessarily true... but then I would not see them again because I was just not interested in them ... simple.

 

If a guy is really interested in you, even if the sex is not that great, he'll be back.. they just don't disappear for no reason.

 

And the 'most-amazing-sex-I've-ever-had' is only something some people like to say to make the other person feel good...

[shadowplay]

Some signs of a con man/player:

1) Comes on too strong in the beginning. Acts needy and doesn't respect your boundaries. Pouts when you turn him down.

 

2) Has a history of bouncing from girl to girl. This is why it's important to inquire into his history a bit. The only girl he fell really hard for was the one who treated him like ****.

 

3) Notice how he treats other people, if he makes disparaging remarks about other girls.

[troutie jr]

I treat the women with respect and I don't have to tell tales to get them to have sex with me.

 

I am honest and do tell them that I do not want a commitment up front. If they still want to have sex, great! If not, that's okay too!

 

Can't say that happens often, but it has.

[Cad Rake]

2) Has a history of bouncing from girl to girl. This is why it's important to inquire into his history a bit. The only girl he fell really hard for was the one who treated him like ****.

 

Um, only problem with this is that any "con man" worth his salt will simply lie about his past.

[Cad Rake]

Anyone who is the least bit adroit at reading body language can figure out a con man.

 

Right so that's why so many women all got conned, and killed, by Ted Bundy, and other date-rapists and murderers. They all just happened to be utter failures at "reading body language."

 

All it takes is being the "least bit adroit" at reading body language and you are totally immune to player, con artists and criminals. Of course!

 

I've read your posts and it's clear that you are so far away in fantasyland that I'm surprised you're able to get your hands on the keyboard. Truly amazing.

[troutie jr]

Um, only problem with this is that any "con man" worth his salt will simply lie about his past.

 

True or they wouldn't be considered a con man.

[troutie jr]

Right so that's why so many women all got conned, and killed, by Ted Bundy, and other date-rapists and murderers. They all just happened to be utter failures at "reading body language."

 

All it takes is being the "least bit adroit" at reading body language and you are totally immune to player, con artists and criminals. Of course!

 

I've read your posts and it's clear that you are so far away in fantasyland that I'm surprised you're able to get your hands on the keyboard. Truly amazing.

 

Good Point.

 

Con men I think know all the plays. It's their mission.

[Cad Rake]

Con men I think know all the plays. It's their mission.

 

Exactly!

 

Some of them can be spotted, but many have the patter down so well that only people with prior experience in being ripped off are able to spot them.

[troutie jr]

Exactly!

 

Some of them can be spotted, but many have the patter down so well that only people with prior experience in being ripped off are able to spot them.

 

Yes, only those who have had the experience of being conned know what to look for.

 

No argument here.

[halfarock]

After some point sex is just sex. I mean, how mind blowing can it really be? It’s like with a drug addict, the first few times it’s a big thrill, after that they’re just getting a fix.

 

Just my observation but from talking to lots of different guys throughout my life I often get the feeling that most guys really don’t like women, even to the point of down right hatred. This is especially true of guys that fancy themselves as ladies’ men or pick-up artists.

 

They’ll go on and on about how women are bit*hes and cvnts, about how stupid and manipulative women are, complain about how the feminization of the country is ruining everything. They’ll get really mad over the fact that women don’t come to them, that they have to chase them. Most of them, no matter how tough or confident or whatever they act, inside don’t think that they are worthy of anyone’s attention without putting on a false front.

 

They’ll take the attitude of, “you women think that you are so attractive, think all the guys like you, well I’m just going to bang you and leave you, that will show you.” It’s almost like revenge. It’s about power, or a feeling of power. Love never enters the picture. It’s all a con game.

[troutie jr]

After some point sex is just sex. I mean, how mind blowing can it really be? It’s like with a drug addict, the first few times it’s a big thrill, after that they’re just getting a fix.

 

Just my observation but from talking to lots of different guys throughout my life I often get the feeling that most guys really don’t like women, even to the point of down right hatred. This is especially true of guys that fancy themselves as ladies’ men or pick-up artists.

 

They’ll go on and on about how women are bit*hes and cvnts, about how stupid and manipulative women are, complain about how the feminization of the country is ruining everything. They’ll get really mad over the fact that women don’t come to them, that they have to chase them. Most of them, no matter how tough or confident or whatever they act, inside don’t think that they are worthy of anyone’s attention without putting on a false front.

 

They’ll take the attitude of, “you women think that you are so attractive, think all the guys like you, well I’m just going to bang you and leave you, that will show you.” It’s almost like revenge. It’s about power, or a feeling of power. Love never enters the picture. It’s all a con game.

 

I don't know what kind of men you spoke with, but I for one do not talk badly of women. Not in that tone you suggested.

[Timberlane]

Both sexes obviously do this. Well, obvious to me. I have found that it's most prevalent in the 20-something age bracket and it tapers off significantly with age and wisdom.

[halfarock]

Obviously I’ve gone over the top for dramatic effect but the essential sentiment is in line with,

 

 

Some signs of a con man/player:

1) Comes on too strong in the beginning. Acts needy and doesn't respect your boundaries. Pouts when you turn him down.

 

2) Has a history of bouncing from girl to girl. This is why it's important to inquire into his history a bit. The only girl he fell really hard for was the one who treated him like ****.

 

3) Notice how he treats other people, if he makes disparaging remarks about other girls.

 

If you go to one of those sites where the forums are just a bunch of guys discussing how to pick up women, the underlying hatred and disrespect of women is overwhelmingly obvious.

 

 

Of course not every man feels this way. I very much care about and love the women in my life

[latefragment]

halfarock, you might be right. I think it's very possible that there's an undercurrent of that kind of sentiment in even the nicest of guys. (and/or women too).

[dolcevoce]

This is my first posting, so bear with me….latefragment, my 2 cents, I think you’re wasting your time and energy trying to dissect these guys’ motives which could be as varied as the solar system. Some people are real pros at hiding their true agenda. Gotta focus on your behavior, because that’s all you can control. If you are only attracting players, then you might have to make some serious adjustments to your dating rules, especially regarding sex. Let’s face it, a big part of what makes “hot sex” with someone new “hot” (in my experience), is that it’s with someone new and the romance, anticipation, agitation, (often, alcohol) and even an element of danger with a stranger, greatly adds to this but it has very little to do with a real friendship, which takes a long time, right? Ever heard the adage, familiarity breeds contempt? Very applicable to even the most agreeable sex buddy arrangement. I’m a 43 yr. old woman, had my share of fun between the sheets, believe me, and it took me a while to realize that it’s better to become friends first before the huffing and puffing, so you can be fairly certain that he won’t treat you like a conquest. You can have a lot more fun sexually with someone you trust. Good rule of thumb, if he (and his father) treats his mother well, there’s a good chance he's not abusive and might be a keeper. You’re not going to have this information from just a few dates. If your hormones get in the way, hey, there are toys out there.

[Darkzen]

Both sexes can be quite disgusting when it comes to how they treat others. The simple fact is that the possibility of sex changes how people approach relationships (all types, not just dating). People will try and manipulate others to get what they want, it's a part of life.

 

Great sex only means something, to people that don't get sex regularly. Although bad sex means something to everyone. Sex is definitely a skill that can honed, but what defines great sex IMHO is how good of an actor you are. How well you play to the other person's ego, how you make them feel. This is true of most things, whether it's going to a ballgame or doing the karma sutra... the company you keep changes the experience. Great sex makes not a relationship. Just as having fun at a ballgame makes not a fan. For example, I thoroughly hate the Red Soxs, not because I dislike the team, but because of all the chirper fans in New England. I actually think they're a good team and have charismatic players.

 

There's no correct answer for the OP, live and learn I guess. Find out what's correct for you.

[birdie]

Both sexes obviously do this. Well, obvious to me. I have found that it's most prevalent in the 20-something age bracket and it tapers off significantly with age and wisdom.

 

absolutely.

[serial muse]

Right so that's why so many women all got conned, and killed, by Ted Bundy, and other date-rapists and murderers. They all just happened to be utter failures at "reading body language."

 

All it takes is being the "least bit adroit" at reading body language and you are totally immune to player, con artists and criminals. Of course!

 

I've read your posts and it's clear that you are so far away in fantasyland that I'm surprised you're able to get your hands on the keyboard. Truly amazing.

 

You do know that most of Ted Bundy's victims were the result of him either kidnapping them or breaking into their rooms late at night while they slept and bludgeoning them? Yes, he's known for being "charming" and a sociopath, but I don't think his victims, at least, were snowed by his winning personality. Several of his exes, actually, told the police he should be a suspect. And some of the women he "raped" were even, um...already dead. So, again - not exactly "taken in."

 

Just sayin'. It's fun to make up facts as a cheap way to insult someone else, though, isn't it?

[latefragment]

Great sex only means something, to people that don't get sex regularly.

 

Good point there. I guess if you're having a bunch of mediocre sex and then you have amazing sex with someone it's almost like, whatever.

 

I get it. And yeah, I'm not terribly worried about my personal situation (I've got my head on straight). Just asking, as I said, from an almost academic/psychological/sociological point of view.