ok, this is just total bs

[cookiecat]

alright, i'm starting to see that being in LC with your ex can be totally worthless.

 

well, it depends on who they are. i don't know why i expected anything more from my ex. he's actually acting *exactly* how i would expect him to: flakey and lame. (or maybe i'm just over-reacting.. i'm open to that possibility, as i can get hurt pretty easily by this guy)

 

i thought after we started talking again a couple weeks ago, that he'd treat me with some kind of respect. ya know, if not for the sake of getting back together, at least for the sake of us trying to have some kind of friendship. and also since we hadn't talked in so long, and i was with him for four years, and it wasn't like we had anything psycho happen between us post-breakup. but no, it's the same old crap.

 

for one, i seriously doubt i'm ever going to get the second half of our conversation (which was the one about us talking about maybe working things out, which he said he was open to having, after we spoke on the phone a couple weeks ago after breaking our two month silence).

 

for two, we've started chatting over aim, but he always ALWAYS does this thing where after a certain amount of time (from 20 minutes up to almost 2 hours today! wow, i'm moving up the ladder), he will just stop responding to me. he'll just stop talking. and then sign off however many hours later. it's just kind of rude to be like that. he could at least say, hey i'm getting busy now, but chat later? or whatever.

 

i guess this is more of a vent than anything else. i'm just starting to doubt that it was ever a good idea to talk to him again, let alone wonder if i'll get any kind of second chance. he seems as nonchalant and aloof as ever.

 

i even asked him today, 'hey, is it okay for us to chat like this or is it a bit much to talk often right now?'. and he replied, it's fine. and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the day.

 

guess i should take a hint, eh. it just sucks that someone you were with for so long can't even afford you the respect of being honest about how they feel.

 

and no, he's not dating anyone (if that would even be relevant). and he's been hanging out suddenly a LOT with my best friend, let's call him david, who was friends with my ex beforehand, but it's always been that david has been my best friend (oh and he has a crush on me, which my ex has always known about, but it's never bothered him. it's kind of a strange situation). so everytime i talk to david now, he's meeting up with my ex.

 

okay, rant finished. conclusion: talking to an ex like this sucks and only brings me daily pain.

[wowIlose]

You have to cut him off... and obviously you know this.

 

I know its hard, I know you still want him but look what hes doing to you emotionally. You don't need to be stressing out right now over someone who can't reciprocate your feelings.

 

Go back to NC and start seeing other people. You'll be alright eventually.

[cookiecat]

yeah, i hear ya.

 

eff seeing other people. i'm so not ready for that. already tried it and it kinda sucked.

 

but yeah, it's effing me up too much emotionally to try to chat with him

 

i have plenty of nerdy hobbies to take my time up anyhow

[birdie]

ideally you would want to wait for him to initiate some of the conversation, maybe he wants even lighter contact. if it's very different from what you want then you should probably stop talking to him completely

[cookiecat]

yeah, you're right. i kind of let myself fall into the trap of thinking that i would be okay chatting with him and that he'd want to talk with me (since he seemed so open when we talked on the phone).

 

i've decided to go back to not talking to him at all. damn it's depressing though. and i'm so scared. i tried to have a long talk with myself last night about why i'm scared and why i can't just accept that it's over. confronting it directly with myself is something i haven't let myself do out of sheer fear, and it is pretty rough.

[ttree]

Hey,

 

Sorry to hear things aren't going so well.

 

Just a couple of points.

 

1) You mention that you have been chatting most days on aim.

Is it you who messengers him first, vice versa or half and half.

It could be that if you are doing all the initiating that he may be willing to speak to you but is not ready to head back into a full blown relationship with you yet.

If this is the case you may want to back off a bit

You dont want to smother him.

 

2) You say he is being flakey and lame...but you expected this.

Before you broke up was he flakey and lame, if this is the case are you sure you WANT to be with him as he is nice, rather than NEED to be with him as you are lonely?

 

Dont we love people for who they are and expect the same in return?

Surely its the case that we all have people who are lame to us at work etc, but do you really want to share your life with someone like that at home too? Your partner should treat you like a Princess because you deserve to be thought of that way, just in the same way that you treat him.

 

I hope you have really considered whether or not this guy is WORTH winning back.

If you aren't ready to date other people, are you ready to start dating this guy again? If you're not there's a good chance he's not ready for you either, it may be too raw.

 

I hope things improve for you whatever you decide to do, you sound really bummed.

[cookiecat]

hi ttree,

 

1) yes i admit it. i'm the first to msg him. i justify it by thinking, well, even when we dated, i was the first to message him 80% of the time. it used to really bother me. but yeah, i should let him do it first now. i mean he always responds when i do msg him now and we have a normal conversation about whatever. but whatever. i should be letting him make the first move.

 

2) so yeah, i've wondered if i really want him back many times too. well... the fact of the matter is, i have wanted to break up with him before, for feeling neglected. it was hard though, because the last year and a half of our relationship was long-distance (2.5yrs before that we lived in the same city), and i found it difficult to really work on our issues while i was across the country and in school. i'm going to grad school, but i finish in the spring. and we did get to see each other every other month for at least a month. he'd fly out to be with me. but yes, it was a long-distance relationship nonetheless. anyways, i am really lonely, it's true. and i am also nagged with those feelings that i'll never find someone with all the qualities he has that were special to me. the kinds of guys i'm attracted to are hard to come by it seems, so it makes it scarier for me to let him go.

 

anyways, the fact that i felt like breaking up with him at times too, is why this breakup was actually somewhat mutual when it first went down. i figured, okay, if he wants out, let him have it... if he wants to treat me the way i know i need to be, then this is the perfect opportunity for him to decide to do so on his own... or not. in which case, no loss.

 

but when he started seeing that girl (which ended after a week) and seemed to be INSTANTLY okay, it really really hurt. and of course i started to miss him horribly, which is why i never had the guts to break up with him in the first place. i knew the pain would be greater without him than with him. i just had unending hope that we'd be able to eventually work out our issues. one of them being, yes, he isn't very dependable, unfortunately.

 

anyways, yeah, i'm really REALLY bummed. it went from alright to deep back down into the pit of despair. so i've now made a promise to myself to not contact him any more. so far so good. almost through day 1.

 

i got that book by blase harris, and a few others actually, hehe, to help refocus my anxiety and panic. i mean part of my stress is just wanting to understand what the hell is happening. of course, it seems obvious as i type this out that our relationship had problems that were perhaps insurmountable, but you know how it is: couples have problems always, and for as long as you love the other person, you think you can work it out.

 

it's just hard.. (wah wah, i know)

 

sigh.