How do you get the trust back?

[Swoon]

DH and I have been having problems since our son was born in 2002. I did the mommy thing, he worked, we drifted apart. The last year has been especially hard. He lost his job and spent a great deal of time hiking alone with a married woman in an unhappy marriage. They would spend 18-26 hours a month on the phone. They got matching tatoos. He lost weight, bought new clothes, ignored me. I slept in in different room and crying every night for 2 months.

 

Text book affair? I still don't know who's lying. She swears they had a torid physical affair and he swears on the heads of is children it never happened. I have more evidence that he cheated than he didn't.

 

I agreed to start over. I got a job in a different state and moved there with the kids 7 months ago. We've been planning to do this for years and the opportunity final presented itself. He stayed behind to sell our house, which in this market is nearly impossible.

 

I'm angry. It's irrational and self-defeating but I want to get back at him. I'm also alone raising 2 kids. The only support he can offer is emotional. I am so tempted to seek comfort in other men. I've never been with anyone else and wonder about the possibilities.

 

So back to the title of this thread. How do I stop? How do I fix it? He'll finally be moving here within the month but I keep thinking, "What if I don't want to be with him." Someone in here has a tagline about advice, about asking for it when you know what to do but don't like the answer. He's finally checked back into the marriage, now it's my turn.

 

Who has come back from this? And what did you do to fix it?

[Cobra_X30]

He broke it. He needs to fix it. This isnt your battle. All you need to do is reward his positive steps.

 

If he isnt willing to do absolutely everything in his power to make this right, you dont need him!

[Swoon]

He says that I've betrayed his trust by telling my family and his what was going on. At the time, from my point of view (which I'll stand by), I thought our marriage was over. I had had an one long conversation with TOW.I was so afraid he was going to keep my daughter from my I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks.

 

I still don't think he sees exactly what he did wrong.

[Cobra_X30]

He says that I've betrayed his trust by telling my family and his what was going on. At the time, from my point of view (which I'll stand by), I thought our marriage was over. I had had an one long conversation with TOW.I was so afraid he was going to keep my daughter from my I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks.

 

I still don't think he sees exactly what he did wrong.

 

Well, thats him trying to flip this back on you! He doesnt want to take responsibility for the horrible things he has done. Remember He betrayed you!

 

He cant keep your daughter! You need to talk to a divorce lawyer and get the facts on this! Make informed descisions, they will affect the rest of your life, and that of your daughter as well!

 

So, is your Husband working his tail off to make this up to you?

[Swoon]

I have both the kids now. He's told me he's reinvested in our marriage, but he continues to do selfish things. He's not on top of his financial situation and I've loaned him money several times from our son's savings. He earns double what I make, but the steep cost of living where our house is and some stupid, selfish desicions to go on road trips and eat out has him in the red.

 

It was really hard for me, but I came out and told him he was financially irresponsible. He says he wants me to keep riding him about those types of things. I've got a whole life here - full time job, side jobs, 2 kids - and I don't have the time or will to manage his.

 

I've dedicated myself to not enabling him any longer. I want this to work, but my heart's not cooperating. We've been together 13+ years, since I was 18. I just keep thinking, he's a smart, decent guy, but is it enough?