Bullied for being a depressed slut

[b0iiana]

Some of you may have read my other thread and understand about the slut and emotional business.

 

But for the new people here, ive been touched by my grandfather when I was just 10, and I got raped by a drunk this year, and I get hit almost everyday by my father and big brother, not just little spankings, beating up. I used to cut. Now its like I have a job as a whore, because I dont ask guys to stop when theyre making moves on me because I feel like I deserve that and god must want it. (Exaggeration about god)

 

School is really bad for me now because everyone thinks im a slut and they have seen the scars on my wrists, everybody is mean to me and calls me names or hurt me. I always cry at school and there is this guy I like, he is always nice to me when nobody is around because he has a high reputation and all his friends are extremely mean to me, last year I used to hang out with this group called the **SKLUTZ** you can guess why. But they really influenced me and two of them are my best friends. It is really hard to make friends at school this year because of my reputation, somebody always comments when I walk past them.

 

Im heavily depressed about my life and feel like I have no point in living, my mum thinks I have alot of friends and am popular in my school and I dont wanna embarrass myself by saying that im a loner. My teacher is a bitch too.

[DutchGuy]

This is some deep stuff.

I'm no therapist or anything, but I'll tell you what I think.

I can see why you've become the way you are and quite frankly also why kids would pick on you (they don't know the story, they just see a kid that doesn't fit the group), not that I approve of bullying.

You can't change what's in the past and even if you can change your future it's going to take a lot of time.

But one of the main things to gain other peoples respect is by starting to respect yourself. This must be extremely difficult due to what happened to you and continues to happen to you and I can only see it happen in some sort of therapy, but it will change your life for the better.

 

All I can say is good luck with it.

[jmargel]

Some of you may have read my other thread and understand about the slut and emotional business.

 

But for the new people here, ive been touched by my grandfather when I was just 10, and I got raped by a drunk this year, and I get hit almost everyday by my father and big brother, not just little spankings, beating up. I used to cut. Now its like I have a job as a whore, because I dont ask guys to stop when theyre making moves on me because I feel like I deserve that and god must want it. (Exaggeration about god)

 

School is really bad for me now because everyone thinks im a slut and they have seen the scars on my wrists, everybody is mean to me and calls me names or hurt me. I always cry at school and there is this guy I like, he is always nice to me when nobody is around because he has a high reputation and all his friends are extremely mean to me, last year I used to hang out with this group called the **SKLUTZ** you can guess why. But they really influenced me and two of them are my best friends. It is really hard to make friends at school this year because of my reputation, somebody always comments when I walk past them.

 

Im heavily depressed about my life and feel like I have no point in living, my mum thinks I have alot of friends and am popular in my school and I dont wanna embarrass myself by saying that im a loner. My teacher is a bitch too.

 

You have reached out to us, so I hope you can take the next step to reach out to your mom. Is there a way you can ask your mom to get to see a counselor?

 

You never did ANYTHING to deserve what happened to you. Others are going through the same exact thing as you, and it's a very cruel thing that you are experiencing. There IS a better life for you ahead, even though you might not believe it right now. My situation was way different than yours but I know how it feels to be suicidal. Right now you have to force yourself to continue and know that you will get out of this mess.

 

Please talk to your mom about your problems if she doesn't understand or doesn't want to listen to you, contact a counselor at your school. Contact your priest or minister or call your abuse hotline. You have way too much to offer this world to kill yourself.

[Kasan]

bOiiana--

 

I looked at what of your earlier threads and Rio gave you some good advice.

 

Please find a counselor at school or an older friend that you can talk to tomorrow...don't wait another day!

 

I have never been raped, but I did experience the physical abuse in my house when I was a kid. It was not my fault then, as it is not your fault now. Who knows what sets them off and it's not our job to know--we are/were only kids right?

 

Is your mum a victim of this abuse too?

 

I understand why you have acted the way that you have in the past. A lot of us (women) who were abused did the very same things that you have done. We have walked in your shoes and I want you to know that are not alone!

 

Suicide is never an option--never--never--never! As awful as things are, better days do come--I promise you this!

 

You are not a slut, evil, bad, or anything else you have been told. So don't you believe that for one minute--you didn't chose to be raped and beaten.

 

Please keep posting here, and let us know how you are. Okay?

[quankanne]

right now is the crappiest time of your life because of what's happened, but keep reminding yourself that (1) it wasn't of your own doing and (2) this is not how it's going to be the rest of your life.

 

I guarantee that it will get better, though it means finishing school and doing your best to put classmates' crappy behavior behind you as immediately as possible. Because you will not be a teenager (I'm guessing from your picture) the rest of your life, nor will you be trapped in the same social scene the rest of your life. You grow up and you move on, and hopefully so will those other folks who are making you miserable right now.

 

honey, your best weapon is to get to counseling, to talk with someone trained in handling this type of stuff and getting the tools you need to help conquer your problems. Counseling will allow YOU to be in charge, and that's what you need the most.

 

hugs,

q

[Cobra_X30]

School is really bad for me now because everyone thinks im a slut and they have seen the scars on my wrists, everybody is mean to me and calls me names or hurt me.

 

I know it may feel like your all alone out there, but your not!

 

None of this is your fault... Your not bad!

 

My sister went through this! I was not there for her when she needed me.

 

You have to get through without making the big mistakes. Stay away from drugs!!!

[b0iiana]

Aww, thanks guys, I do have a counsellor at school but she treats all the students as if they were retarded.

 

My mum doesn't get hit.. At least never in front of me! Sometimes she gets verbal abuse from my older brother but thats it.

 

I really cant pull through, I get hurt everyday at school, occasionally physically but mostly verbally.

 

My dad punched me in the face yesterday night, but other than that I am fine..

 

Thanks for the support xx

[jmargel]

Please call the police, there is no reason why you should have to endure ANY type of abuse. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from getting help! Trust us, by going to the police and telling your counselor at school you will end up much happier in the end.

[tinktronik]

It sounds like myou are in a bind . Im sorry about your sitch . How old are you?

Do you have any close relatives you could confide in besided your family ?

 

In my experiance , both the guidance councilor and the police both listen to what you have to say and then repeat it to your parents and the situation tends to be believed more from their perspective than your own . So no I would not suggest going to either your g council or to the police unless you have an adult to verliy what you are reporting.

So are you close with any other adults? Aunt ? Uncle? Neighbor?

[Phateless]

Aww, thanks guys, I do have a counsellor at school but she treats all the students as if they were retarded.

 

My mum doesn't get hit.. At least never in front of me! Sometimes she gets verbal abuse from my older brother but thats it.

 

I really cant pull through, I get hurt everyday at school, occasionally physically but mostly verbally.

 

My dad punched me in the face yesterday night, but other than that I am fine..

 

Thanks for the support xx

 

Jeeez, sorry to hear girlie. I don't know how I would maintain if I were in your shoes... Just hang in there, go off to college, and never look back. In the meantime, is there anyone you can stay with? I would honestly call child-protective services if it's that bad. Your family needs help and counseling. Counseling probably wouldn't hurt for you either, but at least you're a step ahead in that you know this isn't how things are supposed to be. That is the hardest part of the battle, right there.

 

You have our support. Hugs...

[b0iiana]

I might tell a teacher, she is really nice (not my one.)

 

It is the weekend now though...

 

Got to go

 

BTW I'm 13 for the person who asked.

[tinktronik]

I might tell a teacher, she is really nice (not my one.)

 

It is the weekend now though...

 

Got to go

 

BTW I'm 13 for the person who asked.

If you talk to your teacher, ask her to keep your confidence untill you can both come to the appropriate conclusion as to what is actually going to help and what could make the situation worse. Let her know that allerting your parents that you have told while you are still under their care could make the situation dangerous for you.

[Lovegod]

Holy Christ, I'm so damn sorry you're going through this 5hit. I've been in your shoes, and I know how much it sucks.

 

You need to get the hell out of that house, and out of school. Do you have any relatives, friends, or even a friend's parent that you can trust? The teacher sounds like a good idea.

 

You need to get the hell out of that toxic environment.

 

Another thing I will tell you is that what happens at school does NOT continue after you become and adult and move on with life. That was one of my biggest fears - that the bullying would continue in the workplace. Tolerance for that kind of behavior at work is quite low, and mature adults normally don't bully others.

 

But again, you're going to need some help to get yourself out of this horrible situation, so don't be afraid to ask for it. I couldn't ask my parents for help because I didn't trust them. I was able to get myself into a somewhat better situation, but I had to struggle like hell for it. If you have people who can help at your disposal, please don't hesitate to ask! The sooner you do it, the sooner you can improve your quality of life.

[White Flower]

Im heavily depressed about my life and feel like I have no point in living, my mum thinks I have alot of friends and am popular in my school and I dont wanna embarrass myself by saying that im a loner. My teacher is a bitch too.

Dear Boiiana,

You did the right thing by posting here. That's a good start. At least you are talking about your feelings and that releases some of the tension so you don't go back to cutting. I have a friend who used to cut so I understand a little about why you do it.

 

Do you have anyone else besides a teacher who you can talk to? Is there an auntie or a neighbor or a mother of one of your good friends you can share this with? Nobody can help you if you don't tell.

 

I saw what others were saying to you on another thread and they are full of it. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't ever let anyone tell you that your attitude causes God not to hear you or answer your prayers. He is there if you reach out just like people, only better.

 

We're praying for you, honey. Keep us posted, OK?

[Trialbyfire]

Honey, I'm also glad that you're reaching out to us and anyone else who can help. You're 13 years old, a time where you should be loved and cared for, by your family.

 

Please, get yourself some help. Here's a link to a charity in Auckland, which might be able to help. The page I'm linking to, on the site, has a 24/7 Crisis care line and toll free line.

 

http://www.abusedchildtrust.com.au/reportabuse.htm

[b0iiana]

my teacher is so off the radar.. She is making it even harder for me, I just told her about the bullying and she was like "and you haven't done that?! Boiana! People must have a reason to behave like that so stop doing what your doing and they will stop!" She found out about my granddad recently and that im not a virgin, she's told my mum that i was lying to the students and bla bla bla.. I got into trouble..

[Melovator]

I don't understand why you got in trouble b0iiana... Have you tried calling the number Tbf directed you to?

 

Anyway I googled kids help lines in NZ: found this:http://www.kidsline.org.nz/

 

Please take care of yourself, there are services out there whose job it is to listen and to help and there's always LS.

[b0iiana]

Because it was "inappropriate" talk... No, I haven't, i'm too afraid to ask for help.. About a month ago, I went onto Kids Helpline, Web Counselling, when I told the "helper" my problems he just said "Nice to meet you. Bye"

 

Also about an hour ago from now, my mum let me use her phone then she left. I was lying in bed with the phone then my dad came upto me and told me to hand it over to him, or else he'd beat me, I tried to stand up for myself and said that my mum let me use it, then he said that he would hurt me if I didn't hand it over to him. I kept trying to explain to him but then he started hitting me, and after getting hit, 10 times I finally dropped the phone crying, and I looked at him with soooo much hate, then he hit me again for that harder and I ran out of my house. I sat next to a bench, not on it for some reason. This lady came upto me and asked me what was wrong, was I hurt, was I lost, do I need a cab. I said no to everything, and I think she called the Police so I ran away.. Well limped away... My arm was bleeding and my leg was hurt. Then I saw three Police cars at the end of my street, I think they were looking for me. Why didn't I go to them and tell them what happened? Why cant I even tell a lady what's happening. Why am I so afraid to get help?! I hate this!

 

I don't understand why you got in trouble b0iiana... Have you tried calling the number Tbf directed you to?

 

Anyway I googled kids help lines in NZ: found this:http://www.kidsline.org.nz/

 

Please take care of yourself, there are services out there whose job it is to listen and to help and there's always LS.

[White Flower]

Because it was "inappropriate" talk... No, I haven't, i'm too afraid to ask for help.. About a month ago, I went onto Kids Helpline, Web Counselling, when I told the "helper" my problems he just said "Nice to meet you. Bye"

 

Why cant I even tell a lady what's happening. Why am I so afraid to get help?! I hate this!

You are afraid because you don't think anyone will believe you. Keep trying, hon. Go to your principal or headmaster. If the teacher wouldn't do anything it may be because she is afraid to get involved but it is the headmaster's job to handle things for sure. If he/she doesn't they are not doing their job.

 

Good luck, sweetie.

[b0iiana]

Nooo way... He told my mum that if she kept letting me act like a whore, she might as well leave me at K road (Prostitution road)

[b0iiana]

i told somebody, she told me she was so angry at me and disgusted..

 

im so not gonna tell another person

[White Flower]

i told somebody, she told me she was so angry at me and disgusted..

 

im so not gonna tell another person

 

I don't get why these people are blaming the victim?

[b0iiana]

well.. i chose to abuse alcohol and smoke.. i chose to have sex with other guys after the rape... and stuff

[White Flower]

well.. i chose to abuse alcohol and smoke.. i chose to have sex with other guys after the rape... and stuff

 

I see. Best to keep that info for the counselor. People can be so judgmental when they're not educated about certain issues, especially when they don't know all the details.

 

Keep us posted about "the talk".

[b0iiana]

Jeeeez. You know how I said I was afraid what was going to happen, that was because I thought she would believe me. But, no! She doesn't! She thinks I was trying to get attention to be cool. This is how it happened.

 

Last night, I was going to bus home, but there were none left. Then I saw my mums friends boyfriend and bestfriend hanging out next to that. I trusted them so I asked them for a ride. My mums friends bestfriend took me home. Dont worry theyre all teenagers. He was talking about how young I was and why I was out that late at night, I told him that ive had the amount of experience as much as a 20 year old has. If that makes sense. Then he was teasing me. So I told him about everything. And he was like "thats ****ed up man" I made him promise to not tell his bestfriend. But he did and he made it sound even worse. He said I was like hitting on him and ****. Trying to act all big and mature.

 

My mum just talked..... Yelled at me and bla bla bla, I have to go see a counsellor or go to boarding school. I chose counsellor but I said I aint gonna talk to her at all. Because im going for the wrong reasons. She thinks im sick in the head and keep lying and stuff. Im so depressed and ****ed off.