Dazza Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 Well, here goes, time for me to open up to a bunch of strangers. Feels a bit scary, but I guess its normal.... So here's my story: Seperated from my ex for about 14months (devorce comming through), mutual seperation, not messy. She had been wanting to break it off for a couple of years(unknown to me), but once we seperated, it all came out. Everything made sense also, the last 2 years of the relationship had been hard, I couldn't understand why she was being a bitch and this caused me a great deal of stress. It turns out that she had decided that the relationship was doomed, but wanted me to call it off, so that explained all the confusing arguements. Well me being a male and all took 2 years to figure it out!!!, but once the realisation was there, that this wasn't the relationship that I wanted, it was a great relief. So we seperated and she moved overseas (now that made it very easy). I then got into a relationship, about 3 months after the seperation, (probably a bit of a rebound) that was pretty full on. We got very close (or maybe I was never close to my wife?) but she needed her family so she moved interstate. This was very hard for both of us, and it took quite a few months to get over it, both of us found it hard (we were very close, not much we didn't say to each other). But as we all say, time heals all wounds, so I managed to put my heart back behind the door and lock it shut. (I hadn't even let my ex get into it, so you can imagine how I was feeling) But I have moved on....and here lies the problem I had the opportunity to get into a relationship a couple of months ago where the girl was everything I wanted. But something didn't feel right so I decided to let her go. Perhaps on the cover she was good, but the actual item just didn't do it for me? The I went out on friday night (just been), and caught up with some people I hadnt seen for a couple of years. I hit it off with this girl, and we just sort of clicked, y'know when you meet someone and you feel like you can talk about anything? Well we were honest and open with each other, all had fun, danced heaps. I ended up leaving in the early hrs of the morning, and when I left she told me to call her. I said sure. Now my problem is not if I should call her, but I guess I dont want to muck anyone around if I'm not sure what I want. (I know what I want, but not sure if I want it yet). So am I screwing myself up (I feel that I am doing the right thing by them) by not pissing anyone around, and stopping things before they start, or am I just scared inside about beng hurt and letting anyone in? Well there ya go, see we all have our little problems PS: Be nice, ask what you want, I'll do what I can to answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 I see no harm in ringing this women and asking her out for a drink, or movie, or whatever we do these days. These days that can occur without proposing marriage. Give her a call, ask her if she enjoyed herself the other night. Take it fron there and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazza Posted May 12, 2003 Author Share Posted May 12, 2003 These days that can occur without proposing marriage yeah I keep telling myself that, Was planing on calling her anyway (would be a prick if I didn't) just a bit worried about giving the wrong vibes, I don't like mucking people around. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 So am I screwing myself up (I feel that I am doing the right thing by them) by not pissing anyone around, and stopping things before they start, or am I just scared inside about beng hurt and letting anyone in? Only you know the answer to this. But, it sounds like maybe you need some time on your own. There's no reason why you can't call this girl up and casually date her. But, be honest with her. If you can casually and slyly bring it up in conversation, let her know that although you think she's great, you aren't looking for anything serious at the moment. That way she can make the decision about whether or not she cares to continue seeing you. You really can't go wrong by being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 The answer is nearly always in the question - you are confused about opening up to love because half of you wants to and the other half doesn't and this causes-- guess what 'confusion'. The good thing about love is it doesn't wait for you to have all the answers, if you give it a little space it moves in without asking for permission, fixes itself a sandwich and helps itself to any beer in the fridge while it's at it. If this lady is really right for you, she'll help you overcome your fears. Be honest (but not too whoosy) with her about taking it slow and don't make any promises you don't intend to keep. You'll still feel confused a lot of the time but you there wont be a thing you can do about it, you'll just have to keep moving forward. You can at this moment decide to keep your heart under lock and key and go on the way you've been going but if you decide otherwise, it only takes a little step. You don't have to decide if and how you'll finish the road, you only decide to take the first step. Personally I think love is worth the risk, 'cause when it's fine -- it's so very fine indeed! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazza Posted May 12, 2003 Author Share Posted May 12, 2003 Thanks Reckless, Clia and Kat, I think I'll just go with the flow, and cruise along. I'll just be myself and be honest, and as Kat pointed out, just because I would like to be friends with someone doesn't mean I have to marry em! if you give it a little space it moves in without asking for permission, fixes itself a sandwich and helps itself to any beer in the fridge while it's at it. Hmmm, I think I will have to train this Love thing to get me a beer and fix me a sandwich You guys are great, thanks for your thoughts Gotta go to work.... Daryl. Link to post Share on other sites
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