Women overstepping boundaries..wassup with that?

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

So do you even feel bad for guy number 3's gf? At all...would you still go after him after having met her..would you play the friend card to get to him?

 

No, nobody steals anything from anybody.

 

If a guy decides to dump his gf in favor of someone else, is because their relationship was not strong in the first place.

 

Ariadne

[finallyhappyme]

Hi,

 

So do you even feel bad for guy number 3's gf? At all...would you still go after him after having met her..would you play the friend card to get to him?

 

No, nobody steals anything from anybody.

 

If a guy decides to dump his gf in favor of someone else, is because their relationship was not strong in the first place.

 

Ariadne

 

 

Cannot argue with that.

[squeak]

Even if I don't like it, I am actually grateful for that mindset that Ariadne listed because it is better to have that happen earlier rather than later--

 

and to have it confirmed is better for you.

 

Doesn't everyone want to be with someone who can't be "stolen" from you. No one should settle for less.

 

I feel really bad for the people who had invested years and years plus children who that happens too though. Bet they wish they had a time machine to take back all those wasted years.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

The problem with that, Adriadne, is that I wouldn't want a girl who is "steal-able". If she'll do it to him to get with me, she'll do it to me eventually to get with someone else.

 

Great point phateless.

 

If I were interested in a guy that was in a relationship, who at the same time was completely receptive and probably falling in love with me...

 

If that guy went and cheated on his gf with me, or dumped her to be with me... I'd probably lose respect for that guy.

 

Because I like a man of honor first of all.

 

I'd prefer that, no matter how much he liked me, to do the right thing and not be unfaithful. In other words, not act on his feelings.

 

That would be the biggest turn on.

 

And second, if he realizes that that other person is the one for him, to let his relationship run its course, and if it's time for it to disintegrate to do it in its own time.

 

Not, hun, I found another one. But try and make it work and make it the least hurtful on that other person, and at the same time make her understand that the relationship is not working because of other problems, too incompatible, or whatever those are.

 

Which is usually the case, not some other girl.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

How is that working out for you so far?

 

It's worked just as fine.

 

I fell madly in love with a guy in college. I could tell he was receptive and all the rest. He was also married.

 

I had a romance with him for one year.

 

Denver guy was 100% receptive as well, despite his claims of being in love with the ex-gf.

 

Thing is she moved in with him and forbid him to talk to me, so it's moot now.

 

Ariadne

[finallyhappyme]

Hi,

 

The problem with that, Adriadne, is that I wouldn't want a girl who is "steal-able". If she'll do it to him to get with me, she'll do it to me eventually to get with someone else.

 

Great point phateless.

 

If I were interested in a guy that was in a relationship, who at the same time was completely receptive and probably falling in love with me...

 

If that guy went and cheated on his gf with me, or dumped her to be with me... I'd probably lose respect for that guy.

 

Because I like a man of honor first of all.

 

I'd prefer that, no matter how much he liked me, to do the right thing and not be unfaithful. In other words, not act on his feelings.

 

That would be the biggest turn on.

 

And second, if he realizes that that other person is the one for him, to let his relationship run its course, and if it's time for it to disintegrate to do it in its own time.

 

Not, hun, I found another one. But try and make it work and make it the least hurtful on that other person, and at the same time make her understand that the relationship is not working because of other problems, too incompatible, or whatever those are.

 

Which is usually the case, not some other girl.

 

Ariadne

 

Ok let me get this straight..if he has a gf and you like him you will go after him...

 

But then if he is receptive and touches you back or leaves the girl for you..you lose respect for him and would never be with him right??

 

So why cause drama in his peaceful relationship if you know you wont have anything with him anyways?? I don't get it?

[reboot]

Ok let me get this straight..if he has a gf and you like him you will go after him...

 

But then if he is receptive and touches you back or leaves the girl for you..you lose respect for him and would never be with him right??

 

So why cause drama in his peaceful relationship if you know you wont have anything with him anyways?? I don't get it?

re my comment on predators....

[finallyhappyme]

re my comment on predators....

 

I gotcha

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

But then if he is receptive and touches you back or leaves the girl for you..you lose respect for him and would never be with him right??

 

If he disrespected her or hurt her I'd be disappointed.

 

I'd like it more if he resisted me and try and resolve that situation first, one way or another.

 

So why cause drama in his peaceful relationship if you know you wont have anything with him anyways?? I don't get it?

 

If I love a guy and I get the sense that he likes me back, or has feelings for me, I wouldn't just walk away.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

But then if he is receptive and touches you back or leaves the girl for you..you lose respect for him and would never be with him right??

 

Here is an example:

 

-----

 

Nicole actually literally tried to jump me in my car after I gave her a ride somewhere, I never saw that one coming, lol. I had to push her off. ~Phateless

 

-----

 

Ariadne

[Phateless]

Hi,

 

But then if he is receptive and touches you back or leaves the girl for you..you lose respect for him and would never be with him right??

 

Here is an example:

 

-----

 

Nicole actually literally tried to jump me in my car after I gave her a ride somewhere, I never saw that one coming, lol. I had to push her off. ~Phateless

 

-----

 

Ariadne

 

What you're saying, Adriadne, is that you'd hope the guy you like would end up breaking up with his girl and then he could be with you? Thing is, you'd never know how much you factored into that. A lot of people stay in relationships that are hard until something better comes along and then jump ship. That's what Sveta did. Regardless of the order of things (cheat first, breakup, new relationship vs. flirt, breakup, then new relationship) the process is roughly the same and all of the same things are happening, just in a different order.

 

That means my point is still valid. If the process is the same, regardless of the order of events, the same process is likely to happen to you once you finally catch the object of your desire.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

What you're saying, Adriadne, is that you'd hope the guy you like would end up breaking up with his girl and then he could be with you?'

 

Yes.

 

Thing is, you'd never know how much you factored into that. A lot of people stay in relationships that are hard until something better comes along and then jump ship. That's what Sveta did.

 

I suppose.

 

Regardless of the order of things (cheat first, breakup, new relationship vs. flirt, breakup, then new relationship) the process is roughly the same and all of the same things are happening, just in a different order.

 

Well, in the first case there is an element of deceit.

 

But when these things happen it's not because your relationship is wonderful. Maybe it's a wake up call that you are in the wrong relationship. Or, it may happen that the two people become closer and resolve their issues.

 

Ariadne

[Phateless]

It could also happen that people give up rather than sorting out their relationships and realize later what they should have done. All I'm saying is that no matter which part of the rationalization the person falls into when they are in the mindset which makes them stealable, they're likely to be a bad candidate for a mate. See what I mean? I'm not trying to attack you, I'm just trying to logic this out for myself as well as anyone else.

 

Actually there is an element of deceit no matter what, unless the person says outright "i'm bored with us so i'm leaving you for so and so"

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

when they are in the mindset which makes them stealable, they're likely to be a bad candidate for a mate. See what I mean?

 

I see what you mean, but I don't believe in that. I don't think relationships are written in stone.

 

It may happen that you are with the wrong person, or that you are not making each other happy anymore, or whatever those reasons are.

 

Yes, in an ideal world people would be either single, or with their perfect mate.

 

But you know how things are, sometimes people are in unhappy relationships and they meet someone they feel is more compatible with them.

 

I don't know though, I'm one of those single people without the perfect mate.

 

Ariadne

[Phateless]

So am I, and I'm looking for someone worth it. And you're right, what you're talking about does happen, but I think ideally, people should end a bad relationship before they find themselves hanging out too much with someone new.

 

Here in slo, the dating scene is such a cluster****, I can't imagine how people get together at all, lol.

[finallyhappyme]

So am I, and I'm looking for someone worth it. And you're right, what you're talking about does happen, but I think ideally, people should end a bad relationship before they find themselves hanging out too much with someone new.

 

Here in slo, the dating scene is such a cluster****, I can't imagine how people get together at all, lol.

 

I completely agree. I have def. made this mistake before. Regardless if your bored / angry at / in a bad relationship period..I think you need to end it..be alone for a while to reflect and see what went wrong and why and what you need now.. and then if you meet someone new move on.

 

But to jump ships immediately is a mistake. IMO.

 

But then again, I know a couple who the guy was dating this girl for 3 years. They broke up because it wasn't working out and a week later he met the love of his life and got married. They are still happily married..So you never know.

[Gwyneth]

 

So ladies, I can back you up on this... that other girl that's hell bent on stealing your BF is completely insane, and most likely a sociopath. She may seem fun at first, but any guy would be kicking himself once he found himself in a relationship with her.

 

I know this is an old thread, but today someone brought to my attention--and other OW, that someone called the OW a sociopath. So I wanted to come here and see why.

 

I'm really appalled that someone would say such a harsh thing about women. What about men that steal other guys' girlfriends--is that okay, or are they too sociopaths? I think that's a pretty sexist comment--and all along I thought you were a pretty cool guy, Phateless. Then I see you calling OW sociopaths. That would be like me calling potheads losers, when we all know that not all potheads--or even any, or losers. Now is a woman only a sociopath because she is trying to steal another girl's bf, or is it because she is just a sociopath. I'm not looking for an explanation because I probably will never come to this thread again, but I think that is pretty uncalled for and I do not think name calling should be tolerated around here.

[Trialbyfire]

Definition:

 

sociopath - one who is affected by a personality disorder marked by antisocial behaviour.

 

antisocial - hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behaviour that violates accepted mores.

 

mores - socially correct behaviour

[Phateless]

I know this is an old thread, but today someone brought to my attention--and other OW, that someone called the OW a sociopath. So I wanted to come here and see why.

 

I'm really appalled that someone would say such a harsh thing about women. What about men that steal other guys' girlfriends--is that okay, or are they too sociopaths? I think that's a pretty sexist comment--and all along I thought you were a pretty cool guy, Phateless. Then I see you calling OW sociopaths. That would be like me calling potheads losers, when we all know that not all potheads--or even any, or losers. Now is a woman only a sociopath because she is trying to steal another girl's bf, or is it because she is just a sociopath. I'm not looking for an explanation because I probably will never come to this thread again, but I think that is pretty uncalled for and I do not think name calling should be tolerated around here.

 

Thanks Gwyneth, your opinion of me means a lot (serious). For the record, I don't believe in double standards at all, and my statement applies equally to the OM. I know the rule of stereotypes and generalities and I didn't say that all OW are sociopaths, I was merely relating my experience. It's one thing to be in a flirtation with someone who's taken, but another to literally be fixated on it. I think that's a little weird...

 

As I said, I don't think a guy can "steal" another's gf unless she is stealable, or the relationship isn't healthy. No matter how much attraction she might feel for that guy, she SHOULD do the right thing and say "sorry I have a bf". If she really likes him she should take his number and call him when she's dumped her guy. I just don't see a good reason to do it any other way.