Women overstepping boundaries..wassup with that?

[finallyhappyme]

Sometimes, yes, and this is so sad.

 

My fav example from my horrible story came a few weeks before my break-up. Went to a party w/ my ex, our friends, and the cvnt (that's my nickname for her). She was with her now-exbf (they had been on/off for many years, an absolute mess of a story in of itself). Well, she had her bf's "permission" to go to this little party, but he called up not long after we arrived, yelling at her. She ended up, no kidding, hiding in a dark corner crying on her cell phone. (This was by no means an uncommon occurence either) So my ex actually has the balls to ask me to go comfort her. I wanted to leave her to rot (I was fed up with her crap by then), but I did it anyways, coaxing her back to the group.

 

Not 5 min later she got the attention of this other guy at the party, and flirted with him the entire rest of the night, ignoring everyone else. We were sleeping over (the party was out of our town), and the next morning she was texting with this guy all day long. This continued for a couple weeks behind her bf's back, until this guy "confessed his adoration" of her, at which point she decided it was a good time to be like "Oh my, but I have a bf! Duh!"

 

I'm not making ANY this up.

 

And my ex still thinks she's the cat's meow as a friend... I honestly CANNOT believe how blind men can be.

 

I would NEVER play someone like this, yet I'm the mean, evil one because I didn't fall all over myself every time this girl needed attention? I even said to him "She needs to be mature and solve her own problems" (especially since these issues were YEARS ongoing) and he acted like I was a mean, horrible person.

 

So, hence, I'm tossed aside after six years... (though he now outright admits all our problems were his faults, though he'd never done (or has done) a thing to fix anything)

 

Really Kittenmoon?? Even after finally admitting that he messed up and it was most if not all his fault he never did anything to fix it?? ( no hope for me lol )

[KittenMoon]

Really Kittenmoon?? Even after finally admitting that he messed up and it was most if not all his fault he never did anything to fix it?? ( no hope for me lol )

 

Not. A. Damn. Thing.

 

He's gone a bit mental though- I think he may be suffering depression. (not that he'd ever admit this, real men don't get depressed!)

[squeak]

I would NEVER play someone like this, yet I'm the mean, evil one because I didn't fall all over myself every time this girl needed attention? I even said to him "She needs to be mature and solve her own problems" (especially since these issues were YEARS ongoing) and he acted like I was a mean, horrible person.

 

So, hence, I'm tossed aside after six years... (though he now outright admits all our problems were his faults, though he'd never done (or has done) a thing to fix anything)

 

Ugh, I completely understand! I think men, not all, but most-only look at how THEY are being treated by a specific person, and how THEY feel when around that person. So the girl could be completely different towards you, bt he only sees how "nice" she is.

 

I'm serious-are men missing the part of charachter assessment that omits when a person is sneaky and evil? My BF hates bitchy girls-HATES them-but these girls are never bitchy-are they? In fact, during that time-I was the bitchy girl.

 

I told my BF once that if I was with him, I was not going to say "hi" to her or her friends. I was not goiung to play the fake game. It was her game to me. He said "isn't that rude to not say hi?" !!!

 

I was like-after all she did!! He aplogized after I kept bringing it up-but it really hit home that he chose to not be "rude" because she was never once actually outright mean or said anything nasty about me.

 

I was like "babe-these girls aren't going to come out and say I want to off your GF and steal you away" . It seemed like the hardest thing for him to grasp, that someone could be so evil while seeming nice and helpful.

 

The best part was when she changed her bitchy attidute to me, and started trying to be my friend. Because she wanted him back but knew she had to go through my emotions. I was FLOORED she thought I was so manipulable (made up word?) . I always tell girls in this situatiion-DOn't give these whores an inch!!! Not one!

[squeak]

Not. A. Damn. Thing.

 

He's gone a bit mental though- I think he may be suffering depression. (not that he'd ever admit this, real men don't get depressed!)

 

Was the break up revolving around the tension this girl brought up between the 2 of you? I can't believe they are still friends.

[finallyhappyme]

Ugh, I completely understand! I think men, not all, but most-only look at how THEY are being treated by a specific person, and how THEY feel when around that person. So the girl could be completely different towards you, bt he only sees how "nice" she is.

 

I'm serious-are men missing the part of charachter assessment that omits when a person is sneaky and evil? My BF hates bitchy girls-HATES them-but these girls are never bitchy-are they? In fact, during that time-I was the bitchy girl.

 

I told my BF once that if I was with him, I was not going to say "hi" to her or her friends. I was not goiung to play the fake game. It was her game to me. He said "isn't that rude to not say hi?" !!!

 

I was like-after all she did!! He aplogized after I kept bringing it up-but it really hit home that he chose to not be "rude" because she was never once actually outright mean or said anything nasty about me.

 

I was like "babe-these girls aren't going to come out and say I want to off your GF and steal you away" . It seemed like the hardest thing for him to grasp, that someone could be so evil while seeming nice and helpful.

 

The best part was when she changed her bitchy attidute to me, and started trying to be my friend. Because she wanted him back but knew she had to go through my emotions. I was FLOORED she thought I was so manipulable (made up word?) . I always tell girls in this situatiion-DOn't give these whores an inch!!! Not one!

 

 

grrrrrrr YES!!!! And I would try and try to explain that SOME girls are sneaky, evil little creatures..and he would get mad at ME and tell me that If I think that way maybe I have the problem not HER!!!! Thats she had never said one bad thing about me..

[KittenMoon]

Was the break up revolving around the tension this girl brought up between the 2 of you? I can't believe they are still friends.

 

It was part, though not all, yes. I mean, just the resentment that was piling up was literally "poisoning" our relationship, which aggravated other stuff.

 

Not only are they still friends, he also ditched our other long-standing (to the tune of like 5-year) friends. He's said it's because they remind him too much of me, but the cvnt who made me want to kill him DOESN"T?!

 

It's all totally mental.

 

I've vowed if I ever encounter a single guy who sees through this kinda girls, I will marry him in a moment.

 

Still looking!

[squeak]

Ha that's funny, I remember back in the beginning when I first met her and was picking up off signals, but couldn't point to anything specific, i just knew she didn't like me and wanted him- my BF dismissed it under "awww-Squeak doesn't like another girl because SHe (meaning me) isn't the center of attention".

 

It sucked because I knew I sounded ridiculous, I had very little to go on but intuition. He needed more hard facts....boy did we get them as time went on. I was actually grateful she was so arrogant she did it in front of me, if she had been even 10% more sneaky and hid/changed her behavior towards him in front of me- it may have taken me longer to pick up on it.

[Phateless]

Phateless..My question to you is...what could your GF have done to better the situation when this skank hoochbag was coming at you hard? What could she have done to make you forget all about this 'friend's advances?

 

She could have addressed the issues that needed fixing instead of ignoring them. She could have come and hung out with all my friends and I for a change... she could have organized her time better so that we would have time to hang out without me helping her run errands... She could have just grown the hell up and not been so emotional and making everything about only her all the time. And finally... if we had sex more than once in a blue moon that would have helped a ton.

 

Fact is, Sveta KNEW exactly what was wrong with the relationship and she knew where all the chinks in the armor were. At least, she should have...

 

For a healthy relationship, the worst thing you can do is act jealous. Hang out with the girl in group settings was a great idea, and just ask him what he thinks is appropriate and how he would feel if it were reversed.

 

My girl had inappropriate friendships with guys while we were together on two occasions, and they both got to the point where her friends were asking me wtf was going on and why I was being so laid-back about it. The only thing that got her attention was when I hung out with that girl and she finally knew how I felt.

[squeak]

It was part, though not all, yes. I mean, just the resentment that was piling up was literally "poisoning" our relationship, which aggravated other stuff.

 

Not only are they still friends, he also ditched our other long-standing (to the tune of like 5-year) friends. He's said it's because they remind him too much of me, but the cvnt who made me want to kill him DOESN"T?!

 

It's all totally mental.

 

I've vowed if I ever encounter a single guy who sees through this kinda girls, I will marry him in a moment.

 

Still looking!

 

Ugh, so sad. All of it, the guy not seeing through, the troublemaking plankton. I don't know if i am letting guys off the hook to easy here, but it seems they will usually pick the course of least resistance when it comes to emotions.

 

Hence-being with you was causing him to be self reflective and having to be (gasp!!) accountable, but being friends with her was low effort.

 

As if it was too difficult to grasp-hrmmm-if I stop being friends with this new girl-then maybe my GF will go back to being pleasant again.

 

Once the poison seeps into the soil, it is hard to pretend (for both) that it is as pure as it once was.

 

If I ever have a son, I am going to school him in spotting evil women. And being sympathetic to the love of his life, not hostile and wary. Unfortunately, he may also become a pyscho killer as a result, it could be an interesting experiment.

[KittenMoon]

Ugh, so sad. All of it, the guy not seeing through, the troublemaking plankton. I don't know if i am letting guys off the hook to easy here, but it seems they will usually pick the course of least resistance when it comes to emotions.

 

Hence-being with you was causing him to be self reflective and having to be (gasp!!) accountable, but being friends with her was low effort.

 

As if it was too difficult to grasp-hrmmm-if I stop being friends with this new girl-then maybe my GF will go back to being pleasant again.

 

Once the poison seeps into the soil, it is hard to pretend (for both) that it is as pure as it once was.

 

If I ever have a son, I am going to school him in spotting evil women. And being sympathetic to the love of his life, not hostile and wary. Unfortunately, he may also become a pyscho killer as a result, it could be an interesting experiment.

 

If you were a man, I'd marry you.

[squeak]

She could have addressed the issues that needed fixing instead of ignoring them. She could have come and hung out with all my friends and I for a change... she could have organized her time better so that we would have time to hang out without me helping her run errands... She could have just grown the hell up and not been so emotional and making everything about only her all the time. And finally... if we had sex more than once in a blue moon that would have helped a ton.

 

Fact is, Sveta KNEW exactly what was wrong with the relationship and she knew where all the chinks in the armor were. At least, she should have...

 

For a healthy relationship, the worst thing you can do is act jealous. Hang out with the girl in group settings was a great idea, and just ask him what he thinks is appropriate and how he would feel if it were reversed.

 

My girl had inappropriate friendships with guys while we were together on two occasions, and they both got to the point where her friends were asking me wtf was going on and why I was being so laid-back about it. The only thing that got her attention was when I hung out with that girl and she finally knew how I felt.

 

I did that-I was always there when everyone was hanging out and it was awful for me-it became a battle of wills and skills because she would cater to my BF (bring him drinks and food) and leave the group to come sit next to us (him) and it was not good. Later on he would tell me it made him uncomfortable too, but he did not want to seem rude by withdrawing from her. We are both passive people by nature, and she exploited that every step.

 

She only talked of topics she KNEW were my weak points, so I would be left out. I would change the topic to my stronger points, she would wait to jump in to deflate or make a jab at something I would say. Then run off to get my BF more drinks.

 

Hanging out with them as a group was not the solution. I could not make her stop, short of doing ssomething like punching her in the face-which she would have liked because it would have only made me look bad.

 

She really put it on so strong that complete acceptance or complete withdrawal were the only solutions. I don't think she expected my BF to completely lose all his friends. BIT*H!

[squeak]

If you were a man, I'd marry you.

 

Ha ! Yes kittenmoon-I think we found the solution-women who know must become men so as to find the perfect balance!!

 

Big hugs!

[Phateless]

I did that-I was always there when everyone was hanging out and it was awful for me-it became a battle of wills and skills because she would cater to my BF (bring him drinks and food) and leave the group to come sit next to us (him) and it was not good. Later on he would tell me it made him uncomfortable too, but he did not want to seem rude by withdrawing from her. We are both passive people by nature, and she exploited that every step.

 

She only talked of topics she KNEW were my weak points, so I would be left out. I would change the topic to my stronger points, she would wait to jump in to deflate or make a jab at something I would say. Then run off to get my BF more drinks.

 

Hanging out with them as a group was not the solution. I could not make her stop, short of doing ssomething like punching her in the face-which she would have liked because it would have only made me look bad.

 

She really put it on so strong that complete acceptance or complete withdrawal were the only solutions. I don't think she expected my BF to completely lose all his friends. BIT*H!

 

Wow... this girl was a lot more slick than Nicole was, lol. Nicole actually literally tried to jump me in my car after I gave her a ride somewhere, I never saw that one coming, lol. I had to push her off. In your case, your guy was just being a douchebag by not telling her outright "you need to be nice to my girlfriend or you and I can't hang out." If he couldn't draw the line, you're better off.

[squeak]

Please don't call him the D word Phateless, although i understand why you would think that-there are some other facts---he actually did decide to forgo all his friends and all activities where she would be present. Maybe confrontation would have been better-but my Bf is the kind of guy who doesn't ask for money owed him, and doesn't say much if someone says something insulting that *I* know bothered him. He isn't some arrogant ladies man. He is quite passive and shy.

 

And at some point, he did tell her that he did not think her behavior was appropriate. The neutral 3rd party friend had given my BF advice to not outright say anything to this girl so as not to let her know she got to anyone.

 

And I should prolly mention-in the case of drinks/food-she offered them to me too. But I didn't mention it because I knew it was just so I had less to seem mad about her actions whereas when she brought them to him-it seemed more pointed. (look how nice i am to your GF!) But she would do that with a lot of people, to cover up her actions to him.

[Phateless]

phateless:

-a question: did you not know what was going on (that is always the guys excuse) or did you think it would blow over if you ignored it ?

-Did you not think the girl was an evil skank whore for being so sneaky or were you pleasantly ego stroked by it?

 

A little of everything. I've had friends before that I've had crushes on and it been no big deal, but it wasn't often that it was the reverse, although it has happened. In most cases I just tell them outright I have a gf (did at the time, don't now) and let's just be friends and everything works out fine. I'll admit, I did enjoy the ego stroking, but we all know how often women knowingly do that to men. Who here has seen "just friends"?

 

I did not think she would push it that far, I figured the crush would pass and Nicole and I could be normal friends at some point. I also thought of all the discussions Sveta and I had about her inappropriate friendships with guys and how she always claimed to be oblivious, so I figured "well I guess this is ok in her book, so why not?"

 

All I wanted was for Sveta to draw the line with Robert and get her own **** together. I would much rather have hung our with her than Nicole anyway.

 

Funny, I blew off Nicole for Sveta, and Sveta ended up leaving me for Robert later...

[Phateless]

one of my friends pointed out that I only had to deal with her because my BF did not shut her down much earlier. Ouch.

 

Your friend was dead-on. I would have shut down Nicole earlier if Sveta had her **** together... I shouldn't have been in that relationship anyway tho.

[squeak]

Edit add on/round up:

-several occasions he had told me he wanted to tell her "we can't hang out with you because I dont like the way you treat Squeak". Unfortunately, he never had the nerve.

 

--he never said those words though. At some point-time passed-it seemed pointless to say it when we no longer ever saw them.

 

He "lost" his friends for me, over her, so even though I wanted him to say terrible things to her, I try to appreciate the sacrifice, I know it wasn't an easy decision. Would it have been better to have told her off so we could go on being friends with the group? Yes, but there are more details I can't mention here, sudffice to say, he chose the low key way to preserve an overall calm.

[Phateless]

one of my friends pointed out that I only had to deal with her because my BF did not shut her down much earlier. Ouch.

 

Your friend was dead-on. I would have shut down Nicole earlier if Sveta had her **** together... I shouldn't have been in that relationship anyway tho. By the way, when Sveta broke up with me, I did end up dating Nicole for about two weeks, but it didn't last long. SHE lost interest in me pretty quickly once I was available, but I did get to see first-hand how completely wacked out she is.

 

So ladies, I can back you up on this... that other girl that's hell bent on stealing your BF is completely insane, and most likely a sociopath. She may seem fun at first, but any guy would be kicking himself once he found himself in a relationship with her.

[Phateless]

Edit add on/round up:

-several occasions he had told me he wanted to tell her "we can't hang out with you because I dont like the way you treat Squeak". Unfortunately, he never had the nerve.

 

--he never said those words though. At some point-time passed-it seemed pointless to say it when we no longer ever saw them.

 

He "lost" his friends for me, over her, so even though I wanted him to say terrible things to her, I try to appreciate the sacrifice, I know it wasn't an easy decision. Would it have been better to have told her off so we could go on being friends with the group? Yes, but there are more details I can't mention here, sudffice to say, he chose the low key way to preserve an overall calm.

 

Squeak - with all due respect, your ex was a pu$$y. He has no backbone, no spine... How could you stand to be with a guy that unassertive? Or at least he was using that as an excuse not to tell her because he liked the attention. You're better off without him.

[squeak]

Your friend was dead-on. I would have shut down Nicole earlier if Sveta had her **** together... I shouldn't have been in that relationship anyway tho.

 

It is something I still struggle with internally, I can never really get rid of the sense of sadness that he should have been more upset at the way she treated me. I know I'm a big girl and should have stuck up more for myself, but he feels that letting go of them as friends was good-why can't i be happy and move on?

 

It happened so long ago, but it left this doubt inside me, because I know what ideally should have been done. Life is not like the movies. No one could understand why he didn't tell the girl off-he admitted to me he was being selfish because he chose to keep relations smooth with his work friends (they are all work buddies-his company is unique in it's fixation on employee bonding) over my needs. So now it is over, he left the flock, is left out of all activities voluntarily. And the telling her her behavior was inappropriate was good, so why do I still feel so ...I don't know.

[squeak]

Squeak - with all due respect, your ex was a pu$$y. He has no backbone, no spine... How could you stand to be with a guy that unassertive? Or at least he was using that as an excuse not to tell her because he liked the attention. You're better off without him.

 

Phateless-he is not my ex--- we are still together!

See my post below. I love him, I hardly ever love anyone. When I am single i stay that way for years, when i fall in love-it is so rare!!

[Phateless]

If I ever have a son, I am going to school him in spotting evil women. And being sympathetic to the love of his life, not hostile and wary. Unfortunately, he may also become a pyscho killer as a result, it could be an interesting experiment.

 

I beg of you, please don't do this... this poor kid will have NO GAME, and will find it impossible to get a woman to go out with him. He'll get walked all over, there will be no challenge, they'll have no interest.

 

I was born and raised in Berkeley and brought up on feminism, the fairy tale, chivalry, etc. I was brought up to be what women thought would make the perfect boyfriend, and guess what? I've had to unlearn almost all of it and try to find a middle ground so that I can get women to like me. Why do you think I got used up for 5 years and then thrown away? I have learned my lesson, and I expect everything to be 50/50 and respect myself.

 

I think in my 30s (i'm 26 now), it will be different, but for now, being the nice guy only repels women or lands me in the friend zone. Don't get me wrong, I do plenty of favors for my female friends, but everything has to be 50/50 and fair.

[squeak]

Squeak - with all due respect, your ex was a pu$$y. He has no backbone, no spine... How could you stand to be with a guy that unassertive? Or at least he was using that as an excuse not to tell her because he liked the attention. You're better off without him.

 

We are still together, it's been a few years now... but do you think his disengaging from the group was good? He told her not to behave that way anymore, and she hasn't. But it was never a dramatic thing, the way i would have like it to have been.

 

Of course I will never know if he liked the attention or was it to preserve the work situation and try to make it drama free through avoidance?

 

For months afterwards I would talk about that, he wouls always assure me, but sometimes I feel I can't move on. My head is stuck back *there*

[Phateless]

Phateless-he is not my ex--- we are still together!

See my post below. I love him, I hardly ever love anyone. When I am single i stay that way for years, when i fall in love-it is so rare!!

 

Well I apologize, and I see his point, but he does sound like a doormat. People don't realize that it is their own responsibility to speak up when something is on their mind. I don't know how many times my ex would start a sentence with "you should have known I would feel..." Well, how should I have known if you didn't tell me? I used to be one of those people who would let something build up inside until I exploded because I was so mad. Eventually, I learned that my feelings are my own and I have to OWN them. If I don't tell someone I'm mad about something, I can't expect them to know, or be upset when they don't. (within reason, of course)

[Phateless]

We are still together, it's been a few years now... but do you think his disengaging from the group was good? He told her not to behave that way anymore, and she hasn't. But it was never a dramatic thing, the way i would have like it to have been.

 

Of course I will never know if he liked the attention or was it to preserve the work situation and try to make it drama free through avoidance?

 

For months afterwards I would talk about that, he wouls always assure me, but sometimes I feel I can't move on. My head is stuck back *there*

 

Why couldn't he have just SAID that without abandoning the group? I think he's being a coward, personally...

 

People always say "i don't want to hurt so and so" when in fact what that really means "i don't want to endure the guilt while watching them feel bad over something I said to them" when in reality, that's the more decent thing to do - ie - letting someone down gently instead of saying flat out "sorry, i'm not interested. we can be friends if you like, but THAT'S IT"