Women overstepping boundaries..wassup with that?

[squeak]

Of course...with all the possibilities out there and women constantly on the prowl looking for a man..if you don't give your man sex..as much as he loves you.. I think..he will start to doubt the relationship and start peeking around.

 

I think with guys they don't need I love you's and cards and all that crap. They want sex. Sex is a majority of how a guy takes that you love him. You cut that off..red alerts go off in his head..and he starts questioning.

 

Can I tell you something? At that time-our intimate life was very much frequent and very, very good. I would always ask if he was more susceptible because he was angry at me, or disappointed, anything, because I know it wasn't for lack of intimacy-THAT's for sure!

 

He said he just did not think people would do things like that, and he probably would have let it get really advanced before he really saw it himself.

 

I was always glad he acknowledged that.

[Phateless]

Can I tell you something? At that time-our intimate life was very much frequent and very, very good. I would always ask if he was more susceptible because he was angry at me, or disappointed, anything, because I know it wasn't for lack of intimacy-THAT's for sure!

 

He said he just did not think people would do things like that, and he probably would have let it get really advanced before he really saw it himself.

 

I was always glad he acknowledged that.

 

Yeah that's definitely a good sign. I'm glad you guys are good again and I hope everything goes well for you squeak. I'm always happy to provide the male perspective and tell you what he's thinking/feeling, even if he doesn't know.

 

For now, I'm off to school to play with all the college girls Oh yeah, maybe I'll learn something too.

[finallyhappyme]

Yeah, really! Sex can be validation for men as well as women... we all forget that. My stupid-ass ex actually tried to make me think she believed I would stay with her for 5 years just for sex...

 

LMAO Damn I can't even laugh because back in my 'DD's' ( dumb days )..lol..I would think the same thing too! lol Its wasn't until after I broke up that I got it lol and I would argue with him and tell him he was obssessed with sex and had a problem lol OMG I feel kinda bad now actually I really did make him go through some crap. The longest Iheld out one time was like a month in a half I don't know how he put up with half of my crap. If I could go back with what I know now..he would have a shrine for me. FACT!

[squeak]

I think he's more of a people pleaser than anything else. Everything you described fits with how I USED to be, before I got strong and started respecting myself, and now my life is 100x better and people like me more. Like me, he probably would have let it progress too far and then drawn the line sharply rather than cheat on you. He loves you.

 

Honestly? His actions reek of low self-esteem, insecurity, passive-aggression and fear of conflict. Basically it all boils down to low self-confidence. I will never again allow myself to be treated that way, no matter who it is. A girl pulls crap with me, I'm gone. Done.

 

He's probably receptive to her because of all these personality traits. Rather than being trodden on because he's too scared to speak up, she makes him priority and it feels good for a change. If he had some f*cking backbone he wouldn't be lowest priority all the time and this wouldn't feel so damn novel and exciting.

 

On top of that, he's ACCIDENTALLY playing it just right to keep her fascinated. He's friendly, shows her a bit of attention, then backs off because he thinks "i have a gf and i love her, i'm not interested in this girl, i don't want her to think i am so i better back off" and then she pursues. He's unattainable and she likes a challenge (you know how women can be). If she managed to steal him away from you, she would rip him to shreds in two weeks (just like Nicole did to me) and then toss him aside.

 

Wow, you are right spot on! I have to tell you-my BF would never think like this-he is not very introspective or pschologiically minded. Sometimes I feel like since being with me, he has developed clearer values/insight into people's hearts.

 

And the part you said his avoidance was only stoking her fires is so true. Where he thought he was backing off, or emotionally distancing, she only saw "playing hard to get". If she went to grab him, he would back away, but not actually explain why he backed away-she would actually try it again and again.

 

I couldn't understand where he wa coming from, but he said he had never had to say "no" to friends before, and this situation was unique for him. He had no experience to draw on.

 

Recently, even though it was all layed to rest, and he told her to stop acting like that and even avoids all of them, espwecialy her- i broke up with him because i could not shake my disappointment. He told me I was letting her win by letting her get into my head like that and making my decisions for me.

 

I am trying to not let her "win". I just want the anger to go away.

[squeak]

Yeah that's definitely a good sign. I'm glad you guys are good again and I hope everything goes well for you squeak. I'm always happy to provide the male perspective and tell you what he's thinking/feeling, even if he doesn't know.

 

For now, I'm off to school to play with all the college girls Oh yeah, maybe I'll learn something too.

 

thanks, I do appreciate the male perspective, and the weigh in of the ladies who KNOW!

[squeak]

I agree that your feelings are yours and you have to OWN them. I too was the type to let things build inside of me until I blew up, or I wouldn't say things to not upset people. Totally wrong way to do things. IMO.

 

It's hard though when your in it..and You can see it perfectly but your SO is in lala land..doubting You. It's a very difficult situation. And then SO wants to make you happy but he can't understand for the life of him why your getting upset about his 'friend' and it's just a really sucky situation.

 

Another poster said an example that reallllllly used to tick me off about my ex bf's friend. Whenever we used to hang out ( I would go along to try and prove to her she couldn't phase me ) and she would discuss the the things I was weaker in and I would try to change the convo to my strong points as well but she would not give up!! She knew I had to stop going to college for a while and my ex didn't really agree with it..so while we would hang out she would talk about how crazy her new school schedule was and then would turn to ME and ask " What's your schedule like this semester??..oh yeah i'm sorry I forgot your not in school right now' then giggle..STUPID CvNT!! lmao . Ohh she would get under my skin. And then worse was when he and I took a break..they ended up at a club drunk one night and ended up kissing! :sick: In front of all of our mutual friends!! Him and I got back together and he told me what happened and he apologized and said he was sorry and it didnt mean anything they were just drunk and it happened. So then I had to hang out with our friends and have to see here at every event/ party. She would talk to me like nothing happened and I never brought it up and it killed me inside. WHen I finally did blow up at a party one time because she said some smart a$$ sh*t everyone tool her side!!! They said i was acting like a baby..that it happened when we were on break..and that it meant nothing and I needed to get over it. I stormed out and she stayed at the party.

 

Anyways just thinking about the night boils my blood. Really i don't think anything has ever made me that angry. He could have kissed 50 million girls that nigth and I wouldnt have cared as much.

 

Now I know better..next guy tells me he just met a cool girl and wants to hang out and be 'friends' I'm catching her alone, I'm looking her in the eyes and I'm telling 'Watch your step sista..thats my man and we're VERY happy and we have amazing SEX EVERY NIGHT' Forget the cool GF role..I'm over it.

 

Wow, the stories read like a formula, don't they?

Subtly undermine the GF while pumping up the BF, then watch the sparks fly.

 

If I could change some things, in hindsight, I would never have been polite to her face and been worried about looking like a freak. By doing that i made it easier for her to step in because I was not causing her ANY discomfort, in fact, to this day, she may even think I did not know what was up. But i was pulling strings behind the scenes.

 

For all girls going through this-I would definitely recommend calling the girl and saying "what is this desperation you are showing? I see through you so back off-understand!"

 

It could cause a split bewtween the GF and BF if he thinks she was overreactive, but it is better for thew girl to see that with her own eyes earlier on.

 

But defnitely never go along with it. I feel I had let it get out of hand by not stepping in and questioning her much earlier too. And I just was nice to her(cordial) even, but expected my BF to tell her off.

[squeak]

And then worse was when he and I took a break..they ended up at a club drunk one night and ended up kissing! :sick: In front of all of our mutual friends!! Him and I got back together and he told me what happened and he apologized and said he was sorry and it didnt mean anything they were just drunk and it happened. So then I had to hang out with our friends and have to see here at every event/ party. She would talk to me like nothing happened and I never brought it up and it killed me inside. WHen I finally did blow up at a party one time because she said some smart a$$ sh*t everyone tool her side!!! They said i was acting like a baby..that it happened when we were on break..and that it meant nothing and I needed to get over it. I stormed out and she stayed at the party.

 

Anyways just thinking about the night boils my blood. Really i don't think anything has ever made me that angry. He could have kissed 50 million girls that nigth and I wouldnt have cared as much.

 

Now I know better..next guy tells me he just met a cool girl and wants to hang out and be 'friends' I'm catching her alone, I'm looking her in the eyes and I'm telling 'Watch your step sista..thats my man and we're VERY happy and we have amazing SEX EVERY NIGHT' Forget the cool GF role..I'm over it.

 

 

It is better you are not with him, that they ended up snogging while you were on a break is the worst. I don't know if I could have recovered from that either. The soil is poisoned, sometimes a new start is best. It is best for you to heal, that was too much, way too much. And publicly-it was over at that moment. I believe there are much better things waiting for you FHM!

[finallyhappyme]

Wow, the stories read like a formula, don't they?

Subtly undermine the GF while pumping up the BF, then watch the sparks fly.

 

If I could change some things, in hindsight, I would never have been polite to her face and been worried about looking like a freak. By doing that i made it easier for her to step in because I was not causing her ANY discomfort, in fact, to this day, she may even think I did not know what was up. But i was pulling strings behind the scenes.

 

For all girls going through this-I would definitely recommend calling the girl and saying "what is this desperation you are showing? I see through you so back off-understand!"

 

It could cause a split bewtween the GF and BF if he thinks she was overreactive, but it is better for thew girl to see that with her own eyes earlier on.

 

But defnitely never go along with it. I feel I had let it get out of hand by not stepping in and questioning her much earlier too. And I just was nice to her(cordial) even, but expected my BF to tell her off.

 

Exactly my point. The earlier you show her who's really boss the better it is. The longer you continue to play blind the more the situation will spiral out of control and soon you won't be able to step into it.

 

If I am ever faced with this situation again..I'm showing who's boss. If not your opening the doors to let her walk all over you. If she's doing this..then she has probably done it before. She's expecting you feel it..then try and be the cool gf and not get in it, so that your bf doesn't think your crazy. The LAST thing she is expecting is for you to come at her directly and tell her 'What's your problem home wrecker?' lol Not in those words exactly but you get my drift.

[sweetem]

 

Why do women think it's ok to text, call, go to dinner with guys who are in a committed relationship?

 

Would love some input.

 

The answer to your question is because guys let the girls. He sure isnt talking about you, because no one gets the idea that a guy is available (when hes not) if he really isn't.

 

And your ex should NEVER have met up with this girl to do homework. Thats wrong, even if his intentions were good.

[finallyhappyme]

It is better you are not with him, that they ended up snogging while you were on a break is the worst. I don't know if I could have recovered from that either. The soil is poisoned, sometimes a new start is best. It is best for you to heal, that was too much, way too much. And publicly-it was over at that moment. I believe there are much better things waiting for you FHM!

 

 

Yes could you imagine your girl problem..making out drunkily ( word?) in front of all your mutual friends? AFTER EVERYTHING that you had been complaining about~! Then finally saying something about it and everyone telling you to be more mature about the situation, that they are just friends and they were drunk and it just happened, that he is with me to get over it!!!! :mad: I literally felt as if I was going crazy!!!! And that's just one of the problems we had. I let him slide with so much crap.

[squeak]

Exactly my point. The earlier you show her who's really boss the better it is. The longer you continue to play blind the more the situation will spiral out of control and soon you won't be able to step into it.

 

If I am ever faced with this situation again..I'm showing who's boss. If not your opening the doors to let her walk all over you. If she's doing this..then she has probably done it before. She's expecting you feel it..then try and be the cool gf and not get in it, so that your bf doesn't think your crazy. The LAST thing she is expecting is for you to come at her directly and tell her 'What's your problem home wrecker?' lol Not in those words exactly but you get my drift.

 

Yeah they are good at it, I recall this girl saying she didn't know why female friends would sometimes just suddenly drop out of her life. I couldn't tell if she was that narcisstic or playing another game.

 

But I also agree with Sweet M, the girls don't just do it if they keep getting flat out rejection and a firm "NO!". There has to be some indication that all lights are go. By being passive, that was bad too. I mean for my situation-not you fhm

[Phateless]

SOME girls will continue after a flat out NO!, but at least that way it's much more apparent what's really going on. It's a tough balance because you can't show too much jealousy because that gives away insecurity, but you also have to step up and say "you're flirting with my man and it makes me uncomfortable. he's with me, and he's not interested in you. ask him."

 

One of my friends (i got to keep all the cool friends in the breakup ) when we first met was living with Sveta, and I remember her asking Sveta right in front of me "can your boyfriend take me for a ride on the back of his motorcycle?" before she even asked me. I thought that was hilarious, respectful, and very classy of Charlie. She's a sweetie and still a good friend.

[squeak]

SOME girls will continue after a flat out NO!, but at least that way it's much more apparent what's really going on. It's a tough balance because you can't show too much jealousy because that gives away insecurity, but you also have to step up and say "you're flirting with my man and it makes me uncomfortable. he's with me, and he's not interested in you. ask him."

 

YES! YES! YES!

 

Those are the magic words! Now where is my time machine... hrmmm I know it's around here somewhere.

[Phateless]

YES! YES! YES!

 

Those are the magic words! Now where is my time machine... hrmmm I know it's around here somewhere.

 

Haha, it's in the shop, sorry. And lol at me being spot on... remember what I said about always being right? lol (no arrogant)

[squeak]

Gosh, i know I can't use my handy time machine, but I really believe if i had said that to her the FIRST time I saw some bad behavior on her part, I really believe she would have been embarassed enough to not have kept it up.

 

Instead-she grew bolder and bolder -human nature wants to crush that which does not object to it's bad side. In other words-shrink from what you fear and it will win.

 

On the other hand, I recall a post here where a poster said she would never step up to the girl-that if her BF did not or could not handle it she would walk. I tried to be like that, just put him on the spot to tell her off while I stood idly be pretending she didn't bother me, but I was not true to myself and my intincts.

 

Well-I also learned different strokes for different folks-that would have consumed me. But it is good for people who can walk away with out a look back.

[Phateless]

Well to me, if your partner isn't willing to say something, that lets you know where they stand on the relationship to a certain extent. Your situation is a little different because he was uncomfortable too, he was just a big wuss.

 

With my situation where it was one of her close friends and she initiated a lot of the hanging out, the fact that she wasn't willing to tone it down even when I asked should have tipped me off that she wasn't invested in the relationship at all. (talking about Sveta and her inappropriate friendships)

[finallyhappyme]

SOME girls will continue after a flat out NO!, but at least that way it's much more apparent what's really going on. It's a tough balance because you can't show too much jealousy because that gives away insecurity, but you also have to step up and say "you're flirting with my man and it makes me uncomfortable. he's with me, and he's not interested in you. ask him."

 

 

 

Love the ending..ASK HIM. PERFECT! Wish I had a time machine too

 

Squeak what you need ta do.. is go home and rock your mans world and be happy he is still in your life. jk

[squeak]

Hey, I just want to thank you Phateless and finallyhappyme for this talk, it helped a lot, you guys/gals are the coolest!

[finallyhappyme]

Hey, I just want to thank you Phateless and finallyhappyme for this talk, it helped a lot, you guys/gals are the coolest!

 

Anytime..Your cool peoples!! I was able to let off a bunch of steam & hear a guys side on it.

 

I Loveshack.

[Phateless]

Happy to help, sweetie! Don't hesitate to pm or IM or whatever if you need anything.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

When I like a guy I just go by whether he likes me or not.

 

I don't care if he has a wife, girlfriend, fiancée or whatever.

 

I only care the way he responds to me.

 

See, there are some type of guys:

 

1) The one that doesn't like you.

 

That one you can tell because you tell him that you are going to have major surgery, maybe an amputation, and he forgets all about it. Like you never mentioned it. He goes, Ah right! You told me, didn't you? The one that you tell him where you are from and he couldn't remember if you were born in Italy or Vietnam. The one that when he sees you he goes, oh no!

 

Ok, that guy doesn't like you, leave him alone.

 

2) The one that is in a happy relationship.

 

That one may be interested in you, interested in knowing about your surgery, be glad to see you. But, you get this "priest" look. Is like talking to some professor, or some... priest. You can sense that there is some wall, or some blank in his stare. Is like he is "gone". He may be polite but he is out of there.

 

Forget this guy, you are not even interested in him anymore, his wall is completely discouraging, in fact, I want him to stay married and happy forever, this guy rocks.

 

3) The one that likes you

 

Ok, this guy may be in a relationship or whatever, but he is completely receptive. He is thrilled to see you, he wants to spend time with you, he loves to touch you, he wants to know all about you, he gets flustered, he wants to do nice things for you, he cares about you, he remembers everything you tell him etc.

 

Ok, if I like that guy, I'd just go for it.

 

4) The flirt.

 

Ok, I hate this guy. I've gotten in major trouble because of this guy. Basically he is just like number three, except that he doesn't want anything to do with you. Moment of truth comes, oh, I'm not interested.

 

Ariadne

[Phateless]

The problem with that, Adriadne, is that I wouldn't want a girl who is "steal-able". If she'll do it to him to get with me, she'll do it to me eventually to get with someone else. I think you're pretty right on with most of what you say, however. I think people in relationships often have crushes on someone else, but that doesn't mean they act inappropriately or cross the line.

 

I hear what you're saying tho... If I sense a girl is into me but she has a bf, 95% of the time I will back the hell off because I don't want to get into the middle of all that. If I REALLY REALLY like her... it might be different, but I'd still always wonder when she'd do the same thing to me.

[underpants]

Hi,

 

When I like a guy I just go by whether he likes me or not.

 

I don't care if he has a wife, girlfriend, fiancée or whatever.

 

I only care the way he responds to me.

 

 

How is that working out for you so far?

[finallyhappyme]

Hi,

 

When I like a guy I just go by whether he likes me or not.

 

I don't care if he has a wife, girlfriend, fiancée or whatever.

 

I only care the way he responds to me.

 

See, there are some type of guys:

 

1) The one that doesn't like you.

 

That one you can tell because you tell him that you are going to have major surgery, maybe an amputation, and he forgets all about it. Like you never mentioned it. He goes, Ah right! You told me, didn't you? The one that you tell him where you are from and he couldn't remember if you were born in Italy or Vietnam. The one that when he sees you he goes, oh no!

 

Ok, that guy doesn't like you, leave him alone.

 

2) The one that is in a happy relationship.

 

That one may be interested in you, interested in knowing about your surgery, be glad to see you. But, you get this "priest" look. Is like talking to some professor, or some... priest. You can sense that there is some wall, or some blank in his stare. Is like he is "gone". He may be polite but he is out of there.

 

Forget this guy, you are not even interested in him anymore, his wall is completely discouraging, in fact, I want him to stay married and happy forever, this guy rocks.

 

3) The one that likes you

 

Ok, this guy may be in a relationship or whatever, but he is completely receptive. He is thrilled to see you, he wants to spend time with you, he loves to touch you, he wants to know all about you, he gets flustered, he wants to do nice things for you, he cares about you, he remembers everything you tell him etc.

 

Ok, if I like that guy, I'd just go for it.

 

4) The flirt.

 

Ok, I hate this guy. I've gotten in major trouble because of this guy. Basically he is just like number three, except that he doesn't want anything to do with you. Moment of truth comes, oh, I'm not interested.

 

Ariadne

 

 

Thanks for your honesty Ariadne... yet again another point of view.. So do you even feel bad for guy number 3's gf? At all...would you still go after him after having met her..would you play the friend card to get to him?

 

Wouldn't you wonder if you were able to steal guy number 3..that some other girl could steal him from you?

[squeak]

Hi,

 

When I like a guy I just go by whether he likes me or not.

 

I don't care if he has a wife, girlfriend, fiancée or whatever.

 

I only care the way he responds to me.

 

See, there are some type of guys:

 

1) The one that doesn't like you.

 

That one you can tell because you tell him that you are going to have major surgery, maybe an amputation, and he forgets all about it. Like you never mentioned it. He goes, Ah right! You told me, didn't you? The one that you tell him where you are from and he couldn't remember if you were born in Italy or Vietnam. The one that when he sees you he goes, oh no!

 

Ok, that guy doesn't like you, leave him alone.

 

2) The one that is in a happy relationship.

 

That one may be interested in you, interested in knowing about your surgery, be glad to see you. But, you get this "priest" look. Is like talking to some professor, or some... priest. You can sense that there is some wall, or some blank in his stare. Is like he is "gone". He may be polite but he is out of there.

 

Forget this guy, you are not even interested in him anymore, his wall is completely discouraging, in fact, I want him to stay married and happy forever, this guy rocks.

 

3) The one that likes you

 

Ok, this guy may be in a relationship or whatever, but he is completely receptive. He is thrilled to see you, he wants to spend time with you, he loves to touch you, he wants to know all about you, he gets flustered, he wants to do nice things for you, he cares about you, he remembers everything you tell him etc.

 

Ok, if I like that guy, I'd just go for it.

 

4) The flirt.

 

Ok, I hate this guy. I've gotten in major trouble because of this guy. Basically he is just like number three, except that he doesn't want anything to do with you. Moment of truth comes, oh, I'm not interested.

 

Ariadne

 

This is a good list for a person to observe which of the ones on the list their Signifigant other is.

 

Personally--I would have freaked out if my SO ever touched another girl or instigated/reciprocated.

 

He would always tense up when that one girl I mentioned would do it, or he would move away. But yeah-the guy in a relationship who reciprocates that ain't with CR*P! Def not worth fighting for.

 

My BF also has a really good memory and can recall anything, so i can see how that could be taken as complimentary if someone wanted to take it personally! It is the overall sum that matters.