Why do men leave home permanently, yet never divorce?

[head.heart& hand]

I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,

yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

 

Why not follow through---Please share.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm living that way now. My H and I went through our emotional separation three years ago. We continued to live together, but in separate rooms for a while until he got up the money for this townhouse he was saving up for. When he got the money together, he moved out and got his townhouse. I stayed here. In my state, the only thing you have to do to prove that you are legally separated is to be living in a separate residences.

 

From that day, you have a year and a day until you can file for divorce. We were going to file in June, but the way things are going there really isn't any reason to. Neither of us are seeing anyone now, and the only thing a divorce would accomplish for us is that it would set us back several hundred dollars, and we would have to go to court since we have a child together. So... why bother?

 

Its not like we hate each other or anything. We are still very much a part of each other's lives, great friends (with no romantic or sexual complications) and consider each other family and stuff like that, so staying married on paper isn't exactly a drawback.

 

I expect that one day we'll reach a point where it will become necessary. We were going to go ahead with it since I was planning on starting a life with my boyfriend, but since he dumped me there really isn't any urgency there now. If my exH found someone, and wanted to start a life with her then I would have done the same for him.

 

Married, divorced, seeing other people - no difference with us, really. We will have the same relationship regardless. I guess sharing a child has a large part to do with that, but we were great friends before our child came along and will remain so for the rest of our lives.

[Enema]

Possibly I'm naive on the subject, but I would imagine it stems from both being a painful hassle and being very costly.

[Saxis]

I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,

yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

 

Why not follow through---Please share.

 

Because men get reamed in the arse with a red hot poker in divorce court....

[dgiirl]

My ex did the same. Left, had no intention of coming back, yet did not file for the divorce. After 5 months of waiting for his sorry ass to get the ball rolling, I filed.

 

I asked a mutual male friend why he would leave and yet not file for a divorce. He said "He just does not want to be married to you. Right now, in his mind, he's not married to you. That's enough for him".

[shadowofman]

Same reason that I'm not getting married in the first place. Too much damn hassle.

[smokiejjj]

I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,

yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

 

Why not follow through---Please share.

 

I look it it from my perspective. I have been married 11 months in PA. If I file for divorce my wife can file for what is called "alimony pendent lite", this means "alimony pending litigation" and if she wants it lasts for 2 years. This is 40% of my after tax income she gets. She does not work but is a student. That is just simply unfair - 11 months of marriage and she gets 2 years of this "alimony pending litigation". And this is a no fault state - so nobody has to be at fault. It is for this very reason I'm hesitating about filing - in fact right now I try to be on good terms with her and give her money just so I don't get hit with the 40%.

 

She can get this for 2 years by simply not agreeing to the divorce terms. After 2 years of separation the courts in PA force the divorce.

 

I do not blame women or feminist movement for this insane law in PA. I blame the lawyers - because they know by having this crazy law there end ups being more legal fees. With the money ( money that I work for ) she can pay lawyers to go after me. It is so insane. It is just crazy. My lawyer tells me just settle with her if at all possible - just pay her a big junk so she doesn't invoke the nuclear alimony pending litigation.

 

I really have no recourse except I have a couple of aces in the hole. 1st is since we have been married real estate has taken a big hit which means the house lost value - she has to take half of this loss in value. The 2nd ace in the hole and it is not that big a one is that in PA I can force her into counseling - this might aggravate her just to settle. A third is she is pretty young 25 and maybe does not want to drag out a marriage for 2 plus years as it may hurt her chances of finding the another guy.. being married can put a damper on meeting others.