Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I broke nc, and now I feel incredibly sad. I am pondering on such things as "Why is love in human relationships so shallow?", "Is there really such a thing as love amongst humans?", "Am I just an idealist?" and "Why do I feel the need for love so much?". Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Hey Spind, howcome you broke NC? Ill give you my views on your ponders with your benefit to progress in mind. "Why is love in human relationships so shallow" First of all you don't have a relationship with him. you cant except him to give love if there isnt a relationship. he cannont give you what you want or need, if he could, for that matter if anyone could give somebody else what they want/need there would be no such thing as love like it is now, rare and beautiful. Love is special because for it to work between 2 people as you know it has to be just right, and that doesnt come along for every relationship that tries it. you know that. your relationship with your ex may have been a beautiful one, but it is now over. it doesnt mean that you failed or he failed. nobody is a failure. it was an experience for you. and we know what we gain from experiences. he cannot pretend to love you, like you, support you, make you feel better because it shouldnt have to. when we can understand that love comes in TWO forms. SUPPORT and CHALLANGE. EX. Support: "you are wonderful, i will always love you, my darling etc etc CHALLANGE: "it doesnt feel right for me to be with you" "i want to be on my own" "you make me angry" etc etc etc if you were only given support as a child from your family you wouldnt be able to survive in the world as and adult. if you only were given challange as a child you wouldnt survive in your family. when you understand and accept this you see that love is all around. in those two forms, and both have gifts to give. "Is there really such a thing as love amongst humans" are you asking is there really such a thing as love against humans, or are you asking "is there going to be any one to love me as much as i love them" give yourself time. you know that there is love amongst humans. you have felt it. you see it between children and parents, families, old couples who demonstrate how to stay in love the list in endless. yes love is amongst humans, and if you let it, there will be for you too. "Am I just an idealist" well, what are you really asking?? is this the same question before but just written differently? love does exist. the kind that makes you reach for the moon. your not just dreaming about something that only happens in fairytales. people experience love every day. when you find that right person you will know why it didnt work with him. but he wont come along yet as your not ready. it wouldnt be fair to either of you. "Why do I feel the need for love so much?" how long have you felt this? your whole life? as an adult? during the relationship? only since the break up? if its only since the break up then you knwo it is a part of your healing and if you are kind to yourself it will pass if it stems from childhood then you have something deeper that you need to recognise. i will tell you that every single person on this planet who has a problem that is holding them back from growing whether it is from a breakup, from childhood, progressing in work, school, comes down to 5 words. when you start to get into the depths of your own issues, and clear some cobwebs people find that the real problem is "i am not good enough" if you cant love someone its because you dont love your self i am not good enough if you are needing love and support ALL the time because you cant give it to yourself i am not good enough if you are angry at people if you are sad it all boils down to those 5 words. lift yourself back up and enjoy who you are. tell yourself everday in the mirror looking into your own eyes that you love yourself. remember who you are and what experiences you have been through to make you who you are and be greatful. you will find love spind. i know it. your a very caring kind person with a lot of love to give. just concentrate on yourself and instead of asking and doubting love find yourself and what you love about yourself and concentrate on that for a few months doing the things you love. This is all about you, and it is very very personal. i mean what is more personal than your heart and soul?? you are going through something SO valuable. the opportunities for you now to grow as aloving person are endless. take it. make it about you noone else, not your ex, not love in general, not the world but about you. Jmina Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Jmina, wow. Spind, I'm reaching through to love you and hold you and encourage you. You do this for me so often. Thank you for being you. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Jmina, I am not going to properly reply to your post, because I want to read and absorb it a few more times. All I know is that it spoke to me on a very deep level. I guess I feel that I dont love enough, although, I have felt such love before. I feel I lost it a long time ago, and that is what I am unhappy with, because whether other people love enough only touches me peripherally. Thankyou x Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Jmina, wow. Spind, I'm reaching through to love you and hold you and encourage you. You do this for me so often. Thank you for being you. Carrot Carrot. Thankyou too x You two girls just made me cry. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 spind i wrote in the last paragraph to find yourself and do what you love. i would like to change that and ask you to create yourself, and do what you love. your life, your loves, your plan to life for to everday, needs creating to benefit you. only once you have created then you will find you. =) Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I reread your post Jmina. Sometimes someone can say something which brings such stunning revelations. It is a gift to be able to see and write to this effect, and I thank you for that. Carrot has done this for me too in the past. And creating, rather than finding, I understand. Also, I think, "remembering". Not in the mental sense though. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Thankyou spind. I really am glad that i was able to help you some way. when i read that our posts had moved you, that touched me and i felt moved also. and we are 1000's of miles apart! how amazing. hop back on track spind, you deserve too. Jmina x Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Very nicely written post Jmina, a lot of wisdom there Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Actually Spind, continuing on about The Zahir. It looks at the way we deal with happiness in life and how we sort of build up this world around us: husband or wife, nice car, house, kids etc. When we have 'everything' we still find we are sad and we don't even know why. I'm even more certain that you should read it now! I'll even send you my copy Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Actually Spind, continuing on about The Zahir. It looks at the way we deal with happiness in life and how we sort of build up this world around us: husband or wife, nice car, house, kids etc. When we have 'everything' we still find we are sad and we don't even know why. I'm even more certain that you should read it now! I'll even send you my copy LOL. Thankyou for making me smile. I was afraid to read this thread anymore because everytime I read a response I kept crying, and I have a meeting soon! I am definetly going to get a copy of this book. I love reading anyway and it sounds good. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 That's good news Have a good meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Hi Spind I was surprised and also sad to see you post. As you know you have been very supportive and offered much afvice to many of my posts, been a rock in fact, I thank you for that. Surprised that you broke NC and of course sad that you were down because you had. Jmina made a great post, it said a lot to me also, ty Jmina. "Why do I feel the need for love so much?". I am feeling that to, too late for my liking. Its all I have ever wanted in my life. It became and probably still is an obsession, but I know now that the love I need I must find within myself. My heart goes out to you Spind.. /hugs x Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Bos . I know, I know, I surprise myself sometimes! I am still reflecting on Jminas amazing post. For me it was feeling that my love is not as unconditional as I would like it to be. I was sad for what I percieved as the human condition. But Jminas post blew all of that apart. I was sad for feeling I needed love, another aspect of the human condition. I am still reflecting..... Thankyou Bos, you have also always been a great help to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I have to admit I was feeling a little bit guilty because I saw this come up after I'd broken NC - I hope I didn't 'inspire' you I think a lot of people hold an idea of unconditional love as a sort of ideal Spind. I know I do. Perhaps sometimes we just have to be okay with needing things. At the same time we need to remember that true love can be found once we value and love ourselves. Once your heart is already filled with love, perhaps that need drifts away. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I have to admit I was feeling a little bit guilty because I saw this come up after I'd broken NC - I hope I didn't 'inspire' you No, no Matt. You cant take credit for this. I think a lot of people hold an idea of unconditional love as a sort of ideal Spind. I know I do. Perhaps sometimes we just have to be okay with needing things. At the same time we need to remember that true love can be found once we value and love ourselves. Once your heart is already filled with love, perhaps that need drifts away. Who knows. Yes. Very good words. The thing is, I have spent alot of time connecting with the universal, unconditional, internal peace and love, and yet... And thats a silly thing to say, because mostly, I am ok. I just started out with alot to work through... Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I was sad for feeling I needed love Yoiks! Even plants need love You don't have to be so very brave all the time. You can rest and everyone will still love you. It's okay. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Haha. Thanks Carrot. Its true, even plants need love. Maybe you are right, maybe I am always trying to be brave. Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Hey guys, how is everyone feelin? I hope what i wrote to spind made sense, if you need me explain parts of it in more detail i would be happy to do that. just ask. Bos:I am feeling that to, too late for my liking. Its all I have ever wanted in my life. It became and probably still is an obsession, but I know now that the love I need I must find within myself. this is exactly right. it is wonderful that you can see that now. if we can truly love the mind body and spirit that we carry and own it, if we can recognise our talents, what makes us happy, what fills us with love, what we like to learn, like to spend time doing, being kind to ourselves and others, if we can take a step back and just reflect on what we are saying to ourselves and others we will move forward. only then we will start to disolve bitterness, hate, jealousy, resentment, self-doubts. and disove it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 you wouldnt survive in your family. Ive always felt like a failure for not surviving in my family Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 how did you 'fail' in your family? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Because I wasnt happy within it, and I left, I rarely see them etc etc Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 okay. noone can give you the love that you need, until you love yourself. we teach people how to treat us. we really do. what we give out is what we get back. you actually encourage any behaviour that you receive whether it is positive or negative by any actions that you make or any responses you make. I dont know your situation with your family, but ill take a wild guess. your family would and im sure do have an unconditional love for you. no matter what resentment, bitterness or awkwardness is there. I see a trend happening. Correct me if i am wrong. but i can only help from what i know you werent happy in your family. you werent happy in your relationship as you felt your love wasnt unconditional. now you are yearning to be loved. So i assume that you didnt recieve the love that you longed for or support that you needed from your family. and it could be a lot of different reasons. that seem silly at the time but mean a lot in the end. did you grow up surrounded by love? if not then you wil find it hard to love your self and others. or did you walk into a room and once and didnt recieve the welcome, that someone else did as a child, or someones eyes didnt light up for you like they did for someone else? or is it something that was from more recent events that led you to walk out on them? but i find it hard to belive that you would walk out on your family if you grew up feeling loved, supported, encourage, and challanged. i am willing to talk this through with you and help as much as i can. through email or messages somewhere. Jmina p.s. i could be riiight off the ball here. but i will find the problem with more info. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 I need to think about your post Jmina. I am not sure of the answers, I just do what works best for me at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 No, no Matt. You cant take credit for this. That was a joke btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts