Jmina Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 and how is it working for you... you don't have to answer that. but something to ponder. stay strong. i will if you will! lol Jmina Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 I dont know what is wrong with me, I've really sunk into a depression. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 That was a joke btw. *grin* I know Spind *hugs* Hope you feel better today. I've hit a low again. I'm trying to make a decision as to whether to stay with her as a friend (and the pain that is likely to cause me) or just going now and leaving her be. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 *grin* I know Spind *hugs* Hope you feel better today. I've hit a low again. I'm trying to make a decision as to whether to stay with her as a friend (and the pain that is likely to cause me) or just going now and leaving her be. *sigh* Hey it might not be a bad idea to put a little space in and let your emotions calm then see if you can have a more true friendship. After a few months break you may not even want it, but if you do, maybe you can be the friend that you would like to be. If you love her, frinedship will give you more heartache than you need. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Yeah man, The problem is I really do love her, still, despite all the things she's said to me. I can't help shaking the feeling that I will always want more and perhaps our paths have to go different ways for now. I'm afraid of walking away you know, because that means there is no chance. Perhaps I need to be more trusting and accept if it's meant to be ... it will be. I've had a month NC and this contact has hurt - because of what she said. In a way I'm starting to think I'm addicted to the pain - I'm used to playing the victim role and I'm not comfortable with the idea that I might become strong and happy. I keep banging my head on this one. It's painful. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Yeah i can understand, but if you look to yourself, you may be able to fix whats wrong, and you may find that you may be very happy, and that will project out of you in a positive way to your ex, and everyone else. In 3 months do you want to be where you are now,or a stronger Mattey Tee?. It hard to move on from some1 you love, in my case i had to let go of 3 kids as well. That killed me as i loved them all so much, but i really used my open heart to learn and grow. i guess what also helped was the fact that her ex hubby text her stuff along the lines of her being selfish, so i guess it wasnt just me who found her hard to be with. BE strong man, once your out of her tractor beam, you will break free of the pain, and doors will open for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Yeah man, The problem is I really do love her, still, despite all the things she's said to me. I can't help shaking the feeling that I will always want more and perhaps our paths have to go different ways for now. I'm afraid of walking away you know, because that means there is no chance. Perhaps I need to be more trusting and accept if it's meant to be ... it will be. I've had a month NC and this contact has hurt - because of what she said. In a way I'm starting to think I'm addicted to the pain - I'm used to playing the victim role and I'm not comfortable with the idea that I might become strong and happy. I keep banging my head on this one. It's painful. Matt, if you cant make a decision, then dont make one yet. Take more time for yourself. It can be difficult to let go of a role, because our minds keep playing the same things over and over. I dont know if you do meditation, but it can help, if nothing else, to identify recurring themes in your mind. Try to believe that whatever is happening is happening for your benefit. Dont think about walking away as final, but, just as taking some more time to reflect. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Hope you feel better today. I've hit a low again. No, I dont feel beter today. I feel much much worse. I have hit a low too. This is always my lifes way of telling me I am not moving in the right direction, so I know I need to redirect again. I have not been doing any of the things I usually do to keep me on track, and I know I have to get back to that. So, in many ways, this is not a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 I'm sorry Spind. I'm sending you lots of good vibes! *hug* I'm feeling worse too. I've just spent an hour or so wandering around outside - it was good to have some fresh air. I kept crying and having to avoid street lamps and large groups of happy folks in case they saw You are right about meditation too. I've worked on that a little bit. I just try and hold on to the love in my heart and let all the anger, pain and hurt go. It does help sometimes but there are other times when you just feel weak. All I can do today is curl up and cry Take care everyone. Be well Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Hey all.. Spind and Matt.. Really sorry you are both low at the moment. As we have all mentioned in posts before, its at these times all you can do is keep riding these rough seas out, calmer times will follow, then some more rough but not quite as bad. Ups and downs, a real mix, thats how I am finding it. During my lower times I try not to struggle with it, I try and simply let it wash over me, cover my head and heart as best I can know that above all these storm clouds the sun is still shining, it will always be there, the clouds will come and go. Take care, be strong.. /hugs Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Spind, why so low? What was the trigger? You wanna talk about it? {{{{hugs}}} Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hey Bos, You are right man, of course. That's what I love about this place is the fact that there is such great support when we have our downs. Then when we feel stronger we are able to send out love to those feeling down. I just had a nice chat with my brother so I'm feeling a little better. Still a bit angry and still a few tears but as you say I have to ride it out Cheers man, and hey Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hey Matty Bos my pie party mate. Where is Ms. Spindy? Come out and get some lovering girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hey Its raining for me this morning Dreamt of her last nite, only briefly, but enough wake up gutted again. Sux. "Well I know that its a wonderful world but I cant feel it right now". Yeah that James Morrison song was playing on the radio to. Oh for some pie Carrot! Link to post Share on other sites
Jmina Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Oh guys. =( i hope you all can pick up soon. Spind i'm sending you strength and love and i hope you can find some direction soon, and keep hopeful. Jmina Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hello People , I'm really feeling all your good and loving vibes, and soon as I regain my strength, I am sending you all healing back. Blessings x Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Really rubbish day, been low all thru it. These mixed emotions from day to day are staggering at the moment. Maybe coz its getting to a weekend, got a few things planned, but nothing can compare to how I used to feel when I was with her at a weekend. Going thru a real big change in my life currently, I have to, but its not easy. At times I dont think I can pull through, too much has been knocked out of me, but I know I must keep trying. This has to make me stronger.. Bestest wishes my friends. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Dont mean to jump in here but I have been on NC for a little while now...Then Halloween night I was out of town at a party and stupid inebriated me txt my ex a pic of my costume. She called me about an hour later and I answered the phone. It was a quick conversation but it was the first time she has called me to just chat. Wished me fun and all that. Talk about a buzz kill. I had a great time but now Im back to wondering back and forth again. I know its still early on in my acceptance stage but my feelings have not wavered once since we split and I hate that. I feel the same as you Matt...I love her so much but I need to accept that if we are really meant to be together, I just have to let things happen on there own. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 Hey Bos, Sorry it's another crappy day man. You know this, but you'll have a good day soon. Each day you'll be working through more stuff even if you don't realise it, I think that's why we feel exhausted but without realising it that energy is being spent on healing too. For example, the worst day of the week for me is the day I see my counselor. The appointment is 11am and afterwards I go home and crash out for like 4 / 5 hours - it's emotional exhaustion and my body needs rest. Hey Niceguy, nice to see you here man. What can I say. I understand exactly how you feel, my feelings haven't wavered once. Sometimes it would be easier if I had doubts or could be happy that it was over - the problem is that even the negatives of the relationship I view positively now, as learning points, as lessons I needed to learn. *sigh* I hope you both feel better! I'm gonna go spend some time blog-writing and then bed. At least I managed to get out tonight and go for dinner with my sister and her Fiance. I just miss my Fiance, that's all. Oh... ex-Fiance ... still getting used to that Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 There will be certain triggers in our life that we just want to communcate again.... But we all know we can not control what our ex's want..... Keep doing N/C as do we really want to feel the pain of being rejected again and starting over??? Time...... Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 I'm still believing it's possible that it can work out between us. Okay slap me silly and call me Betty but I do I realise it's a lot further in the future than I hoped and it's likely she'll date other people too. Ah well, it's not a problem - I'm getting to know myself pretty well and I'm a pretty nice guy. I might take myself out on a 2nd date Link to post Share on other sites
Bosiell Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 I'm still believing it's possible that it can work out between us. Okay slap me silly and call me Betty but I do I realise it's a lot further in the future than I hoped and it's likely she'll date other people too. Ah well, it's not a problem - I'm getting to know myself pretty well and I'm a pretty nice guy. I might take myself out on a 2nd date /clap Gotta luv ur attiude Matt Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 Haha! I'm on a flippin' rollercoaster today I tell ya. My blog is getting as about emotional as I can get Ah well, for all those in the UK goodnight folks, may you dream of nothing but ice cream and other yummy delights! Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 Princess Spinderella, I'm so proud of you for resting! You're being loved from afar. Picturing Spind in my head and sending a spiritual bolus. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 3, 2007 Share Posted November 3, 2007 Bos. Get well. Carrot, thankyou. I'm not resting yet, but preparing for a great rest . Getting things organised so that I can spend alot of time being peaceful and restoring myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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