what would you say?

[snowandwind]

i met this guy through a friend of mine one year ago. although we are the same asian people but he's been born and raised here and i came here for my stuides. after a couple of get- togethers, he somehow realized that he was not ready for any development in our relationship.

 

i had some feelings for him but i've been trying to get over it when i came to know his thinking. but i've been keeping in touch with him through emails once a week or so ('cuz we cannot see each other due to our works and distance).

 

in my emails i usually share things around me and ask what he's thinking of what i've been dealing with. i enjoy listening to his views 'cause he has a very different way to see things (he's rational, pragmatic; i'm rather emotional) and usually gives me good advice when i need some.

 

i confess to you guys that i still have some debries of feelings. many times i thought of quitting my contact with him. actually, i did once (for a couple of months). but i ended up thinking (or would it be my justifying?) it's better to continue corresponding with him than to lose such a person from whom i can learn a lot. so i started to writing to him again.

 

what bothers me is that he replies my email but never initiates writing first to me. he said he's neither annoyed nor uncomfortable with me keeping touch with him. what he's worried about is if his words and actions might mislead me into some wrong impressions (like he has interests in me). i haven't got any wrong signs. what i was concern about was if i were a fest to him.

but he said he considers me a good friend.

 

i still think if i keep emailing him, he would reply me; if i stop doing it, that would be it. is it possible for you to do like this to somebody you consider a friend?

 

if you were me, what would you do?

[luvmyboys]

If I were you, I'd stop emailing him and move on. He's obviously not interested in any type of romantic relationship, and has even said he does not want to lead you on.

 

I know it's difficult, but from what you've written, your desire to stay friends is very one sided. He's probably just being polite and doesn't want to hurt you; he's made it very clear there will be nothing more, I can't see why you persue someone just to fulfill your own needs. The longer you keep doing this, the longer you'll have feelings for him that will not be returned.

 

I don't mean to be so blunt, but I did the same thing with an old boyfriend years ago. Thought if I just kept myself in his surroundings, showed up where he was, wrote him a few letters, that he would come begging to take him back. Was I ever wrong. Actually, he told me I was too good for him and he wasn't ready to settle down. Funny thing, he was right. I was too good for him and he did me a huge favor even though it hurt like hell. I gave up on him, and met the man I am married to about six months later.

 

So all in all, try to find the strength to stop contacting him, it just prolongs the agony. Good luck.

[Kali]

There's nothing wrong with staying in contact as long as he is a genuinely interesting person ie if you were to take away your romantic feelings for him. Life is short so try not to lose genuine friends, but on the other hand if you are after a husband, stop wasting your time. Keeping in contact every week must be agony for you. Try once a month and then slightly less often. Good friends and soulmates remain loyal even with just a little contact. Take up a new hobby and find another love interest and see if you still feel like keeping in contact.

[snowandwind]

luvmyboys and kali,

 

i appreciate your insights and advice. they helped me straighten out some thoughts and have more courage to empty futile expectation and move on my life.

 

thanks again and wish you the best,