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Any other women out there who just don't like sex??

ktkingster

By ktkingster
in General Relationship Discussion

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ktkingster Member

ktkingster

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I just really dont care for sex. I am 25 years old, in love with my partner, but sex hurts me sometime and other times its just plain boring and is basically a chore that puts off sleep. i cannot orgasm from sex .. and even when my partner makes me orgasm first, and Then we have sex, i still just wish he would hurry up and get it over with. Sometimes he complains that I dont seem like i like it, and well frankly, i dont ... i just dont get any pleasure from penetration at all .. no matter what i do .. and playing with my cllit during it is useless, i cant feel a thing. all i feel is the huge filling penetration and it does nothing for me and often times hurts because im not fully ready for sex, because its hard to get horny when u know that you are not going to enjoy whats coming. anyone else, at all????:sick:

Fun2BMe Established Member

Fun2BMe

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i cannot orgasm from sex .. and even when my partner makes me orgasm first, and Then we have sex, i still just wish he would hurry up and get it over with.

 

Maybe you should try it in a different way so that you do orgasm WHILE having sex, and not before or after. I think if you do it the right way, it'll feel much better and be enjoyable. SO far you are doing it the wrong way and are writing it off as something you find boring and would rather not do. It's like if someone eats egg yolks raw and concludes that they like eggs, without ever having cooked them up, let alone all the different ways they can be prepared.

bigheartkindsoul Established Member

bigheartkindsoul

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No I love it, can't get enough of it.

 

If it hurts though its undderstandable, go see a Doctor as you may just need help or treatment, been there done that with an ex a long time ago. Once it stops hurting you'll hopefully find out how wonderful and fun it really is.

Lyssa Established Member

Lyssa

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I'm sorry can't help you there. I enjoy sex. A lot. The only time I didn't was when I was with my ex. I just didn't feel the same way anymore so yeah, the sex wasn't great.

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

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Fun - do you play with yourself? Are you able to make yourself cum on your own? Have you ever tried vibrators or dildos, etc? Some women need to learn themselves before they can enjoy sex (or so I've been told).

 

Has it been this way with every guy or only this guy? It's possible you're just not attracted to him/not into guys at all?

Lyssa Established Member

Lyssa

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Do girls turn you on? One of my girlfriend had the same problem with her xBF. Turned out that women do it for her more than men did. She denied it for a long time because she wouldn't accept it (I think) but now she's pretty comfortable. Too comfortable actually!!

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

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Do girls turn you on? One of my girlfriend had the same problem with her xBF. Turned out that women do it for her more than men did. She denied it for a long time because she wouldn't accept it (I think) but now she's pretty comfortable. Too comfortable actually!!

 

lol, sounds like you think she has a crush on you?

Lyssa Established Member

Lyssa

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lol, sounds like you think she has a crush on you?

 

Nahh.. she doesn't but we kinda experimented together.. Nothing major!

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

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That's cool. Nothing wrong with that.

bigheartkindsoul Established Member

bigheartkindsoul

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Fun - do you play with yourself? Are you able to make yourself cum on your own? Have you ever tried vibrators or dildos, etc? Some women need to learn themselves before they can enjoy sex (or so I've been told).

 

Has it been this way with every guy or only this guy? It's possible you're just not attracted to him/not into guys at all?

 

Learning about yourself is important, knowing what you like and how you like it was definate turning point for me.

 

Also like I mentioned if something is causing you pain, you need to get this looked at, because you probably associate the act of sex and love making to pain, so your brain probably thinks I won't enjoy this because it is gonna hurt.

 

Believe you me I know this, it wasn't until at 28 I broke up with the one person I had slept with and slept with someone else and realised that it doesn't always hurt that was totally liberating to me. Guess sometimes it can be the point that two people are not sexually compatable but would look into if you might have an infection or something that is making this happen as a first point (I did when still with my ex SO way back then).

 

But it is possible to over come (no pun intended).

Blue Eyed Brain Established Member

Blue Eyed Brain

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NOT ME. I love sex - the more the better!

squeak Established Member

squeak

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We need more info from you, you are describing the symptoms but not the causes. How do you feel about your relationship? How do you view intimacy overall?

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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Has anything ever happened to you to make you feel this way? Has it always hurt you?

Fun2BMe Established Member

Fun2BMe

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Fun - do you play with yourself? Are you able to make yourself cum on your own? Have you ever tried vibrators or dildos, etc? Some women need to learn themselves before they can enjoy sex (or so I've been told).

phate - Yes, yes and yes. I don't know if the OP is able to please herself on her own -that's a good point.

 

To the OP, it sounds like you are a passive participant. He takes full control, inserts himself inside of you when you are not ready yet. If you are not aroused, you won't have lubrication and it can be extremely painful, like a rock hiting you in a sensitive spot. Even when it doesn't hurt you say it's boring. That's obviously because you're not getting aroused. Why not go at your pace? Do what feels good to you and let him be passive, insert him when you want to even if it takes a long time, the you do the motions, slow, fast, whatever pace is best for you with you on top so you have complete control. Have you tried that before?

 

Has it been this way with every guy or only this guy? It's possible you're just not attracted to him/not into guys at all?

I don't think that's the case but it's interesting to note that maybe some lesbians become lesbians because they never knew how to properly have sex?

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

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Dear KtK,

You're still young and not fully aware of your body. Heck, I'm in my early forties and STILL learning about wonderful new things.

 

1. You need time to get in the mood, first of all. F2BM is right, don't let him insert until YOU are ready. Make it a game.

 

2. Get to know yourself in bed when he is away. You must know how to pleasure yourself before anyone else can pleasure you. Let loose. Feel free. And get over any guilt or shame that parents and/or religion could have put on you. Jeez, I have coworkers (all girls) brag about their latest toys and how they used them last night or even this morning before work!

 

3. See a doctor like BHKS says; a friend of mine once had to have her cervix "frozen" because her H's penis was too large for her and kept hitting her cervix. The freezing numbed it, but nothing else. It was great after that.

 

4. Is your boyfriend just too big for you? One of my friends did have a boyfriend like this and she had to drink before she even showed up to his house. It was an ordeal every single time. Unfortunately, she had to end it. It was not worth it for her.

 

5. Do you have an overall healthy outlook on sex, or is it considered a sin in your family/religion/culture?

 

Hope these tips help. Sex should be smokin' hot at 25 and should only get better after that. Good luck.

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ktkingster Member

ktkingster

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okay, to answer a few questions:

 

i know how to pleasure myself, ive been able to do so for over 5 years.

i dont think im a lesbian, i fantasize about men when i pleasure myself.

it might be important to note that i dont really even pleasure myself anymore, i dont care.

 

also, white flower, it is interesting, as i just had to have cryotherapy on my cervix last week due to mild dysplasia and cervicitis. now i cant have sex for 6-8 weeks until it heals .. thank god. =)

Mustang Sally Established Member

Mustang Sally

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OP -

You might just talk with your doc - maybe at one of your follow up appointments after the cryo? - about your libido problem. That way, you could get any potential organic causes investigated. If that work-up is negative, then you can look into (or simultaneously, actually) the relationship and if it is the root of the trouble.

 

Good luck.

Life is too short (and sex too fun) to go on much longer like you are.

sweetem Member

sweetem

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I just really dont care for sex. I am 25 years old, in love with my partner, but sex hurts me sometime

 

you may not have the desire to have sex, even though you are attracted and in love with your partner, because you could have a medical condition that makes intercourse painful. It's actually common, though most women don't get it checked out. I would suggest to go to the gyno, and tell them your symtoms.

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

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okay, to answer a few questions:

 

i know how to pleasure myself, ive been able to do so for over 5 years.

i dont think im a lesbian, i fantasize about men when i pleasure myself.

it might be important to note that i dont really even pleasure myself anymore, i dont care.

 

also, white flower, it is interesting, as i just had to have cryotherapy on my cervix last week due to mild dysplasia and cervicitis. now i cant have sex for 6-8 weeks until it heals .. thank god. =)

 

So, really, we don't have an answer as to why you don't like sex other than it is sometimes painful? I reaallly hope the cryotherapy will have changed that for you; you'll have to update us 8 weeks from now (after a night of earth-shattering sex, of course):p

 

But, read all the posts here on the OM/OW and Infidelity threads because there are countless men crying their hearts out from the pain that they feel due to their wives' lack of interest in sex. A great majority of them do not want to look outside their marriages for sex, but after so many years they finally cave into the desire. As they age, they begin to realize that life is short and they want some more passion before they die. They would prefer sharing that passion with their wives, but often it is pointless in even trying. Hopefully this advice will help you with the love of your life and also yourself: you are truly missing out on one of life's great pleasures.:rolleyes:

uniqueone Established Member

uniqueone

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I just really dont care for sex. I am 25 years old, in love with my partner, but sex hurts me sometime and other times its just plain boring and is basically a chore that puts off sleep. i cannot orgasm from sex .. and even when my partner makes me orgasm first, and Then we have sex, i still just wish he would hurry up and get it over with. Sometimes he complains that I dont seem like i like it, and well frankly, i dont ... i just dont get any pleasure from penetration at all .. no matter what i do .. and playing with my cllit during it is useless, i cant feel a thing. all i feel is the huge filling penetration and it does nothing for me and often times hurts because im not fully ready for sex, because its hard to get horny when u know that you are not going to enjoy whats coming. anyone else, at all????:sick:

 

 

Could be a number of reasons...

 

 

could be hormonal....if your testosterone is low, you won't have much of a sex drive.

 

could be due to depression...depression lowers sex drive and so do some antidepressants

 

could be due to how you feel about your partner...you say you're in love with your partner but yet you say that sex with your partner is boring. Those two things don't mesh with one another. Are you sure that you love him in THAT way?

 

could be due to other physical problems...this could be your ob/gyn stuff or a host of other things that make a person feel unwell.

 

 

If you're able to orgasm on your own, then it's obvious that you know what works for you and what doesn't so I don't think that's the problem.

 

The fact that you're not that interested in doing it on your own anymore either----again that can be due to depression, not feeling well or hormone levels.

 

Do any of these reasons sound valid?

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ktkingster Member

ktkingster

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could be due to how you feel about your partner...you say you're in love with your partner but yet you say that sex with your partner is boring. Those two things don't mesh with one another. Are you sure that you love him in THAT way?

 

 

well, we've been together for over 2.5 years ... i love him like my boyfriend and i find him cute and attractive ... but i mean, isnt it kinda normal for that sexual "excitement" for each other to dissappate? i dont think just because i dont desire sex from him much means that i dont love him ... i dont desire sex from anyone, really ... i guess looking back ive always kinda been like that ..

uniqueone Established Member

uniqueone

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well, we've been together for over 2.5 years ... i love him like my boyfriend and i find him cute and attractive ... but i mean, isnt it kinda normal for that sexual "excitement" for each other to dissappate? i dont think just because i dont desire sex from him much means that i dont love him ... i dont desire sex from anyone, really ... i guess looking back ive always kinda been like that ..

 

 

So...low sex drive then. I guess it depends on if you want to change that or not. To me it sounds like you're ok with it....and there's nothing wrong with that.

You have to have a partner who's ok with it too though otherwise it'll be a problem. Either you'll be having sex when you don't want to (which WILL hurt because if you're body isn't want to, it doesn't prepare itself to)....or.....he'll feel he's deprived sex and become resentful.

 

So you have to decide if it's something you want to do something about (which would involve enhancement drugs, creams, hormone checkup, etc...) or not.

Ariadne Established Member

Ariadne

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Hey,

 

because its hard to get horny when u know that you are not going to enjoy whats coming. anyone else, at all????:sick:

 

Yeah, that's normal. I had a friend like that.

 

It's not very common though, but ever since she was 18 or so that started she told me she never cared for sex and that sex was stupid. It didn't do anything for her no matter what.

 

So, dunno. Ah, and for what I know, her husband is having affairs but they are still married.

 

Ariadne

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