cs20thcenturyfo Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 I was just wondering, what's your guy's intakes on this? I'm not one to really care about age gaps, but, this is a huge age gap! We're talking 19 years. He's a really great guy, and we have so much in common than I did with my ex. But, sometimes when I think about it, how much we have in common(besides our ages), it bores me! Whats wrong with me? Uggggh! Help guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 Have fun, enjoy the relationship and stop analyzing it so much. Some practical things you have to consider here. When you are ready to have children, he will be old enough to be their grandfather...he may not want to start a family at age 45 or 50. You also have to consider that his body will start giving out long before yours and that may frustrate you sexually. He could get ill and you may have to devote a lot of time to him. You may be so smitten with him now that this makes no difference...but it will in 15 or 20 years. Women live lots longer than men. Does he have sufficient assets to have you taken care of after his death? If you consider the above and still want to go through with the deal, I see no problems at all with the age difference. Still, if things kept going and you one day decided to marry him, there could be issues that come up that you aren't even thinking about right now. As far as getting bored, you are very young and not nearly ready to settle down...otherwise you wouldn't be bored with a stable, confident, mature man. That's not a criticism. It's just perfectly normal for a lady of your age to still seek adventure and the unpredictability of younger, more goofy guys. It's NOT what the two of you have in common that's boring you...it's his maturity and place in life. That's a major thing you DO NOT have in common with him. Enjoy him for as long as you can, as long as it's mutually fulfilling, but I think the two of you should definitely have a long talk about all this now so that one or both of you don't end up getting hurt in a major way. My guess is that HE is the one who will get shafted here because I don't think you'll decide to see this through to permanency. Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 In case you are interested in boring old reserach, the stats show that an age difference like that is HIGHLY predictive of relationship doom. While those that are better matched age wise have NO guarantee that they will succeed either, the odds are much better for them. Why do spring/fall relationships usually fail? For many reasons, a lot of which are the same as any same-age relationships don't work (incompatible personalitites, clashing backgrounds and culture, poor conflict resolution skills, etc., etc.) But what happens in relationships between young adults and middles aged adults is that their needs are either outgrown, or can no longer be met in the relationship. Young women attracted to older men are often in need of a father figure at the time of attraction. But give them a little maturity and insight, and these women outgrow their needs to be protected, controlled, and idolized in a "princess" fashion. If they are lucky they have not become finacially dependent on their older man and can walk away relatively easily. Often the ones that stick around recognize that their's not much emotional substance to the relationship, but the money is good. Whatever gets you through the night, I guess. Older men attracted to younger women often have needs to prove their virility and deny that they are aging. It strokes their ego to know they can still get it on with a tight, young chick. These men may never outgrow these needs (they seldom do), but their young gals start growing cellulite and grey hairs, thereby becoming obsolete to their aging male partners' needs. But hey, you might be the exception. Maybe you are attracted to each other's age difference for deeper worldy reasons that most. Or not. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxxie Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 Been there, done that. Was the most exciting relationship I ever had. I was 21, he was 39. To this day, I still love him deeply. I'm married now to someone who's only 4 years older. It is a more stable relationship than the other one; however, if you're not looking to get married right away or settle down, go with it. Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
AJAngel Posted June 1, 2003 Share Posted June 1, 2003 Maybe it won't work out for a life time partner but definite live it up while you can. I am 18 and am involved with a man twice my age. It is the most amazing thing, though sometimes it is hard on me emotionally because I know that he and I will never have a serious relationship. Just make sure you remember why you are in the relationship. Good luck! --AJ Link to post Share on other sites
Author cs20thcenturyfo Posted June 2, 2003 Author Share Posted June 2, 2003 Thanks for all of your replies. I'm not currently speaking to him, I told him I needed a break to see what else is out there. I know that sounds mean but I'm just not ready to be in a serious relationship. Wish me luck guys. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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