I've become a loner...

[life suuuuux]

I feel really dumb postin this but here it goes...

 

I got TONS of issues.. too many to discuss here. But when I was like 21 or whatever I got really depressed. I smoked too much ganja for one thing. I began to not really like my friends cause I kinda thought of them as being losers. They weren't real friends anyways, just people to kick it with. I got realllly depressed tho, and I hated going out cuz I would be all grumpy. So I stayed home instead, and usually toked and watched a movie or something.

 

But I developed this strange thing of not wanting to go out and be with people. Maybe at the time, my only view of people were my friends, and I hated them, so I figured everybody was like them. I become anti-social. I still worked part time and went to school. But I started noticing people at school...they were cool u know. They weren't druggies or losers, but still cool. I wanted to meet new people. But I couldn't fit in. I had prettyy low self esteem at the time. I would've rather just got high then try to go act all smiley and make chit chat. My mistake.

 

I had girlfriends and I dated, but I never really had any friends. Fast forward about 8 years, and now I'm 29. I graduated finally last year and now work full time. My life should be perfect, but there's something missing. I got nooo friends. Okay, I have one friend but he's my coworker and he's cool but I'd say we have about 3 things in common...we both drive the same car, we're the same race and we both smoke. Anywayz, I figure I'll probably NEVER have those really close friends like I wish I could have. Like the kinds you had in high school or college. I can accept that.

 

But, the last two relationships I had I know it made me self concious and feeling kinda inferior. A girl always gots her "girls" and her homeboys too. I mean her "friends that are guys". So the fact that I don't really got any friends, I feel like suuuchh a loser. I know it's my fault, and I made so many mistakes. But now, I finally slapped myself in the face and tellin myself to do something about it. But I'm CLUELESS as hell where to start. Obviously I ain't just gonna walk into some place and be like...HEY im a loner! wanna be my friend? I'm not in school so I can't "Join a club!". I work full time and I'm really tired when I get home so it'd be hard to get a second part time job, although I'd consider it.

 

But what else can I do? I'd be happy if I can just find that ONE girl for me who I feel comfortable with even tho I have no friends at all only her as my companion. Cuz most girls i think would feel a little uneasy about havin a boyfriend who's only source of companionship is...THEM. Right? Girls want their man to have his little group of friends right. Anyways...There's prolly no easy answer, this is somethin I gotta figure out myself, but if anyone's been thru or knows someone or anything...similar to myself...I just like to hear someone else's thoughts. Thanksss

[Arcane]

I have been, and still am in a similar situation. I used to have a pretty large group of friends, but they were all essentially drug buddies. Once I stopped getting high, I stopped hanging out with them. Then I got into a relationship with someone, and we ended up living together. I've always been the kind of person that enjoys just sitting around at home anyway, and when I moved in with her, that just magnified and I never went out. I still have "friends" now, but no really close friends, like nobody I would go hang out with on any sort of regular basis. Now that me and my girl have split up, I don't really hang out with anybody at all anymore. I don't really have any advice to offer you, since I'm still in that situation, but it's all good. I haven't figured out the answer yet myself. heh.

[Heidi2]

First and foremost it's a good thing that you've woken ^! ==)

 

You've realized that you don't want to sit around like a loaf.. But, yet want to go out and have 'fun..' The problem is how to have fun, @ your age.. and now working say 24-7.

 

If I were you I'd maybe make a list of everything you enjoy; whether it's a sport, reading, or just eating @ that certain restaurant,etc. From here, you could view the newspapers, etc. and maybe see if there's some type of group or organization which is starting/started a 'social-pow-pow wow. In my opinion these sorts of get-2-gethers are ways you as well as others not only has fun.. but also 'breaks out of ones shells'-- and starts talking about whatever is on his/her mind.

 

And for one thing. you've made the 1st step (realizing you want to be in life). Now the next step is to find others where ever they maybe which could share the happiness... and talks w/ you during any time of the day.!!..

 

Best of luck!!

[life suuuuux]

sup arcane, well if you do get out of your situation let me know what u did. peace and good luck man lol.

 

heidi, actually i don't really know what i like anymore. Last time I had any real hobbies or interest it was skating and smoking weed. And that's not too cool for a 29 year old guy to be doing =P

 

I've actually made the decision to be happy long time ago. But I guess my brain has become so negative over the years that I have no motivation to do anything about it. I think, sorry to say, but the only thing that would motivate me is a *girl* that i love. Which I don't have =(

 

This board is cool...

[Heidi2]

[color=red][/color]

 

I'm sure what you're looking for will come in your favor.. when you're not expecting it to occur.. That's usually how it always works!!

 

GOOD LUCK in following your endeavors.!!!..

[life suuuuux]

problem is I can't get myself to NOT expect it heh.

[Heidi2]

[color=orange][/color]

 

 

Maybe if you take/took each day.. as one new piece of a puzzle you'd in fact find yourself better.

 

What I mean is, is each you wake up... think (try) to do something different or in fact the same which makes you feel refreshed and good inside.. This might sound silly.. but for example.

 

What type of music do u listen to? If it is in fact depressing... or words which only describe hatred.. then this will in fact cause u to be as you seem to be feeling these dayz. Now, I d/n exactly. but I'm just giving you one insight.

 

Also, maybe the way you dress could in some way change. NOT saying that it's bad. b/c how would I know through here... lol. I'm just saying. do u wear light or dark clothing?? or BOth? B/c this in my opinion also keeps people going & in good spirits..

 

Anyways.... I hope something works out for ya!!!

[Barlow Trail]

Do you find value in small scale social interactions. For example to you enjoy dealing with the same shop keep at the groceries store? Do you notice people in your neighbor hood?

 

In Regards to "Joining a Club" although it may not be of great interest to you I have always found sporting organizations to be friendly. not a gym, but a sport, in my case wrestling. if you are interested, perhaps taking up a martial art, or a local fun league of a sport you used to enjoy in high school or earlier. best of luck to you.

[NEONINK]

"I'd be happy if I can just find that ONE girl for me who I feel comfortable with even tho I have no friends at all only her as my companion. Cuz most girls i think would feel a little uneasy about havin a boyfriend who's only source of companionship is...THEM. Right? "

 

I don't know about that. Usually, some of us girls, are so co-dependent, we drop our friends for our guys.

 

I don't think it is a problem, unless you think it is. And quite frankly, it wouldn't bother me one bit, unless you were controlling and obsessive over everywhere and everything I did.

 

Also, you usually form a few friendships with other couples, when you are a couple. Like usually hangs out with like. Right now, the problem for you about not having friends is, how do you go out and meet girls? What do you do with your spare time? Do you have fun? Do you have anyone to talk to if you are feeling down? Etc.... That's why a friend comes in handy.

[Clancy]

Hi Life ,

 

I'm probably a lot older than you but I've been through and am still going through some of the same. Some people get high on social interaction , they are fueled by doing things with others...you've seen them. People like me, and I suspect you have, used drugs or booze to get a psychological and emotional satisfaction that those social types get from life and society.

 

What you are asking for yourself is an extremely profound change that goes right through the core of your being to the real you. I think you will need to start educating and training yourself to be the new man you really want to be. I hope this doesn't sound like flaky sh-t because I'm serious.

 

You'll need to first of all accept that you are on a journey or path of change. It won't happen over night. Get yourself some self help books and don't laugh but try Anthony Robbins. Most of those books preach pretty much the same sort of things, his is good though. Just get a couple that you find good reading and don't just read the books. Study them. Everytime you read something that you think is important try to see how it would work for you, how would this or that seem in your life, what would you do, what have you been doing,...etc.

 

You have to train your mind and your emotions to start thinking and responding in a new way. Like I said you are on a journey. When you are a boozer, or a pothead you've gotten off the train on that journey and you're just sittin' things out. You are alive, and breathing but you are not growing. Start the forward momentum again.

 

You have to study hard and learn much to become the new you. But one of the things that keeps me going is the question , "I wonder what I will be like when I complete my learning journey, I'm looking forward to finding out."