BabySwoles Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 I am also in a similar situation. Currently, I am a Cadet at USMA and am also involved in a long distance relationship. At first everything was fine, I’ll admit the distance bothered me, but I was so overwhelmed with other problems I face on a daily basis that I didn’t have time to think about it. A few weeks ago my fiancé told me that I had to choose between her or the Academy and I really don't know what to do. Going to the Academy has been a lifelong dream, but she is the only person in the world I want to be with and I don't want to lose her. She knows how important being at the Academy is to me, but its like she expects me to just give up everything that I have worked for. Sometimes I think maybe we should just break up, but neither of us has the strength or desire to do it. I know that if I leave, I will never be able to go to College again and that we will end up struggling financially, but if I was able to stay I would be able to provide for a family. Should I continue to go for long-term happiness at the possibility that I won’t even have a wife or a family to share it with? Or should I leave and at least have love now? Editor's Note: This originally appeared as a response to Distance is the ONLY problem. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 If your fiancee really loved you enough to make it work, regardless of financial circumstances, etc., then she would not be pressuring you right now to abandon your chosen career path. Lasting love requires maturity, patience, and a willingness to compromise. Your fiancee is, at a minimum, not demonstrating the latter two, and she may well be lacking in the first as well. Which means that however strong the love between you is, it's not going to last if she keeps that mindset. Don't quit. If she doesn't understand it's better to part ways now than after you've hopelessly compromised your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 Your education and future is far more important. Don't give up your dreams for some girl. You can always find another girl, but going back to school after you've been out for a few years is pretty tough. Get a good education, find a career and make a future for yourself. If she can't see that's what you're trying to do, you don't need her dragging you down. Link to post Share on other sites
daisywindmill Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 I agree with the others. Please don't give up on your career etc for her. I did the same thing many years ago, I was going to study law, etc, but threw it all away for a man. We are no longer together and I am starting from scratch, studying again, but this time with a family to look after and a job. I really do believe that if you are truly in love, truly love eachother (the two are different) and you are commited 100% you can get through anything and you should never ever ask your gf/bf to give up on their dreams. This can only lead to disaster. The gf/bf will give it all up but as time goes by they will love you less but resent you more. Relationships are give and take. My fella has a hobby that takes him away for weekends. I would never dream of telling him to stop that for my sake. After all, that is part of him and one of the reasons I love him. And I know too, that should he demand I change my life or stop doing something I want to do, I would no longer wish to have him in my life. Reassure her of how much you love her, but try to explain your need to follow this particular path. When push comes to shove, if she really does love you, she will allow you this freedom. But again, please, think hard before you give anything up. Link to post Share on other sites
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