Nixson Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Hi Nadia. No man -- be it single or married -- should make a woman feel stripped off her self-worth and sense of values! Always remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I guess I believe if your reasons are good enough to cheat, they are good enough to leave. Why not just leave and never have to deal with the additional problems created by cheating. Being in a new involvement is hard enough, so why to juggle two? It just seems like unnecessary stress and anguish for yourself and others. You are right about that. I think most of us who have found ourselves in this situation did not intend for it to go that far. In my case, there was serious pain and I could not think clearly. Some would have turned to alcohol, others suicide, and for me it was Prince Charming. He had his own pain, and I must have been his drug of choice. We meant for it to be friends only, but it grew. It would have been wonderful if at that point where we decided to get physical that we both left our Ms then. I would have preferred it that way. But I think fear steps in and you go through the "what if my children never forgive me and now I married you for what?" phase, especially for men. He feared this terribly. So, you try the affair and hope noone gets hurt. Ha! Now that I have been on my devastatingly emotional roller coaster I am ready to get off. There has been plenty of anguish for me, some for him, and so far none for her. I could say the anguish was unneccessary, but I do think I have learned so much and that is worth something. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 You're absolutely right. That is why I already made the decision to end it. <---- me happy for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Don't believe that there is no anguish for her. Whether she admits it or not, she has experienced something that felt off for her. Something not quite right. Something that she can't quite put her finger on. But it is a sense of unease, as sense of forboding, that you keep trying to push away. As if you know that there is a dark cloud on the horzion, but you can't see it yet. You might be right about that, too. Perhaps that is why she suggested they see the doctor so they could both get prescriptions. I don't blame her; I wouldn't want to lose him either. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Quote: Originally Posted by luvmy2ns> <---- me happy for YOU! __________________________________________ Hope this posts right as I'm having trouble with it. Now I have a dilemma: Just when I think I'm ready to do or say something to end it, he calls and I get all wish-washy. This will be more difficult than I thought. I really need some support with this one.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Quote: Originally Posted by luvmy2ns> <---- me happy for YOU! __________________________________________ Hope this posts right as I'm having trouble with it. Now I have a dilemma: Just when I think I'm ready to do or say something to end it, he calls and I get all wish-washy. This will be more difficult than I thought. I really need some support with this one.... He just called? Did he tell you things you wanted/needed to hear? Maybe you can re-read the advice/insights you have written here... that would remind you of what he has put you through... Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Quote: Originally Posted by luvmy2ns> <---- me happy for YOU! __________________________________________ Hope this posts right as I'm having trouble with it. Now I have a dilemma: Just when I think I'm ready to do or say something to end it, he calls and I get all wish-washy. This will be more difficult than I thought. I really need some support with this one.... If you really are ready to end it, and it's his words or his voice which are stopping you, then you could consider asking him not to call as a start. But ending an affair is no easy feat. I think the only way it's possible usually is if you're really, really done. So perhaps concentrate on getting to that place, by whatever means. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 If you really are ready to end it, and it's his words or his voice which are stopping you, then you could consider asking him not to call as a start. But ending an affair is no easy feat. I think the only way it's possible usually is if you're really, really done. So perhaps concentrate on getting to that place, by whatever means. Thanks, Lyssa and Frannie. Yes, hearing his voice and him saying all the right things is what gets me. My H never had words of encouragement (one of my love languages) and MM is full of them. I have a test-he's sure I'll get 100%. I have a medical test-he is praying for me and knows I'll be OK. I wear something nice-he goes ga-ga. It will be very hard turning away from all that support and ego-boosting especially when H has no clue even though I bought all the books and preached it all these years. But H is another story. Thanks again, girls. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Yes, hearing his voice and him saying all the right things is what gets me. My H never had words of encouragement (one of my love languages) and MM is full of them. I have a test-he's sure I'll get 100%. I have a medical test-he is praying for me and knows I'll be OK. I wear something nice-he goes ga-ga. It will be very hard turning away from all that support and ego-boosting... WhiteFlower, just remind yourself of all the things he doesn't give you that you deserve. Remind yourself of the pain that staying in this relationship has caused you. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to do the right thing. I admire you, this is hard, I know. Just be resolved. I know it's hard, but try not let your emotions/ feelings for him dictate your actions and life decisions anymore. Say to yourself: "I know that this situation is not right for me, and I am getting out of it, no matter what." (I'm sorry but if your MM is anything like my xMM, soon he will start NOT saying the right thing... once he realizes you are serious about calling it off, he will start saying anything you want to hear, and you will soon realize that's what he's doing, and tell him to stop, and then he will start saying anything at all that comes to his head-- the good, the bad and the really ugly. -- b/c, unlike you, he's letting emotions dictate everything he says/ does, instead of being mature enough to say, "you're right, I care about you and I no longer want to put you through this hurt. We both need to do the right thing starting now.") Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 WhiteFlower, just remind yourself of all the things he doesn't give you that you deserve. Remind yourself of the pain that staying in this relationship has caused you. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to do the right thing. I admire you, this is hard, I know. Just be resolved. I know it's hard, but try not let your emotions/ feelings for him dictate your actions and life decisions anymore. Say to yourself: "I know that this situation is not right for me, and I am getting out of it, no matter what." (I'm sorry but if your MM is anything like my xMM, soon he will start NOT saying the right thing... once he realizes you are serious about calling it off, he will start saying anything you want to hear, and you will soon realize that's what he's doing, and tell him to stop, and then he will start saying anything at all that comes to his head-- the good, the bad and the really ugly. -- b/c, unlike you, he's letting emotions dictate everything he says/ does, instead of being mature enough to say, "you're right, I care about you and I no longer want to put you through this hurt. We both need to do the right thing starting now.") Thanks, Nadia. I did hint once a few weeks ago and he was saying that he didn't want me to hurt. I stopped dead in my tracks because I wasn't truly ready then. I'm getting closer now. I don't think he'll be as desperate as your guy was. But thanks a bunch.:)I need the support. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 You can do it, hon! YOU deserve more than half a man. YOU deserve to be happy ALL the time, not just when you are getting your "share" of him. Look in the mirror and see who you are; a strong, beautiful woman who is deserving of ALL of a man. TAKE WHAT IS YOURS!!! YOUR LIFE! YOUR HAPPINESS!! Like us girls tell each other at pool leagues during a tough shot... YOU CAN DOOOOO IT!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Thanks, Nadia. I did hint once a few weeks ago and he was saying that he didn't want me to hurt. I stopped dead in my tracks because I wasn't truly ready then. I'm getting closer now. I don't think he'll be as desperate as your guy was. But thanks a bunch.:)I need the support. Well then it might be even harder on you b/c you'll see that he does genuinely care for you (which of course he does... just not enough to leave life as he knows it in order to live a real life with you). Just remember to care for yourself most of all. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 You can do it, hon! YOU deserve more than half a man. YOU deserve to be happy ALL the time, not just when you are getting your "share" of him. Look in the mirror and see who you are; a strong, beautiful woman who is deserving of ALL of a man. TAKE WHAT IS YOURS!!! YOUR LIFE! YOUR HAPPINESS!! Like us girls tell each other at pool leagues during a tough shot... YOU CAN DOOOOO IT!!!!!! Just think, a week ago I'd see those eyes of yours staring at me with judgement and now I look forward to your posts!! Thanks for the support. It'll be hard, but I can do it. (Just keep those country songs turned down low;)) Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 YOU CAN DOOOOO IT!!!!!! If I slip up will you come over and kick my A$$?;)lol Link to post Share on other sites
iamtrying Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 hi Nixon can you spare a minute and give me some comments need a XMM insight pls see my thread thanks sorry for threadjacking http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t136711/ Link to post Share on other sites
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