I know he likes me, so why won't he ask me out?

[desertrose571]

I've known this guy for just over two months (he's 24, I'm 23). We're both in the same grad program, so we see each other a lot and have the same group of friends. I felt sparks immediately, and we had this very subtle flirting thing going on for months that left me agonizing over whether or not he liked me or if he just wanted to be friends. We would hang out all the time in groups, but I always got the feeling that he paid more attention to me than others in the room. It wasn't until 5 days ago that I was absolutely certain he liked me, but now I know for sure. I can just tell by the way he looks into my eyes, the way his face lights up when he sees me, how he listens to my every word, laughs at my jokes even when they aren't always funny, always promptly returns phone calls, compliments me all the time, calls just to see where I'll be eating lunch, and the way he touches me even if we're just sitting casually side by side.

 

I guess my dilemma lies in the fact that he has never officially asked me out on a date. He calls me all the time to invite me to group stuff whether he initiates it or not, and I do the same for him, but we've never actually had a real one on one date. One time we went to see a comedian and it was just the two of us, but I don't think he invited just me - I think he invited several people but I was the only one who could go. Even then, it didn't really feel like a date, it just felt like two friends hanging out (that was before I was certain he really liked me).

 

For example, today he called and invited me to come out for pizza with three of our other friends (he didn't initiate it, he just wanted to make sure I knew about it). We ended up sitting closely next to each other touching the whole time even though there was plenty of room on the bench. And by touching, I mean our legs, arms, and shoulders were pressed against each other pretty much throughout the whole duration of the outing. We talked mostly with the group and sometimes with each other and the whole thing felt perfectly natural and normal. No one seemd to notice how close we were sitting or gave us any weird glances or comments. At Starbucks, he took the little cardboard thing they put around your cup when it's hot off my cup and made a heart out of it and showed it to me (I know, kind of juvenile, but cute). When we were leaving to go home, he gave me a big hug. Not just a friendly hug, but a wrapped up in his arms and held tight for a good 30 seconds kind of hug right in front of everyone until they teasingly started saying things like, "alright guys, you're making it kind of awkward for us over here" (and they were really just joking).

 

I guess I just don't really know what is going on. We've never really talked about it, and he's never explicitly said anything like "I like you," "I really want to see you," "I find you attractive," or "I think you're really great," but I feel like they're kind of implied by his actions, and as the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words," right? Or is it all just wishful thinking on my part? Does the fact that he's never officially asked me out on a date with just the two of us mean that he's not completely interested or something weird is going on? We've also never ever talked about our feelings for each other, they've just kind of gradually progressed from stares to smiles to laughs to playful touches to sitting all couple-y and hugging romantically. I just assumed that since we'd been hanging out as friends for a couple of months, if he wasn't interested in anything more, he could've just left it at that. So why won't he ask me out and why do we not ever acknowledge that there is something going on between us?

 

I know I could always ask him out, and I'm sure he would say yes, but then I would never know what he's really thinking. He's definitely not what I would label a shy guy, so I don't think that's the case either. He's a really, really sweet guy and I've never gotten the impression that he's a big player either, so I really don't know what's up. Is it a bad sign that he only wants to hang out in groups so far? I guess it may eventually evolve until we do go out alone and have to talk about what is going on, but until then (if that happens) I'm overanalyzing his every move. Do you think this will all work itself out, or are his lack of verbal acknowledgement of the sparks between us and lack of personal time with him warning signs that something fishy is going on?

[Lyssa]

Hi DR571... He sounds like he's interested but 2 months is still too early to tell if he wanted something more to develop between the two of you. I guess some guys move fast, some take their time. I would take the time to get to know him more. It would be a good idea to ask him out one on one for coffee or something. Get to know him outside the circle. You both sound like you're comfortable around each other so asking him out for coffee shouldn't be a problem.

[Mustang Sally]

Why don't you ask him out?

 

Then you'll know.

 

I think most guys are pretty ok with the concept of a girl asking them out...right?

[canadianclub]

As far as I know, most guys worth being attracted to are fine with (or appreciative of) being the 'ask-ee'. I would encourage you to ask him especially if you know that he likes you. Just because a guy isn't shy about most things doesn't mean that he'll be assertive about starting a relationship.

[Phateless]

We're not always as simple as we seem. Why don't YOU ask him out and find out?