What do you think about this one???????

[yagottahelp]

Hello, about 3 weeks ago I broke up with my gf of about 2 years. Now this was the stupidest i could have ever been, we had been having a tough time in school (we go to college together, and finals were coming up, I was super stressed, we both were, and I thought it would be better to take some space and work it out this summer, she was crushed, but agreed------

 

I told her it was nothing about being attracted to her or not loving her, just a lot of issues about hanging out with friends, both of us being too possesive, just stuff we really needed to talk about and let some feelings out) After that, i mean like for the next two weeks, we still talked, hungout, even held hands and kissed, it's like we never said anyting.

 

Then this random girl happened to kiss me, I didn't know what to tell my ex.......i didn't want to upset her before finals, so I just didn't say anything, I had pushed the girl away and told her i didn't want to do that, and how I felt about the ex.......well my ex found out anyway, and hated me for it, even though i had explained what happened, but she seems over it. We had talked about it and she forgave me and we talked about getting back together.

 

That was about 2 weeks ago, well then all crap hit the fan. She said she doesn't want a relationship, i had to do a lot of thinking, she wanted to be alone, she loved me, but not like a boyfriend.......didn't want aynthing else, over, it's done.......i was shocked. It went totally against her words and actions 2 weeks ago, and i can tell if she's not sincere or caring, she was fine. Soooooo i suggested we talk about it when we got back from school in a week and really try to figure things out and go from there, she was adamant about not doing that, so i said ok.

 

I have asked a few times to just try things this summer, if it didn't work, i udnerstood, and it was over.......but she won't. But since then we have exchanged birthday presents a few days ago, she cried twice saying "i don't know what i would ever do without you" "you mean the world to me" "i'm sorry i'm making you so sad" and all that, she still gives me huge, really tight hugs.......but says she needs space, so i gave it to her as hard as it is.

 

Here it is weds, she was adamant about no relationship 2 weeks ago.......but we've hungout a few times, she always hugs me really tight, she's extremely flirty when we go out, she offered to pay for my lunch today at our former "date restaurant". I'm trying not to get too jumpy, but it seems like she is feeling it again. LIke the excitment is back, we flirt a lot, and there's a ton of laughing. She is extremely comfortable with me, we always touch, stand right next to each other, tease each other, it's definately flirting. I'm trying to give her a bunch of space, not call her, all of that, but she has called me a few times, im's me a bunch, always asks about what i did a night or something (this shows me she still cares because she wants details pretty much), i'm trying not to be too available.

 

I'm hoping that the next few weeks we hangout more and more, and the flirting continues to the point where she says hey, it's a lot more fun, it's got the spark back.......kind of refalls in love (because 2 weeks before she decided it wa sover forever she wrote emails about being madly in love, really sincere), soooooo

 

I'm trying to keep my cool, give her space, let her call me, all of that, I guess if it was meant to be, it will come back.......but i don't want to bring up anything about us, so she doesn't get mad, should i do what i've been doing and see wher it leads? Do you think she's maybe really just needing time to sort everything out and she's saying things she doesnt mean like (we're done, we won't happen again, i don't like you liek that anymore-------that was extremely sudden by the way, my friends saw us and are now shocked she said that, and i know it can't be true)

 

Any ideas on how to slowly get her back, i'm just trying to go easy, be as close as she lets me, and if she flirts, flirt back a little, she knows i love her with everything and would die for her, so i don't really need to let her know i want to be back together, but will she take that step? Will she let me know? If she wasn't feeling anyhting for me, we wouldn't be hanging out, nor would she be so flirty and especially physically close, we have no "comfort zone" it's like right there next to each other touching. Just wondered what you guys thought. Any ideas on how to get her back? Any ideas on the flirting?

 

I'm hopeful.......yet cautious, i'm trying not to let myself get played with, but she's not that type of girl from anything i've ever seen.......i'm hoping she's just confused from the whole kiss incident, the end of school ,leaving her school friends, and she's moving this summer-------so she has a lot going on.......thanks for any kind of advice!!!!!!!

[Tony T]

I am totally at a loss for why you broke up with this lady when you didn't want to. I don't understand why she was so upset about this girl who forced herself on you, kissed you and then you rejected her. I'm not really sure why she doesn't trust you now.

 

She's probably pretty hurt that you broke up with her for no reason. That's kind of crazy and most females want somebody more dependable than that. Her head is telling her to get as far away from you as possible but her heart is still in love with you.

 

She's very confused but one thing is she doesn't want to be hurt by you again and she will do everything in the world to avoid that. My guess is that she will continue to back off more and more until she can get over you. The more you try to convince her you were wrong and that you have changed, the more that will drive her away.

 

Right now, just leave the whole thing to the man upstairs. If the two of you are meant to be, she'll come around. But I think you've learned a valuable lesson from this. Sometimes you only get one shot at the gold and if you let it go, you're the loser.

 

I really hope this works out for you. I hope I explained exactly what's going on in her head now so you clearly understand. Again, don't make the mistake of getting in her face too much. Right now, you are a reminder of shock and hurt. She needs to get over that sudden, unexplainable, irrational break up, get beyond it and heal so she can carefully consider her next step.

 

Good luck! Life is hell sometimes and don't feel bad, I've had my own share.

[yagottahelp]

YTah well i mean i called it a "break up" but we still were i guess dating? if that makes sense, we'd hangout, go to dinner, rent movies, kiss, hold hands, be all clingy, like it was one of htose things where i was an idiot and the day after.......it wa silke nothing had changed.......also to clear up for anyone else i haven't since a few weeks ago, nor am i going to bring up us again unless it's staring at me in the face and i'd be an idiot not to, like if she starts trying to hold my hand or soemthing like that, i think i agree with the last post, she knows she loves me, she knows i love her, but i think she needs to get over the events before she'll be open to me.......her actions are, becaue her heart it, but her brain says protect yourself.

[yagottahelp]

Hey everyone, I was gonna add a few new developments.......over the last few days the ex has asked a ton of questions about who i've been hanging with, who i've gone to movies with, what i was up to, she's called me a few times, wants to go watch the stars tomorrow night, and wants to know what i meant on a profile that i wrote that said "i haven't felt this way since......." now this is just one of many things on it, but i meant that the last few times we've hungout, it's felt brand new. We flirt constantly, laugh a ton, have fun, don't fight, it's like a new relationship really.......well she wanted to know what i meant, but i wouldn't tell her, i just took it off and decided it was sutpid to ever write it in the first place since i am giving her space, but she was INSISTENT on knowing, she asked ten times, i played it off and told her it wasn't bad at all, just not something i should have written, nor something that needs to really be discussed. I asked her why she really cared so much? and she never answered the two times i asked. She also was like "i already know how you feel about me so just tell me".......i can't decide if she wants to know just to know, or is maybe feeling the same way, that's what i was trying to get out of her. She said she'd call me later tonight to talk about it, so we'll see what happens. I don't htink i want to lay my cards on the table, let her figure it out for herself i think. She also wanted to know if i had been talking to that girl that kissed me, i told her no, that i had ignored her since the incident. If this ex is so over me, why does she even care about any of this stuff? The only answer i have is that she still does care, her minds saying be careful, her heart says she's still in love.......i hope she follows her heart. She just constantly wants to know everyhting about me, she definately might be jealous(i've not been hanging with girls though really so she doesn't think i'm totally just ditching her, i don't want to cause any problems in our friendship if not anything else).......just was looking for some input, i don't think i should tell her, and i'm not bringing it up again, i just found it curious that out of all the things in my profile, she picked that one thing to be soooooo incredibly insistent about. We also went to lunch yesterdayt and she offered to pay and said i could the next time we went out.......i'm not jumping at anything and giving space, but she's been calling me, iming me, asking me to do things, i'm just doing what she asks so i don't crowd her.......could she be falling in love again now that we are out of the crap of school and activities and fighting, kind of each realized how special our relationship is to each other and that we were both stupid about the way we acted??????? I would tell her if she really was insistent, but i'm afraid if she doens't feel the same way (she acts like it.......but i don't want to take chances) that she'll never hangout again because i think it's maybe a fresh start.......

[yagottahelp]

well she figured it out.......she was so incredibly insistent that she was getting mad.......i kind of skirted the questions, and just said that I hadn't felt like this with her since highschool.......that we hadn't had this much fun together so easily and uncaringly since highschool, and honestly i missed it a lot.......she said she felt the exact same way, that it was a lot of fun, it was very laid back, and thanks for telling her.......but she was like, it's a ton of fun and the exact same but i just don't have a crush on you this time.......i don't know quite how to take that, i mean i know she doens't have a crush on me, we've been dating for a few years, so the crush isn't there, but i don't think that the feelings aren't. I think she just made that distinction so i knew she wasn't gonna be like yeah relationship we're going back out tomorrow, i didn't expect that at all thgouth, we'll see how the hangout goes tomorrow night, she bnrought up watching the stars and buying snacks and how it was gonna be a late night so she was gonna get some sleep, so we'll see what happens, (i think it should be slightly romantic) i hope she cuddles against me or soemthing, just lets me know how she feels and that she's trying to figure everything out, i'm not gonna do anything to make her feel weird though.......i just said i'd talk to her tomorow whenever she wanted to talk (so she could have space) she's like "i don't care if you call me, no problem" so at least maybe the boundaries are coming down a little so it's slightly more natural, but i thought it was good she was excited about tomorrow night and is having a ton of fun with me hanging out (she said she missed the spark from high school, maybe with some luck she'll think about it and realize what exactly we are like, because honestly, minus kissing and holding hands, it's like when we first dated, just a few hangouts, flirting, i feel like i'm 17 again! haha, it's not a bad feeling, if we could get back together after all of this it could be the bst hting to happen to our relationship, have to take its time and keep giving space, see how it goes.......

[Tony T]

If you really want help from people here, you're gonna have to help us by learning how to make paragraphs that are readable and don't strain the eye.

 

You can do this by double spacing every three or four sentences. Do that and you will get a lot more comments and responses.

 

Many thanks.

[yagottahelp]

Ok thankyou, i'm sorry, it's my first post ever