Has anyone out there happily survived a relationship where someone's cheated?

[hokypoky]

I'm 24 and my boyfriend of 2 years had a one night stand with someone 4 months ago (for more details on this, you can see my previous post "I've been faking it. Should I tell my cheat BF just to hurt him as much as he hurt me?")

 

We were honestly planning on spending the rest of our lives together - but we only started speaking about this after he'd cheated. I found out that he cheated on Monday by looking through his computer - I had valid reasons to be on.

 

My question to you is: have you ever been in a reltionship where you're significant other has cheated but you guys gave the relationship a go because it was worth it and now you're both happy?

 

I ask because, I know of numerous relationships like mine where the cheating meant the end. I want to know if there are any out there where it didn't mean the end.

[hokypoky]

No replies yet - haha, maybe I'm just being too optimistic!

[littlekitty]

I think Mopar Crazy's husband had an affair and they have worked through it (or still are) and are still together. I'm sure they'll be other people on here who have too.

 

Personally I can't offer any advice on this, as I've never been in that situation.

[sally4sara]

I have forgiven my boyfriend for a one night dalliance. We had only been together a few months though. He didn't wait for me to find out; told me himself and went to great lengths to show me he regretted it and that it made him realize that I might stop seeing him. Basically it made him realize he really wanted me with him and was stunned to find the idea that I might leave truly upset him. But like I said.....we were just starting out and neither of us had fallen in love yet.

After two years, your boyfriend should know how he feels about you and if this relationship if important enough to him to not risk losing you. Plus you didn't find out because he was disgusted with himself. You found out because you snooped, and the only reason you were able to find out by snooping is because he was talking to someone about it. Others know that he has put this relationship at risk, that it wasn't important enough to protect beyond trying to keep you from knowing. If he has asked someone to keep their mouth shut about it, he is also asking others to lie to you.

 

I'm not sure I could get around that much deceit and disrespect two years in to a relationship. I definitely wouldn't be thinking of marrying him.

[hokypoky]

When I snooped I found an msn conversation between him and the girl. She was really flirting with him and wanted to meet up with him but he refused her - she even sent pictures of herself in her undies. No one else knew about the cheating. He hadn't talked about it with anyone else - I guess he was pretending that it never happened.

 

One thing that I haven't yet mentioned is that at the beginning of our relationship I told him that I wanted to have a threesome. He didn't push me into it or anything - I was really pursuing it with him. He said he had someone in mind which would prob be into it. The person he had in mind, was the girl that he cheated eventually cheated with.

 

When we had been talking about the threesome (about 6 months into the relationship) I had a three way chat with this girl and my boyfriend on MSN and we were talking about how cool it would be. I know that's complicated things quite a bit.

 

When he cheated on me we'd been going out 18 months.

[Mz. Pixie]

There are a couple of people who are married and survived affairs here.

Ladyjane is one and Mopar Crazy is another.

[reboot]

There are a lot more than just those two. I'd make a list for you but it might be pretty long.

[hokypoky]

Thanks for your help guys - that really helps and has somewhate restored my faith. Thing is, I'm not married - we talked about marriage after he committed the one-night stand. That's when he realised he wanted to be with me.

 

I'm hoping relationships can survive affairs not just when the couple is married.

[reboot]

I think it might be easier to get over pre-marriage. Maybe. You may "feel" forever in your heart, but you haven't actually been "promised" it yet.

 

However.

 

You have to ask yourself, am I always going to be looking over my shoulder now?

[Cobra_X30]

There are a lot more than just those two. I'd make a list for you but it might be pretty long.

 

 

The operative word was "happily".

 

I dont think many are in the happy stages just yet.

[reboot]

The operative word was "happily".

 

I dont think many are in the happy stages just yet.

I could still name quite a bit more than two.

 

And no, I'm most definitely not including myself if that's what you're thinking.

[Cobra_X30]

I could still name quite a bit more than two.

 

And no, I'm most definitely not including myself if that's what you're thinking.

 

You know them better than I do!

 

Not yourself huh? Did you ever read the thread by Dazed? If not... you should!

[reboot]

Did you ever read the thread by Dazed? If not... you should!

Yes, I read his thread. And I know how it ended. Virtually all the "cheating wife" threads here have ended the same way. I think woman have a greater aptitude for forgiveness than we men do.

 

And I have no illusions that mine won't end the same way. But for the moment we're still hanging in there.

 

Que Sera Sera.

[Havn_a_life]

My H had an A a decade after we were M. It lasted 3 months, and it's taken some yrs (5+)to get back on track, but I think we're happy.

 

I definitely like him now better than when we M. That sounds weird, but it's true.

He wasn't very loving and I am a very loving person. I think, when we M, I thought I could show him how to love over the years.

After 10 and then his cheating, it was awful. I'd thought we'd been M too long for him to have the itch. Wrong!

 

It's possible to deal with an A and be happy. I'd like to think I'm living proof.