Periods of 'disconnection'?

[Els]

I was just wondering if anyone else in LDRs has experienced that? Those times when you don't really have that much to say to each other, when each telephone conversation is stilted and brief, and doesn't remind you of why you decided to go through this and leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside?

 

I've experienced this a few times already, thankfully not for longer than days at a stretch. Mostly due to schedule problems, or circumstances on his side that he didn't really explain prior to it. Just curious about how others cope with it, as well as how often and long it happens.

 

And... when is it time to start worrying?

[catrocks]

I would get this at really random times, like the week before I was flying out to see him, or when we were talking for like 4 hours a day. I couldn't say when would be time to start worrying but I guess if the feeling was prolonged for a few weeks or months. I think a lot of it is just frustration though.... it gets annoying in an LDR that all you can do is talk, email etc, when really you'd just like to cuddle up or whatever.

 

I would cope with that feeling by spending some time by myself or with friends, and maybe going a couple of days without talking, and then by the time you talk next you appreciate each other more and have more interesting things to tell each other.

[dancinggal]

I get the same feelings, when stuff feels helpless, and you wonder why you are putting yourself through this when a perfectly nice guy offered to go to the ballet with you and you had to refuse (I'm a little upset, because work gave me two tickets to the ballet for my birthday, but all of my friends ended up being busy, and then one of my clients, a super cute personal trainer, offered to go with me, offered to take me, and I said no, and then ended up giving the tickets away to a work friend who took her boyfriend.)

 

But I usually only have those feelings for a day or two, and then they are gone, sometimes when we are both down or tired or busy, its a bit like, why are we bothering? But then when we do manage to have a nice long chat, and giggle a little together, I remember why I'm doing this.

 

I wouldn't get worried with a couple of days of undecisiveness. I'd get worried if you both start to cut down on contact, and you have no desire to contact each other. That's when I'd start to say, what's going on with this. Thankfully, that hasn't happened to us.

[sally4sara]

My bf and I were apart for 8 months LDR. When he left, we didn't know how long we would be apart; possibly two years.

I remember those moments of doubt. Awkward conversations. Plus feeling so down and not feeling up to socializing and thus not having anything to talk about.

We started getting frustrated and if I tried to express my worries sometimes he would clam up or get short with me.

It made me remember a scene from OZ (HBO) where two inmates were talking about when their gfs visit them inside. One was all frustrated and worried about what she was up to. The other said the quickest way to make that fear happen was to end a visit with her leaving upset.

So I told my boyfriend that since all he really had to keep me right now was words, so he better start giving me nicer words. We were fine for the next 5 months. Then I moved.

[purplebubbles]

I think it's normal that couples that are apart from one another have periods of some disconnection, especially as the relationship develops and progresses and as some of that original "spark" gets lost, only to be replaced with a more comfortable and knowing love.

 

Life progresses around the relationship and the relationship is forced to stand somewhat still, until you can reunite with one another. When your partner knows your daily schedule inside out and you talk and communicate at the same time, things become routine. Sometimes you're so comfortable with each other that you don't have to make small talk anymore. That's a good position to be in, but it's also a bit of a trap.

 

My boyfriend and I, find ourselves in this position every couple of months. We have a really had habit of letting all of our issues build up, both saying nothing to one another and our communication becomes stale, until it all blows up and we find ways to reconnect. We're currently going through a period such as this.. it's hard I know.