jon Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 me and my girlfriend have been going out for six months and we get along great. we have may of the same iterests and enjoy spending time together. lately though we have been more like best friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. our scheduls have both been really busy an i guess we dont have enough sufficient time to get to the romance. that didnt seem to bother me though since we would have time in the future to get close again, we always did before. suddenly monday afternoon when we got home from school, she called me and told me that we should ake a break. it hit me right between the eyes and i wasnt expecting it at all. she told me she thought it was the best thing for us. i was shocked and didnt know what to say. i love thisgirl and she tells me she loves me but i dont know why she just did this. later i found out that she liked this guy named alex and he was going to ask her out the next day. he did and now they are going out. she has only lived in this area for about 7 months and we have been going out for 6 of them so seeing her with another guy is horrible. she tells me she loves me as a best friend now and she still wants to be friends. the past couple painful days she has continued to call me and we have talked about other things, but i get hurt so bad when she talks about how great alex is. i guess im jealous but this is the first girl i have had serious feelings about and i am still in love with her! i want her back so bad i cant stand it, and alex usually doesnt go out with one girl for a long time but it is still killing me. he is a very jealous guy and h would probably try to attack me if he saw me with her, but i dont care. i dnt want her to be totally out of my life because i think thee is still another chance for us, but i need alex gone. Do you think if i gave her another chance later that this would happen again? And is it worth being best friends with her? I mean, it isnt the same because i always have that urge to put my arms around her or kiss her. and should i be jealous? Im crushed and i need help fast. i feel like m dying inside... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 You were probably 'in the meantime' for her. Sorry. I couldn't be friends with her for a while. When you start dating someone else, we'll see if she still wants to be friends... At least you only invested 6 months in this. Hang out with friends and recover without her. Then, you'll be ready for someone that isn't in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 It happens all the time. The guy thinks the relationship is cruising along just fine while he's ignoring the lady's needs for closeness and romance. Then one day she announces she is out of there. What happens is when a woman's needs aren't being met, she usually either communicates it right out to the guy or gives a lot of hints. It often goes in one ear and out the other. Over a period of time, the lady becomes hurt and resentful and feels rejected. Then she begins her silent emotional withdrawal. When that silent disbonding process is completed, she is totally ready to get out of the relationship and go look for love elsewhere. She makes the annoucement to the guy, you in this case, and he is shocked. Well, things weren't going very well. Your girl's needs for attention, love and affection were not being met. She has now found someone else who she thinks may do a better job at that. Remember, you can NEVER put relationships on autopilot. They need constant nurturing. If you don't have the time or energy to put into a romance, don't even start one. This is not a bad thing. Although you are severely hurt because you did love her, you have now learned how you must express that love everyday and never take a moment for granted. Some women need infinitely more expression of that love than others and it's up to the guy to find out just how much she needs. Celebrate the time you had with her a move on. Don't even bother trying to talk to this gal and to convince her to come back for another try. She's been there and the experience has hurt her. She's nice enough to want to be friends but she has learned that her needs for romance cannot be satisfied. So now you know why this happened and hopefully you can prevent it from happening again in the future. It's so easy to become complacent and to take the people we love for granted. And it's so easy for them to be hurt by that, cut us off, and move on. Sometimes, life lessons can really smart. Yes, there's a possiblity she could be back with you in the future but you must give her a lot of time to forget just how badly she was hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 I don't think you have done as much wrong as you say. I think you are just saying that because you are searching for reasons. The fact you were acting like friends gave that away. It sounds like you guys are young and she just went for the badboy. You'd be best forgetting her and moving on. Keep your head and show her some dignity by getting on with your life and hanging around with other girls. If you did happen to neglect her, I'd take Tony's advice very seriously. There is no place to take a relationship for granted, especially when it seem to go very well. If it is going well, make sure you are always striving to keep up the efforts and attention that got you there in the first place. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
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