Am I the only Proud OW on here?

[Tripper]

Yes, I am still with the MM, and proud of it too. I just do not feel Any sympathy for the W. I really do not, and maybe that makes me a Horrible person, which yeah, I'm probably going straight to hell for this, but you know, I just do not care.

 

One day, years from now, down the road you will realize this is not one of your "prouder" moments. You are part and parcel to a betrayal, like it or not.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Although I don't think being proud is right, I do think as long as you are happy with what you have then that is all that matters.

 

I do not personally agree with cheating but it does happen which is a tragic shame really, I have once been the OW only for sex twice with someone I worked with and we hooked up after our post sales meeting drink ups.

 

However I was single so I was not doing anything wrong, he was the one in the wrong for chasing after me and doing what he did, that was what my married best friend said to me when I felt bad initially.

 

But this was a short term thing, donno how I would cope/deal with a long term thing but for me I just wouldn't do it.

[Curmudgeon]

Proud of what? You mean there's something to be proud of about being a party to someone else's infidelity and the potential for bringing down a marriage and horribly hurting someone's wife and perhaps their children as well? That's really something to be "proud" of? Imagine that! I never would have known.

 

I think that really says it all when it comes to your values and character or, more likely, lack thereof.

[child_of_isis]

The irony here is that she has a lot in common with W.

 

MM has lied to her. Somewhere along the line, he convinced her that he would leave his w.

 

He spends his time with another woman....albeit it is his wife, but nonetheless...

 

And SHE STAYS WITH HIM!!!!

 

She is not able to kick him to the curb anymore than W is.

 

The only difference is that W may suspect the cheating and lying...but isn't for sure, whereas OW knows for a fact that the man is a cheater and liar.

 

Yet she hates the BS for not kicking him to the curb.

 

None of this makes any sense.

 

One day, years from now, down the road you will realize this is not one of your "prouder" moments. You are part and parcel to a betrayal, like it or not.

[EnigmasMuse]

None of this makes any sense.

 

 

What doesn't make sense is, if a MM is so unhappy, for WHATEVER reason, that he can't seem to get out of his marriage. If he has tried all things to help salvage it, and its not working for whatever reason, get out. If he is just unhappy period without trying to salvage it, get out. Stop being a coward by seeking something outside etc.

 

And as far as OW go, how about going for the single unattached men. Then you wont have to worry about wheather or not your MM are going to leave their wives or not, and getting caught up in someone else's family situation.

[whichwayisup]

You're helping this man commit emotional suicide to his marriage, the worst kind of betrayal someone can do to their spouse (yes, you're a willing partner in this) and you're proud and happy? If you're so happy, then why did you even join LS? Why aren't you out living the few stolen moments you get to be with this 'wonderful and caring' MM? So, what is the point here? Why do you feel the need to justify your actions to strangers on a forum?

 

One thing you seem to have forgotten, your MM is choosing to 'keep' both you and his wife and he has NO intention of changing that. Ever. His wife will put up with it because she doesn't know 100% for sure what is going on, though YOU know he has every intention of staying married and living with his wife, and you're staying...Is it possible that you're actually pissed at yourself more than anything??? And your pride and ego won't let you see WTF is really going on around you? Talk about fooling yourself into believing what is real and what is 'fantasy/affair.' It's sad and one day you will see this.

 

Great post replies so far, maybe take in what is being said, wake up abit.

[mopar crazy]

None of this makes any sense.

 

 

What doesn't make sense is, if a MM is so unhappy, for WHATEVER reason, that he can't seem to get out of his marriage. If he has tried all things to help salvage it, and its not working for whatever reason, get out. If he is just unhappy period without trying to salvage it, get out. Stop being a coward by seeking something outside etc.

 

And as far as OW go, how about going for the single unattached men. Then you wont have to worry about wheather or not your MM are going to leave their wives or not, and getting caught up in someone else's family situation.

 

You are right! If a MM is that miserable in his M he will leave, period.

 

My H had an A years ago. What he did was the worst BUT I can say one thing for him, at least he was man enough to say we were having martial problems, neither one of us was happy, so he wanted a D. He filed, he was getting out. At least he was man enough to do that instead of having an A behind my back pretending nothing was going on.

 

To the OP, I was the OW to a man in a CR, they lived together. I was far from being proud. When I realized he wasn't going to leave her I stopped the R.

[whichwayisup]

To the OP, I was the OW to a man in a CR, they lived together. I was far from being proud. When I realized he wasn't going to leave her I stopped the R.

 

The thing is, Gwen will take whatever she can get, settle and stay the OW because she feels it's her right to be with this MM. She seems to not care that she's settling for table scraps, settling to be this selfish MM's side dish..She's happy enough with the little he can give her.

[nadiaj2727]

WhiteFlower said:

But I do not feel proud about [the Affair]. To me, a person takes pride in something they do or believe in.

 

Amen WhiteFlower. And to answer your question Gwenyth, no, I was not a proud OW.... I felt extremely ashamed and guilty that I had helped a man cheat on his W (even though that's not originally what I thought I was doing... once I woke up and realized it, I felt just plain lousy about it) and I wondered how my self esteem was so low that I would be willing to accept second best, be the mistress to a married man (even if he didn't "feel" married and he was living separately from his W... I began to realize that was what I was doing), and allow myself to be strung along by a bunch of deceptions and false promises that never panned out. I hated it, I realized I was better than that, I wanted out, and I got out. Therefore I was not proud to be an OW but I am very proud to be a REFORMED OW.

 

I can happily and proudly say that I will never, ever "date" or F*&K or whatever you want to call it a MM again. Nor will I ever cheat if I get married. The only good thing that came out of this disastrous relationship I had with MM is that I really learned so much about who I really am and what I really want out of life. I do not want to be a cheater, a liar, a person living a double life, a person with secrets. I also realized that marriage is sacred and not something to be taken lightly or interfered with. If I ever take vows, I know I will work hard to make my marriage work.

 

So I totally agree with WF's view of what pride is. My ex affair taught me a lot about integrity. I am now very proud when I tell the truth even when it would be easier or more convenient to lie. I am proud to let my friends and family know my *real* whereabouts instead of covering up being with MM. The smallest things -- things that are good and that I should have been doing all along and was doing before MM -- make me proud of myself and make me feel like I'm a good person again.

 

So since you are proud to be an OW I just wanted to share that I am so proud to not be an OW anymore. I am not trying to say that OWs are bad or wrong or that I'm better than anyone. I was an OW just 2 weeks ago and it's hard as hell to break the cycle, and it was so easy to fall into!!!, so I can't criticize anyone. However I remember giving you advice Gwenyth about whether or not you should pursue this MM and I was like, hell no, stay away, learn from my experiences. Therefore all I can do is try to share what happened to me, what I learned from it, and if there are any OWs who *want* to become reformed OWs, I will offer all the cyber support I'm capable of. But for Gwenyth and others of you who are happy OWs, I sure hope you don't think I'm judging you -- if you are happy, you go girl, and I won't say a word to try to cut away from your happiness. I'm just trying to say how I've gotten my true happiness back!

[RecordProducer]

Gwyneth, I've never been the OW or a BS so no bias whatsoever. I would just like to hear the particulars of your affair. Did you guys fall madly in love with each other and nothing else matters? Does he have to stay with his wife because she is ill or the kids are little? Are you just enjoying your life and are happy to get someone's affection and attention?

 

All these things make good sense to me. I don't think you should feel guilty of hurting his marriage, because his marriage is HIS responsibility and frankly, I wouldn't feel much guilty either. I am just worried that YOU might get hurt eventually. I hope not. I see the OW mostly as the MM's victim and a naive woman in love. I don't think you're a horrible person or anything (at least not because you're an OW).

 

Some people are not right for each other and some people must stay together for whatever reasons in their minds. I am becoming a fervent supporter (not proponent) of affairs, although I haven't cheated on my soon-to-be-ex-husband. I am starting not to see the point in being miserable in a marriage, when you can have your cake and eat it too. I feel sorry for betrayed spouses and other women/men though. I even feel sorry for the cheaters, because the best love is when you don't have to cheat.

 

Any offended parties: please forgive my immoral attitudes; I am very bitter wife and i hope I will soon find my soul mate and stop feeling like this. My hsuabnd deserves to be cheated on, his ex cheated on hima nd I can see why. Unfortunately, I can't afford that luxury, although we will be divorced by the end of the school year.

[ftballfan300]

Oh please ladies. Be quiet already. everyone here seems to watch either too much Dr phil or Oprah. Go get a hobby ladies. maybe knit a blanket or take a walk

[EnigmasMuse]

I don't think you should feel guilty of hurting his marriage, because his marriage is HIS responsibility and frankly, I wouldn't feel much guilty either.

 

I agree, that his marriage is HIS responsbility. HE is the one stepping out on it. And if the W knows or finds out, she should confront HIM etc. However, the OW is part of the equation here too. It matters not who, went seeking whom first. The bottom line is, they both had a choice. Him to his marriage or to get out. Her to say no thank you and go the other way.

 

 

 

 

I see the OW mostly as the MM's victim and a naive woman in love.

 

Give me a break. These women who know these men are married and have families are not NAIVE. As far as victim, they are only "victims" if they allow themselves to be. As I said, they could turn the other cheek and walk away.

[White Flower]

Yes, OW, I am also proud of the way MM and I respect each other, compliment each other, anticipate the needs of one another, etc. In those respects, yes I am proud. And thanks for your kind words and well wishes earlier.

[RecordProducer]

Oh please ladies. Be quiet already. everyone here seems to watch either too much Dr phil or Oprah. Go get a hobby ladies. maybe knit a blanket or take a walk

I don't watch Oprah or Dr. Phill and knitting a blanket can't fulfill my emotional and sexual needs - which are completrely unsatisfied. I don't see anything wrong with wanting romance and love. I see something very wrong in people craving romace and love while being married to some cold dead bodies.

[White Flower]

WhiteFlower said:

But I do not feel proud about [the Affair]. To me, a person takes pride in something they do or believe in.

 

 

So I totally agree with WF's view of what pride is. My ex affair taught me a lot about integrity. I am now very proud when I tell the truth even when it would be easier or more convenient to lie. I am proud to let my friends and family know my *real* whereabouts instead of covering up being with MM. The smallest things -- things that are good and that I should have been doing all along and was doing before MM -- make me proud of myself and make me feel like I'm a good person again.

 

So since you are proud to be an OW I just wanted to share that I am so proud to not be an OW anymore. I am not trying to say that OWs are bad or wrong or that I'm better than anyone. I was an OW just 2 weeks ago and it's hard as hell to break the cycle, and it was so easy to fall into!!!, so I can't criticize anyone. However I remember giving you advice Gwenyth about whether or not you should pursue this MM and I was like, hell no, stay away, learn from my experiences. Therefore all I can do is try to share what happened to me, what I learned from it, and if there are any OWs who *want* to become reformed OWs, I will offer all the cyber support I'm capable of. But for Gwenyth and others of you who are happy OWs, I sure hope you don't think I'm judging you -- if you are happy, you go girl, and I won't say a word to try to cut away from your happiness. I'm just trying to say how I've gotten my true happiness back!

Bravo for you N2727!

I hope to be as strong as you very soon.

[White Flower]

All these things make good sense to me. I don't think you should feel guilty of hurting his marriage, because his marriage is HIS responsibility and frankly, I wouldn't feel much guilty either. I am just worried that YOU might get hurt eventually. I hope not. I see the OW mostly as the MM's victim and a naive woman in love. I don't think you're a horrible person or anything (at least not because you're an OW).

I agree almost fully about it being his responsibility. I wish MM would reply to what I am about to suggest: wouldn't they just find someone else anyway? I'm sure for some, yes. Others, no. I would like to believe my MM never considered an A before I came along and hope he won't consider an A after it ends. I know I might be polyaniaish about this.

Some people are not right for each other and some people must stay together for whatever reasons in their minds.

This is the thing. I believe the most avoided issue is societies' expectations. People are so afraid of what everyone else is going to think. Those who think in black and white/good and bad just cannot appreciate all the layers and hues in between the extremes. But I'm not trying to jack this thread.

Any offended parties: please forgive my immoral attitudes; I am very bitter wife and i hope I will soon find my soul mate and stop feeling like this. My hsuabnd deserves to be cheated on, his ex cheated on hima nd I can see why. Unfortunately, I can't afford that luxury, although we will be divorced by the end of the school year.

Best of luck, RP.

[LexiB]

I have Never done anything bad in my life (no drugs, never stole, never hurt anyone physically...never even got a driving ticket). Maybe this is me embracing risk.

 

 

So go skydiving. Ride a motorycle. Go backpacking in Iraq. There are many other ways you can "embrace risk" w/o getting an innocent person (or *people* if there are children) caught up in your path to self destruction.

 

What an idiotic post. But yeah - congrats on ur Victory!!!

[woe_is_me]

I just do not feel Any sympathy for the W. I really do not,

He does though:confused:

 

 

I'm probably going straight to hell for this, but you know, I just do not care.

He cares, but not about you:confused:

 

 

I also really do not care what people think

He does:confused:

 

 

He isn't mine.

You said it!

[RecordProducer]

To me, a person takes pride in something they do or believe in. You help a blind woman cross the street and you feel proud of yourself. Also I am proud of my MM in many ways: he is a hero to me on so many levels including personally. Yet, I am not proud of being in a R with a MM. It is not because of shame, as some readers will assume, but it is because there is no merit in it--nothing achieved. As well, I am not proud for being married for as long as I have been. People congratulate us (H and me) all the time for our endurance, but I usually see it as me being a pushover all these years. I cannot be proud of that either. And if MM's W discovered us and felt pain, I would not be proud of that either. This is one of the reasons I accept quick calls from him from the public restrooms that I discuss on another thread.

WF, you are what I call a person who has her opinions beyond the clichés. While this phrase might sound like a big cliché itself, to me it makes a certain sense. I can clearly recognize concepts that get repeated all the time vs. a fresh attitude.

 

I've seen fresh attitudes quite a lot on this board and that's why I am drawn to it. I love people who can think. (Sorry, total digression )

[norajane]

I am just worried that YOU might get hurt eventually.

 

She already has been, and continues to be, hurt. She's been posting non-stop about the MM's wife, and how she doesn't respect her, and what a nasty bitch she is, and...

 

She's posting because she's HURT that MM chooses to stay with his wife. She's posting out of pain and frustration. She hurts every night when he goes home to his wife. She's already hurt.

[whichwayisup]

Bentnotbroken, I like you and the way you put your replies together!

 

I completey agree with you NJ.

[Gwyneth]

I've read through all of your posts and I can see I'm not quite alone here in the way I feel. It is His marriage and she is His wife--why should I be obligated to have a concern for her? I never said I wanted him, so I do not know Why some of you have this impression. He and I have this deep connection--he's almost like a best friend to me. When he and I are together, there are just weird yet good feelings surrounding us. Kind of like a soul mate.

 

I have already has the absolute worst happen to me, and I do not think Anything could Ever compare to this. This would be the death of my grandfather. That to me was the biggest heart break I had ever encountered, and will ever encounter, because he was the love of my life. So for those of you that insist this married man will hurt me and are so sure he will, please--I have dealt with broken hearts before. I know he's married so do not expect much out of this. I value my friendship with the MM more than anything right now. I do not care for his wife and why should I--I don't even know her. Maybe if I knew here, the situation would be different. Right now, though, she's just a person in his life.

 

I never set out to hurt anyone by getting into this mess. He pursued me--I just had this secret crush on him for a while before he had pursued me and never had any intentions of pursuing him because I knew he was married. That's the thing though, he's married and pursued me. That says something about his character more than mine. YOu can't judge someone poorly just because they are having an affair. Does not totally make an individual a bad character.

 

A part of me doesn't care because it's such a common thing--affairs, that I just feel it's part of life. Sad, but it is, and the media influences affairs by broadcasting celebrities' affairs as if it's the new trend.

 

Perhaps I am too young and naive to understand what I am doing is wrong. I know it's wrong--I wouldn't stand up in front of my family, or tell my children, that I am having/had an affair with a married man. Do we broadcast Every thing we are proud of to others? I think some things, even things we are very proud of accomplishing, are meant to be private. I was proud when my body began turning into a woman when I was a kid--but that was something I definitely did Not want to share with anyone except my mother and sister.

 

What I am proud of most is that I found a man who I connect with and who I can talk to and not be judged. My best friend and some other close friends like to judge me. He isn't judgemental, and I feel secure talking to him and asking him for advice. I am most proud of the fact that I found someone, as I said, a Soul Mate, who I can share private moments with. This is an Emotional Affair. I do not expect him to leave his wife for me--honestly, I do not think I would want to marry him because I know about his history of cheating. DO I think he'd cheat on me? I do not know--most likely since he has done it to every woman he's ever been with, but that doesn't mean he will cheat on every woman in the future. He has a lot to learn, and maybe this will be a lesson for both he and I. I look forward the the challenges and lessons he and I will be faced with and learn from heretofore.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'm tired of trying to act like someone I'm not. Yes, I am still with the MM, and proud of it too. I just do not feel Any sympathy for the W. I really do not, and maybe that makes me a Horrible person, which yeah, I'm probably going straight to hell for this, but you know, I just do not care. I have Never done anything bad in my life (no drugs, never stole, never hurt anyone physically...never even got a driving ticket). Maybe this is me embracing risk.

 

I also really do not care what people think about what I'm doing or how I feel. It's my life, it's his life, and it's his marriage--he can be in his marriage how ever he wants. I cannot tell him how to be a husband. He isn't mine to tell.

 

That's just the way it is.

 

I feel the heat rising in here now..but it certainly feels Great to have gotten this out.

 

Does anyone share the same feelings as me? I'm sure some of you women, even OM out there feel the same way.

 

I remember when I first started talking to you, saying your not gonna break up his marriage and he's just a friend.

 

So today you proudly proclaim that you are his mistress and proud of it.

 

I want you to be happy with the fact that your always gonna be number 2 in his book. No matter what his wife dishes at him and treats him.

 

She's gonna be his wife.

 

Reguardless also if you two ever decide to get married, can you show your face if everyone knows you were his jump off. Family barbicues, thanksgiving? You think his family is gonna be happy seeing you around?

 

But alas this is the price of being an OM or OW.

 

I feel sorry that you couldnt find it within yourself to get a regular boyfriend. He just had to be married with wife and kids huh?

[Gwyneth]

His family is not particularly fond of her, and I believe his mother knows he has taken on a mistress. She told him that he needs to do what he has to do--meaning, do what makes you happy. I'm not really concerning myself with the future of he and I. Yes, this comes from him, and whether this is true or not is irrelevant because there is no wedding in the picture for he and I. So why bother thinking of the possibility so far in advance?

 

Also, I have tried to end this many times before, but I think the problem here is that he and I have a very strong friendship (soul mate kind of) and that is why it's hard to break apart.

[whichwayisup]

I've read through all of your posts and I can see I'm not quite alone here in the way I feel. It is His marriage and she is His wife--why should I be obligated to have a concern for her? I never said I wanted him, so I do not know Why some of you have this impression. He and I have this deep connection--he's almost like a best friend to me. When he and I are together, there are just weird yet good feelings surrounding us. Kind of like a soul mate.

 

I have already has the absolute worst happen to me, and I do not think Anything could Ever compare to this. This would be the death of my grandfather. That to me was the biggest heart break I had ever encountered, and will ever encounter, because he was the love of my life. So for those of you that insist this married man will hurt me and are so sure he will, please--I have dealt with broken hearts before. I know he's married so do not expect much out of this. I value my friendship with the MM more than anything right now. I do not care for his wife and why should I--I don't even know her. Maybe if I knew here, the situation would be different. Right now, though, she's just a person in his life.

 

I never set out to hurt anyone by getting into this mess. He pursued me--I just had this secret crush on him for a while before he had pursued me and never had any intentions of pursuing him because I knew he was married. That's the thing though, he's married and pursued me. That says something about his character more than mine. YOu can't judge someone poorly just because they are having an affair. Does not totally make an individual a bad character.

 

A part of me doesn't care because it's such a common thing--affairs, that I just feel it's part of life. Sad, but it is, and the media influences affairs by broadcasting celebrities' affairs as if it's the new trend.

 

Perhaps I am too young and naive to understand what I am doing is wrong. I know it's wrong--I wouldn't stand up in front of my family, or tell my children, that I am having/had an affair with a married man. Do we broadcast Every thing we are proud of to others? I think some things, even things we are very proud of accomplishing, are meant to be private. I was proud when my body began turning into a woman when I was a kid--but that was something I definitely did Not want to share with anyone except my mother and sister.

 

What I am proud of most is that I found a man who I connect with and who I can talk to and not be judged. My best friend and some other close friends like to judge me. He isn't judgemental, and I feel secure talking to him and asking him for advice. I am most proud of the fact that I found someone, as I said, a Soul Mate, who I can share private moments with. This is an Emotional Affair. I do not expect him to leave his wife for me--honestly, I do not think I would want to marry him because I know about his history of cheating. DO I think he'd cheat on me? I do not know--most likely since he has done it to every woman he's ever been with, but that doesn't mean he will cheat on every woman in the future. He has a lot to learn, and maybe this will be a lesson for both he and I. I look forward the the challenges and lessons he and I will be faced with and learn from heretofore.

 

All I can say is you're completely fooling yourself Gwen. HE may be 'your' bestfriend, soulmate, but the way he is, who he is, you aren't his bestfriend/soulmate. Maybe in the moment now you are, but eventually he'll find another OW and be sexual with her if he's so into cheating, he'll emotional connect with her as well. Just be prepared for that someday if you plan on sticking around. Eventually he's going to want to get into your pants..If you say no, he'll look for it elsewhere.

 

Anyway, I still think you'll get hurt BECAUSE this is an emotional affair. I mean, what if next week he told you goodbye forever, never to call him again, that he needs you NOT to be in his life. How would you feel? Would you respect him enough to leave your so-called bestfriend alone?

 

Sidenote - Sorry for the loss of your grandfather.