Am I the only Proud OW on here?

[Chrome Barracuda]

His family is not particularly fond of her, and I believe his mother knows he has taken on a mistress. She told him that he needs to do what he has to do--meaning, do what makes you happy. I'm not really concerning myself with the future of he and I. Yes, this comes from him, and whether this is true or not is irrelevant because there is no wedding in the picture for he and I. So why bother thinking of the possibility so far in advance?

 

Also, I have tried to end this many times before, but I think the problem here is that he and I have a very strong friendship (soul mate kind of) and that is why it's hard to break apart.

 

It is going to be hard breaking up because you are allowing it!

 

Stop playing games be real! be honest!

 

You enjoy flirting and spending time with this man. All that attention and control are giving you a rush that ou dont want to give up. Admit it.

 

Where I'm from people dont touch other people's spouses without getting chin checked.

 

I dont advocate violence but some people need boundries. and there's gonna come a day and time when she sees you, and you better pray that she isnt a violent person.

 

The reason she's being a basketcase is because her husband is cheating on her with you! Did that ever cross your mind! Did it ever cross your mind that she's fighting for her family. And this tawdry affair is driving her insane?

[Marielle]

Yes, you seem to be the only one.

[norajane]

I know he's married so do not expect much out of this. I value my friendship with the MM more than anything right now.

 

What I am proud of most is that I found a man who I connect with and who I can talk to and not be judged. My best friend and some other close friends like to judge me. He isn't judgemental, and I feel secure talking to him and asking him for advice. I am most proud of the fact that I found someone, as I said, a Soul Mate, who I can share private moments with. This is an Emotional Affair.

 

You may not care if he leaves his wife, but you do expect a lot out of this. You expect the friendship, the soul mate, the sharing. You'll care when this affair ends. You will lose what you value most. The longer you stay in, the deeper your feelings will become, and the more painful it will be when it's over. Cut your losses, if you can.

[whichwayisup]

Also, I have tried to end this many times before, but I think the problem here is that he and I have a very strong friendship (soul mate kind of) and that is why it's hard to break apart.

 

That's because you really don't want it to be over. Just like he doesn't want his marriage to be over.

 

People who really want to end a relationship, a friendship or a marriage just DO. If someone wants out, they'll do everything possible to make sure that they get out, that is the bottomline, so honestly, I don't believe for one second that you've tried to 'end' the friendship with him.

[Freedom Now]

No insult to the OP here, but save your typing ladies.

 

She will not change her mind. NOTHING will change her mind. I have been where she is.

 

And unfortunately, she will play this through to the bitter end.

 

The lull of the affair is virtually irresistible. I've been there, done that I am sorry to say.

 

And no words we say will change her mind. It is made up, sadly.

 

Best of luck, Gwyneth. You are in for one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride.

 

[White Flower]

WF, you are what I call a person who has her opinions beyond the clichés. While this phrase might sound like a big cliché itself, to me it makes a certain sense. I can clearly recognize concepts that get repeated all the time vs. a fresh attitude.

 

I've seen fresh attitudes quite a lot on this board and that's why I am drawn to it. I love people who can think. (Sorry, total digression )

 

Thanks for the compliment. I really enjoy finding members like you who have great critical thinking skills. The black and white thinkers have great points to make, but don't always satisfy those who see the various shades of gray in between. It's the difference between looking at a finished masterpiece as opposed to a nearly finished painting. And I know I'm not finished yet...

[Gwyneth]

Like I have said, I have been through the emotional roller coaster rides--it wasn't fun, but hey, I survived. Isn't getting through rough times a part of life? I think so. Fortunately, I pick my sh*t up and Move on. I was in a relationship for many years with one guy and one day it ended. I was hurt, but I moved on. I don't sit at home and cry because he chose Not to be with me anymore. I missed him terribly, but I knew how to move on. Next guy came along and hurt me even more. He would bring his new gf over to my house where I lived with his best friend. Hello! That was the Absolute Worst feeling. I got through it though, because I moved forward. I always just move forward. Yeah, lots of crying, wha wha, boo hoos, but at the same time, I move on. Next guy came along, he one day just stopped talking to me (he has personal issues...). I was upset for months, but I moved on. I'm not going to let some guy get the best of me. It just isn't worth it, and through all the hurt and pain I have endured, I move on quicker and quicker because I know that the next best thing is waiting for me somewhere else. WE always say to ourselves, "I'll Never be so in love again," or, "I'll never meet anyone like Joe Doe," but you know what, I had said that so many times, and sure enough, the next guy is better than the previous. I learned that over time, and just focused on meeting the next Joe Doe who's even better than the previous. I handle bad situations well. Like I said, my grandfather's death was more of a loss to me than anything ever, and once I had to deal with that, all these heart breaks and nasty breakups were more and more simple. I adjust to bad situations quickly. I don't know, maybe that's just me.

 

I get by with a little help from my friends.

[Freedom Now]

I don't know, Gwyneth.

 

I choose not to willingly put myself on an emotional roller coaster ride if I don't have to.

 

Call me crazy.

[Lyssa]

Good for you then, Gwyneth. I just hope you can really move on when the worst hits you. The thing with life is that we can never know what is the worst. We really don't know. Just when you think you have gone through the worst, something else comes up and hit you! But seeing that you always always move on... then nothing is ever going to hurt you.

[Gwyneth]

Nope, not crazy, but that's Your choice. You are given the freedom as an individual to make that kind of executive decision. And good for you--that's great. Me though, I take risks like that. what can I say? I'm not the biggest risk taker out there, but I take risks with my heart, and I know how to handle the broken heart well. It's not a crisis for me--it's a lesson, and I move forward.

 

I'm spiritual and am a Firm believer that Every thing happens for a reason. Have not figured out the reason for me being in this affair.

[White Flower]

Good for you then, Gwyneth. I just hope you can really move on when the worst hits you. The thing with life is that we can never know what is the worst. We really don't know. Just when you think you have gone through the worst, something else comes up and hit you! But seeing that you always always move on... then nothing is ever going to hurt you.

I don't know.....I've gone through an awful lot of shyte and it started when I was young and it still hurts. Every time.

[Freedom Now]

I have never in my life been as damaged or as hurt as I was by this affair I was tricked into. And we loved each other to distraction if you can believe that. But it was wrong no matter how you slice it. And everyone involved was virtually destroyed by it.

 

And you have no idea the kind of strength I possess. I have a ton.

 

Be careful, Gwyneth.

 

I thought I knew how to handle a broken heart, too.

 

I have never felt such pain.

 

Ever.

[Lyssa]

I don't know.....I've gone through an awful lot of shyte and it started when I was young and it still hurts. Every time.

 

I have only gone through a few heartbreaks but they were very heartbreaking and something I do not want to go through ever again! Now and then, it still hurts when I think about it.

[Gwyneth]

Thank you, Freedom. I am well aware what I am in, yes a mess, but that's pretty much how my life has worked. However, I am prepared for the day he says "goodbye," and maybe that day won't come--maybe it will be me who gets tired of the affair and leaves.

 

Besides, there's this guy at work, who is single and never married, but I have had my eye on. I will move on--I always do, and always will, whether it's with another guy or with just myself, I move foward. It's just what works best for me. I Hate being miserable, and try to Always live happy, and find a positive out of a negative all the time. It's what works best for me

[Freedom Now]

I agree with your philosophy.

 

I just don't believe in walking into an emotional death trap.

 

That is a risk I am just not willing to take.

 

But, it is your life and I am certainly not one to judge.

 

Just be careful and guard your heart.

[Gwyneth]

It's guarded. Thank you

[RecordProducer]

What I am proud of most is that I found a man who I connect with and who I can talk to and not be judged.

Gwyneth, I have the impression that you're trying to build a shell around yourself to protect your soul from being hurt. But by building that shell, you condamn yourself to staying in it and not being able to run away from it. It is so easy for a man who does not have to share life with you to understand you. It is so easy to get admiration and understanding of men who do not live with us. You will learn this the in harder way, because you choose to bury your head in the sand and believe that this is IT. This is not it. I have understanding of all my male friends and flirts, but none of them would understand me in the same way if they were in the same household with me. My hsuabnd was an angel throughout the dating phase when it came to support and help about every little and big thing. Now the buble is blown. Same with all my previosu relationships.

 

DO I think he'd cheat on me? I do not know--most likely since he has done it to every woman he's ever bth he and I.

This is the reality, Gwyneth. He has cheated on every woman he has been with and this awats you if he ever becomes yours. This is the turnover I am talking about. the prince turns into a frog - the frog that he has been to every woman. And I got the impression that you know it.

 

I look forward the the challenges and lessons he and I will be faced with and learn from heretofore.

You better look forward to meeting someone faithful. This man is not your soul mate. He is a cheater and a liar. He has done it to others, he will do it to you. You deserve better.

[Impudent Oyster]

How can you be proud of being something that no one knows you are?

[nadiaj2727]

Gwenyth wrote:

Like I have said, I have been through the emotional roller coaster rides--it wasn't fun, but hey, I survived. Isn't getting through rough times a part of life? I think so. Fortunately, I pick my sh*t up and Move on. I was in a relationship for many years with one guy and one day it ended. I was hurt, but I moved on. I don't sit at home and cry because he chose Not to be with me anymore. I missed him terribly, but I knew how to move on. Next guy came along and hurt me even more. He would bring his new gf over to my house where I lived with his best friend. Hello! That was the Absolute Worst feeling. I got through it though, because I moved forward. I always just move forward. Yeah, lots of crying, wha wha, boo hoos, but at the same time, I move on. Next guy came along, he one day just stopped talking to me (he has personal issues...). I was upset for months, but I moved on. I'm not going to let some guy get the best of me. It just isn't worth it, and through all the hurt and pain I have endured, I move on quicker and quicker because I know that the next best thing is waiting for me somewhere else. WE always say to ourselves, "I'll Never be so in love again," or, "I'll never meet anyone like Joe Doe," but you know what, I had said that so many times, and sure enough, the next guy is better than the previous. I learned that over time, and just focused on meeting the next Joe Doe who's even better than the previous.

 

Gwenyth,

I propose a new strategy for you that is better than being focused on meeting the next Joe Doe who's even better than the previous (it doesn't sound like one's much better so I would hate to see the first Joe Does). Focus on loving yourself, getting to know your true self, and treating yourself much much better than any Joe Doe would ever be able to treat you. Be alone until you are happy with who you are (without any Joe Doe). Only then will you be able to give and receive true love. As it is now, you are only finding guys who don't love or respect themselves enough to love their wife or girlfriend. Once you know who you are and what you want in a man, do not ever settle for less. Do not settle for Joe Doe. Don't look for your affection and compliments from a man. Find that from within. Know what you are awesome at and compliment yourself on that. Find out what your weaknesses are and work to make yourself a better person. You can't do any of this if you are hanging out with some really lame lying cheating guy. Gwenyth, this newest Joe Doe is *not* your soulmate. You will find your soulmate when you love yourself and you find someone who loves himself enough to love you.

 

I know you didn't ask me for my advice. But I ask you to just think about what I'm saying and see if it holds any weight for you. If not, then I just wasted a few minutes of my time, but if so, I really hope it helps. ~Nadia

[EnigmaXOXO]

You know Gwyneth ... there IS one way (and one way only) for that man to find reason enough to finally leave his wife for you.

 

So keep your fingers crossed that this man’s neglect will eventually leave his wife feeling cold and lonely. Enough that she follows her husband’s example and finds a boy toy of her own to fill in where he’s been slacking. And he finds out about it.

 

Believe me ... people like this do NOT take kindly to the idea of a someone doing to them what they feel entitled to do to others. The very idea of another man having sex with his wife will drive him insane. He won’t even stop to take into account what he’s been doing with both of you as he fights the impulse to call her a whore and pummel the guy who dared to sully his “property”.

 

I also have to wonder, while he gets to assemble a small harem for himself ... how would he react to the idea of sharing YOU with other men as well?

 

Yuck. Cavemen like this make my skin crawl.

 

Better you than me!

[2sunny]

Oh please ladies. Be quiet already. everyone here seems to watch either too much Dr phil or Oprah. Go get a hobby ladies. maybe knit a blanket or take a walk

 

what? that is not appropriate! there are so many gals (and guys) here that give great advice.

[Gwyneth]

Nadia,

 

YOu have given me some things to think about, and all very helpful, but right now I am satisfied with just doing what I'm doing. No feelings attached, really, other than platonic and lusting love.

 

You know Gwyneth ... there IS one way (and one way only) for that man to find reason enough to finally leave his wife for you.

 

So keep your fingers crossed that this man’s neglect will eventually leave his wife feeling cold and lonely. Enough that she follows her husband’s example and finds a boy toy of her own to fill in where he’s been slacking. And he finds out about it.

 

Believe me ... people like this do NOT take kindly to the idea of a someone doing to them what they feel entitled to do to others. The very idea of another man having sex with his wife will drive him insane. He won’t even stop to take into account what he’s been doing with both of you as he fights the impulse to call her a whore and pummel the guy who dared to sully his “property”.

 

I also have to wonder, while he gets to assemble a small harem for himself ... how would he react to the idea of sharing YOU with other men as well?

 

Yuck. Cavemen like this make my skin crawl.

 

Better you than me!

 

It's funny you mention me finding another man, because he often brings up the fact that I'll find someone and forget about him, with a sad tone in his voice. He knows very well that I will Not date someone and have him as a side thing--that's just not My style. He has said though, when I asked him if he even loves his wife and he replied "I guess," he said "I mean, I woudln't want to see her with another man." I think this is a territory thing, and I think even with me, he woudln't want to hear of me being with another guy. I have exes I still to this day do not want to see with another woman--it would conjur memories of he and I together and probably upset me. I thnk this is normal, but I do wish well for all of my exes.

 

MM though often brings up me finding someone and forgetting about him. I am currently in the process of moving into my own place and he said sooner or later some guy will be moving in with me and that will be the end of this between he and I. Then he said "Unless you let me come by when He's not around." To be on the safe side though, I told him that my ex is still in my life and we see each other now and then. This isn't true, and I Hate lying, but I don't want him to know or think that I'm totally available and all about him. So I feel that I have to make him think that the ex and I are still seeing each other.

[RecordProducer]

I know you didn't ask me for my advice. But I ask you to just think about what I'm saying and see if it holds any weight for you. If not, then I just wasted a few minutes of my time, but if so, I really hope it helps. ~Nadia

Nadia, you didn't waste your time. Your words inspired me, if not Gwyneth. Not in the sense of what I should do, but how I should think, which will ultimately lead to what I want. I have always in a way looked for men to rescue me (from loneliness, from the step-father, from my country) and have always been very vulnerable and very much in love. I am so tired of integrating my life with my mens' lives in symbiosis that are later hard to separate. having two babies and being jobless makes a divorce a disaster. Being in a new country with two children, with no job, family, and friends looks scary again. But I survived the first time and I will survive again. Next time a man enters my life and heart, it will be only to love me and be loved. I should be able to get him out of my life with everything else remaining constant. It's hard to explain how much everything you said I can/should apply to myself without making this a two-page post. I would love to hear your voice in my threads, Nadia.

 

No feelings attached, really, other than platonic and lusting love.

I totally understand your concept, Gwyneth: you're basically single, enjoy somebody's company and affection, you get to have casual sex, you know this relationship is not serious and will never lead to anything more than this... oh, wait... you don't know that. THAT's the whole point of why everybody is trying to tell you something that you think you understand, but you don't. There is not "IF I get hurt..." in your story. You WILL get hurt and I hope it will be soon and in a form of a break-up. I hope for your own sake that you won't stay with this man for many years or even end up married to him (cuz his wife ditched him) and be cheated on.

 

He knows very well that I will Not date someone and have him as a side thing--that's just not My style.

Yes, it's HIS style.

 

he said "I mean, I wouldn't want to see her with another man."

....

Then he said "Unless you let me come by when He's not around."

This man makes me want to vomit. Can't you see that his statements clearly suggest that he will NOT leave his wife and he is OK with you being with someone else as long as he gets to see you occasionally? Oh, Gwyneth, I hope you realize that this beautiful, passionate, sweet, smart, charming, understanding man is nothing but a scumbag when it comes to integrity. (Note his double standards about his wife and another man).

 

Better you than me!

Enigma, you're so funny. I was married to two cavemen, although none of them ever cheated. They are cavemen in other senses. I actually wonder how many men are cavemen. Hm...

 

I don't know.....I've gone through an awful lot of shyte and it started when I was young and it still hurts. Every time

There's hurt and hurt, WF. A woman like you will certainly get out the pain quicker and easier than someone who is weak or has never experienced pain in the past. There are women in this world who never get over their husbands, who left them alone with kids and disappeared forever. That stupidity is something that you can correct through life lessons (read: bad experiences), cuz no college teaches it. Of course, I am talking about love pain and the theory could apply to financial pain as well. Other types of loss (death of a loved one) are different.

[Gwyneth]

It's funny how most of you think you know me well enough to make judgmemts that I will get hurt. I find that incredible.

 

I haven't had sex with him nor do I intend to. I respect my V, and he is well aware of that. It's more about touching, feeling, and cuddling. It's not about sex at all. In our minds, yes, but we separate fantasy from fiction.

[nadiaj2727]

RecordProducer --

 

Next time a man enters my life and heart, it will be only to love me and be loved.

 

Good for you! That is what I'm talking about. I'm so glad my words made sense to *somebody*! Sometimes I type just to convince myself of what I know to be true but can't always focus on. If that makes sense.

 

I'm pretty new to this forum concept and don't know how to find threads posted by someone. Where are your threads?