Am I the only Proud OW on here?

[Gwyneth]

...yet people who cheat aren't horrible people, just cheating slime balls? Can you answer my post?

 

The one ex I'm referring to is a slime ball for reasons other than what he did to me. He's just a loser, and while I do not have significant proof he cheated on me, he did bring his new GF over to my house where I lived with his friends right after we broke up. The girl didn't even know I was his ex--slime ball.

 

He also cheated on this GF with many other girls at my house--I think he was just trying to get some kind of reaction from me. That wasn't working--he hurt me and I had to move on, so I did. I think a cheating slime ball is someone who cheats just to get thrills from one person to the next...while a person who engages in an affair has more than just sexual intentions. affairs are based on stronger foundations than flings. I think most of us can agree to that. This guy though is just a loser, period. His day existed of drinking, smoking weed, pleasuring himself throughout the day, finding some random girl to pleasure him later in the evening, then going home to GF and getting it from her, while all day she was attending classes, work, and washing is dirty laundry. This guy needed a mom with benefits, not a GF. I'm sure he cheated on me--he did it to her so he probably did it to me because he's All about cheating. He didn't have affairs, he just dirty cheated. Slime ball.

 

Jackjack--I have said that I misused the term Proud, and that I was more happy than Proud that he was in my life. Doesn't mean I want to find someone else to be with. I know I have no future with this guy, so what I have with him is friendship. I meant by No loss is that I'm not wasting time away hoping he'll leave his wife for me--it may or may not happen, but I'm not relying on that To happen. I live day by day, minute by minute, and if the opportunity presents itself that I meet someone else, then so be it. He's not a loss because he's not mine and I don't own him or anything--I'm just having my fun with him in the meantime. How is this hard to understand? I am happy to know him and have what I have with him, but I know it will end and I do not count on this lasting very long.

[luvmy2ns]

Do you seriously not think some people cheat just because they enjoy variety, are self-absorbed, and want what they want when they want it, regardless of who may get hurt?

 

K. How about this one, OP?

[EnigmaXOXO]

And the encouragement from his friends and coworkers also doesn't help the situation. We're surrounded by people who encourage us to engage in this affair... so the odds are for us, not against.

 

“His” being the operative word here rather than “us.”

 

And of course, those who know him but have no emotional investment regarding his relatives are going to champion his cause, sometimes without much regard to the collateral damage he might eventually suffer as a result. Why should they really care what he does to himself anymore than you. They’re JUST “coworkers” and semi-detached acquaintances who he’s friendly with.

 

But the superficial pep squad is behind him and not you. Do you think they’d give one iota if he ending up hurting you eventually because that’s what he decided was best for him. (???) None of those shallow people are going to be there for you when you end up the odd man out and need a “friend” to console you.

 

Nope. The “odds” are in HIS favor, not yours. And I think by the end of all this, that’s going to be one of those most painful realizations you’ll be struggling to come to terms with.

[Gwyneth]

Let me rephrase what I said previously about cheaters:

 

Those who have affairs I do not think are bad people in general, but those who live to have one night stands while going home to their SO (I use new abbreviations!) are plain ol' slime balls! That's just dirty, yuck.

 

The people looking for one night stands I do not think have bad intentions unless they are with someone. A wam bam thank you mam does not read "good person" to me. Then to go home to their SO is just incredible to me.

 

Though, those who are in affairs I just think it's based on stronger intentions and foundations. It's long lasting and is more than just sex--at least in my case it is.

 

I'm not that good with words here, but I am trying to get you to understand my theory. When I am referring to cheating here, I am referring to affairs, not one night stands.

[Gwyneth]

K. How about this one, OP?

 

I have mentioned, if not in this thrad than another thread, that I'm sure it's mostly based on self-needs, pity, and selfishness. What else could it be? I don't know--I personally just enjoy his companionship. He makes me happy, makes me laugh, and turns me from blue to white.

[luvmy2ns]

Let me rephrase what I said previously about cheaters:

 

Those who have affairs I do not think are bad people in general, but those who live to have one night stands while going home to their SO (I use new abbreviations!) are plain ol' slime balls! That's just dirty, yuck.

 

The people looking for one night stands I do not think have bad intentions unless they are with someone. A wam bam thank you mam does not read "good person" to me. Then to go home to their SO is just incredible to me.

 

Though, those who are in affairs I just think it's based on stronger intentions and foundations. It's long lasting and is more than just sex--at least in my case it is.

 

I'm not that good with words here, but I am trying to get you to understand my theory. When I am referring to cheating here, I am referring to affairs, not one night stands.

 

But I know people who are supposedly in committed relationships, yet try to find a "piece on the side." They are content with only one "piece," because then they get their variety without bringing too many loose ends into their lives. If a cheater gets too many outside things going, they fear they could get caught. If, however, they find one person who is willing to keep their dirty little secret (which is what they like, by the way, the "dirty" side of it), they are content with that one "side piece." They get their comfy home life and wife/husband, as well as their "naughty" side appeased.

[Gwyneth]

Anything and any reason is possibly, luvmy2ns. I don't have all the answers nor am I an expert at why people cheat. I base my views on what I do know and this comes from what others tell me. I'm sure you are very right. What about, though, when the cheating spouse isn't getting any sex from the OP? Oh right, they're just waiting.

[luvmy2ns]

Anything and any reason is possibly, luvmy2ns. I don't have all the answers nor am I an expert at why people cheat. I base my views on what I do know and this comes from what others tell me. I'm sure you are very right. What about, though, when the cheating spouse isn't getting any sex from the OP? Oh right, they're just waiting.

 

It's what we in the criminal justice field call "grooming." He knows he'll get you. It's just a matter of when.

[Gwyneth]

I don't mean to minimize your pain or your relationship with your former BF, but as a cheated on wife of 20 plus years and children, I think the situation is just a little different. But I must admit I don't understand just having fun with someone else's spouse. I must be really slow. I guess God didn't intend for us to understand everything, and that maybe one thing that I won't ever get.

 

 

Well it was Everything to a 22 year old girl, in college, who only knew about dating and not marriage. I'm sure your situation is unique in its own way, but for me, this was painstaking. I would Never wish that on even my worst enemy. Then I met the MM and this all just changed--I changed. In the past when this female customer of mine told me she was having an affair with a MM, who had children with wife, I though, wow, what a b*tch. She made accusations that the wife is stupid, etc. Here I am, three years later, doing the very same thing. God has a plan for all of us, and I'm not quite sure what his plan is for me. I never planned on getting mixed up with a MM. I truly believe he is just not happy in his marriage, and I'm okay and content with thinking this way. I also know that when it has to end, it will just have to end. I'll be okay and move forward. I also know that if he had children with this woman, I would Never have been okay with having an affair with him.

[Gwyneth]

It's what we in the criminal justice field call "grooming." He knows he'll get you. It's just a matter of when.

 

 

Meanwhile, he's falling in love with me. It's clear as day he's falling in love with me.

[JackJack]

God has a plan for all of us, and I'm not quite sure what his plan is for me.

 

Well I sure hope that since you mentioned God, that you do not think it was HIS plan for you be involved with this MM?

[JackJack]

Meanwhile, he's falling in love with me. It's clear as day he's falling in love with me.

 

All the more reason why YOU should cut ties with him now.

[luvmy2ns]

Meanwhile, he's falling in love with me. It's clear as day he's falling in love with me.

 

Just like he fell in love with his wife, right? So much in love, in fact, that he married her.

[Gwyneth]

Just like he fell in love with his wife, right? So much in love, in fact, that he married her.

 

He's human, and entitled to make mistakes. That's why divorce lawyers and marriage counselors were invented.

 

bentnotbroken, I am sorry for the pain you endured. What can I say, as I'm not the lover of your spouse. You have children though, and instead of sharing his wee willy wanka with another woman, he should have been home with you and the children, working on your marriage. I have said the same to my MM, to work on his marriage instead of making it worse. Reasons tell me that this MM wants to get caught and kicked out and move on, and he wants to be the dumpee, not the dumper.

 

Maybe he thought he was in love with this woman. He had only come out of a seven-year relationship prior to meeting "Mrs. Right," who obviosuly is not so Mrs. Right. I'm sorry this woman married the wrong man--again, but she too should not have just jumped into a marriage with a man she obviously hardly knew. She was already married once and cheated on, and has a child with that man. Her marital patterns are predictable. So this is partially her fault. Every failed marriage has two people to blame--Husband and Wife (or in some cases Wife Wife, Husband Husband). Yes, I am a part of the problem, but that is because husband allows for me to exist in his marriage.

 

You know, the first time we kissed, he just came up from behind me, grabbed me and kissed me faster than I realized what was happening. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I tried pushing away but it felt nice and it felt right. My mind was not at the top but at the bottom, similiar to how he was thinking and what with. It started before that mentally, though. Yes, I'll admit it's wrong, but I feel the wayI feel and I do not know Why I say I'm proud but I am just happy to have him in my life even if it's just as a friend. He means a lot to me--is that so wrong? I know he doesn't belong to me--I never said he did. He makes me feel special--so did Santa Clause when I was a kid. But just like Santa, though, this MM is also fictional. It's based on thoughts and fantasies that are there, but not whole heartedly. I realize that, and that is why I say I do not have any expectations with this MM. I am there with him because I like the way he makes me feel emotionally.

[luvmy2ns]

He's human, and entitled to make mistakes. That's why divorce lawyers and marriage counselors were invented.

 

bentnotbroken, I am sorry for the pain you endured. What can I say, as I'm not the lover of your spouse. You have children though, and instead of sharing his wee willy wanka with another woman, he should have been home with you and the children, working on your marriage. I have said the same to my MM, to work on his marriage instead of making it worse. Reasons tell me that this MM wants to get caught and kicked out and move on, and he wants to be the dumpee, not the dumper.

 

Maybe he thought he was in love with this woman. He had only come out of a seven-year relationship prior to meeting "Mrs. Right," who obviosuly is not so Mrs. Right. I'm sorry this woman married the wrong man--again, but she too should not have just jumped into a marriage with a man she obviously hardly knew. She was already married once and cheated on, and has a child with that man. Her marital patterns are predictable. So this is partially her fault. Every failed marriage has two people to blame--Husband and Wife (or in some cases Wife Wife, Husband Husband). Yes, I am a part of the problem, but that is because husband allows for me to exist in his marriage.

 

You know, the first time we kissed, he just came up from behind me, grabbed me and kissed me faster than I realized what was happening. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I tried pushing away but it felt nice and it felt right. My mind was not at the top but at the bottom, similiar to how he was thinking and what with. It started before that mentally, though. Yes, I'll admit it's wrong, but I feel the wayI feel and I do not know Why I say I'm proud but I am just happy to have him in my life even if it's just as a friend. He means a lot to me--is that so wrong? I know he doesn't belong to me--I never said he did. He makes me feel special--so did Santa Clause when I was a kid. But just like Santa, though, this MM is also fictional. It's based on thoughts and fantasies that are there, but not whole heartedly. I realize that, and that is why I say I do not have any expectations with this MM. I am there with him because I like the way he makes me feel emotionally.

 

And you think his last EA was a mistake too? I guess it's true - love is blind, 'cause you certainly are.

[whichwayisup]

Your MM isn't going to tell you the actual truth of what he feels or doesn't feel for his wife as he is lying to her. Why on earth would he tell you their intimacy when he knows it would only put you off of him. Hello, we're talking a MM with an ego here.

 

You keep saying you have NO expectations of this guy, yet you WANT him to leave his wife! You are trying to justify all this, but really, I think you're only justifying and lying to yourself and allowing the fantasy/affairyland to grow. When the bubble bursts, you're going to be a mess. And, when that time comes, we'll all still be here to support you through your tears.

[Gwyneth]

But why assume he will hurt me and I will be sooo hurt, upset, and crying? Why would I even come here to say I've been hurt when the support I get is lacking the kind I need right now? I don't see any type of support system here but instead a bunch of attacks and assumptions all based on bad experiences. What about the man that Was truly in love with the OW and left his wife to be with her? Is that so unheard of around here? Apparently so. He tells me he still has sex with her--that's expected since they are married. Do I care? Yes and No. I would rather not hear about anyone's sex life especially a guy who says he wants to sleep with me. And there's no blind love here. I have stated I know the circumstances of what's surrounded by me in this LA. I'm prepared to move on if necessary. Right now he and I both feel that it's not necessary, but he damn well knows that if Prince Charming walks into my life, I will give it a shot. Why not? Like I previously asked, what do I have to lose--a married man? No. A friendship with this MA? Possibly, if he can't stand the fact that I will move on. That's his problem to deal with, because if he cared enough, he would be with me, but he won't, so that's just too bad. That's just the attitude I have.

[imstunned]

Hey Gweneth. I'm the LAST person to be here to bash or anything like that - so please dont take this like tha - but I'm a bit confused by what you say - you seem to say that your are fine with it all, the situation. Which is fine. But why do you need support now. If your cool with the situation I mean? x

[whichwayisup]

I think this what is confusing everyone. Most OW/OM who post are posting to deal with the pain, ask for help on how to either get out of an affair and get the strength to end it or come for advice before one starts. Those who are happily IN their affairs usually don't come and post about it.

[Gwyneth]

I was asking for advice. I didn't know there were requirements on posting around here. Sorry if I'm burdening anyone. I see other people around here too defending their affairs, and I also see those people endlessely defending themselves. I just though hey, here's a forum for OW--so I gave it a shot. Now, 100+ posts later, I'm a bit addicted.

 

I orignally did come here asking how to get out, but then I finally admitted to myself that I am happy wiht this affair, so why stop? Then I asked why he didn't take the opportunity to just walk away from the affair yesterday after his schedule changed at work which will now make it a bit more difficult for us to see each other.

 

I don't think I need to give anyone an explanation about why I'm here.

[EnigmasMuse]

I think this what is confusing everyone. Most OW/OM who post are posting to deal with the pain, ask for help on how to either get out of an affair and get the strength to end it or come for advice before one starts. Those who are happily IN their affairs usually don't come and post about it.

 

 

I think this might be it right here.

 

You're correct WWIU, most don't come here to gloat, or whatever you want to call it. Most are here to seek advice on how to get out or what to do before it starts or gets worse etc. For those who come here to talk about how wonderful it is that they are with a MM usually don't like the responses they get.

[imstunned]

I was asking for advice. I didn't know there were requirements on posting around here. Sorry if I'm burdening anyone. I see other people around here too defending their affairs, and I also see those people endlessely defending themselves. I just though hey, here's a forum for OW--so I gave it a shot. Now, 100+ posts later, I'm a bit addicted.

 

I orignally did come here asking how to get out, but then I finally admitted to myself that I am happy wiht this affair, so why stop? Then I asked why he didn't take the opportunity to just walk away from the affair yesterday after his schedule changed at work which will now make it a bit more difficult for us to see each other.

 

I don't think I need to give anyone an explanation about why I'm here.

 

I'm addicted too. If posting here has helped you reaise that you are happy in your affair then thats a good result for you in posing I think. I dont think your burdening anyone - you should look at my posts. I should rename my self Stuckrecord x

[Gwyneth]

I'm addicted too. If posting here has helped you reaise that you are happy in your affair then thats a good result for you in posing I think. I dont think your burdening anyone - you should look at my posts. I should rename my self Stuckrecord x

 

Aw, don't rename yourself that. I'll stick with Gwyneth, since that's who I am

 

yes, it has helped me to admit that I am happy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. At first, I came here to seek how to get out of it. Honestly, I don't know why I'm really in it. I think I know, but deep down inside, I know I do not know why. Many things I do in life I do not have answers for. I guess that's what I get for living day by day, minute by minute.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm sorry, Gwenyth... really, I'm not saying this to be sh*tty with you. While it's true that I'm opposed to adultery just like many who have posted to your threads, it's not true that every comment by every person is meant to fit into a larger agenda, ala OW vs. BW. But... at the risk of giving offense, you come off like a precocious 15 year-old, one who's clueless as to the consequences of her actions.

 

I see emotional immaturity and arrogance in your posts, as if you've got it all figured out at the age of 24 or 26 or whatever your age is. And frankly... it's so obvious you just don't know even the half of it yet. Can you not accept that even in a venue where people are anonymous, and regardless of what side of the issue they're on... some might have more experience than you?

 

Listen, I'm not saying this to be mean. Really. I disagree with the OW POV frequently, and sometimes say so. But when I'm reading a "Frannie" or a "GEL", even though we don't agree, it's still obvious that they're making adult choices. I don't get that when I read "Gwenyth".

 

You read like a little girl, hon... and I'm not saying that to be mean, but rather just to let you know that there's a very real possibility you don't have this thing figured out as well as you think you do.

[Gwyneth]

ladyjane, with all do respect, if you haven't ever been in my shoes, then just don't. Now you are insulting me saying I'm acting like a child and am too immature to handle an affair? I am basing my affair on what I do know and what I have experience in the 12 years I have been dating.

 

I reall think this is a dead end thread that is just going no where. I think this is a closed topic. I know what I know, I feel how I feel, and no one can change that. That was the point of this thread to begin with.

 

15 pages later, and two OW in this thread arguing their case, we have reached no where but square one. Let's just end this PLEASE! I have asked previously we close this thread and move on.