Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Special in that we're friends. Again, we have Not had sex. I know, I'm sooooo stupid for thinking I have this pure, innocent, special relationship with a married man when he's only out to hurt me. Not all married men are out to hurt their lovers. Saying that would be like saying All Italians are in the mob. C'mon! I think this is a case by case situation. Are you guys completely non-physical? If so, then what's the difference between this and a close friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 addiction=fog So do me a favor and call his wife and ask her HOW she feels about your so called FRIENDSHIP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Are you guys completely non-physical? If so, then what's the difference between this and a close friendship? We've kissed and cuddled. Friends with benefits? Hey, his call. He's the one with the ring on his hand, not me. I have no commitment to her. american-womanaddiction=fog So do me a favor and call his wife and ask her HOW she feels about your so called FRIENDSHIP AS a kid, would you call your friend's mother and tell his/her mother that he or she did something bad? Why would I rat out this guy? If he wants her to know, he'll let her know--I do not feel it's my responsibility or job to tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 your NO better than your stepmother my dear Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 your NO better than your stepmother my dear I am, because she was having an affair with my father while I was home with my mother as an infant. That to me is just wrong. She knew I was a baby but didn't seem to care about My life. This guy I'm in the affair with has no children (the wife has a child). So he has a step-kid, which to me is not the same as your own bio child--especially an infant. Oh, and I'm not abusive, my dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 We've kissed and cuddled. Friends with benefits? Hey, his call. He's the one with the ring on his hand, not me. I have no commitment to her. american-womanaddiction=fog So do me a favor and call his wife and ask her HOW she feels about your so called FRIENDSHIP AS a kid, would you call your friend's mother and tell his/her mother that he or she did something bad? Why would I rat out this guy? If he wants her to know, he'll let her know--I do not feel it's my responsibility or job to tell her. So are you committed to him? Do you see other men? Would you go on a date with another guy if you met someone great, or are you holding out for this one? If you're just spending time with him for the hell of it, go right ahead... I completely agree that it's his guilt, not yours... but if you're passing up other options for him... that's unhealthy, and stupid, in my opinion. But again, it's your life, I'm only offering my perspective because this thread exists. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 That's wonderful...we don't accept that people can make a conscious choice to be in an A...so we call it an addiction... And how funny that if the people are two single partners, we just say they're in love...No one calls it an addiction then... Good point, GEL! I think I was addicted to my H before I married him. I guess I lost my sensitivity toward the drug:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 So are you committed to him? Do you see other men? Would you go on a date with another guy if you met someone great, or are you holding out for this one? If you're just spending time with him for the hell of it, go right ahead... I completely agree that it's his guilt, not yours... but if you're passing up other options for him... that's unhealthy, and stupid, in my opinion. But again, it's your life, I'm only offering my perspective because this thread exists. No, I am in no way, shape or form commited to this man. He knows very well that if I meet someone and I want to pursue a relationship with that person, then the affair is over. Right now I am single, but that can change tomorrow. If I meet someone worth my while, then I'll go for it. MM might not like that, but he has two choices--leave your wife and be with me, or leave me and be with your wife. It's that simple. Maybe once I do find someone and he loses me, he will then know what he really wants. In the beginning, he'd always say, "any man would be lucky to have you." I said, "well you could be that man," and he'd say, "Oh I Know." So, he knows he would have that chance, but also knows that I probably wouldn't really be with him because of the fact he's cheating on his wife. I would just be insecure All the time. Who needs that??? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 No, I am in no way, shape or form commited to this man. He knows very well that if I meet someone and I want to pursue a relationship with that person, then the affair is over. Right now I am single, but that can change tomorrow. If I meet someone worth my while, then I'll go for it. MM might not like that, but he has two choices--leave your wife and be with me, or leave me and be with your wife. It's that simple. Maybe once I do find someone and he loses me, he will then know what he really wants. In the beginning, he'd always say, "any man would be lucky to have you." I said, "well you could be that man," and he'd say, "Oh I Know." So, he knows he would have that chance, but also knows that I probably wouldn't really be with him because of the fact he's cheating on his wife. I would just be insecure All the time. Who needs that??? I totally agree. Has anyone found it amusing how these two threads are turning into the same thread? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 knows that I probably wouldn't really be with him because of the fact he's cheating on his wife. I would just be insecure All the time. Who needs that???You've gotten mad at other people that said this same thing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 You've gotten mad at other people that said this same thing to you. Yeah, but from my persepctive, I felt that those people were using it against me. I've been saying this from the getko. Link to post Share on other sites
halfarock Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Affairs my dear usually start off as friends. An affair is an addiction. I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I am, because she was having an affair with my father while I was home with my mother as an infant. That to me is just wrong. She knew I was a baby but didn't seem to care about My life. This guy I'm in the affair with has no children (the wife has a child). So he has a step-kid, which to me is not the same as your own bio child--especially an infant. I see. So it is also your thinking that this unworthy stepchild should pay penance for what your father did to your family. And it’s not “wrong” because this child is just an unwanted bastard and not a bio? Or maybe it has something to do with your unresolved anger at having to terminate your own pregnancy because your baby’s bio father cheated on and then left you. Dysfunction. The gift that keeps giving. You’re either pulling our legs for jollies because you enjoy making a mockery of women in affair situations ... or you need to seriously reconsider the fact that you have some very disturbing underlying issues that need to be professionally addressed. And ‘YES’ ... that will probably require (Gawd forbid) more therapy. Because the self destructive path your heading down will not heal your psychological scars but rather add to your anger and pain. If you have a personal grudge against the all the “cheaters” in your life who eventually hurt you ... than what possible sense does it make (to a rational, healthy, and mature mind) to seek out and hook up with another one be it a friendship or hopeful relationship partner? Trying to vicariously relive your past in hopes of fixing what you had no power over before??? That never works, Gwyneth. It just turns you into the very thing you’re fighting against and resent the most. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I've stayed out of this - but I just wanted to point out to bish - that some MM are so hell bent on having an affiar that they lie through their teeth. It wasnt until 8 months in that I found out the guy I was seeing was married - he lied so that he could have an affair with me. I had no choice on whether or not to be with him on the basis of him being a married man as I thought he was as single as they come. I understand this. I don't best women who are lied to about their MM's marital status at all. Hell, I can even sympathize that after they find out, it is hard to get away. but that isn't the case with the likes of people I replied to with the comment you responded to. They knew they were getting involved with a MM and just don't give a shiit who they hurt in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 This is the one thing you've said that I agree with...And I'm so glad that's what my R is like...Thank you for helping me appreciate that... I don't know where you got the info that I was here to ask others to assess my situation...I didn't start a thread or ask any question at all regarding my situation...I'm very happy with it...But thanks so much for your concern... Ya, and murderers are quite content with stabbing people in the heart...so whats your point? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I think it's pretty judgmental to speculate I am Immature just because I am having an affair and therefor Only care about myself. I do not think anyone on here knows me well enough to make that judgment call. I am rather mature for my age--I'm just caught up in a bad situation with a MM. We all make mistakes. Am I not entitled to make one as well? What I want from this MM is the friendship he and I have created--the bond we have. We enjoy each others' company--is that soo horible? yes Also, He has a choice whether or not he wants to cheat on his wife--he says he does not feel bad about it, so why should I? If he doesn't give a flying hoop about his marriage, why should I? Once again, a little thing called human decency. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I am, because she was having an affair with my father while I was home with my mother as an infant. That to me is just wrong. She knew I was a baby but didn't seem to care about My life. Ah...but you said that your lover doesn't feel bad about cheating on his wife...so why should you? child involved or not...it doesn't matter. Apparantly your father didn't care enough about his family to cheat...so why should your stepmother? hmmm..ring a bell does it? so she was correct the first time, you are no better than your stepmother. and if you think you are because of what you said, then you are being hypocritical. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 My POV, if you Haven't already noticed, is that when there are children involved, it changes the circumstances. I know that whore didn't care about me, and I have said many times I do not care about this MM's wife or his marriage--and he knows that as we have discussed it. As I said, He never gave me a reason To care for his marriage or wife, and clearly he doesn't, so I don't see why I should. I'm on his side...obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I know the child isn't his, but there is a child involved, he is a stepfather, so therefore that makes your MM, his wife and stepson a family unit. Blood or not, the child is very much involved. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I know the child isn't his, but there is a child involved, he is a stepfather, so therefore that makes your MM, his wife and stepson a family unit. Blood or not, the child is very much involved. No matter what you all say, it'll be rationalized somehow to make whatever she's doing alright in her little world. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I agree, luvmy2ns. She refuses to admit that her own decisions could be wrong (or even to examine them under any light except the "everything I do is perfect" light). She won't admit she is just like her stepmother that she hates so much, because that would mean admitting that she is doing something hateful, which her MM's little stepson will *definitely* hate her for if he ever finds out. She won't be happy until she starts to acknowledge that her own decisions affect other people as well as her own life/ future. And yet when we try to point out her own inconsistencies/ statements that reveal her own unhappiness and wavering, and try to help her, she says we are "using it against her." (No wonder she didn't like therapy). Gwenyth if you're only going to listen to what you want to hear, what is the point of posting so much on this forum and seeking our advice/ opinions? You are trying to convince everyone that everything you are doing is right. Almost everyone thinks that at least some of what you're diong is wrong, and that you will end up both hurt and a cause of other people's hurt, and we are trying to help you clarify things from our own veiwpoints, but you are unwilling to listen to us about why. I really wonder why you're here, unless it's to hear everyone else say, "Good job, Gwenyth, good for you for proudly having an affair with a married man" and not saying anything about how we might think this can turn out very badly for you and others. If you want to grow as a person sometimes you have to listen to constructive criticism, especially when you're the one seeking it out on a public forum. It doesn't mean you have to agree with everything everyone says, but you don't even seem to be listening to/ considering what we have to say (unless we happen to agree with you)... therefore, why bother being here posting? But I know I'm wasting my breath so I'm going to go do something productive now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Gwenyth if you're only going to listen to what you want to hear, what is the point of posting so much on this forum and seeking our advice/ opinions? . Show me one person who does not listen to what they want to hear? Sorry but this comment stood out for me, advice is to be given and taken at one's own discretion as we all have freedom to give and recieve or not to. Nowhere does it say that a person offering advice should have their words accept just because they are offered. As a person giving advice who feels they are hitting their head against the wall, they always have the choice to stop offering advice, but trying to force someone to see things one's way just because we are willing to take the time out to share thoughts in no way means it must be accepted as a whole. People don't even have to accept half of what we say, as I am sure some of you will do with the very things I am saying right now. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Very well said and so true Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I don't think so. Ha another one who needs to read on how affairs start. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Show me one person who does not listen to what they want to hear? Sorry but this comment stood out for me, advice is to be given and taken at one's own discretion as we all have freedom to give and recieve or not to. Nowhere does it say that a person offering advice should have their words accept just because they are offered. As a person giving advice who feels they are hitting their head against the wall, they always have the choice to stop offering advice, but trying to force someone to see things one's way just because we are willing to take the time out to share thoughts in no way means it must be accepted as a whole. People don't even have to accept half of what we say, as I am sure some of you will do with the very things I am saying right now. Yeah, I just stopped reading your posts altogether. Ok, I lied, but I COULD if I wanted to... Link to post Share on other sites
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