Am I the only Proud OW on here?

[Gwyneth]

Well that's great for your family, really. While my stepmother wished that I was nonexistent, her parents treated me like their own grandchild, and I know that made the whore very angry. I appreciated that, and still do. In this MMs particular case though, he doesn't have an obligation to the child--why is that so hard to comprehend? Some kids Hate their stepparents (like me with the whore), yet I love my step-dad, but he isn't obligated to me. He didn't have to work to put me through college, or leave work to pick me up when I was sick--my mom or real dad did that. Well, this is a case by case kind of thing. But this MM I am in the Affair wtih is not obligated to this child. That's just how it is.

[Gwyneth]

and according to Gwyneth's logic' date=' they shouldn't care for me and I shouldn't respect them because they aren't biological. [/quote']

 

See, that's not what I'm saying at all. What is wrong with you people? I am saying that he is particularly Not obligated to this child. He has a mother and father that care for him through and out.

[NoIDidn't]

See, that's not what I'm saying at all. What is wrong with you people? I am saying that he is particularly Not obligated to this child. He has a mother and father that care for him through and out.

 

There is nothing wrong with me, thanks for asking. There is something very wrong with your logic, though. Are you saying that he is not obligated to the child because the child has two biological parents that care for him? I did too. But my stepmothers have all treated me with love and respect. Treated me better than they treated their own kids (no spanking, or yelling is what I mean by that).

 

You don't get it, do you? You are excusing your not caring about the welfare of a child because its jerk stepfather can't do better. That is where the outrage of many is coming from. Its obvious that you care for no one - not MM, not his W, not his stepkid, not your stepmother....

[Gwyneth]

No, I am saying that it is a fact that he is Not obligated to that child. That is the deal with he and his wife. I am not pulling this out of thin air, I am stating the facts! I know it may be hard to believe but that is just how it is. I do not know why or how that happened, but that is how it is.

[RecordProducer]

Unfortunately, the partner they’re fake fighting for isn’t fighting a whole hellava lot to prove their love for them in return. If they were, walking away from the spouse, family and cozy homelife NOW to be with the one they claim to “love” so darn much would hardly be considered a sacrifice. If and when someone truly loves you, you will be worth every bit of that trade. And until you’ve found a love like that, you don’t even know the half of what “love” is really all about. Only “need.” And “needy” people can’t love beyond their own selfish desires, and certainly don’t know how to give back as much as they demand to receive. And “love” certainly isn’t something you sit around waiting, begging, and browbeating for someone to finally feel enough to “prove” to you.

I don't disagree with any of this, but I think the premise (what love is) is a wee bit inaccurate.

 

Leaving one person for another requires a state of being "in love" with the new one or deep disappointment in the old lover/spouse (or both). Nobody leaves his wife of ten years because they "really, truly" love the OW. How can we talk about real, true love when it's merely passion and a she-is-my-soul-mate type of thing? True love develops when you live with someone, share a lot, and know each other really well. My marriage of two years can be crappy, but I still love my husband's faults more than a stranger's compliments (or if I cheated, it would be expressions of "love"). An emotionally mature person cannot be fooled by the thrill of the moment. A mature person will not trade a boring, unfulfilling marriage for the OW just because he is in love with her at the moment. Not necessarily. He will if he can't stand his wife or if is the kind of person who gets easily reeled in emotional spheres. Nobody will ever convince me that a man who spent years in a more-or-less stable marriage and raised his children with her, will leave her because he truly loves his mistress. He is either being naive (thinks the OW will be wonderful forever) or he values excitement more than true love (once a cheater, always a cheater type of man). I am convinced that all men who leave for their OW are either very unhappy with their wives already or are Peter Pannish (as Gwyneth suggested). There is no such thing as he truly loves his OW so much, that he will leave his loving, caring wife of ten years.

 

True love is when you're ready to risk your life for someone, to sacrifice, to forgive, forget, underdstand... MM doesn't love the OW unconditionally. If she turns into a bitch today, he will leave her tomorrow. That's exactly why MM don't leave their wives: they get a wake-up call when the OW becomes nagging and demanding. Of course, the poor thing loves the MM and weants him to be hers, but MM realizes that she is just a human being (not a goddess), just a woman - demanding and "selfish."

 

He has a wife at home who puts up with his crap and he has an OW who is not willing to put up with her situation. Of course he knows he is not an angel and the OW is hurt, but a typical man will view things as they suit him. He wants a woman to make him feel great. The moment the OW stops making him feel great and start sounding like a nagging wife, he knows that she offers nothing better than the wife (unless she does). True love is not feeling good around someone and having a lot of fun, although that's how most marriages start. Sometimes true love is boring and difficult, but it can still be big love. That's why MM stay.

 

The relationship MM-OW is a priori at a disadvantage, because it doesn't follow the typical concept: we met, we fell in love, we got married, and after so many years of being together we're best friends. This type of love naturally develops. In an affair, the MM has to NOT love his wife in order to leave.

[Tony]

I'm going to close this thread to give it a rest. It has degenerated into personal attack exchanges and other unpleasant off topic banter. We'll open it back up in a few days after everybody's had a chance to get their thoughts together. Any attempt to resume it in another new thread will be handled with deletion. Many thanks!