What makes someone cheat? - Consolidated discussion

[Lizzie60]

I mean besides the obvious,why i ask is because i would never in a million yrs cheat on my partner no matter how unhappy i was.What i would do b4 i ever consider cheating is bow out of the relationship well b4 i would **** someone over like that. What goes through theire heads? Do they not feel guilty? I mean how the hell can you come home to your partner,right after you have been with someone else and feel good about it? What kinda mentality is that? Just could never figure that one out.

 

What makes people cheat? There are soooo many reasons but the main ones are:

 

- wants more sex

- boring sex at home

- the partner has changed physically (gained weight, etc.)

- the cheater feels they have drifted apart (not at the same level intellectually)

 

From all the MMs I've met... I would say that these are the main reasons.

[bish]

True, but easier said then done

 

No matter what there's always feelings of loss. I forgave her for cheating on me...then she went behind my back and did it again.

 

And that is why I always say, dump a cheater, its not worth it.

 

And in my case, it is easier said than done because I did it.

From my experience, there is no good reason to keep anyone that has cheated on you. I even went through the same crap...trying to forgive only to find out once a cheater always a cheater.

 

So now my policy is, one strike and they are out.

[bloodaye]

What makes people cheat? There are soooo many reasons but the main ones are:

 

- wants more sex

- boring sex at home

- the partner has changed physically (gained weight, etc.)

- the cheater feels they have drifted apart (not at the same level intellectually)

 

From all the MMs I've met... I would say that these are the main reasons.

 

LOL,then leave the damn relationship! WTF? it wouldnt be cheating at all if you wernt involved with someone now would it? So if all these things exist in your relationship,why cheat? Whats stopping you from just leaving? Responses like this are what promted me to start this thread in the first place? Now what kinda mentality do you have? Explain.

[reboot]

Those are the kind of BS reasons a married person might use, but they're just that. Bulls*^t. A copout. Grownups realize this.

[jkay]

most men won't cheat if all is well in the home and the bedroom.Women on the other hand mostly cheat because they feel desired and wanted.

[Lizzie60]

LOL,then leave the damn relationship! WTF? it wouldnt be cheating at all if you wernt involved with someone now would it? So if all these things exist in your relationship,why cheat? Whats stopping you from just leaving? Responses like this are what promted me to start this thread in the first place? Now what kinda mentality do you have? Explain.

 

I don't have to leave.. LOL I am not in a relationship... I am single. I was posting what I think are the main reasons from the MMs I've been seeing.

[Jasmine777]

People cheat because they are afraid of being cheated on so they do it first, I heard this from people I have known in the past. People are afraid of being alone so they cheat. People can have sexual obsessions and do it out of having a problem. I think bottom line, people cheat because they are very insecure people!

[White Flower]

I was too. Controlled. Beat when I tried to leave. Humiliated.

 

Wanna hear a true story? I got pregnant back to back. My kids are 10 and a half months apart. My second pregnancy was twins. I lost one early on. I was high risk pregnancy. I was put out of work by my doctor. My husband was the only one working. He decided to get a solo bank account. His checks were directly deposited. The statements were sent to a PO Box. One day he was leaving for work. I told him I needed money. I had to beg pretty much. He gave me his ATM card. Told me the pin. I went to the bank very pregnant with an infant on my hip. Tried to use the machine. It wouldn't work. I asked a teller for help. She punched it into the computer and told me the "card has been reported stolen".

 

You know what I did? I eventually divorced him. Because no matter which way you slice it, two wrongs NEVER make it right.

What an a$$! I'm sorry you went through this. How horrible.

[bish]

most men won't cheat if all is well in the home and the bedroom.Women on the other hand mostly cheat because they feel desired and wanted.

 

Well not all was ok in the bedroom and I was neglected...I didn't cheat though...I just started playing online poker...LOL.

 

And if women cheat because they feel the need to be desired and wanted...you pretty much described every woman there...but sometimes being desired and wanted by their husband isn't enough...they just sometimes simply want to be desired by someone different. So the reason behind that would be plain old immaturity and selfishness.

[Trialbyfire]

People cheat for two reasons primarily. Selfishness and mental weakness. That's the core of it anyways. All the other reasons people like to use as excuses, can be traced to those two root things.

In a nutshell, this is accurate.

 

My ex-H was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, after D-day. For anyone who doesn't know what this is, it's the ultimate in selfishness.

[CaliGuy]

In a nutshell, this is accurate.

 

Yep. I'd also add in that some of it is insecurity as well. People cheat to feel desired by many people because they can not seem to find satisfaction in who they are.

 

My ex-H was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, after D-day. For anyone who doesn't know what this is, it's the ultimate in selfishness.

 

I'm guessing he had more issues than that. You can take solace in the fact that it was simply not your fault. So many people blame themselves for their spouses infidelity, needlessly (not saying you are, just something I noticed).

[Trialbyfire]

Yep. I'd also add in that some of it is insecurity as well. People cheat to feel desired by many people because they can not seem to find satisfaction in who they are.

I agree with this. You can't hope to give of yourself, when you haven't got enough for yourself.

 

I'm guessing he had more issues than that. You can take solace in the fact that it was simply not your fault. So many people blame themselves for their spouses infidelity, needlessly (not saying you are, just something I noticed).

The only part I do kick myself for, is that I ignored the red flags earlier. The solace I do take is that hindsight is 20/20, especially if you don't know what NPD is. I won't be making the same mistake again since I do know what to look for now.

 

Your ex has some serious signs of NPD, as well. If she ever contacts you again, she may want to get some help too, which is what my ex-H did and continues to do. He's a much improved man for it.

[serial muse]

Yep. I'd also add in that some of it is insecurity as well. People cheat to feel desired by many people because they can not seem to find satisfaction in who they are.

 

Yep, I'd say this is it in a nutshell.

 

The only part I do kick myself for, is that I ignored the red flags earlier. The solace I do take is that hindsight is 20/20, especially if you don't know what NPD is. I won't be making the same mistake again since I do know what to look for now.

 

I worry about this one, for me - it's easy to get caught up in looking for certain red flags while interpreting other potential flags - if they are opposite to the original ones - as okay. Ugh. Mostly I'm trying to go with my gut these days - ignoring my gut feeling that something may be off or someone's not trustworthy was what got me into trouble in the past. But it's hard to learn to trust yourself, particularly after you feel like you've already made a bad mistake. Bleh.

[Trialbyfire]

I worry about this one, for me - it's easy to get caught up in looking for certain red flags while interpreting other potential flags - if they are opposite to the original ones - as okay. Ugh. Mostly I'm trying to go with my gut these days - ignoring my gut feeling that something may be off or someone's not trustworthy was what got me into trouble in the past. But it's hard to learn to trust yourself, particularly after you feel like you've already made a bad mistake. Bleh.

It does have impact in that you are more cautious, than previously. Is that such a bad thing? I don't personally think so.

 

Do listen to your gut but knowing the type of person you are, you won't act on the purely emotional reflex, you will ensure that you have sufficient proof to back it up. In this, you and I are similar, I think.

[abeliever]

Ouch! Women bashing, wow. Not a cheater here just the opposite. LOL

 

 

Ok, I wonder the same thing. Looking back I thought we was happy in my M not overly happy but happy than most. Then WAM I found out about A (1st one) then asked and really never got a real answer as to why he did it. So, if I figure it all out. I will take us all on a cruise on me as I will be the richest person on earth!

 

Seriously, to me lack of bounderies is my best guess. A lack of respect for ones self and for their SO. And utterly selfishness.

 

I am sooooooooo glad I am not that type of person. I couldn't live that way!

 

abeliever

[thekhris]

I mean besides the obvious,why i ask is because i would never in a million yrs cheat on my partner no matter how unhappy i was.What i would do b4 i ever consider cheating is bow out of the relationship well b4 i would **** someone over like that. What goes through theire heads? Do they not feel guilty? I mean how the hell can you come home to your partner,right after you have been with someone else and feel good about it? What kinda mentality is that? Just could never figure that one out.

 

What makes someone cheat? Ans. Boredome,Loose of attraction.Even both of you have differences if the chemistry and attraction is still up, those fights and arguments will easly be taken take care of.

 

What goes their heads? They will think more of the good reassons why they leave you than the reasons why they would stay just not to feel guilty and justify their desicions and not feel guilty about it and most of all try their best to stay forcus on the hapiness with their new relationship and try not to think the sad thought of being with you

[bloodaye]

thats exactly it.... women cheat as soon as they feel unwanted or undesirable,which is BS in my opinion,and most women from my experience are all insecure,so how do u aviod that? Men never feel that crap,so when the hell do women grow up,and start to realize that they r not ALL princesses? Like piss off,forget what daddy told u,grow up and stop playing with ur barbies.I mean women in theyre 30s act like 15 yr olds, get over it! Oh is my skin cream working? do i look feminine enuff? **** OFF! grow up!, daddy aint takin care of u no more.

[bish]

thats exactly it.... women cheat as soon as they feel unwanted or undesirable,which is BS in my opinion,and most women from my experience are all insecure,so how do u aviod that?

 

Never make a committment.

 

 

Men never feel that crap,so when the hell do women grow up,and start to realize that they r not ALL princesses? Like piss off,forget what daddy told u,grow up and stop playing with ur barbies.I mean women in theyre 30s act like 15 yr olds, get over it! Oh is my skin cream working? do i look feminine enuff? **** OFF! grow up!, daddy aint takin care of u no more.

 

Well, that was a little over the top with the words towards women.

 

But you do make a valid point. I think women that have it in them to cheat will do so if things don't go perfectly in the relationship instead of work on it. Yes...some men do this too.

But women need that assurance that they are desired...some will cheat no matter what...men included.

 

But what do most of us men to when things go south? oh...things like work on the house, the car...lift weights....yes some do cheat, but I always found a healthy, productive outlet for my frustration......not go out and stick my member in other women.

[amerikajin]

What makes someone cheat?

 

I think a lot of cheating relates to personal insecurities. Someone perceives some type of slight or imbalance in a relationship that favors their partner, so they seek out someone else to even the score. I think cheating happens when two people can't communicate openly about problems in the relationship, so they drive those feelings underground. Mind you, that in no way is a defense of cheating; I'm just saying that I think this is what leads one or perhaps both parties to stray.

[bloodaye]

i dont think it was over the top at all,from my experience women always seem to think they r dadies little girl,when the hell do they get over this?Im this, im that,get over it! The ugliest women think they dont have to try for anything just cause they r female, its pathetic! I dont think its over the top at all,its a hell of a lot easier for a women to get what she wants,she culd b the ugliest piece of turd in the placeand low and behold BOOM! u will have some loser buying her a drink,try doing that as a dude,aint gonna happen,thats what makes women secure

[Trialbyfire]

i dont think it was over the top at all,from my experience women always seem to think they r dadies little girl,when the hell do they get over this?Im this, im that,get over it! The ugliest women think they dont have to try for anything just cause they r female, its pathetic! I dont think its over the top at all,its a hell of a lot easier for a women to get what she wants,she culd b the ugliest piece of turd in the placeand low and behold BOOM! u will have some loser buying her a drink,try doing that as a dude,aint gonna happen,thats what makes women secure

Is this a gender bash session or is this thread about cheating?

 

As for women getting laid, it takes men to lay the girls. Doesn't speak well for your gender...

[Rooster_DAR]

My recent EX cheated on me, she's the last person I thought that would be capable of doing this being that she knew that both my EX wifes cheated on me.

 

Like some of the other posters, she used to watch "Cheaters" religiously and make statements about how she hated cheaters and would never stoop that low. 6 months out of town with a co-worker was all it took to lose her to infidelity and drive me further from believing any woman is capable of commitment no matter how much I know that's not really true.

 

IMO many American women are prone to this behavior, just like one of the other posters stated about women growing up being treated like they are princesses. I've watched work peers and good friends get screwed over by these kind of women, it's really a bummer. Sure men cheat as well, but I think these days women are doing it in record numbers.

 

Cheers!

[bloodaye]

its not a gender bash issue,of course as a female u wuld say that,its fact,and dont try and say it isnt so,u r only defending urself,gimme a break. if a female came up to a guy and said " hey u wanna **** me?" what wuld he say? sure no problem. depending on the idiot,but if a dude said the same thing he wuld get a slap in the face. My point is,its a hell oif alot easier for a female to get what she wants then a male,a women can b ugly as all hell,but if a dude is drunk enuff he will sucumb.That in itself doesnt make it right,cause it just makes guys look like desperate losers,but u have to admit it is easier for women,if u cant admit that u havnt been out much

[BritishChic]

It really is pretty simple; people are either selfish and do not want to lose the comfortability that they have with the person they are cheating on OR, (and I strongly believe in this...) people are a product of their own environment. The cycle repeats itself. If you have a child that grows up in an unstable home where the ideas of marriage and monogonous relationships are misguided they that child (and children are sponges so they absorb everything they hear and see) will think that they parents marriage/relationship is the template for how it should be. I have known a few people who have seen such things in their lives and have made it a point to NOT be like their folks, but 9/10 will just repeat the cycle. Just think about our divorce rate these days...its pretty sad. No one really takes marriage seriously anymore.

 

But I am getting off the subject...kinda...

I also know plenty of people who mess around behind their partners back because they have a child and they don't want to mess the 'stability' as they call it of the child's home by leaving their unhappy marriage so they continue to cheat on one another. Either way whether your married and cheating or dating and cheating, the cheater is inconsiderate and selfish. Period

[Trialbyfire]

What has being able to get laid easier, have anything to do with cheating? There are two types of people. Those who will and those who won't cheat. I agree it's a self-esteem/ego issue.

 

If you want a real life example of a woman who's never cheated and will never cheat, you're looking at her. I've had plenty of chances to do so and chose to avoid the situation.

 

I could sit here and say, the vast majority of men cheat because my ex-H cheated. The vast majority of men are *******s because they can't keep their peckers zipped up. Ummm...nope. There are enough men who have the self-control not to and who I can respect, who don't need to bash a gender, when they experience one bad egg.