Help

[Robert Jones]

My girl and I have been together for two years. She is allegedly still friends with a former boyfreind that she was with for two years. She knows I am not crazy about this and he calls her via phone every few weeks and sends her email that I do not read. She recently invited him to a celebration at her house knowing it would hurt me.

 

She has taken no steps to stop the contacts and he has even called at special times when I am at the home with her, like in the morning when we got up. She didnt want t otell me who was on the phone, but she could see that I thought something was up.

 

She says that they are only friends but I am uneasy about it and as to why she allows it to continue if she really loves me that much as to consider marriage. Whats up, or what is wrong here?

[Margaret]

I can kind of relate to your situation. I spent three years in a relationship with a wonderful guy. We broke up because we were growing in different directions. For the first time in my life, I was able to maintain a friendship with someone I had previously been romantically involved with. This was all fine until I started dating my current boyfriend, who I've been with now for three and a half years. Needless to say, he hated the fact that I still had contact with my ex, and my convincing him that it was totally platonic did not help the situation at all. I tried to put myself in his shoes, and realized that I would probably feel the same way if he continued regular contact with an old flame. So, after much contemplation, I realized that my current boyfriend was more important than maintaining regular communication with my ex. I diplomatically explained this to my ex, who was completely understanding. Now, my contact with this ex is limited to birthday and Christmas cards.

 

What I am saying to you is that it is very possible that your girlfriend's relationship with her ex is platonic; obviously, I don't know the situation well enough to be sure. But when you've spent that much time with someone else and end on good terms, it often can be hard to let go; you still hold a special place in your heart for that person. However, she is currently with you. You have every right to be disturbed by the situation. She needs to make a choice. I am also very bothered by the fact that she invited this guy to her house "knowing" you would be bothered. The issue of her doing something that she knew would hurt you is a separate issue in itself, but one that should be looked at. As far as the communication with her ex, I think that if it bothers you this much (which is understandable), she needs to make a choice; her relationship with a person in her past, or a relationship with her current love with the possibility of a wonderful future in marriage. It's her call. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

Margaret

My girl and I have been together for two years. She is allegedly still friends with a former boyfreind that she was with for two years. She knows I am not crazy about this and he calls her via phone every few weeks and sends her email that I do not read. She recently invited him to a celebration at her house knowing it would hurt me. She has taken no steps to stop the contacts and he has even called at special times when I am at the home with her, like in the morning when we got up. She didnt want t otell me who was on the phone, but she could see that I thought something was up. She says that they are only friends but I am uneasy about it and as to why she allows it to continue if she really loves me that much as to consider marriage. Whats up, or what is wrong here?

[presley]

Been there before Robert! First, if she is so inconsiderate of your feelings, that she still contacts this guy even though it huts you, than she does't care much about you. Second, if it's that important to her to still speak with

 

this ex, than she obviously still feels something for him, and that is a bad situation. I hate ultimatums, but tell her

 

it's him or you. If she picks him, just move on, you'll find someone who's more concerned for your feelings!

My girl and I have been together for two years. She is allegedly still friends with a former boyfreind that she was with for two years. She knows I am not crazy about this and he calls her via phone every few weeks and sends her email that I do not read. She recently invited him to a celebration at her house knowing it would hurt me. She has taken no steps to stop the contacts and he has even called at special times when I am at the home with her, like in the morning when we got up. She didnt want t otell me who was on the phone, but she could see that I thought something was up. She says that they are only friends but I am uneasy about it and as to why she allows it to continue if she really loves me that much as to consider marriage. Whats up, or what is wrong here?