Misunderstandings

[radix]

Here is the things that happen in life sometimes.

 

There is this girl, I really met somewhat more than a year ago. In the first week there was a good amount of mutual interest, but unfortunately I had to leave the country for a long time. I study abroad so this repeats times and times, but we kept in touch and became good friends - we also have a lot of common friends.

 

Anyways - this year I had whole three months in here, and I was looking to somewhat advance this relationship (I know people might not be into anything serious with a guy, who disappears for months afterwards anyway, but I was still hoping).

 

Yesterday events arranged itself, so that we were going to the theater. And then an email came from another friend (female) friend of mine and a good girlfriend of hers as well (let's call her Mary) - that she's inviting us to her place, to have wine, etc. Naturally, I was happy and excited the more time together the better, went as far as reading countless web advice, on how to behave, advance, etc.

 

So we enjoy the show, then we go to our friend, and there we meet another guy. There's wine, there's blah, blah blah, and we end up going to the club - naturally in two pairs, where the girl, who invited us kind of hooks to me (but she has a boyfriend), whereas the other guy hooks to that girl. And in the middle of it all Mary tells me that the whole invitation thing

 

WAS SET UP TO BRING TOGETHER THAT GIRL AND THE OTHER GUY .

 

I really had to grasp for breath . And so it happens - they hook up, and me and Mary just have a good time - but not really - cos she has a good boyfriend and is here, only so I am not the third wheel.

 

At one point in that evening I had to tell her about what she'd done and she said she never imagined this, and apologized a lot, said that I need to be more active (I really am a very very shy person - struggling with it a lot, but very slowly progressing) - and now she decided that she'll bring me and her together. So we'll probably go to some fest together.

 

I feel like I've made the matter worse (apart of many my other blunders) by telling her how I feel, cos now she'll observe how I behave, maybe judge me for even more timid that I look, maybe something else. She might even tell the other girl, what I said, which I think would be bad.

 

Anyways - half of my stay at home is over, and I am nowhere in my initial plans, but made an idiot of myself at least in my own eyes, and apparently received a certain setback.

 

Maybe it's good - cos I will have more pressure to actually do something. I don't really know. If you have any suggestions or comments - please tell me.

 

At least writing this surely makes one feel better.

[Tony T]

You writing is very vague and difficult to understand. The way I comprehend things, you were going to take this girl you are interested in to a theatre....then you got an email from a lady friend of yours inviting you over to her place where there is also another female....for wine, etc.

 

So you take the girl you're interested in to the show...and then take her over to visit with your lady friend and another girl. If that's what happened, that was pretty goofy and really piss poor strategy given you don't see the girl you're interested in that often. If I understood you wrong, sorry.

 

So this get-together was set up to get the girl you're interested in set up with another guy? Is that correct? If it is, I'd be extremely pissed at these sorry friends you have. If not, so sorry...I just don't understand your writing.

 

Then you end up having a good time with Mary, who has a boyfriend...is that correct?

 

If what I understood from your post is correct, you are wacko. First, you shouldn't have been so presumptuous as to think this girl wanted to go visit your friends. Why didn't you tell them you had a date and you couldn't come?

 

I don't want to embarass myself in case I've gotten this all wrong. It's just so bizarre. Yet, if I haven't gotten it wrong, I don't understand what the problem is.

 

I'll stop here because I just don't really fully understand your post and am so sorry. I'm not the smartest person on this forum by a longshot.

[radix]

Wow, I never thought I was so vague.

 

Anyways just to clarify:

 

>>>

First, you shouldn't have been so presumptuous as to think this girl wanted to go visit your friends. Why didn't you tell them you had a date and you couldn't come?

>>>

 

No, it's not me who took her. She was invited. As a matter of fact, she was invited before me. I tried to say they know each other well, she was going to go give them some papers. She'd go there, if I refused to go.

 

>>>

So this get-together was set up to get the girl you're interested in set up with another guy? Is that correct?

>>>

Yes it is.

 

>>>

Then you end up having a good time with Mary, who has a boyfriend...is that correct?

>>>

Maybe I shouldnt call it a good time. Just time. I couldnt just go and cry in the corner, could I?

[radix]

Point again - about "good time" English is not my first language, so I understand there might be some misunderstanding. There was nothing in that time her boyfriend might be pissed about.

[steffany]

Okay you need to look at this from a differnt point of veiw.

 

I am a girl who dated a guy from bolivia for 2.5 years and he left every 3 months to go visit. It is not easy and hard. The guy was also not very good at communicating what he felt for me. Whether it be shyness or not confident enough or just the fact that what we had was more of a friendship I don't know and it didn't matter. Because guessing as to how a guy feels who is not around often even if you are attracted to them sux. It isn't worth it. So now you have a female who is probably interested in you since she still keeps in contact with you even though you are coming and going often. So you invite her to go to the theater...how romantic. She is probably excited and thinking you are interested and is thinking tonight will be the night you tell her how you feel for her. But by the end of the theater you haven't said a dang thing. Inside somewhere she is hurt....again. I say again because every time you leave and come back and you ask her out or ya'll see each other she probably is hoping you make a move. Now ya'lls mutual friend thinks you two are only friends. And she knows this guy who has seen her out a few times and is interested. So naturally she says she'll introduce him to her. The two of you get there and the girl you like most likely was thinking you must like her as only a friend. You took her out to the theater and never even told her you liked her or kissed her so what other conclusion would she have? Now there is a guy she has seen before but doesn't know and he is telling her the things she wanted to hear from you at the theater. But she is so happy to hear it. She looks at you and you don't even seem to be set back by this guy making moves on her...infact you are "appearing" to be having a great time. The night ends and you fold your tail between your legs say good bye and go home. Still not telling her how you feel.

 

Look I know I made up the whole story but the fact is that you better hope her friend tells her and that you start treating her as if you like her. You need help obviously to get the message to this girl. Why not take the chance? So what if she says no she just wants to be friends...at least you can stop putting both of you through these silly games.

[radix]

Like that recently discovered Nirvana's song: "You know, you're right". Thanks, steffany.

 

Countless times I've sworn myself that I'll just go and be bold and straightforwards and countless times I defaulted on this promise. Since it's a promise to yourself, it's easy. I have to try to stop that I guess.