NC To seemingly decent LC

[Rowen]

HEADER NOTE: If you don't know my story... she broke up with me for reasons saying "it wasn't working" and she "didntknow what to do" and that she was "scared" of our arguments and possibly getting stuck in a relationship for a while that had that bad element. Our relationship had been the best it had ever been in early september after I came back from a trip.. she started to give hints she was worried about her career path (pre med) She has now apprently figured that out and will become a less daunting (teacher) She has also dissapeared off the face of the internet.. her facebook is never updated. except for other people posting and ZERO pictures have come up from her birthday which was a bit surprising to me. id on't know if she's doing this perposely or for what reason that she's busy or just having alot of time for herself. She also said one reason for breaking up was she needed time for herself to figure some things out.

 

 

I went through 1 week of begging, then two weeks of no contact.. which I broke to say happy birthday.. she was receptive to it.. answered and called me back, later then unblocking me from messenger. Since then she has made a conciious effort it seems to contact me once a week or so VIA text message or messenger message. Since that no contact was broken, it has been positive. We have had no arguments, no dissagreements, just small talk over general things and improvements with both our lives, with her initiating contact 90 percent of thetime. It's always very brief.

 

It's been another 5 days without any contact and I expect her to contact me somehow.. via text or message within this upcoming working week... but today I am very tempted to call her to just chat for 5-10 minutes, exchange some stories of our lives etc. Do you think this would be a bad idea? Judging by the state of our "communication" right now?

 

We both have calmed down it seemed. I mean when I broke the two week NC, she was very receptive of my birthday call. Calling me back 2-3 times in a short period of time after she missed my call. She told me about changes in her career path etc and how she was a bit sad and needed cheering up and thanked me for an email I sent her of a cute video of her fav kind of dog.

 

Being optimistic, I start to think maybe she's scared to make a call.. she did in the past and I either ignored it or I actually missed it and she denied calling. I just really hope that she actually is in a state emotionally to talk to me in a normal manner without a guarded nature. I have to make sure she isn't skeptical of my motives. We have built some trust over the past couple weeks I feel since ivebeen done grovelling and been just friendly and calm and cool.

 

AS for me? AS of right now, I'm still a bit emotional about it.. in the terms of I miss her alot, but i really do feel I can handle talking to her.

 

I really care for her, and love her.

 

What do you all think of this?

[thelegend]

well first i'm glad to see you all can talk without any complications. But i want you to think about something. You love her and you didn't leave her. She left you. More often than not when they leave saying they need to figure things out another guy is in the picture somewhere. And instead of downright cheating or telling you it's another guy they say it's them. So keep that in mind as you think about this. Lastly my brother i'm all for saying what you feel and letting people know how you feel. If you really really want her back then little by little let her know what she meant to you and what you want now. Don't force it down her throat but just subtle things. Different women respond to different things so you just have to feel your way through. Take your time she's not going anywhere good luck

[Rowen]

well first i'm glad to see you all can talk without any complications. But i want you to think about something. You love her and you didn't leave her. She left you. More often than not when they leave saying they need to figure things out another guy is in the picture somewhere. And instead of downright cheating or telling you it's another guy they say it's them. So keep that in mind as you think about this. Lastly my brother i'm all for saying what you feel and letting people know how you feel. If you really really want her back then little by little let her know what she meant to you and what you want now. Don't force it down her throat but just subtle things. Different women respond to different things so you just have to feel your way through. Take your time she's not going anywhere good luck

 

That's really good advice. That is definately a possibility, and that hurts me to even think of that so much. Just becuase of the promises she made to me about that.

 

That's basically what i'm doing right now. I send her a nice email once in a while etc.. letting her know i still care but not pushing anything.

 

And that's the thing... it seemed like she was looking for ways to dump me... so that does make some sense.. she did get back together with me for a week then did it again over the phone.

 

Just thinking about another guy just burns my heart in half.... just tears it apart..

 

She left on these reasons... and said them all!

 

"i need space"

"i dont want a relationship right now"

"im gonna be doing alot of schoolwork"

"its not working"

"you hurt me"

 

ALL of the above.

[MotoMan]

All those reasons may be true as far as she's concerned. Missing her is perfectly normal, obsessing over her isn't. Give yourself time to process what you're going through, and if you're going to stay in contact, set some boundaries for yourself. She'll respect you for it, and it may make her rethink her situation. If she's really with another guy, she may be trying to hold on to you in case her new R doesn't work. If she told you the truth about breaking up, then maybe she's reconsidering. Above all, keep your word with her, if you say you're going to do something, do it.

 

Also, show her you're moving on as well. It sounds like she's checking in to see whether you miss her, how busy you are ( or are you watching Simpsons?). Keep yourself busy.

[thelegend]

yeah brother my ex used the same lines. she said she needed space and time to get herself together she said she had to work on herself. etc.. Found out it was another guy. And apparently the guy hasn't lasted long because here we are a month later she's calling me i'm calling her and she knows she made a terrible mistake. I was in your shoes so i know what you're feeling hell every man does. But you'll realize once she wants you back you won't want her. But like i said take your time hear her out and make sure she hears you out. And good luck to the both of you.

[Rowen]

yeah brother my ex used the same lines. she said she needed space and time to get herself together she said she had to work on herself. etc.. Found out it was another guy. And apparently the guy hasn't lasted long because here we are a month later she's calling me i'm calling her and she knows she made a terrible mistake. I was in your shoes so i know what you're feeling hell every man does. But you'll realize once she wants you back you won't want her. But like i said take your time hear her out and make sure she hears you out. And good luck to the both of you.

 

THank you for that. I don't know if it is another guy or not. but I assume that if it is.. it's someone from her past. She commented that she isn't doing to well a week or two ago.. so who knows.

 

Oddly too.. some of her friends can't even make contact with her. She's flown away .

[thelegend]

i see the dilema you have on your hands. Just make sure you look out for yourself first.

[Rowen]

I have not been contacting my ex at all. She contacts me about once a week. She's been hugely busy and stressed with school.. The last fwe times we have talked it's been quite positive, friendly, short convos, agreeing to talk again later. She contacts me always though... Ive also got over the crappy feeling after I talk to her.. I feel positive.

 

If I keep a friend in her, then good

 

Reconciliation? Amazing, becuase I know it would work.I

[thelegend]

Well as long as the communication is there anything is possible. It seems she needs you for support or stability. Have you all seen each other?

[Rowen]

Well as long as the communication is there anything is possible. It seems she needs you for support or stability. Have you all seen each other?

 

She has done an annonomys call back on canadian thanksgiving in mid october. She texts me once in a while asking about my life etc. But yeah.

 

We have not seen each other since Late september. I went to her house and spilled my guts, regrets and emotion to her, at the end of the night she said we shouldnt see or talk to each other. We hugged for 5 minutes, then I left. We saw each other walk by once on the street. She has admitted she missed me. But since I stopped contacting her with my desperate texts , she contacts me every week, and likes to talk to me... granted for only 3-4 minutes.

 

We were in a period of two weeks of no contact back in october.. I called her to say happy bday on the 18th, and she called back several times. That has seemed to be the "tide turning" thing in terms of her contacting me, us being positive toward each other. She really appreciated by bday call to her.

 

We had a couple of not good arguments before she broke up with me.. i accused her of trying to make me feel jealous.. she may have. I think the real deep reason she broke up with me was becuse she was so stressed about school and going into pre med. She commented on how she would be so busy a week before we even argued.. i joked "haha are you gonna break up with me?" She tried to find a reason to break up with me. It's terrible yes.. but ive forgiven her for it. I hope shes forgiven me for our fights.

 

Our relationship was the best it had ever been in early september after I got back from a trip.

 

Back a couple weeks ago.. i felt i made my biggest statement since the breakup. She texted me asking me if i was quitting my job.. i ddint reply.. no intention of doing it.. 3-4 days later she texts me asking if im ignoring her. Ive been a little cold to her in messanger convos as well and she questions if i want to talk to her. I just said .. "i like talking to you, but its tough to do it sometimes"

 

She might be worried im moving on.. i don't know.

[Rowen]

Just to add: I stopped making any contact to her on msn.. so she blocked me and comes online at her convenience. As if she wants to feel she has control over talking to me. Whatever.. im not playing these games.. i wont go offline or anything.. im just being who I am and do what I feel is right.

 

Maybe this will make her remember how much swimming through mud I did with her baggage that came along with her, i supported her through all, even the worst things.... I care for her so much. I wouldn't do that for just any girl.

[thelegend]

Well brother from what I can see she has feelings for you if she didn't she wouldn't do petty things like blocking you. And it seems when you chasing you don't get anywhere and when you pull back she's chasing you. So i say this if you want her back then explain to her very calmly what you want and where you are headed with this thing. Let her respond usually they will say we need to move on but they don't mean that it's just a ploy to get you to beg. Damn women love to see a brother beg. Then you should say very calmly if that's your decision i respect that and walk away. Trust me she will come to you within the week saying you must didn't love her to let her go and all of that. Don't give in to that either just say i'm sorry you feel that way but that isn't the case. Eventually her ego will subside and she'll come to you wanting you back saying she can't live without you. Trust me my ex came back to me the same way yesterday. If you just want to be her friend i think you should just continue what you are doing be nice to her but not over compensating she obviously didn't recognize what kind of good man you were to her and sadly none of them seem to get that picture until they get the bad guy. But be patient brother things will turn in your favor I see it happening for you.

[Rowen]

Well brother from what I can see she has feelings for you if she didn't she wouldn't do petty things like blocking you. And it seems when you chasing you don't get anywhere and when you pull back she's chasing you. So i say this if you want her back then explain to her very calmly what you want and where you are headed with this thing. Let her respond usually they will say we need to move on but they don't mean that it's just a ploy to get you to beg. Damn women love to see a brother beg. Then you should say very calmly if that's your decision i respect that and walk away. Trust me she will come to you within the week saying you must didn't love her to let her go and all of that. Don't give in to that either just say i'm sorry you feel that way but that isn't the case. Eventually her ego will subside and she'll come to you wanting you back saying she can't live without you. Trust me my ex came back to me the same way yesterday. If you just want to be her friend i think you should just continue what you are doing be nice to her but not over compensating she obviously didn't recognize what kind of good man you were to her and sadly none of them seem to get that picture until they get the bad guy. But be patient brother things will turn in your favor I see it happening for you.

 

Thank you! That was a really uplifting post. I'm going to wait until her exams are over becuase she's really stressed about that right now (as i said before, might have been a reason to break u p with me) I think the real litmus test will be to see how she starts talking to me after her exams are done and she can have a social life again.

[Rowen]

I think one thing that may be confusing for her is that I asked her for help with my drinking issues after she broke up with me. She said to call or she could go to AA with me .. said shed be there for me. I think later she thought me telling her all of this was some sort of plot to just stay in contact with her... i havn't asked for her help at all.. I decided to deal with it on my own completely. Maybe she realizes how serious it was, and not some gimick to talk to her.

 

It's now been over 40 days dry.

[cant let go]

It's now been over 40 days dry.

 

congratulations Rowen!! Keep up the good work. You are doing amazing.

 

[thelegend]

That is good i know how hard it is to stop drinking been there done that too. I don't think all is lost between you two. I see the bond there so the hard part is just waiting it all out. When she notices what you meant to her she'll come back and she'll be all over you too.

[Rowen]

That is good i know how hard it is to stop drinking been there done that too. I don't think all is lost between you two. I see the bond there so the hard part is just waiting it all out. When she notices what you meant to her she'll come back and she'll be all over you too.

 

I really hope so man. Shes had so many bad relationships in the past. I think when we argued.. she got scared (brolke up right before 6 months) PLus her best friend practically soul mate was stuck in a 2 year bad relationship.. i told her afterwards "im not like your ex bf's or him"

 

She knows I have a strong family, familiy values> I Hope she remembers that. She never had a dad.. her mom was distant and she never really had a family. I wanted to bring her into mine.

 

I miss her with a passion. But I am geting stronger every day. either way I will be better for it.

 

 

One thing I have going for me is her mom absolutely loved/loves me.. even so much to invite me to move into their basement and pay rent.. as well as to help her with my ex.

[thelegend]

Well brother the mother loving you could work against you in all honesty. Usually girls like the guys that mom doesn't approve of. I know i didn't like the girls my mama picked for me. But yeah the waiting part is a drag. A lot of people say you should go out and be wild but i don't see that being part of your nature. Instead one thing that helped me past the time by was getting on here and helping other brothers. Also i started doing a lot of writing. Sometimes writing about your situation for your eyes only helps bring clarity to you

[Rowen]

Well brother the mother loving you could work against you in all honesty. Usually girls like the guys that mom doesn't approve of. I know i didn't like the girls my mama picked for me. But yeah the waiting part is a drag. A lot of people say you should go out and be wild but i don't see that being part of your nature. Instead one thing that helped me past the time by was getting on here and helping other brothers. Also i started doing a lot of writing. Sometimes writing about your situation for your eyes only helps bring clarity to you

 

Completely agree. I have been writing. The whole mom thing. My ex liked the fact that I was the first bf her mom liked haha.

 

Oh well.. I take it as it is.

 

I'm dying to talk to her tonight again. It's been 4 days. Man why tonight.

 

Oh well ive got a girl chasing me right now that il talk to on the phone. See where it goes.

[Rowen]

IN the middle of a very positive convo with my ex right now. This is the longest convo we've had in two months.. she initiated. ANd it's positive.

 

Talking normally, like old times. Very refreshing.

 

Won't get my hopes up though. Take it at face value.

[thelegend]

There you go!!! Happy to hear things are going right. Just keep it up and you'll be back before you know it.

[Rowen]

There you go!!! Happy to hear things are going right. Just keep it up and you'll be back before you know it.

 

Il hold my hope on that for now. But it was nice to talk to her. Even laughing etc. Interesting too. shes dissapeared becuase of her exams.. she said "yeah really stressfull, been studying all the time, thats why im not here"

 

interesting she comes online the night before her huge exam.

 

Oh well.. take it at face value:)

[thelegend]

Exactly it'll continue to come with time. Things like this have so many ups and downs it's crazy. Like me me and my ex have been talking for about a month now. We saw each other today for the first time in two months. Now Saturday she told me straight up that one day this week she wanted to have sex with me. So today when we meet up i'm going through with her wishes. Suddenly while i'm working my magic she kept saying this isn't right. She never said to stop but after hearing this 3 times i quit. I'm still trying to figure that one out

[Rowen]

I was talking to my good girl-friend. We give each other advice in relationships all the time. She seems to think that my ex was scared with where I was in my life.. job, etc. Lack of ambition? I mean she's only known me 7 months.. I am going through a transition but ugh.

 

She said things like "you have to figure some things out righ tnow"

 

And now that I think of it, she was all excited about being a doctor and told me constantly.. maybe to spur me on? Then recently since we started talking about she says shes gonna be a teacher.

 

Looking back at it, during our rough patches, she would say "i'm scared" and when I would ask her, she wouldn't say why......

 

It's quite, VERY possible she was scared of my direction in life. She's 19 and i'm 21. Her very ambitious right now and me in a middle ground.

 

WEll recently since the breakup, ive become fed up with my job and am hunting down a new one and told her im quitting and looking at becoming a police officer again.... that's really when she started talking to me again. Always asking what i'm doing.. and how my job search is going... hmmm

 

Maybe her interest has sparked again becuse she see's ....

 

1.I quit drinking

2. I'm quitting my dead end job

3. I am going after my ambition of 2-3 years of becoming a cop

4. I'm vollunteering.

 

IT's a definate possibility, that my very reliable female friend threw out there.

 

Maybe she used all of the 100 excuses she used for breaking up with me to mask herself as looking like she is a gold digger haha. Fair enough from her point of view, but we're so young. People find their way in different time.

 

To add AGAIN: Whenever she comes online and initiates contact.. its always about something new with me.. "i saw your new photos on facebook" "you're quitting your job?" etc.

 

Maybe i'm digging too deep...

 

This will be interesting.. a new wild ride!

[thelegend]

She's definitely interested because you are a mystery now. Women like mystery they like to guess. They love suprises where as guys like order, controll, and being in the know. I know you are on the right track now. Younger women for some odd reason never really know what they want. And people say they mature faster than us???? Just keep doing what you doing. Time and your mystique is definitely on your side.

 

As for me i've had a crazy few days brother. Me and my ex saw each other for the first time Wednesday. She had told me she wanted to have sex with me last Saturday. Mind you she has a bf. The same guy she left me for. But right in the middle of sex she stopped me. I can laugh at it now. I know it's a minor setback as she wants to see me again so we'll do it again hopefully next time i get to finish :-)