! I don't want to ruin my 2nd chance at happiness

[rickochet2]

Hi I would just like to ask for help, you see I got to know this girl 4 years ago and for 2 years we were kind of rocking the boat if we were going to pursue a relationship or not. I mean we hit it off, we get along real well, we laugh all the time and the feeling was mutual. But 2 years ago, I kind of messed up, I thought that since it had been 2 years and I still couldn't ask her to be my girlfriend when I met another girl. This other girl was kind of flirty, not really my type but she was okay. She wasn't as pretty as the the first girl but she was nice, she was okay, and we ended hanging out a lot for a month. After a month, I wound up having to leave home to go for college, so then I decided I would pick a girl to tell her I liked her. I debated whether it would be the first girl or the second girl. What confused me was that, with the first girl, she was way out of my league, she was cool, pretty and a lot of guys fell for her, so I was kind of afraid if I lived down the expectations she had in a boyfriend. AS for the second one, I thought she was on my same level, not that too attractive and okay, I mean I kind of liked her anyway because she was nice and a tad bitchy. Anyway so I chose the second girl, I chose her because I thought that since she was on my level of attractiveness, and I thought that that would be enough for chemistry. I mean I could crack her up every now and then but not a lot as the first girl. Anyway, so I left and told her I liked her and ended it right there. I couldn't pursue a relationship with her since it was going to be long distance at a young age and I was shy and I was hurt because of what I had done to the first girl. The first girl found out about the second girl and she got mad at me about it, I tried to make amends with her soon after by talking to her and keeping her company through phone calls. It lasted only a few months because I couldn't bear the guilt. I felt like I was still hurting her. So anyway a year passed with me trying to pursue other girls and forget about the mess I made. It was a crappy year and but I realized then that I missed my first girl. I missed her a lot and would compare girls I met to her. So anyway, I went home after a year and I saw her. She had started to hang out with my friends and I ended up hanging out a lot with her for three weeks before I left again. Anyway, after that we ended up talking again and we ended up having fun again to the point that we liked each other again. We kept on talking for 3 months and once I got back home, I pursued a relationship with her. Now I am in a very good relationship. I am very very happy and I love her very much. We've somehow let go of what happened before and do our best to forget about it and let it not be an issue in fights, etc. I mean before all this, I told her what had confused me before. I told her everything and washed my hands clean. Anyway after a couple of months of dating, it just randomly popped up in my head, what if I had a relationship with the other girl? I've never thought of it before. I'm serious, even after everything that had happened, what ifs with that other girl never crossed my mind. Anyway, now I just can't seem to forget about it. I just can't seem to channel those thoughts out. I feel guilty about everything all over again. I love my girlfriend very much and I want to be with her but the thoughts don't go away in my head and now I feel like I'm cheating on my girlfriend. I want this to stop. Please help me, I have forgotten about that other girl before but now I try but it seems to be harder. Help.