Pre-fabricated Fantasies In My Head

[ZINGY]

i have been searching and seaching my head literally now for days on end to try to figure out WHY on earth i keep spinning these stupid little fantasies about leaving my guy. i have been doing this for quite some time, years probably, but never have been much bothered by them until lately.

 

what i do is; is like if we get into an aruguement or something i start spinning a fantasy about packing everything up and getting on a bus or driving off in the sunset/sunrise which ever time of day that i may leave.

 

then i get to the point that i am either on the bus half way there or in the next state and i stop then start over again but maybe with a little different twist.

 

i also do this whilst i clean or at work or whenever i feel bored inside. i do have a life and hobbies and what nots so it is not like i am so bored all the time that i have nuttin to do it is just that i seem to do it most when i am mad at him or him at me and this may go on for hours off and on until i finally tire of it.

 

i do it alot too when i am either walking or exercising, it just helps to pass the time more.

well lately i am really getting tired of it all, but it seems to have a grip on me that wont let go.

 

i have analyzed this to death and cannot seem to come up with any logical explanation of when, where or why i ever started this type of fantasy, but i have a feeling it was when i was quite young.

 

i do remember a time when i was about 11-13 and had a fight with my brother and ran out of the house, then i walked around with some fantasy about my dad coming and resucing me from this awful person, lo.

 

so i guess i have been doing this for quite some time but it seems to be so obviousl now to me how often i really do this.

 

does anyone have any experience with this type of thinking and how i can stop this insanity?

[Tony T]

Obsessive thoughts like this can get ahold of you pretty easily if you let them and they are very difficult to let go of.

 

The serious danger in the kind of obsessive thought you have is that thoughts, repeated overtime, can manifest themselves in reality. Everything you see and hear began as a thought. If you don't stop this thinking, you will eventually see this turn into reality.

 

Each time you start thinking in this direction, say STOP to yourself and visualize a stop sign. Over time, it's likely that you will have these thought no more.

 

I am curious about whether you have good reason to want to leave your guy. If you are in a good relationship, having these kinds of thoughts is rather irrational. However, your thoughts are your own private things...and more power to you.

 

If after trying the exercise above you are still not able to conquer these thoughts, see a doctor. Believe it or not, there are actually medications that can help with obsessive thoughts and behaviors...wow, they have a pill for just about everything. Counselling may also help.

 

I think this thought is disturbing enough it could warrant professional attention.

[jessicakicksbut]

The serious danger in the kind of obsessive thought you have is that thoughts, repeated overtime, can manifest themselves in reality. Everything you see and hear began as a thought. If you don't stop this thinking, you will eventually see this turn into reality.

 

Boy, I hope Tony is right in my case, and those obsessive thoughts I have of winning the lottery and getting to retire at 25 come true!

 

I do agree with Tony, I used to struggle with obsessive thoughts when I got bored. Even if they don't turn into reality, it makes you miserable inside even thinking about them. As I got older my obsessive thoughts dealt with past relationships, and how I could have done things different. When I was younger I used to have obsessive thoughts of what it would be like if I got revenge on those who have wronged me in my life. Thoughts that went on in my head really hindered the realtionship I had with people, as well as my mood and attitude, so I eventually had to train myself to stop having them.

 

You have to distract yourself away from these thoughts. Try to think positive thoughts, or carry on mudane thoughts in your head while doing "thoughtless" activities such as walking. For example, count the number of trees you pass on a walk. Or, have a song playing through your head. Another method I had is to balance my checkbook in my head, or calculate my calorie intake for the past few days. Hope this helps!

[zingy]

hey tony, today i did the stop thing and it actually works! i was not able to call up a pic of a stop sign each time but i did literally tell myself "STOP"! more then a dozen times today, even when i got irritated with my boyfriend and even on my job when i was so bored, i still managed to stop doing it, so thanks a bunch for such a simple idea.

 

i've thought all day each time i wanted to do, i asked myself what kind of satisfaction i was getting out of doing this, out of fantasing each time about leaving him, conjuring up these fansasies in my head, what i wanted from them.

 

i still cannot get an answer from my own head nor heart as to what kind of satisfaction i get out of it. i do know that at one point today when i did start doing it again, and i realized how so sick and tired i am of doing it and i said to myself, just frustrated as heck: "just stop it will ya"? and i did it, it worked!

 

i just wish i knew what i get out of it though, that is most puzzling. but the real test will come when i get really mad at my b'f and i'll see what kind of restraints i have then! lol!

 

jessica: i think that was hilarious about the lottery, i can tell you now that they say if the mind can dream it it can achieve it, so go for the gold!

 

retire when you are 25? you sound so much older then that, and i mean maturity wise so that i s agood thing.

 

i am just hoping to get a real and permanent fix on this mess in my head. it is so hard when i have these fantasies all day and or i fight with my b'f during the day then really expand on these fantasies to want to make love him at night.

 

real or imagined it does matter, i can honestly say i am pretty sure that the degree of my fantasies has something to do with my not wanting to make love him much anymore. he can be quite ornery and hurtful then instead of having the ability to let it go, i expound on it through the fantasies and it just blossoms and grows in my own wittle head to leaving him and getting this new place and on and on and on unti li am exhausted from traveling so much back and fourth in my mind!

 

thanks for the advice and the tips guy.

[zingy]

this has been such hard work, but the 'stop" thing is literally helping. i am posting today though because i think i am having some kind of weird withdrawl with doing this. my conclusion is that i must get some kind of relief from boredom or the excitement of the drama from doing this.

 

this a.m. my b'f did not feed that cat as i always do anyway, and i thought it mean of him to make the poor cat wait just because he wants the cat to know who runs the house.

 

so dumb if you ask me because he knows the cat's rule our roost. but over something so dumb that it was to me, i felt such anger towards him and immediately wanted to go into fantasy mode.

 

still i have felt somewhat distant towards him for his attitude that i think sucked. he was eating first he said, his need to eat was a little more important then feeding the cat because she has food anyway but each morning she gets a special can of food that she just loves.

 

anyway it is hard at times to let go of the fantasy stuff, and there is alot of anger building up with each time i hold back the fantasy.

so maybet that is also a clue as what lies behind my fantasy world. maybe it is a way i deal with anger.

[HokeyReligions]

Have you been hurt before? Maybe this leaving fantasy is a subconscious way to deal with that - leave him before he leaves you kinda thing. Are you worried that he may leave you?

 

I think we all go through times when we obsess in our minds. Just lately I've been thinking a lot about my former employer's offices burning down at night when no one is there and them getting sued because they refuse to keep the fire doors closed -- too inconvenient for them.

 

No, I'm not going to go torch the place! In my fantasy it's a coffee pot or something left on - NOT arson. I'm sure many people who have been layed off a job have similar random thoughts.

 

I still haven't found a job and tomorrow begins week 3 of being unemployed. I've been to every headhunter and employment agency in town and called and sent tons of resumes out. I've adjusted my resume so many times to meet specific positions that I now have seven different versions! I can take a 10k/yr hit in salary if I have to, and it looks like I may have to! Well, maybe this week I'll get some call-backs.

 

sorry, I changed the direction of your post.

 

I don't think it's strange that you have these thoughts and like the others have said, you just have to tell yourself to stop. Being aware of it is great - there are many people who are not aware of their thought processess and can become very depressed and not know the difference between reality and fantasy and may act on the fantasy.

[Carly]

Obsessions are INTRUSIVE, DISTURBING thoughts that bring you nothing but grief. E.g.'s of obsessions would be that everytime you got into your car, you imagine yourself swerving itno oncoming traffic. Or everytime you touched someone's hand you were infected with a deadly disease. Obsessions make you feel worse, never better.

 

From what you describe, thoughts of leaving your boyfriend are NOT a form of OCD (obsessive compulsive disroder). You are describing a FANTASY (to use your own words). Fantasies are anything but intrusive and disturbing. Just as in your case, fantasies make you feel better. In your case they are giving you a mini holiday away from your troubling relationship. Why would you put stops on that?

 

Fantasies are a safe way to resolve your problems -- they don't involve much more than just running away with a solution in your head, and your solution doesn't have to be challenged by any reality.

 

But fanatasies have their limitations too. The problem with using fantasies to solve problems is that they do not provide you with a real soluton -- i.e., your solution (to walk out on an unhappy relationship) disappears as soon as you snap back into reality.

 

Rather than trying to stop-sign your way out your fantasies, I think that you should garner the strength to deal with them head on.

 

You are angry with this guy, resentful, unattracted to him sexually. Sounds like the problem is in the realtionship, and this is scary.

 

If you look at many threads here at Loveshack, you will learn that probably the most difficult relatiohsip task is facing problems in the realtionship that are threatening. Sometimes the solution is to admit your own faults in a realtioship, but that sucks on the ego. Sometims there are problems that the partner should be told about, but the partner might be too defensive or hostile to handle criticism. In some cases, the solution is to let go of the relationship. Yet that creates many more problems (guilt, blame, fear of lonliness, fear of relationship failure, losing the image of yourself as well-adjusted and happy in a relationship, etc., etc.). Hmmm, see why it is so much easier to fantasize your way out of an unhappy relationship?

 

Why not repost your problems about your boyfriend, but don't bother talking about your fantasies of escape. Be more direct. Tell us more about when and why you have strong negative feelings about him. Perhaps we can help you sort your relationship problems out more directly.

 

But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't bother reposting if it's just to tell me that actually your realtionship isn't actually all that bad. I just won't believe it and I will refuse to reply to your denial. The relationship unhappiness is simply spilling out all over your first posts.

 

Good luck.