Should I go with the simple and loving man over the smart a-holes I'm attracted to?

[justwonderings]

If you have read any of my other posts you know that I'm in a bad relationship, trying to slowly work my way out. The relationship that I have been in for 4 years has had it's many break-ups over the years. During those breaks i've always slept with, and had the desire to be with my ex, and so we slept together. The chemistry is very much still there and i needed the comfort. He hasn't had a girlfriend since we broke up (4 years ago), which is odd. Also, I left him for the guy I'm with now, so it's kind of a twisted story.

 

Now I find myself breaking up with the creep I left him for. Maybe it's because I'm vulnerable right now, but do you think I should give it another go with him? I broke up with him because I was bored, but now I'm realizing getting bored just happens after a few years together. He's more of a good guy, but not too bright. I mean he's not dumb, but the guy I'm with now is super smart, yet abusive, so maybe the simple and loving guy is the way to go? I don't want to go after the same type of "bad" men over and over, so is the funny, sweet, (and hot) guy, better than someone more challenging intellectually?

[Lyssa]

I think the best thing to do is to have some time by yourself before getting involved with anyone. Do you think it's wise to go back to him? You might get bored again and then what? Hurt him all over again? Get to know yourself.. see what is it that you really want in a relationship and then go for it.

 

Just think about it... not only will you hurt the men in your life but yourself too.

[oppath]

I agree, some time with yourself is the way to go. In a few months, if you still have feelings for your ex, see if he will hang out with you. But wait until you can rationally assess how you feel. Right now you cannot.

[Lovegod]

No matter what I tell you, you will continue to let your feelings guide you through your relationships and love life.

[littlekitty]

I think the best thing to do is to have some time by yourself before getting involved with anyone. Do you think it's wise to go back to him? You might get bored again and then what? Hurt him all over again? Get to know yourself.. see what is it that you really want in a relationship and then go for it.

 

Just think about it... not only will you hurt the men in your life but yourself too.

 

 

Couldn't have put it better myself. Don't bounce from one relationship into another. Take some time out and grow as a person. You'll eventually see it doesn't have to be either, or. There's something in the middle.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I think the best thing to do is to have some time by yourself before getting involved with anyone. Do you think it's wise to go back to him? You might get bored again and then what? Hurt him all over again? Get to know yourself.. see what is it that you really want in a relationship and then go for it.

 

Just think about it... not only will you hurt the men in your life but yourself too.

 

This is sooo true, thats why I have taken 4months after breaking up to learn and grow, to be happy within myself again before rushing into anything. I actually feel quite empowered now.

[JCD]

Could it be that you rely too much on others making you happy? For example, with the first guy you mentioned that you grew bored. Maybe instead of relying on him, you should suggest a fun activity that you guys could do together. Maybe take some responsibility for making the relationship interesting. You mention that the guy is smart, but if he truly was smart don't you think he would have realized he abuses you? I used to think that being smart was important and to a certain extent it is but being caring, understanding, kind, etc. is far more important in order to get along with people and coexist with them. It's very important to know how to deal with conflicts, problems in a mature way that makes both parties happy. If he abuses you then he's not very smart imo.